musebyquotes | 1.3. Albert Smith quote
1.3. "Tears are the safety valve of the heart when too much pressure is laid on it."
- Albert Smith
Co-written with sexyinscrubs | Follows THIS and THIS
Aiden intercepted Pat at the bathroom door with his bathrobe and a bottle of Gatorade. "Pat," he said softly. "We need to... talk... or something."
Pat held up his hand, barely meeting Aiden's eyes with a glance. "Can't this just wait until I'm not hungover and vomiting?" he mumbled hoarsely, stiffly pulling the bathrobe on over his pyjama pants. "When did these goddamn bedroom lights get so bright?" He closed his eyes and felt his way over to the bed where he proceeded to crawl gingerly onto it and curl up into a ball on his side, hugging the bathrobe tightly around him.
"Pat, we need to talk about this. We're married now. You don't need to do the pushing away thing anymore," Aiden told him, following him to the bed.
"I know we're married! That's why the fucking shit hit the fan!" Pat snapped in frustration.
Aiden reeled, staring at Pat with as much shock as probably would have come if Pat physically slapped him. The words probably hurt just as much. He put the bottle of Gatorade down on the bedside table and backed off. "I'll leave you alone, then."
"No, Aiden." Pat reached and caught Aiden's hand just before he got too far away. "I don't want you to leave me alone. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that to sound the way it did. I don't want to hurt you. I can't handle knowing I've hurt you both. Please, stay," he pleaded helplessly.
Aiden sat down on the side of the bed beside Pat with a sigh. "How did you mean it to sound, Pat? Because right now the only signal I'm getting is that you don't want me anywhere near you and I feel like whatever it was that happened between you and Cameron is my fault. I shouldn't have pushed you to get married, and I'm sorry I've driven a wedge between you and your brother."
Pat shook his head, holding Aiden's hand tightly. "This is not your fault, Aiden. It's my fault. You haven't driven a wedge anywhere, especially not between Cameron and me. Believe it or not, we manage to do that pretty damn well on our own when the time comes. I am so goddamn lucky to have a twin brother who is that close to me, but when you're that close to someone it means when you hurt them, you hurt them ten-fold."
"You don't regret us getting married?" Aiden asked hesitantly. "Because I've barely seen you drink before and last night you were off your face, and it wasn't light stuff you were drinking. Tequila. Vodka and Red Bull. Cocktails. I didn't even know if you were supposed to be drinking that hard with your medication, but you just kept avoiding me."
Pat rubbed his other hand over his face. "I know... and I'm not. Supposed to drink with the medication, I mean. I was stupid last night. I don't remember any of it beyond the fight with Cameron. I needed to just... get it out of my head. We had a huge fight. It was like when I left for America all over again, only this time it was probably worse. I broke a huge promise I made to him when we got married without telling him." He closed his eyes with a long sigh, bringing Aiden's hand up to rest against his cheek. "I don't regret marrying you at all, darling. It's the best thing I've done in my life. I just... I regret not telling Cameron. I regret not having him there. And I'm really sorry because that sounds like I'm scarring our happy day."
Aiden shook his head a little and brushed his thumb against Pat's cheek. "No. It doesn't, love. Not at all. On some much lesser scale, I wish now Harri had been there. It just felt so right at the time. But you can't shoulder all this on your own, Pat. Even if he is your identical twin. It took two of us to get married and it's taken us both to hurt him. We should talk to him, try and explain."
"I've tried calling him, but it keeps going to voicemail. I've left messages, but he won't return them," Pat predicted sadly, the exhaustion of his reckless bender the night before starting to take its toll. "It goes well deeper than the wedding day. I've... I've not had the best relationship history. Cam wanted... needed... to see with his own eyes that things were right for me this time because he's been the one who has lived with me through all the shit. Before I got sick, I lived a pretty social lifestyle. A lot of dancing, drinking, nightclubs, casual sex. There were a few relationships, but they all ended badly. My first serious relationship, the guy ended up cheating on me, for a whole year out of the two we were together. I didn't even realise until I caught him at it. The next one was okay for a few months, and then the guy took it upon himself to beat me up one night when I wouldn't do what he wanted sexually. Cameron... well, he gave the guy the same treatment in return and put him in hospital. His manager got it covered up so his spot on the team wouldn't be risked. The last guy was someone who worked at PPTH. We were just starting to date when I had the hemorrhage. I was in hospital for ages after that. It was a long time to rehabilitate. I lost large portions of my memory. Hell, I couldn't even remember Tara or that Lachie lived in America, let alone the supposed boyfriend. But it came back slowly and it was alright, until the MS diagnosis came and I got released home. He couldn't handle taking care of me and got angry and frustrated when I couldn't have sex. The relationship wasn't strong enough to start with to survive that. It was why I found it so hard to accept that you wanted to take me on with my illness. It's just all that being the reason it was so important to Cameron to see me get married and I should've remembered. I didn't want to think about all the crap in my past, though. Not when I was so happy. Cameron was always going to be my Best Man. We joked about it a lot. And I promised him when I left for America that I would still tell him everything, no matter what, no matter the distance. I broke that promise and he was really, really hurt. I didn't know how to handle that and getting drunk just seemed like a really good idea at the time."
Aiden's eyes never left Pat's face as he spoke softly. Of course they had touched on past relationships before they got married, but it was only touching on it. Mostly Pat and his friends referenced the last guy who walked out on Pat at the height of his illness, plus there had been hints Pat had experienced cheating in the past. This was the first time Pat had openly talked about it though and Aiden felt something clench in his chest. He felt Pat's pain over his bad relationship past and a burning protectiveness to want to ease it, even though he knew he couldn't. The hardest and most aching part to hear was the physical abuse and right at that moment, Aiden wanted to kiss Cameron for beating Pat's ex up. He desperately wanted to tap into some Yodalan wisdom and find all the right words to say, but he was too shocked to find them. Instead, he just leaned over and drew Pat into a secure hug, kissing his head. "We just need to get him to understand," he said softly against Pat's ear. "After everything, you can't be blamed for just wanting to be happy. You don't deserve to live with regrets, Pat. You're too amazing and I can't even know how to show you how much I love you and how happy I am that you married me."
"He said he didn't think he cared anymore..." The words were barely audible and Pat felt the tears start to come again but this time he didn't try to cut them off. Everything hurt so much and the physical discomfort of the hangover was just a thin straw that broke the camel's back. Aiden was right. They were married now and maybe after everything it was okay to just hurt, right here and now, alone with him. It was the whole for better or for worse thing, and just then, it was for worse... but better because they were together.
All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe
Word Count | 1,460
- Albert Smith
Co-written with sexyinscrubs | Follows THIS and THIS
Aiden intercepted Pat at the bathroom door with his bathrobe and a bottle of Gatorade. "Pat," he said softly. "We need to... talk... or something."
Pat held up his hand, barely meeting Aiden's eyes with a glance. "Can't this just wait until I'm not hungover and vomiting?" he mumbled hoarsely, stiffly pulling the bathrobe on over his pyjama pants. "When did these goddamn bedroom lights get so bright?" He closed his eyes and felt his way over to the bed where he proceeded to crawl gingerly onto it and curl up into a ball on his side, hugging the bathrobe tightly around him.
"Pat, we need to talk about this. We're married now. You don't need to do the pushing away thing anymore," Aiden told him, following him to the bed.
"I know we're married! That's why the fucking shit hit the fan!" Pat snapped in frustration.
Aiden reeled, staring at Pat with as much shock as probably would have come if Pat physically slapped him. The words probably hurt just as much. He put the bottle of Gatorade down on the bedside table and backed off. "I'll leave you alone, then."
"No, Aiden." Pat reached and caught Aiden's hand just before he got too far away. "I don't want you to leave me alone. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that to sound the way it did. I don't want to hurt you. I can't handle knowing I've hurt you both. Please, stay," he pleaded helplessly.
Aiden sat down on the side of the bed beside Pat with a sigh. "How did you mean it to sound, Pat? Because right now the only signal I'm getting is that you don't want me anywhere near you and I feel like whatever it was that happened between you and Cameron is my fault. I shouldn't have pushed you to get married, and I'm sorry I've driven a wedge between you and your brother."
Pat shook his head, holding Aiden's hand tightly. "This is not your fault, Aiden. It's my fault. You haven't driven a wedge anywhere, especially not between Cameron and me. Believe it or not, we manage to do that pretty damn well on our own when the time comes. I am so goddamn lucky to have a twin brother who is that close to me, but when you're that close to someone it means when you hurt them, you hurt them ten-fold."
"You don't regret us getting married?" Aiden asked hesitantly. "Because I've barely seen you drink before and last night you were off your face, and it wasn't light stuff you were drinking. Tequila. Vodka and Red Bull. Cocktails. I didn't even know if you were supposed to be drinking that hard with your medication, but you just kept avoiding me."
Pat rubbed his other hand over his face. "I know... and I'm not. Supposed to drink with the medication, I mean. I was stupid last night. I don't remember any of it beyond the fight with Cameron. I needed to just... get it out of my head. We had a huge fight. It was like when I left for America all over again, only this time it was probably worse. I broke a huge promise I made to him when we got married without telling him." He closed his eyes with a long sigh, bringing Aiden's hand up to rest against his cheek. "I don't regret marrying you at all, darling. It's the best thing I've done in my life. I just... I regret not telling Cameron. I regret not having him there. And I'm really sorry because that sounds like I'm scarring our happy day."
Aiden shook his head a little and brushed his thumb against Pat's cheek. "No. It doesn't, love. Not at all. On some much lesser scale, I wish now Harri had been there. It just felt so right at the time. But you can't shoulder all this on your own, Pat. Even if he is your identical twin. It took two of us to get married and it's taken us both to hurt him. We should talk to him, try and explain."
"I've tried calling him, but it keeps going to voicemail. I've left messages, but he won't return them," Pat predicted sadly, the exhaustion of his reckless bender the night before starting to take its toll. "It goes well deeper than the wedding day. I've... I've not had the best relationship history. Cam wanted... needed... to see with his own eyes that things were right for me this time because he's been the one who has lived with me through all the shit. Before I got sick, I lived a pretty social lifestyle. A lot of dancing, drinking, nightclubs, casual sex. There were a few relationships, but they all ended badly. My first serious relationship, the guy ended up cheating on me, for a whole year out of the two we were together. I didn't even realise until I caught him at it. The next one was okay for a few months, and then the guy took it upon himself to beat me up one night when I wouldn't do what he wanted sexually. Cameron... well, he gave the guy the same treatment in return and put him in hospital. His manager got it covered up so his spot on the team wouldn't be risked. The last guy was someone who worked at PPTH. We were just starting to date when I had the hemorrhage. I was in hospital for ages after that. It was a long time to rehabilitate. I lost large portions of my memory. Hell, I couldn't even remember Tara or that Lachie lived in America, let alone the supposed boyfriend. But it came back slowly and it was alright, until the MS diagnosis came and I got released home. He couldn't handle taking care of me and got angry and frustrated when I couldn't have sex. The relationship wasn't strong enough to start with to survive that. It was why I found it so hard to accept that you wanted to take me on with my illness. It's just all that being the reason it was so important to Cameron to see me get married and I should've remembered. I didn't want to think about all the crap in my past, though. Not when I was so happy. Cameron was always going to be my Best Man. We joked about it a lot. And I promised him when I left for America that I would still tell him everything, no matter what, no matter the distance. I broke that promise and he was really, really hurt. I didn't know how to handle that and getting drunk just seemed like a really good idea at the time."
Aiden's eyes never left Pat's face as he spoke softly. Of course they had touched on past relationships before they got married, but it was only touching on it. Mostly Pat and his friends referenced the last guy who walked out on Pat at the height of his illness, plus there had been hints Pat had experienced cheating in the past. This was the first time Pat had openly talked about it though and Aiden felt something clench in his chest. He felt Pat's pain over his bad relationship past and a burning protectiveness to want to ease it, even though he knew he couldn't. The hardest and most aching part to hear was the physical abuse and right at that moment, Aiden wanted to kiss Cameron for beating Pat's ex up. He desperately wanted to tap into some Yodalan wisdom and find all the right words to say, but he was too shocked to find them. Instead, he just leaned over and drew Pat into a secure hug, kissing his head. "We just need to get him to understand," he said softly against Pat's ear. "After everything, you can't be blamed for just wanting to be happy. You don't deserve to live with regrets, Pat. You're too amazing and I can't even know how to show you how much I love you and how happy I am that you married me."
"He said he didn't think he cared anymore..." The words were barely audible and Pat felt the tears start to come again but this time he didn't try to cut them off. Everything hurt so much and the physical discomfort of the hangover was just a thin straw that broke the camel's back. Aiden was right. They were married now and maybe after everything it was okay to just hurt, right here and now, alone with him. It was the whole for better or for worse thing, and just then, it was for worse... but better because they were together.
All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe
Word Count | 1,460