Going Left Around the World: Chapter 64
Title: Going Left Around the World
Author: mrs-spamlad
Pairing: Jack/Ennis
Rating: R
Feedback: have at it!
Disclaimer: Brokeback Mountain and the original characters of Jack and Ennis were created by and belong to Annie Proulx. No money is being made from this- I’m just taking them out for a spin!
A/N: Here we are, finally in the future! There were times I wasn’t sure we’d ever get here but hey, I should know better. The story is written through chapter 74, and I’m working on 75 which I think (and don’t hold me to it because I’m so bad at estimating) will be the last chapter. So it’s all there, it’s coming, hang on! And thank you for doing so this long.
Thanks to Judy and to shieldmaid1 for their feedback on this chapter - they always help me make them better.
I know some of you might like to see a glimpse into the Jack/Josh relationship, and I did give it a lot of thought, but the bottom line is this story is about Jack and Ennis, and I couldn’t justify to myself how that would help to move their story forward. Maybe in one-shot someday (my god I haven’t said one-shot in like a hundred years!).
Thank you for reading - bear with me as we move into the future. Hmm…where the hell is Ennis, anyway?
jill
Chapter 64
Ten Years Later
My phone vibrated on my bedside table, rattling out an unpleasant wake-up call.
“Fuck,” I muttered. I squeezed my eyes shut and reached across the warm body in bed next to me to grab it.
“Mmm, no, hon. Five more minutes,” Brad mumbled, squirming away from me.
“It’s just the phone,” I said. I grabbed it and flopped back down on the bed. I had no clue how we’d managed to switch sides during the night. He rolled back toward me and flung an arm and a leg over me as I squinted at the caller ID. I touched the screen to take the call. “Hey,” I said groggily.
“Good morning, sunshine,” Josh said with a laugh. “Your jailbait keep you up too late last night?”
“Fuck you. He’s twenty-two and it’s Sunday. I can sleep as late as I want.”
“Okay, fair enough. Seriously, though, is he there?”
“Yeah. Sleeping, though.” I glanced down at the sweep of golden lashes across Brad’s cheek and saw his closed eyes twitch. He was so not asleep. “Why?”
“I wanted to run something by you, but I thought you might want to talk about it alone.”
I knew what he was getting at. Even though Brad and I had only been sleeping together for a month or so, he had an unnerving ability to insert himself into just about everything I was doing these days. But I was barely awake and my head was pounding from the excess alcohol I’d had at the bar the night before, so at that moment, I didn’t care. “It’s fine. What’s up?”
Josh took a deep breath. “All right. Promise me you’ll at least consider this, okay?”
I croaked out a laugh. “Not an impressive introduction.”
“Seriously, Jack. Don’t say no right away.”
I sighed. “Okay, fine. Shoot.”
“Kenton Hill homecoming is in a few weeks, and the Alumni Association wants to showcase some grads who’ve been successful in their fields, so I was thinking you could -”
“No.”
“Wait! Just hear me out. I need -”
“No way! I didn’t go to my own ten-year reunion a few years ago, and I’m sure as hell not going to fucking homecoming.”
“Jesus. Will you just let me explain?” Josh pleaded. He was starting to sound annoyed, but if anyone in my life knew why I wouldn’t want to go back there, it was him.
“Fine. What?”
“Thank you. So, I’m in charge of putting together an event - it’s part of a precursor to actual homecoming, with all the games and parties and stuff. It’s called An Evening with Alumni. It’s by invitation only for current students, mostly honors students and emerging campus leaders. I’m responsible for a reception kind of thing with a bunch of successful alumni. You hang out, eat, drink, and mingle with the students. Answer their questions and stuff, talk up the school for a couple of hours. That’s it.”
I waited a beat. “Now can I say no?”
“C’mon, Jack!” Josh groaned. “I’m kind of stuck here. I need more bodies! And you’re under an hour away.”
“I’m not even sure I fit the ‘successful’ part,” I said.
“What the hell? Sure, you do! You’re a project coordinator for the Landmark Society and you’re an adjunct professor. That works.”
That’s what a Master’s degree in History will get you. I’d just kind of fallen into the historical archivist job at the Landmark Society after I finished grad school. Recently, though, I landed a gig teaching a couple sections of history at a community college, and I actually liked it.
“Fine, maybe that’s true.” I lowered my voice. “But you know I have no interest in going back there and you know why.” I’d finished my graduate degree and gotten out of the house where I’d lived with Ennis ASAP. And I hadn’t been back.
“I know. And I double- and triple-checked: he won’t be there. He didn’t RSVP to anything, he’s not on any panels or signed up for other events.”
“That’s fine, whatever. But it’s not just that. It’s the place. So much shit happened there. I don’t want to go back.”
“I get it. I do. But that’s ancient history! Isn’t letting all that shit keep you away like still giving it power over you?”
I burst out with a laugh. “Someone’s been reading their Oprah magazine!”
“Shut up. You know what I mean. Clean slate and all. And you’d be helping me out big time. I will seriously owe you.”
Josh had been there for me for a lot of years - over a decade at that point. After Ennis, we eventually hooked up and spent about two and a half years coupled. They were good years. We were a good match, and being with him brought me all the way back to the land of the living post-Ennis. I could go on and on about our trips, and our fights, and our friends, but none of that has anything to do with me and Ennis. And that’s the story I’m telling.
When Josh and I split, it was honest-to-god mutual. We loved each other - still do - but we both realized it wasn’t the ‘til-death-do-us-part kind of love. But he’d been a constant in my life and I’d do just about anything for him. Even this.
“Fine,” I said with a huff. “But you will owe me. Big.”
“Yes! Thank you. I’ll email you the details, and you can call in the favor any time.”
“Don’t worry; I will.”
“All right. Thanks again. Later.”
“‘Bye.”
I tapped the screen to end the call and looked down at Brad, who was staring up at me with bright green eyes, his blond hair tousled and a grin on his face.
“Oh, my god, baby, are we going to your reunion?”
I dropped the phone onto the floor. “Number one: don’t call me ‘baby’.” Only one person had ever had that privilege and, lame or not, I still wasn’t sharing it. “Number two: I am going to homecoming to do a job and help out Josh. You’re not going anywhere.”
He went from smiley to seductive in two seconds flat, sliding his toned body on top of me, grinding our cocks together and kissing me until I couldn’t breathe. Brad was also not love-of-your-life material - at least not for me - but we had great sex and he was hot in a mainstream, cliché hot-gay-guy kind of way. He was a senior fashion design major I met through a friend of a friend. He came home with me that same night, and I’d thought, “one-nighter” for sure, but I guess we were somewhere around twenty-five nights by then. He broke the kiss and smiled as he started to slide down my chest and under the covers.
“Don’t worry, sweetie. I’ll wear something fabulous,” he said, and then swallowed my cock down to the base.
I meant to protest, but all that came out was, “Unh.” Huge fail on my part - I had a date for homecoming.
I should probably say something more about the time since I last saw Ennis. I was more or less a zombie for the better part of a year after we split for good. Josh stayed around and, eventually, we hooked up and became a thing, like I said. We worked great for a while, until it fizzled from a good-enough romance back to the great friendship it used to be. I also moved almost an hour away to take the archivist job in the middle of the relationship. And, while he totally supported me in it, I think the distance brought about the end of us more quickly than if I hadn’t moved. But it would’ve ended; I know that.
Since then, I’ve dated casually, dated a couple guys more seriously, and had my share of one-night stands. Nobody stuck - at least not yet. As for Ennis, well… I can’t say I don’t think about him (though it’s less now than it was years ago). I remember the good and the bad, wonder about him sometimes, though not enough to actually put myself through the pain of Googling him or anything. I imagine reading somewhere that he has some kick-ass job, pretty little wife and two kids and I still get vaguely nauseous. I’d rather wonder.
Josh stayed involved with Kenton Hill College Alumni Association, so he hears a lot about where everyone is and what they’re doing. One time, probably six or seven years ago, he tried to fill me in on something Ennis-related. I remember hearing Ennis’s name and something about a job in a hospital and I promptly told him to shut the fuck up. Like I said, I’d rather wonder.
Then there was Brad, who I guess fell into the “Casually Dating” category. He was a good guy, if a little shallow. The gym was his church, and I was pretty sure most of the time his hair products cost more than my outfit. But sometimes shallow is nice. When the waters run deep it can get really fucking tricky staying afloat.
“What about this one?” Brad asked, and did a runway turn in front of me.
“Looks good,” I said, glancing up from my laptop. I was sitting on the trendy-but-uncomfortable sofa in his living room, staring at a report on buildings requesting landmark status while he carried on a fashion show.
“Jack!” he said with a stomp of his foot.
I sighed and looked up. “Yes?”
“You’ve said the exact same thing about the last three ensembles I’ve shown you! This is important - I have to look good to meet all your old college friends. Wait - I don’t mean ‘old’ like elderly. I mean, like…former! That’s it.”
I laughed and set my laptop aside. I patted the seat beside me, but he plopped himself in my lap instead. “I’m glad to know I’m not elderly yet,” I said, and he rolled his eyes. “And I’m sorry for not paying attention, but you’ll look amazing in whatever you wear. You know I’m no good at that stuff.”
He flicked my beat-up grey t-shirt from The Gap and nodded. “No kidding.”
I pulled him in for a quick kiss. “I really have to get this report done. I’m going to head back to my place.”
He pouted as I closed up my laptop. “I thought you were staying over,” he said.
I shrugged. “I didn’t think it would take this long.” I stowed the computer in my messenger bag and lifted him off me as I stood. “It’s boring, I know. Call Chris; I’m sure he’s up for going out. He can probably help pick your ‘ensemble’, too.”
He swatted my shoulder. “That’s the technical term, you know. All right, fine. Take yourself and your work home. I’ll figure out how to amuse myself.” I nodded, kissed him again and headed for the door. “Call me!”
I nodded as the door closed behind me, feeling very close to elderly. Brad and I had great sex, but at the end of the day, that was all we had. My interests - local history, running, teaching, maybe going back to school for my Ph.D. - bored him to tears. And his interests…. We were not on the same page. The shopping trips, fashion shows, and nagging about my own casual style were getting old, great sex or not. I was pretty sure he hooked up with other guys when he went out without me, and I really didn’t give a shit. I could see the end of Jack and Brad approaching. I just had to get through this homecoming crap.
“You’re seriously bringing him?” Josh asked. He was seated on my couch, beer in hand. We took turns making the trip to hang out when we both had time. Josh had worked his way up in the engineering firm where he’d started out and now had some serious seniority.
I sighed. “Yeah. It’s easier than trying to get out of it.”
“Whoa! Since when do you do whatever’s easiest?”
“Since hard got my heart stomped on,” I said without thinking. “Shit.”
“Something you’d like to talk about?”
“No. It’s just…. The idea of going back to Kenton Hill, where we went to school, where we lived, and…. I guess he’s just been on my mind more than usual.”
“Ennis,” Josh said.
I shot him a look like he’d just done a runway turn in front of me. “Yeah.”
He shook his head. “It wasn’t a question. I was saying the name you don’t seem to be able to say.”
“Fine! Ennis. Ennis, Ennis, Ennis! Happy now?” I knew I sounded like a bratty teenager but his ability to call me on my shit still irked me sometimes.
He raised his hands in surrender. “Hey, I’m not trying to start anything. But even after all this time, I honestly can’t tell if you’re over it or just avoiding.”
“Join the club,” I muttered.
“Well, Brad is…different. Maybe you and him will really -”
“Uh-uh,” I said, shaking my head. “I had to fake a work project the other night to get out of a living room fashion show.”
Josh stifled a laugh. “Okay, so maybe not Brad.”
“Definitely not Brad.”
“But somebody. Someday you’re going to want to try hard and deep again.” I raised my eyebrows at him. “Jesus, you know what I mean!”
I couldn’t hold a straight face any longer and cracked up. “I cannot believe you actually said that,” I said when I caught my breath.
“Shut up. I meant…emotionally complex.”
I reached for his empty bottle. “I get it. Another?”
He glanced at the clock. “Can’t. Speaking of hard and deep, I have to get home,” he said with a wink.
“I’m going to pretend you didn’t just rub that in my face,” I said. Four years ago, Josh had met his Mr. Once In A Lifetime, David. They tied the knot the year before.
“Sorry,” he said with a grin.
“I can tell.”
I walked him to the door of my little Cape-Cod style house. It wasn’t new or big or fancy, but I loved it. “I’ll see you next weekend at school,” he said. “Don’t forget to get there a little early for -”
“I know, I know. I promise I will work through the ghosts of my past and I’ll be there with bells on. Well, probably a suit.”
“Sounds good,” he said, and leaned in and pecked me on the cheek. “And if things with Brad implode between now and then, just let me know and I’ll nix your plus one.”
“It won’t. I don’t need another thing to think about right now. I need to get through this reception thing, and then I’ll deal with that situation.”
“Okay,” he said. He nodded and turned to go.
“Drive careful,” I called and shut the door behind him.
I went back to the living room and flopped down on the couch. I channel surfed for a minute, then got up to grab another beer. I felt restless and edgy and we’d barely touched on the subject of Ennis. Maybe I did need to look for a long-term relationship and just stay, even when I got twitchy and dissatisfied and wanted to move on. Maybe I needed therapy. Maybe I needed to actually look up Ennis, see his happy little hetero life and it would finally give me closure.
I sighed and shut off the TV. None of those things was going to happen tonight. Even though it would only take two seconds to type his name into Google, I wasn’t there yet. It was coming, though; I could feel it. The hard stuff was inching its way closer and closer to the surface.
today
yesterday
Author: mrs-spamlad
Pairing: Jack/Ennis
Rating: R
Feedback: have at it!
Disclaimer: Brokeback Mountain and the original characters of Jack and Ennis were created by and belong to Annie Proulx. No money is being made from this- I’m just taking them out for a spin!
A/N: Here we are, finally in the future! There were times I wasn’t sure we’d ever get here but hey, I should know better. The story is written through chapter 74, and I’m working on 75 which I think (and don’t hold me to it because I’m so bad at estimating) will be the last chapter. So it’s all there, it’s coming, hang on! And thank you for doing so this long.
Thanks to Judy and to shieldmaid1 for their feedback on this chapter - they always help me make them better.
I know some of you might like to see a glimpse into the Jack/Josh relationship, and I did give it a lot of thought, but the bottom line is this story is about Jack and Ennis, and I couldn’t justify to myself how that would help to move their story forward. Maybe in one-shot someday (my god I haven’t said one-shot in like a hundred years!).
Thank you for reading - bear with me as we move into the future. Hmm…where the hell is Ennis, anyway?
jill
Chapter 64
Ten Years Later
My phone vibrated on my bedside table, rattling out an unpleasant wake-up call.
“Fuck,” I muttered. I squeezed my eyes shut and reached across the warm body in bed next to me to grab it.
“Mmm, no, hon. Five more minutes,” Brad mumbled, squirming away from me.
“It’s just the phone,” I said. I grabbed it and flopped back down on the bed. I had no clue how we’d managed to switch sides during the night. He rolled back toward me and flung an arm and a leg over me as I squinted at the caller ID. I touched the screen to take the call. “Hey,” I said groggily.
“Good morning, sunshine,” Josh said with a laugh. “Your jailbait keep you up too late last night?”
“Fuck you. He’s twenty-two and it’s Sunday. I can sleep as late as I want.”
“Okay, fair enough. Seriously, though, is he there?”
“Yeah. Sleeping, though.” I glanced down at the sweep of golden lashes across Brad’s cheek and saw his closed eyes twitch. He was so not asleep. “Why?”
“I wanted to run something by you, but I thought you might want to talk about it alone.”
I knew what he was getting at. Even though Brad and I had only been sleeping together for a month or so, he had an unnerving ability to insert himself into just about everything I was doing these days. But I was barely awake and my head was pounding from the excess alcohol I’d had at the bar the night before, so at that moment, I didn’t care. “It’s fine. What’s up?”
Josh took a deep breath. “All right. Promise me you’ll at least consider this, okay?”
I croaked out a laugh. “Not an impressive introduction.”
“Seriously, Jack. Don’t say no right away.”
I sighed. “Okay, fine. Shoot.”
“Kenton Hill homecoming is in a few weeks, and the Alumni Association wants to showcase some grads who’ve been successful in their fields, so I was thinking you could -”
“No.”
“Wait! Just hear me out. I need -”
“No way! I didn’t go to my own ten-year reunion a few years ago, and I’m sure as hell not going to fucking homecoming.”
“Jesus. Will you just let me explain?” Josh pleaded. He was starting to sound annoyed, but if anyone in my life knew why I wouldn’t want to go back there, it was him.
“Fine. What?”
“Thank you. So, I’m in charge of putting together an event - it’s part of a precursor to actual homecoming, with all the games and parties and stuff. It’s called An Evening with Alumni. It’s by invitation only for current students, mostly honors students and emerging campus leaders. I’m responsible for a reception kind of thing with a bunch of successful alumni. You hang out, eat, drink, and mingle with the students. Answer their questions and stuff, talk up the school for a couple of hours. That’s it.”
I waited a beat. “Now can I say no?”
“C’mon, Jack!” Josh groaned. “I’m kind of stuck here. I need more bodies! And you’re under an hour away.”
“I’m not even sure I fit the ‘successful’ part,” I said.
“What the hell? Sure, you do! You’re a project coordinator for the Landmark Society and you’re an adjunct professor. That works.”
That’s what a Master’s degree in History will get you. I’d just kind of fallen into the historical archivist job at the Landmark Society after I finished grad school. Recently, though, I landed a gig teaching a couple sections of history at a community college, and I actually liked it.
“Fine, maybe that’s true.” I lowered my voice. “But you know I have no interest in going back there and you know why.” I’d finished my graduate degree and gotten out of the house where I’d lived with Ennis ASAP. And I hadn’t been back.
“I know. And I double- and triple-checked: he won’t be there. He didn’t RSVP to anything, he’s not on any panels or signed up for other events.”
“That’s fine, whatever. But it’s not just that. It’s the place. So much shit happened there. I don’t want to go back.”
“I get it. I do. But that’s ancient history! Isn’t letting all that shit keep you away like still giving it power over you?”
I burst out with a laugh. “Someone’s been reading their Oprah magazine!”
“Shut up. You know what I mean. Clean slate and all. And you’d be helping me out big time. I will seriously owe you.”
Josh had been there for me for a lot of years - over a decade at that point. After Ennis, we eventually hooked up and spent about two and a half years coupled. They were good years. We were a good match, and being with him brought me all the way back to the land of the living post-Ennis. I could go on and on about our trips, and our fights, and our friends, but none of that has anything to do with me and Ennis. And that’s the story I’m telling.
When Josh and I split, it was honest-to-god mutual. We loved each other - still do - but we both realized it wasn’t the ‘til-death-do-us-part kind of love. But he’d been a constant in my life and I’d do just about anything for him. Even this.
“Fine,” I said with a huff. “But you will owe me. Big.”
“Yes! Thank you. I’ll email you the details, and you can call in the favor any time.”
“Don’t worry; I will.”
“All right. Thanks again. Later.”
“‘Bye.”
I tapped the screen to end the call and looked down at Brad, who was staring up at me with bright green eyes, his blond hair tousled and a grin on his face.
“Oh, my god, baby, are we going to your reunion?”
I dropped the phone onto the floor. “Number one: don’t call me ‘baby’.” Only one person had ever had that privilege and, lame or not, I still wasn’t sharing it. “Number two: I am going to homecoming to do a job and help out Josh. You’re not going anywhere.”
He went from smiley to seductive in two seconds flat, sliding his toned body on top of me, grinding our cocks together and kissing me until I couldn’t breathe. Brad was also not love-of-your-life material - at least not for me - but we had great sex and he was hot in a mainstream, cliché hot-gay-guy kind of way. He was a senior fashion design major I met through a friend of a friend. He came home with me that same night, and I’d thought, “one-nighter” for sure, but I guess we were somewhere around twenty-five nights by then. He broke the kiss and smiled as he started to slide down my chest and under the covers.
“Don’t worry, sweetie. I’ll wear something fabulous,” he said, and then swallowed my cock down to the base.
I meant to protest, but all that came out was, “Unh.” Huge fail on my part - I had a date for homecoming.
I should probably say something more about the time since I last saw Ennis. I was more or less a zombie for the better part of a year after we split for good. Josh stayed around and, eventually, we hooked up and became a thing, like I said. We worked great for a while, until it fizzled from a good-enough romance back to the great friendship it used to be. I also moved almost an hour away to take the archivist job in the middle of the relationship. And, while he totally supported me in it, I think the distance brought about the end of us more quickly than if I hadn’t moved. But it would’ve ended; I know that.
Since then, I’ve dated casually, dated a couple guys more seriously, and had my share of one-night stands. Nobody stuck - at least not yet. As for Ennis, well… I can’t say I don’t think about him (though it’s less now than it was years ago). I remember the good and the bad, wonder about him sometimes, though not enough to actually put myself through the pain of Googling him or anything. I imagine reading somewhere that he has some kick-ass job, pretty little wife and two kids and I still get vaguely nauseous. I’d rather wonder.
Josh stayed involved with Kenton Hill College Alumni Association, so he hears a lot about where everyone is and what they’re doing. One time, probably six or seven years ago, he tried to fill me in on something Ennis-related. I remember hearing Ennis’s name and something about a job in a hospital and I promptly told him to shut the fuck up. Like I said, I’d rather wonder.
Then there was Brad, who I guess fell into the “Casually Dating” category. He was a good guy, if a little shallow. The gym was his church, and I was pretty sure most of the time his hair products cost more than my outfit. But sometimes shallow is nice. When the waters run deep it can get really fucking tricky staying afloat.
“What about this one?” Brad asked, and did a runway turn in front of me.
“Looks good,” I said, glancing up from my laptop. I was sitting on the trendy-but-uncomfortable sofa in his living room, staring at a report on buildings requesting landmark status while he carried on a fashion show.
“Jack!” he said with a stomp of his foot.
I sighed and looked up. “Yes?”
“You’ve said the exact same thing about the last three ensembles I’ve shown you! This is important - I have to look good to meet all your old college friends. Wait - I don’t mean ‘old’ like elderly. I mean, like…former! That’s it.”
I laughed and set my laptop aside. I patted the seat beside me, but he plopped himself in my lap instead. “I’m glad to know I’m not elderly yet,” I said, and he rolled his eyes. “And I’m sorry for not paying attention, but you’ll look amazing in whatever you wear. You know I’m no good at that stuff.”
He flicked my beat-up grey t-shirt from The Gap and nodded. “No kidding.”
I pulled him in for a quick kiss. “I really have to get this report done. I’m going to head back to my place.”
He pouted as I closed up my laptop. “I thought you were staying over,” he said.
I shrugged. “I didn’t think it would take this long.” I stowed the computer in my messenger bag and lifted him off me as I stood. “It’s boring, I know. Call Chris; I’m sure he’s up for going out. He can probably help pick your ‘ensemble’, too.”
He swatted my shoulder. “That’s the technical term, you know. All right, fine. Take yourself and your work home. I’ll figure out how to amuse myself.” I nodded, kissed him again and headed for the door. “Call me!”
I nodded as the door closed behind me, feeling very close to elderly. Brad and I had great sex, but at the end of the day, that was all we had. My interests - local history, running, teaching, maybe going back to school for my Ph.D. - bored him to tears. And his interests…. We were not on the same page. The shopping trips, fashion shows, and nagging about my own casual style were getting old, great sex or not. I was pretty sure he hooked up with other guys when he went out without me, and I really didn’t give a shit. I could see the end of Jack and Brad approaching. I just had to get through this homecoming crap.
“You’re seriously bringing him?” Josh asked. He was seated on my couch, beer in hand. We took turns making the trip to hang out when we both had time. Josh had worked his way up in the engineering firm where he’d started out and now had some serious seniority.
I sighed. “Yeah. It’s easier than trying to get out of it.”
“Whoa! Since when do you do whatever’s easiest?”
“Since hard got my heart stomped on,” I said without thinking. “Shit.”
“Something you’d like to talk about?”
“No. It’s just…. The idea of going back to Kenton Hill, where we went to school, where we lived, and…. I guess he’s just been on my mind more than usual.”
“Ennis,” Josh said.
I shot him a look like he’d just done a runway turn in front of me. “Yeah.”
He shook his head. “It wasn’t a question. I was saying the name you don’t seem to be able to say.”
“Fine! Ennis. Ennis, Ennis, Ennis! Happy now?” I knew I sounded like a bratty teenager but his ability to call me on my shit still irked me sometimes.
He raised his hands in surrender. “Hey, I’m not trying to start anything. But even after all this time, I honestly can’t tell if you’re over it or just avoiding.”
“Join the club,” I muttered.
“Well, Brad is…different. Maybe you and him will really -”
“Uh-uh,” I said, shaking my head. “I had to fake a work project the other night to get out of a living room fashion show.”
Josh stifled a laugh. “Okay, so maybe not Brad.”
“Definitely not Brad.”
“But somebody. Someday you’re going to want to try hard and deep again.” I raised my eyebrows at him. “Jesus, you know what I mean!”
I couldn’t hold a straight face any longer and cracked up. “I cannot believe you actually said that,” I said when I caught my breath.
“Shut up. I meant…emotionally complex.”
I reached for his empty bottle. “I get it. Another?”
He glanced at the clock. “Can’t. Speaking of hard and deep, I have to get home,” he said with a wink.
“I’m going to pretend you didn’t just rub that in my face,” I said. Four years ago, Josh had met his Mr. Once In A Lifetime, David. They tied the knot the year before.
“Sorry,” he said with a grin.
“I can tell.”
I walked him to the door of my little Cape-Cod style house. It wasn’t new or big or fancy, but I loved it. “I’ll see you next weekend at school,” he said. “Don’t forget to get there a little early for -”
“I know, I know. I promise I will work through the ghosts of my past and I’ll be there with bells on. Well, probably a suit.”
“Sounds good,” he said, and leaned in and pecked me on the cheek. “And if things with Brad implode between now and then, just let me know and I’ll nix your plus one.”
“It won’t. I don’t need another thing to think about right now. I need to get through this reception thing, and then I’ll deal with that situation.”
“Okay,” he said. He nodded and turned to go.
“Drive careful,” I called and shut the door behind him.
I went back to the living room and flopped down on the couch. I channel surfed for a minute, then got up to grab another beer. I felt restless and edgy and we’d barely touched on the subject of Ennis. Maybe I did need to look for a long-term relationship and just stay, even when I got twitchy and dissatisfied and wanted to move on. Maybe I needed therapy. Maybe I needed to actually look up Ennis, see his happy little hetero life and it would finally give me closure.
I sighed and shut off the TV. None of those things was going to happen tonight. Even though it would only take two seconds to type his name into Google, I wasn’t there yet. It was coming, though; I could feel it. The hard stuff was inching its way closer and closer to the surface.
today
yesterday