musesandlyrics | 1.3. Will Smith quote
1.3. "You can cry, ain't no shame in it."
Will Smith
Co-written with drcampbell
[Follows THIS and THIS]
Lachlan paused a few paces away from Pat's hospital room and rubbed a bracing hand over his face. The ICU always dragged bad memories up, but he had to keep his own emotions in check. It still didn't mean the hint of discontent nausea didn't build in his gut whenever he had to be here, though. Riley was nursed securely in his arms, his little head resting sleepily againstLachlan's shoulder as he sucked on his pacifier. He had literally cried himself into exhaustion and Lachlan was more than convinced his son could sense when someone close to him wasn't well. Riley had been with Pat when he took the turn, so he had to have had even a hint something was wrong.Lachlan was reluctant to try and put him in the buggy now that he was settled, or they might not get him to sleep otherwise. He went into the room, thedejavu washing over him again from the time Pat was ill and eventually leading to the MS diagnosis. It didn't get any easier to swallow. But Pat's condition was showing some patterns now. His body had a tendency to try to shut down to fight off the attack, which is why he blacked out. The hot day probably just exacerbated the inevitable. He sat down besideAiden, looking over the other man's face. "Are you holding up okay, buddy? You dinnae look so hot yourself."
Aiden had his fingers linked throw Pat's limp ones, his thumb rubbing over Pat's wrist. When Tara had called to say Pat had passed out at their place and that she couldn't rouse him, so she had called an ambulance,Aiden just reflexively panicked. He thought he was getting better coping with the notion of his husband's illness. He thought after the difficult times early on in their relationship that the next time it reared it's ugly head, he would deal with it rationally. It just didn't happen like that, though. How could hearing your husband had blacked out and was unresponsive ever get easier to hear? Especially since Pat had been doing so well.Aiden was worried now that maybe he hadn't been doing so well and was veiling it all again, despite promising he wouldn't. "I'm tired," he admitted in a mumble. "Really, really tired. How's the little one doing?" he asked, nodding toRJ who's heavy-lidded blue eyes were watching Aiden sadly from over the top of pacifier. Aiden reached over and brushed his fingers across the soft little cheek.
Lachlan kissed Riley's head softly. "Aye, he knows something isnae right. Tara couldnae even get him to feed," he murmured. "You've got to take it easy, mate. Mono kicks you in the arse at the best of times, but you're going to feel like you're fighting a losing battle with the stress and worry compounding it. We're all going to be making sure you keep eating and drinking, even if youarenae going to feel like you can stomach it. And trust me, I know more than I care to admit, that you will want to stay here to wait for him to wake up, but you should go home to your own bed to sleep or you'll end up in the bed beside him. I managed to get hold of Cameron, too."
Aiden's forehead creased in concern as he nodded a little. "How is he? He went to New York with Isabel yesterday and must have just decided to stay the night. I feel bad, but I haven't really been keeping track of much lately. I'm lucky to get through a day without crashing out for a couple of hours in the afternoon. Some days I don't even feel like getting out of bed, so I just don't. I'm slowly learning to take medical advice," he added with a faint smirk. "When Pat was telling me about it, I just figured he was talking in the extreme and I would be back at work in a couple of weeks, but he was right. It's just a heavy exhaustion that doesn't let up. But this... I have to just sit here and convince myself it's okay or I'm going to cry and not stop because I feel like I'm too tired to handle it."
"You've got to take it easy and let us help you, aye?" Lachlan insisted as he started to rub his son's back softly to try and encourage him to sleep. "I know that's a hard lesson to learn, but times like this, youdinnae have much choice but to let yourself rely on people. Especially lacking the energy yourself you would normally have to cope. You're nay alone,Aiden, even though it feels like you are you feel like you dinnae want to impose on anyone. Cameron was a mess. He knew something was wrong, but he said he just thought it was something else causing the feeling. Hedidnae elaborate, but he's on his way back to Princeton as we speak."
Aiden rubbed his eyes slowly and nodded. "He had a doctor's appointment yesterday morning. Came home looking really out of sorts. I assumed it wasn't good news but I didn't want to pry. Fuck, this is the last thing he needs. Pat was doing okay! There wasn't even any strange symptoms going on!" he said helplessly, leaning forward and closing his eyes to try and brace himself from theonslaught of emotions. "I told him I could cope with this. He didn't believe me at first, but I insisted. He was right not to believe me."
"Aiden," Lachlan began quietly, using his free hand to rub Aiden's shoulder, "this can happen, aye? You need to understand that. In the blink of an eye, he can go from being well, to just nay being. Other times, you could have weeks of different symptoms in warning. He got the bairn to the buggy, so he had some warning, albeit only a wee bit. Copingdoesnae mean you have to be Superman. It doesnae mean you have to turn your feelings off. It means you're here and you're nay going anywhere just because the going gets tough. You might spend days crying about it, or getting angry, or panicking. Thatdoesnae mean you arenae coping... it means you are. Coping comes in many different forms, and it rarely comes on your own. You've got to let us help you through it."
Aiden felt tears threaten, but he swallowed away the lump in his throat. "Are you going to stop him babysitting RJ on his own? I know it has to be on your mind, that RJ might have gotten hurt if Pat hadn't gotten him to his buggy. Because it will kill him if he can't even do what he thinks a godfather should and help you out with the baby."
"God no," Lachlan said without hesitation, frowning in concern. "It hadnae even crossed our minds. The bairn's fine. We arenae going to stop anything of the sort. We made Patto his godfather because we want him as a permanent influence on his life. This was just one of those things. He's still trying to find his feet with the MS. Heisnae always going to recognise the signs, or he's going to misjudge them. I'm nay ever going to stop Pat being Riley's godfather in any way. He's amazing with him. He would be an amazing dad if it ever came to that.Aiden , you have to try and stop stressing or you're going to make yourself sick--" He abruptly cut off with a small wince. "And my son just has the worst timed bowels ever," he added.
Aiden stared for a moment before he found himself laughing. "I heard that," he admitted, looking down at RJ who's little face was red and scrunched up in concentration.
Lachlan nodded apologetically. "His nappies havenae been for the fainthearted since he started teething. He hasnae even eaten. I dinnae know where this is coming from. I have to change him. Are you going to be okay? I'll be a few minutes, tops," he promised, standing up.
"I can do it," Aiden offered, and stood up too. "I need to stretch my legs anyway. I don't mind."
Lachlan's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Aye, okay. By all means, be my guest," he said with a smirk. "Tara's just down the hall with Evie. She has his baby bag with all his things. I'll stay here and keep Pat company." He expected to get some protest of his son when he handed him over to a new set of arms, but other than a bit of a whimper and a slightly put-out look, Riley settled inAiden's arms, his little hand clutching at his shirt. "Aiden? Are you going to be okay, buddy?"
Aiden nursed Riley's head against his chest and looked at Pat, unconcious and hooked up to all the machines again. "I don't know," he said honestly. "But it helps having reminders like RJ to keep my head above board. There's something about having a baby around." He offered a slight smile that didn't quite reach his eyes and left the room.
Lachlan watched him go and sighed softly. "Aye, there really is..."
All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe
Word Count | 1,546
Will Smith
Co-written with drcampbell
[Follows THIS and THIS]
Lachlan paused a few paces away from Pat's hospital room and rubbed a bracing hand over his face. The ICU always dragged bad memories up, but he had to keep his own emotions in check. It still didn't mean the hint of discontent nausea didn't build in his gut whenever he had to be here, though. Riley was nursed securely in his arms, his little head resting sleepily againstLachlan's shoulder as he sucked on his pacifier. He had literally cried himself into exhaustion and Lachlan was more than convinced his son could sense when someone close to him wasn't well. Riley had been with Pat when he took the turn, so he had to have had even a hint something was wrong.Lachlan was reluctant to try and put him in the buggy now that he was settled, or they might not get him to sleep otherwise. He went into the room, thedejavu washing over him again from the time Pat was ill and eventually leading to the MS diagnosis. It didn't get any easier to swallow. But Pat's condition was showing some patterns now. His body had a tendency to try to shut down to fight off the attack, which is why he blacked out. The hot day probably just exacerbated the inevitable. He sat down besideAiden, looking over the other man's face. "Are you holding up okay, buddy? You dinnae look so hot yourself."
Aiden had his fingers linked throw Pat's limp ones, his thumb rubbing over Pat's wrist. When Tara had called to say Pat had passed out at their place and that she couldn't rouse him, so she had called an ambulance,Aiden just reflexively panicked. He thought he was getting better coping with the notion of his husband's illness. He thought after the difficult times early on in their relationship that the next time it reared it's ugly head, he would deal with it rationally. It just didn't happen like that, though. How could hearing your husband had blacked out and was unresponsive ever get easier to hear? Especially since Pat had been doing so well.Aiden was worried now that maybe he hadn't been doing so well and was veiling it all again, despite promising he wouldn't. "I'm tired," he admitted in a mumble. "Really, really tired. How's the little one doing?" he asked, nodding toRJ who's heavy-lidded blue eyes were watching Aiden sadly from over the top of pacifier. Aiden reached over and brushed his fingers across the soft little cheek.
Lachlan kissed Riley's head softly. "Aye, he knows something isnae right. Tara couldnae even get him to feed," he murmured. "You've got to take it easy, mate. Mono kicks you in the arse at the best of times, but you're going to feel like you're fighting a losing battle with the stress and worry compounding it. We're all going to be making sure you keep eating and drinking, even if youarenae going to feel like you can stomach it. And trust me, I know more than I care to admit, that you will want to stay here to wait for him to wake up, but you should go home to your own bed to sleep or you'll end up in the bed beside him. I managed to get hold of Cameron, too."
Aiden's forehead creased in concern as he nodded a little. "How is he? He went to New York with Isabel yesterday and must have just decided to stay the night. I feel bad, but I haven't really been keeping track of much lately. I'm lucky to get through a day without crashing out for a couple of hours in the afternoon. Some days I don't even feel like getting out of bed, so I just don't. I'm slowly learning to take medical advice," he added with a faint smirk. "When Pat was telling me about it, I just figured he was talking in the extreme and I would be back at work in a couple of weeks, but he was right. It's just a heavy exhaustion that doesn't let up. But this... I have to just sit here and convince myself it's okay or I'm going to cry and not stop because I feel like I'm too tired to handle it."
"You've got to take it easy and let us help you, aye?" Lachlan insisted as he started to rub his son's back softly to try and encourage him to sleep. "I know that's a hard lesson to learn, but times like this, youdinnae have much choice but to let yourself rely on people. Especially lacking the energy yourself you would normally have to cope. You're nay alone,Aiden, even though it feels like you are you feel like you dinnae want to impose on anyone. Cameron was a mess. He knew something was wrong, but he said he just thought it was something else causing the feeling. Hedidnae elaborate, but he's on his way back to Princeton as we speak."
Aiden rubbed his eyes slowly and nodded. "He had a doctor's appointment yesterday morning. Came home looking really out of sorts. I assumed it wasn't good news but I didn't want to pry. Fuck, this is the last thing he needs. Pat was doing okay! There wasn't even any strange symptoms going on!" he said helplessly, leaning forward and closing his eyes to try and brace himself from theonslaught of emotions. "I told him I could cope with this. He didn't believe me at first, but I insisted. He was right not to believe me."
"Aiden," Lachlan began quietly, using his free hand to rub Aiden's shoulder, "this can happen, aye? You need to understand that. In the blink of an eye, he can go from being well, to just nay being. Other times, you could have weeks of different symptoms in warning. He got the bairn to the buggy, so he had some warning, albeit only a wee bit. Copingdoesnae mean you have to be Superman. It doesnae mean you have to turn your feelings off. It means you're here and you're nay going anywhere just because the going gets tough. You might spend days crying about it, or getting angry, or panicking. Thatdoesnae mean you arenae coping... it means you are. Coping comes in many different forms, and it rarely comes on your own. You've got to let us help you through it."
Aiden felt tears threaten, but he swallowed away the lump in his throat. "Are you going to stop him babysitting RJ on his own? I know it has to be on your mind, that RJ might have gotten hurt if Pat hadn't gotten him to his buggy. Because it will kill him if he can't even do what he thinks a godfather should and help you out with the baby."
"God no," Lachlan said without hesitation, frowning in concern. "It hadnae even crossed our minds. The bairn's fine. We arenae going to stop anything of the sort. We made Patto his godfather because we want him as a permanent influence on his life. This was just one of those things. He's still trying to find his feet with the MS. Heisnae always going to recognise the signs, or he's going to misjudge them. I'm nay ever going to stop Pat being Riley's godfather in any way. He's amazing with him. He would be an amazing dad if it ever came to that.Aiden , you have to try and stop stressing or you're going to make yourself sick--" He abruptly cut off with a small wince. "And my son just has the worst timed bowels ever," he added.
Aiden stared for a moment before he found himself laughing. "I heard that," he admitted, looking down at RJ who's little face was red and scrunched up in concentration.
Lachlan nodded apologetically. "His nappies havenae been for the fainthearted since he started teething. He hasnae even eaten. I dinnae know where this is coming from. I have to change him. Are you going to be okay? I'll be a few minutes, tops," he promised, standing up.
"I can do it," Aiden offered, and stood up too. "I need to stretch my legs anyway. I don't mind."
Lachlan's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Aye, okay. By all means, be my guest," he said with a smirk. "Tara's just down the hall with Evie. She has his baby bag with all his things. I'll stay here and keep Pat company." He expected to get some protest of his son when he handed him over to a new set of arms, but other than a bit of a whimper and a slightly put-out look, Riley settled inAiden's arms, his little hand clutching at his shirt. "Aiden? Are you going to be okay, buddy?"
Aiden nursed Riley's head against his chest and looked at Pat, unconcious and hooked up to all the machines again. "I don't know," he said honestly. "But it helps having reminders like RJ to keep my head above board. There's something about having a baby around." He offered a slight smile that didn't quite reach his eyes and left the room.
Lachlan watched him go and sighed softly. "Aye, there really is..."
All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe
Word Count | 1,546