Dead on Arrival
Emotions are a strange thing. A product of, what... chemicals? Firing across a multitude of synapses in the brain for the purpose of... ? Alerting the body to a need of rebalancing? Enabling the body to survive a taxing situation?
But what of... anxiety? Nervousness? Products of self-preservation? Love and lust, products of procreation? Anger, like anxiety?
Sometimes, I wish I didn't feel my emotions. It's not that I dislike the sensation of a particular emotion, it's just... understanding is the foundation of life. At least, agnostic and athiest life. Other foundations exist, but there's always a level of understanding. You need to understand the environment, the situation, to promote comfort in said situation, and thereby further yourself in the world. Each step taken into the future is mapped out, at least partially, by some sort of understanding of the consequences or options available, and after some level of assessment, choices are made based on options and alternatives, where the most attractive outcome is pursued.
Can it be fathomed, then, that a choice would present itself to which no options or consequences can be adhered? Is there such a thing as an unavoidable uncertainty? And, is there anything more certain that uncertainty? That's an interesting paradox... not exactly on topic, but I'm rambling anyway.
Confusion, now. That's an emotion I miss. The feeling that a choice I've made might be wrong, when I thought it right. Wondering, why did things go wrong? Why are things how they are, when I hoped they could be otherwise? Not that it matters... life progresses as it does, stopping for no one.
And what of fate? Is there such a thing, and if so, why must a life be stuck on a path it can't change? What if we realized our fate? Would we be able to change it then, knowing that the truth to fate is that it always comes to be, no matter the choice, and in fact, every choice is already known to fate, unavoidable at every turn? The idea of having no option but to arrive at a predestined place in the history of the universe is a bother. In a perfect world, life would take a back-seat to ambition, led by the latter into the oblivion of the future. The system of rules and laws and customs set by a past of different ideals would not matter to the free spirit, unbound and able to make choices free of restriction.
In a way, society is a form of predestination, at least where logic applies. Logically, every person wants to preserve their life. This entails remaining on the "right" side of the law, not stepping out of line, to avoid punishment. Negative reinforcement. So, logically, can a person in society murder? No, they cannot, because to do so would violate the logic of self-preservation. Counter-example: a threat, thwarted only by self-defense, resulting in the death of the assailant. Always a counter-example. But the point remains: society already made the choice for the individual. Murder is illegal in the eyes of the world, and in so declaring, murder becomes an option that cannot be pursued. Fate, in a sense, that one cannot be found guilty of murder. That option is not valid.
But that sucks.
What about dreaming? Dreamers come up with plenty of ideas that aren't valid. Fate, that they can't be explored, due to other regulations, not always those imposed by society. Sometimes, mathematics or science is to blame. Why can't I take four apples, eat two, and still have four? Because that's not possible. Why not? Because you just can't. It isn't possible. How childish to pursue that argument, but how fun! Explain, please, why I can't again? Look, you just can't. Here's four, minus two, equals two. Why? Just because.
That's a problem with life. Things just "are". Why is cold not warm? Why is a mountain not pocket-watch-sized?
Words are a factor in this, too. Cold is not warm because the ideas are opposite, not necessarily because it can't happen. The concept of "cold," the absence of heat, exists, as does "warm," the presence of heat. However, these two cannot coexist, due to the fact that one requires the absence of heat. We label these ideas with words which can mean the same thing, but do not because that would be ridiculous and confusing. Warm is not hot, because if it was, there'd be no distinction. Cold is not blue, because that makes no sense in terms of a summer rain, or a hot tub, or part of a flame.
I'm tired.
But what of... anxiety? Nervousness? Products of self-preservation? Love and lust, products of procreation? Anger, like anxiety?
Sometimes, I wish I didn't feel my emotions. It's not that I dislike the sensation of a particular emotion, it's just... understanding is the foundation of life. At least, agnostic and athiest life. Other foundations exist, but there's always a level of understanding. You need to understand the environment, the situation, to promote comfort in said situation, and thereby further yourself in the world. Each step taken into the future is mapped out, at least partially, by some sort of understanding of the consequences or options available, and after some level of assessment, choices are made based on options and alternatives, where the most attractive outcome is pursued.
Can it be fathomed, then, that a choice would present itself to which no options or consequences can be adhered? Is there such a thing as an unavoidable uncertainty? And, is there anything more certain that uncertainty? That's an interesting paradox... not exactly on topic, but I'm rambling anyway.
Confusion, now. That's an emotion I miss. The feeling that a choice I've made might be wrong, when I thought it right. Wondering, why did things go wrong? Why are things how they are, when I hoped they could be otherwise? Not that it matters... life progresses as it does, stopping for no one.
And what of fate? Is there such a thing, and if so, why must a life be stuck on a path it can't change? What if we realized our fate? Would we be able to change it then, knowing that the truth to fate is that it always comes to be, no matter the choice, and in fact, every choice is already known to fate, unavoidable at every turn? The idea of having no option but to arrive at a predestined place in the history of the universe is a bother. In a perfect world, life would take a back-seat to ambition, led by the latter into the oblivion of the future. The system of rules and laws and customs set by a past of different ideals would not matter to the free spirit, unbound and able to make choices free of restriction.
In a way, society is a form of predestination, at least where logic applies. Logically, every person wants to preserve their life. This entails remaining on the "right" side of the law, not stepping out of line, to avoid punishment. Negative reinforcement. So, logically, can a person in society murder? No, they cannot, because to do so would violate the logic of self-preservation. Counter-example: a threat, thwarted only by self-defense, resulting in the death of the assailant. Always a counter-example. But the point remains: society already made the choice for the individual. Murder is illegal in the eyes of the world, and in so declaring, murder becomes an option that cannot be pursued. Fate, in a sense, that one cannot be found guilty of murder. That option is not valid.
But that sucks.
What about dreaming? Dreamers come up with plenty of ideas that aren't valid. Fate, that they can't be explored, due to other regulations, not always those imposed by society. Sometimes, mathematics or science is to blame. Why can't I take four apples, eat two, and still have four? Because that's not possible. Why not? Because you just can't. It isn't possible. How childish to pursue that argument, but how fun! Explain, please, why I can't again? Look, you just can't. Here's four, minus two, equals two. Why? Just because.
That's a problem with life. Things just "are". Why is cold not warm? Why is a mountain not pocket-watch-sized?
Words are a factor in this, too. Cold is not warm because the ideas are opposite, not necessarily because it can't happen. The concept of "cold," the absence of heat, exists, as does "warm," the presence of heat. However, these two cannot coexist, due to the fact that one requires the absence of heat. We label these ideas with words which can mean the same thing, but do not because that would be ridiculous and confusing. Warm is not hot, because if it was, there'd be no distinction. Cold is not blue, because that makes no sense in terms of a summer rain, or a hot tub, or part of a flame.
I'm tired.