The cool nite air...
There's been a lot things crossing my mind lately... work... finances... lifestyle... friends... family... location... just the basic ideas of life. For the first time this season it's actually chilly, but I wouldn't call 57 cold...I'd call it a steak sauce.
I admit it to everyone that I'm a loner. Reclusive as I've been called. It's not really a secret I guess but tonite I might have figured out a little more of a reason why. Relate. The root word in relationship and that doesn't always mean intimate. I have friends for bits and piece of life, but there's not really one that can truly relate in almost every aspect, well, except for my brother but isn't that cliche? I sat on the beach with the wind blowing. Tthe cool air and gulf surf reminded me of home, but as I found last year, home isn't the same home I remember. It's just a location. I lost my ability to relate to most SoCal folks, or so I found. Alas, they are still the people that understand me best. What will I do when I get to Chicago and miss the beach lol? Probably the same thing that happened when I got to the heat and missed the snow. So how does one relate when they have never left the life they have spent all their years building? I can't explain SoCal or Florida, the SW desert or the Rockie Mtns, the urban jungle or the middle of a corn field. To most they have experienced one but not the other. Sure you can take vacations but by the time you realize what is even going on you're back on a plane going home. What exactly is the difference between a spook and a gypsy? Funny part is I continue on my journies and don't even realize that my infatuation with every where is only furthering the distance between me and the people I encounter. Sadly, I just further the distance between settling down and experiencing more, but I can't seem to hold still either. It's going to take one hell of a person to root me, and if I can have it my way, I won't have to be.
I got to thinking about the future tonite and kinda laughed at the idea that I've always had. 'I better have two houses. One in the snow and one at the beach.' Then kids popped into mind and I found myself reminding myself that I'm not one to place my kids in the school 'system' anyways. 'But they won't learn social skills,' people tell me. Really? Don't you learn that outside of school too? On sports teams and such activities? Last time I checked, to learn 'social skills' you just have to be a 'social' member of society lol. And if you teach someone all the skills that societies knows and then some, mixed will some experiences that others will never know, and you could actually end up placing them in a better 'life' than others know. That's just my thought though...there really is no right answer. To each his own. Hell, by then school will be online anyways.
It's funny. For years I've been keeping this journal and never read old entries once. Maybe they are just simmering for the right time. Maybe they aren't for me anyways. Or maybe they are there to remind myself who I am when I'm too lost and far gone to realize who I really am. Or maybe just when I'm too old to remember anything about myself. I find that I can't remember things from just last year. What happens in 10 years? Well, I got my own personal 'Notebook' to lead me back to myself. So I guess now is the time to get things going again. It's amazing how energized I get when the weather is chilly. My mind turns on and I start to dream. I convince myself that I can do so many things and I know I can. I even start to brainstorm ways to get to where I want to go. Maybe it's just the whole holiday season thing. It's in the air. Oddly enough, I think I found a remedy for so many problems and yet I have no clue how to verbalize them. So for now I'll just continue my studies and see if one day it clicks. The problem with knowledge today is not having it, but having the ability to translate it to the people that don't understand it. You couldn't explain a computer to a WWII vet in his prime, so what if the thoughts I think are just the illogical to most? The untranslated words of a nut. Funny...all the smartest people in the world's past were considered crazy by many. It wouldn't be the first time I've been called that...and it won't be the last time I call myself that. In due time. I'm actually starting to believe what I was told as a child...the very things we are all told. Maybe I just believed it more.
The Spill Canvas_This Is For Keeps
I admit it to everyone that I'm a loner. Reclusive as I've been called. It's not really a secret I guess but tonite I might have figured out a little more of a reason why. Relate. The root word in relationship and that doesn't always mean intimate. I have friends for bits and piece of life, but there's not really one that can truly relate in almost every aspect, well, except for my brother but isn't that cliche? I sat on the beach with the wind blowing. Tthe cool air and gulf surf reminded me of home, but as I found last year, home isn't the same home I remember. It's just a location. I lost my ability to relate to most SoCal folks, or so I found. Alas, they are still the people that understand me best. What will I do when I get to Chicago and miss the beach lol? Probably the same thing that happened when I got to the heat and missed the snow. So how does one relate when they have never left the life they have spent all their years building? I can't explain SoCal or Florida, the SW desert or the Rockie Mtns, the urban jungle or the middle of a corn field. To most they have experienced one but not the other. Sure you can take vacations but by the time you realize what is even going on you're back on a plane going home. What exactly is the difference between a spook and a gypsy? Funny part is I continue on my journies and don't even realize that my infatuation with every where is only furthering the distance between me and the people I encounter. Sadly, I just further the distance between settling down and experiencing more, but I can't seem to hold still either. It's going to take one hell of a person to root me, and if I can have it my way, I won't have to be.
I got to thinking about the future tonite and kinda laughed at the idea that I've always had. 'I better have two houses. One in the snow and one at the beach.' Then kids popped into mind and I found myself reminding myself that I'm not one to place my kids in the school 'system' anyways. 'But they won't learn social skills,' people tell me. Really? Don't you learn that outside of school too? On sports teams and such activities? Last time I checked, to learn 'social skills' you just have to be a 'social' member of society lol. And if you teach someone all the skills that societies knows and then some, mixed will some experiences that others will never know, and you could actually end up placing them in a better 'life' than others know. That's just my thought though...there really is no right answer. To each his own. Hell, by then school will be online anyways.
It's funny. For years I've been keeping this journal and never read old entries once. Maybe they are just simmering for the right time. Maybe they aren't for me anyways. Or maybe they are there to remind myself who I am when I'm too lost and far gone to realize who I really am. Or maybe just when I'm too old to remember anything about myself. I find that I can't remember things from just last year. What happens in 10 years? Well, I got my own personal 'Notebook' to lead me back to myself. So I guess now is the time to get things going again. It's amazing how energized I get when the weather is chilly. My mind turns on and I start to dream. I convince myself that I can do so many things and I know I can. I even start to brainstorm ways to get to where I want to go. Maybe it's just the whole holiday season thing. It's in the air. Oddly enough, I think I found a remedy for so many problems and yet I have no clue how to verbalize them. So for now I'll just continue my studies and see if one day it clicks. The problem with knowledge today is not having it, but having the ability to translate it to the people that don't understand it. You couldn't explain a computer to a WWII vet in his prime, so what if the thoughts I think are just the illogical to most? The untranslated words of a nut. Funny...all the smartest people in the world's past were considered crazy by many. It wouldn't be the first time I've been called that...and it won't be the last time I call myself that. In due time. I'm actually starting to believe what I was told as a child...the very things we are all told. Maybe I just believed it more.
The Spill Canvas_This Is For Keeps