Going Left Around the World: Chapter 68
Title: Going Left Around the World
Author: mrs-spamlad
Pairing: Jack/Ennis
Rating: R
Feedback: have at it!
Disclaimer: Brokeback Mountain and the original characters of Jack and Ennis were created by and belong to Annie Proulx. No money is being made from this- I’m just taking them out for a spin!
A/N: It’s late in coming, but this nudge came courtesy of robbiereeger . Life around here has blown up in a lot of ways over the past few months - if I tried to explain it all, it would be like writing a brand new story. It’s been exhausting most days, but we’re hanging in there and doing our best.
I thought I’d (try) to share with you a picture of our little girl. We became foster parents a couple of years ago, and we’ve had the two kiddos we have now for over a year. Their case is a big part of why life is so crazy. But I just love this pic - she’s old enough now that she likes to pick her own clothes and well… you can see (smile). Hopefully my attempt at inserting the image is successful.
Thanks ever so much to sheildmaid1 for her most excellent feedback on this chapter! And thank you to Judy for her patience while I have been out of touch. I hope she will be back on the job soon. And thanks to my lovely wife for slogging through all the crazy with me.
And thank you all for hanging in there and for reading!
jill
Chapter 68
I leaned into the kiss and our lips parted, tongues sliding cautiously against each other at first. Ennis gasped and pulled back, his eyes searching my face, his expression both dazed and pained. I ran my hand up his arm to the back of his neck and pulled him back in. I guess that was the answer he’d been looking for because the second time we connected, there was nothing cautious about it. His hands went to my hair and he grabbed and held me there, devouring me with his mouth. I curled my fingers into the nape of his neck and held onto him just as hard.
We just kissed for a while, exploring, getting reacquainted in a different way. He slid his hand down and grabbed a handful of my ass, while his lips traveled across my jaw and down the side of my neck.
“Jesus!” I gasped. I swung my leg over his lap to straddle him and he groaned into my skin. I kept the kiss going, pulling his lips back to mine, while I went to work on the buttons on his shirt. I yanked his shirt open and shoved it off his shoulders. He broke contact for barely a second, just long enough to tear off the t-shirt he had on underneath, and my hands met the smooth, sculpted muscle of his chest. Ennis had always been fit and strong, but this was different: his broad shoulders, all the muscular bumps and groves meticulously honed, not just a byproduct of playing sports.
I was just about to go for my own shirt buttons when his hands flew up and undid them in a flash. I shook the shirt off and we were skin to skin, something I’d never expected to feel again. My cock felt like it might bust right out of my jeans, so I shifted a bit and thrust against his erection. I knew it would only take a couple more of those and I’d be going off, and he was on the same page because he pulled back and dropped a hand to the button on my jeans.
With that same searching look, now clouded with lust, he said, “I want to see you. Can I…?”
I nodded and opened up his pants before he had me halfway unzipped. I slipped my hand inside and took hold of his rock hard cock, giving it a firm pull.
“Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck,” he gasped, and in a flurry of hands, clothes, and swearing, we fell naked onto the bed, Ennis on top of me. We were both too far gone by then to do much more than grind against each other, but it was more than enough. We found our rhythm easily, like muscle memory that had been stored away in our primal brains for just that moment. It only took a few minutes and I could feel the tension spooling up inside me, ready to let go.
“Coming,” I whispered between breaths, and I dug my nails into his back as I shot off hard enough to make the world go dark.
“Yeah,” he huffed back, and with one more hard thrust upward, I felt warmth pool between us for a second time.
Panting and sweaty, he let himself drop down onto me and then rolled to the side. We lay in silence catching our breath, while my brain caught up with what we’d just done. There had been so many things I wanted to say, things we needed to talk about, and all it had taken was a few drinks and some mushy words and I was hopping into bed with him like I was 18 years old. Just as my panic level neared code red, Ennis rolled over and grabbed his t-shirt from the floor, wiped it across his chest, and pulled me to him.
“I’ve missed that,” he whispered, his breath ruffling my hair.
“No, you haven’t,” I said. “Neither one of us has been a monk all these years.”
“Not what I meant.” He pulled back to look down at me, his eyes beaming regret and sincerity. “I’ve missed you.”
He drew me in and enveloped me in a hug so complete and so familiar, a lump rose fast in my throat and my eyes burned. I squirmed away, not wanting him to see the thousand different things I was feeling, knowing if he got a look at my eyes, he’d read me like a book.
“I need to go,” I said. I went to the edge of the bed and yanked up my boxers and jeans, then grabbed my shirt.
“Okay,” he said. I could see from the corner of my eye he had propped himself up on his elbow and his forehead was creased with worry lines.
I buttoned my last button and slid on my shoes. As I stood for the door, he got up and snagged my wrist.
“Jack, wait.” I stopped but didn’t turn to face him. “Are you all right to drive?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I’m good.” I hated how my voice quivered and I just wanted to get out of there before I had a total breakdown. I fished my car keys out of my pocket.
He waited another second and then came around in front of me, dropping his hold from my wrist to my hand. “Hey,” he said, and tilted my chin up with his fingers. Whatever he saw there made him reach for me again, but I stepped back.
“Please, Ennis,” I said, the first stupid fucking tear leaking down my cheek. “I need to go. Just let me go.” I swiped at my face with the back of my hand.
He dropped my hand and stepped aside. I had my hand on the doorknob, ready to bolt, and his voice rumbled, rough with emotion, “Will I see you again? I’m here until Sunday….”
I took a deep breath. I need some time and space to get my shit together, figure out what the fuck I was doing, but I wasn’t ready to walk away from him again. Not yet, anyway. I turned my head without making eye contact and said, “Yeah. Call me in the morning. We’ll figure something out.”
I heard him say, “Okay” as I left, the door clicking shut behind me.
I got home and passed out, alcohol and sex working their magic like they always had. I woke up about eight o’clock and decided to go for a run to give myself time to percolate on what had happened the night before. By the time I got back, I didn’t have any answers but I at least felt a little more together. What had happened wasn’t the end of the world; it was actually pretty fucking hot. But I couldn’t let the physical part of us sidetrack things. We still had shit to sift through and, though I had started to feel cautiously optimistic about having Ennis in my life again in some capacity, it was never going to happen unless we seriously talked. It was a lot simpler to just fall into bed, though, so easier said than done. Or easier unsaid, I guess.
I was showered and dressed when my phone rang around ten-thirty, a number I now recognized.
“Hey,” I said.
“Morning,” Ennis answered. “Am I too early?”
I snorted. “Are you kidding? I already put in six miles.”
“Still a runner, huh?”
“Yeah, for life. It’s one of my few coping mechanisms.” He fell silent for a moment, since we both knew what I’d been trying to cope with. “Have you eaten yet?”
“Just coffee.”
“Perfect. Let’s do a late breakfast.”
I drove by the hotel, picked him up, and took us up the road to a cozy diner. We got a booth and ordered. Before anything got weird, I jumped in.
“I’m sorry for how I left last night,” I said.
“I’m sorry I did something to make you go,” he countered.
“You didn’t. Everything you did - we did…. I was on board. It was good.”
He smiled faintly. “Yes, it was.”
“It just brought up a lot of old stuff for me, all of a sudden. I wasn’t expecting us to go there, so… I guess it just caught me off guard.”
“I get it. I guess I just got carried away. Like I said, I missed you,” he said.
I reached across the table and squeezed his hand. “I did, too. Like I said, I was totally on board with it. I just think, before anything like that happens again, there’s stuff we need to deal with.”
“Agreed.”
Our food arrived and we busied ourselves salting and peppering and digging in. After we made a good start on breakfast, Ennis asked, “So, where should we start?”
“Start what?”
“Dealing. Talking.”
I took a sip of coffee, hoping it hid my surprise at his straightforwardness. Another feature of New Ennis. I swallowed and tried to match him. “You could tell me what you’re doing here.”
“What I’m doing…?”
“Ennis, we literally didn’t speak for ten years.”
“Not my call.”
I raised a hand in a conciliatory gesture. “True. I ended it. But we had zero contact, and then, out of nowhere, you track me down at our alma mater’s homecoming? I don’t get it. Why not call or email?”
Ennis sighed and set down his fork. “Because I was afraid you wouldn’t answer me. I didn’t know for sure you’d be at that alumni event. I just took a chance, figured Josh would at least be there and I could feel things out, find out how you were doing.”
“You mean find out if I was single,” I said with narrowed eyes.
His cheeks turned pink and he pushed a bite of omelet around on his plate. “No, not just that. Of course, if I’d found out you were married or something, I probably would’ve just gone home. I was grasping at straws, but I had to try.”
“What if I hadn’t been there? And I promise you, Josh would’ve told you to fuck off.”
He shrugged “I don’t know. I thought about just coming here and dropping by your office. A lot. I just thought in person was better. You might be less likely to just blow me off.”
I considered his words and nodded. “Fair enough.”
“And so I just showed up and… there you were. I was shocked at first. Then, I kind of panicked, especially when I saw you and Josh…. It took me all night to get up the guts to go talk to you. You know the rest.”
“Yes.” I chose my next question carefully. “How long have you thought about it? Coming to find me.”
He huffed out a laugh. “Only every day since that day in the driveway, when you sent me away. How long have I felt ready to do it? Probably about four years, once I got myself figured out.”
“But you were with other people, had other relationships….”
He gave me a rueful smile. “Yes, I did. But none of them was you.”
I realized then that I might have to take the serious talks in small doses, if only to preserve my sanity. I focused on my plate, not sure where to go next, and really not sure how to handle this new, talking-and-sharing Ennis.
“So, what’s on the agenda for today? Or, if you have plans, I can find something to do, I’m sure,” Ennis said, steering us away from too much depth. I was glad for it; I spent close to twenty years being the mouth between the two of us, and I was happy to hand over the reins for a while.
“If it’s not too boring, I thought we could head over to the college where I teach. It’s not a huge campus, but there’s some stuff to see.”
Ennis nodded. “Sounds good.”
“Then, I thought we might head over to Barnstormers. I haven’t been there in a long time.”
“That sounds… athletic.”
I laughed. “The opposite. It’s a great local winery. One of my favorites. I thought we could go for a tasting.”
“More alcohol?” Ennis asked, his nose wrinkled with fake concern.
“It’s a public place. I think I can keep my pants on.”
He smiled. “I will if you will.”
The afternoon went off without a hitch. I showed Ennis around the college, including my hole-in-the-wall office, and as far as I could tell, he was genuinely interested. On the drive to Barnstormers, he talked about his job, where he could see himself going next, and I was surprised to learn that he wasn’t sure.
“So you make it all the way to VP, and then you just ditch it and go in another direction?” I asked over a flight of chardonnays in the tasting room.
He took a sip from a glass and nodded. “I like that one. I want a bottle to bring back with me. And, yes, maybe. I’m not sure. I just feel I may have gone as far as I want to in that direction. There are other things I can do with my degrees. Maybe it’s time for a change.”
“That’s exactly why I sent my CV over to the college. That and a history professor who does some work with the Landmark Society who put in a good word for me. These days you need a Ph.D. to get an adjunct position in most places.”
We kept talking and tasting until we both started feeling a little light headed. Ennis bought the bottles he wanted and we drove a little way to a grille for dinner. We started back about seven o’clock and, after the forty-minute drive, I had no idea what should happen.
Aware of the risk but at a loss for another idea, I took a deep breath and asked, “Do you want to see the house? My house.”
“Sure. My calendar’s wide open,” he said.
“It’s nothing amazing. It’s the first place I bought, though.”
“Sounds good. I bought, but just a condo. A house seemed too….”
“Permanent?”
“Yes, maybe. It just didn’t feel right. It’s something I always imagined doing with… someone else. Partner, I guess.”
We pulled into the driveway of my neat little Cape Cod and I launched into the history of the house. We went in and I gave him the grand tour, which was pretty short, and we found ourselves back in the living room, standing with an unnatural amount of space between us.
“So, do you want to go back to the hotel?” I asked, half wanting to hear a yes, the other half hoping for a no.
He sat down on the arm of the sofa. “I don’t know. It’s still early - what about a movie?” he suggested, gesturing at my flat-screen. “Unless you’re done for the night. That’s okay, too.”
“I could go for a movie,” I said. “We can get something on Amazon.”
“Sounds good. How about I crack open one of the bottles I bought this afternoon?” I shot him an uncertain look. “Responsible drinking only. Scout’s honor.”
“You were never a Scout!” I said with a laugh.
“Details. No drunkenness, I promise.”
“Deal.”
We debated between an action movie and a comedy, and ended up watching both. We drank the wine during the first movie, and switched to popcorn and soda for the second one. It was almost one a.m. when the second movie ended, and we were both on the verge of sleep.
“I can drive myself back and bring your car back in the morning,” Ennis offered.
“You’re just as tired as I am,” I said. The day had gone so well: easy and comfortable, kind of like old times but with different versions of ourselves. I took a step closer to the cliff I was hoping not to flying off of. “You could crash here.”
He studied me for a moment. “Sure. I can take the couch. That works.”
I turned to face him. “You don’t have to take the couch. But we need to agree - just sleeping.”
He scrunched his forehead as he thought. “You drive a hard bargain. No pun intended.”
I laughed. “It’s not that I don’t want…. I mean, I’m just afraid that if we -”
He grabbed my hand. “I was kidding. It’s fine. I can behave.”
“Okay, then.”
We stood up at the same time and found ourselves staring at each other with only a couple inches of space between us. I fought the urge to tackle him to the couch and tried to slip by him toward the stairs. He grabbed my fingers as I passed and I turned back around.
“Can I make one request?” I nodded. “May I kiss you goodnight? Here. Before we’re lying down,” he said with a wink.
I smiled and nodded. He pulled me back to him and slid an arm around my waist. He leaned in and brought our lips together, lightly at first, then softly running his tongue over mine. One more chaste kiss and he pulled away.
“Thank you,” he whispered. “I had a great time today.”
“Me, too,” I said, and I meant it. I didn’t feel like running away from him, and my head wasn’t spinning from alcohol or confusion or worries. I tugged his hand and led him up to my room. We stripped down to boxers and t-shirts and got under the covers.
“‘Night,” he said and rolled away from me.
“‘Night.” I lay on my back for a few minutes until I gave in and followed my instinct. I rolled toward him and spooned behind him, my arm draped over his waist. “Is this all right?” I whispered.
He grabbed my hand in his and pressed a kiss to my knuckles. “Yeah,” he whispered back, and rested our clasped hands against his chest. I fell asleep fast, my mind peacefully quiet.
today
yesterday
Author: mrs-spamlad
Pairing: Jack/Ennis
Rating: R
Feedback: have at it!
Disclaimer: Brokeback Mountain and the original characters of Jack and Ennis were created by and belong to Annie Proulx. No money is being made from this- I’m just taking them out for a spin!
A/N: It’s late in coming, but this nudge came courtesy of robbiereeger . Life around here has blown up in a lot of ways over the past few months - if I tried to explain it all, it would be like writing a brand new story. It’s been exhausting most days, but we’re hanging in there and doing our best.
I thought I’d (try) to share with you a picture of our little girl. We became foster parents a couple of years ago, and we’ve had the two kiddos we have now for over a year. Their case is a big part of why life is so crazy. But I just love this pic - she’s old enough now that she likes to pick her own clothes and well… you can see (smile). Hopefully my attempt at inserting the image is successful.
Thanks ever so much to sheildmaid1 for her most excellent feedback on this chapter! And thank you to Judy for her patience while I have been out of touch. I hope she will be back on the job soon. And thanks to my lovely wife for slogging through all the crazy with me.
And thank you all for hanging in there and for reading!
jill
Chapter 68
I leaned into the kiss and our lips parted, tongues sliding cautiously against each other at first. Ennis gasped and pulled back, his eyes searching my face, his expression both dazed and pained. I ran my hand up his arm to the back of his neck and pulled him back in. I guess that was the answer he’d been looking for because the second time we connected, there was nothing cautious about it. His hands went to my hair and he grabbed and held me there, devouring me with his mouth. I curled my fingers into the nape of his neck and held onto him just as hard.
We just kissed for a while, exploring, getting reacquainted in a different way. He slid his hand down and grabbed a handful of my ass, while his lips traveled across my jaw and down the side of my neck.
“Jesus!” I gasped. I swung my leg over his lap to straddle him and he groaned into my skin. I kept the kiss going, pulling his lips back to mine, while I went to work on the buttons on his shirt. I yanked his shirt open and shoved it off his shoulders. He broke contact for barely a second, just long enough to tear off the t-shirt he had on underneath, and my hands met the smooth, sculpted muscle of his chest. Ennis had always been fit and strong, but this was different: his broad shoulders, all the muscular bumps and groves meticulously honed, not just a byproduct of playing sports.
I was just about to go for my own shirt buttons when his hands flew up and undid them in a flash. I shook the shirt off and we were skin to skin, something I’d never expected to feel again. My cock felt like it might bust right out of my jeans, so I shifted a bit and thrust against his erection. I knew it would only take a couple more of those and I’d be going off, and he was on the same page because he pulled back and dropped a hand to the button on my jeans.
With that same searching look, now clouded with lust, he said, “I want to see you. Can I…?”
I nodded and opened up his pants before he had me halfway unzipped. I slipped my hand inside and took hold of his rock hard cock, giving it a firm pull.
“Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck,” he gasped, and in a flurry of hands, clothes, and swearing, we fell naked onto the bed, Ennis on top of me. We were both too far gone by then to do much more than grind against each other, but it was more than enough. We found our rhythm easily, like muscle memory that had been stored away in our primal brains for just that moment. It only took a few minutes and I could feel the tension spooling up inside me, ready to let go.
“Coming,” I whispered between breaths, and I dug my nails into his back as I shot off hard enough to make the world go dark.
“Yeah,” he huffed back, and with one more hard thrust upward, I felt warmth pool between us for a second time.
Panting and sweaty, he let himself drop down onto me and then rolled to the side. We lay in silence catching our breath, while my brain caught up with what we’d just done. There had been so many things I wanted to say, things we needed to talk about, and all it had taken was a few drinks and some mushy words and I was hopping into bed with him like I was 18 years old. Just as my panic level neared code red, Ennis rolled over and grabbed his t-shirt from the floor, wiped it across his chest, and pulled me to him.
“I’ve missed that,” he whispered, his breath ruffling my hair.
“No, you haven’t,” I said. “Neither one of us has been a monk all these years.”
“Not what I meant.” He pulled back to look down at me, his eyes beaming regret and sincerity. “I’ve missed you.”
He drew me in and enveloped me in a hug so complete and so familiar, a lump rose fast in my throat and my eyes burned. I squirmed away, not wanting him to see the thousand different things I was feeling, knowing if he got a look at my eyes, he’d read me like a book.
“I need to go,” I said. I went to the edge of the bed and yanked up my boxers and jeans, then grabbed my shirt.
“Okay,” he said. I could see from the corner of my eye he had propped himself up on his elbow and his forehead was creased with worry lines.
I buttoned my last button and slid on my shoes. As I stood for the door, he got up and snagged my wrist.
“Jack, wait.” I stopped but didn’t turn to face him. “Are you all right to drive?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I’m good.” I hated how my voice quivered and I just wanted to get out of there before I had a total breakdown. I fished my car keys out of my pocket.
He waited another second and then came around in front of me, dropping his hold from my wrist to my hand. “Hey,” he said, and tilted my chin up with his fingers. Whatever he saw there made him reach for me again, but I stepped back.
“Please, Ennis,” I said, the first stupid fucking tear leaking down my cheek. “I need to go. Just let me go.” I swiped at my face with the back of my hand.
He dropped my hand and stepped aside. I had my hand on the doorknob, ready to bolt, and his voice rumbled, rough with emotion, “Will I see you again? I’m here until Sunday….”
I took a deep breath. I need some time and space to get my shit together, figure out what the fuck I was doing, but I wasn’t ready to walk away from him again. Not yet, anyway. I turned my head without making eye contact and said, “Yeah. Call me in the morning. We’ll figure something out.”
I heard him say, “Okay” as I left, the door clicking shut behind me.
I got home and passed out, alcohol and sex working their magic like they always had. I woke up about eight o’clock and decided to go for a run to give myself time to percolate on what had happened the night before. By the time I got back, I didn’t have any answers but I at least felt a little more together. What had happened wasn’t the end of the world; it was actually pretty fucking hot. But I couldn’t let the physical part of us sidetrack things. We still had shit to sift through and, though I had started to feel cautiously optimistic about having Ennis in my life again in some capacity, it was never going to happen unless we seriously talked. It was a lot simpler to just fall into bed, though, so easier said than done. Or easier unsaid, I guess.
I was showered and dressed when my phone rang around ten-thirty, a number I now recognized.
“Hey,” I said.
“Morning,” Ennis answered. “Am I too early?”
I snorted. “Are you kidding? I already put in six miles.”
“Still a runner, huh?”
“Yeah, for life. It’s one of my few coping mechanisms.” He fell silent for a moment, since we both knew what I’d been trying to cope with. “Have you eaten yet?”
“Just coffee.”
“Perfect. Let’s do a late breakfast.”
I drove by the hotel, picked him up, and took us up the road to a cozy diner. We got a booth and ordered. Before anything got weird, I jumped in.
“I’m sorry for how I left last night,” I said.
“I’m sorry I did something to make you go,” he countered.
“You didn’t. Everything you did - we did…. I was on board. It was good.”
He smiled faintly. “Yes, it was.”
“It just brought up a lot of old stuff for me, all of a sudden. I wasn’t expecting us to go there, so… I guess it just caught me off guard.”
“I get it. I guess I just got carried away. Like I said, I missed you,” he said.
I reached across the table and squeezed his hand. “I did, too. Like I said, I was totally on board with it. I just think, before anything like that happens again, there’s stuff we need to deal with.”
“Agreed.”
Our food arrived and we busied ourselves salting and peppering and digging in. After we made a good start on breakfast, Ennis asked, “So, where should we start?”
“Start what?”
“Dealing. Talking.”
I took a sip of coffee, hoping it hid my surprise at his straightforwardness. Another feature of New Ennis. I swallowed and tried to match him. “You could tell me what you’re doing here.”
“What I’m doing…?”
“Ennis, we literally didn’t speak for ten years.”
“Not my call.”
I raised a hand in a conciliatory gesture. “True. I ended it. But we had zero contact, and then, out of nowhere, you track me down at our alma mater’s homecoming? I don’t get it. Why not call or email?”
Ennis sighed and set down his fork. “Because I was afraid you wouldn’t answer me. I didn’t know for sure you’d be at that alumni event. I just took a chance, figured Josh would at least be there and I could feel things out, find out how you were doing.”
“You mean find out if I was single,” I said with narrowed eyes.
His cheeks turned pink and he pushed a bite of omelet around on his plate. “No, not just that. Of course, if I’d found out you were married or something, I probably would’ve just gone home. I was grasping at straws, but I had to try.”
“What if I hadn’t been there? And I promise you, Josh would’ve told you to fuck off.”
He shrugged “I don’t know. I thought about just coming here and dropping by your office. A lot. I just thought in person was better. You might be less likely to just blow me off.”
I considered his words and nodded. “Fair enough.”
“And so I just showed up and… there you were. I was shocked at first. Then, I kind of panicked, especially when I saw you and Josh…. It took me all night to get up the guts to go talk to you. You know the rest.”
“Yes.” I chose my next question carefully. “How long have you thought about it? Coming to find me.”
He huffed out a laugh. “Only every day since that day in the driveway, when you sent me away. How long have I felt ready to do it? Probably about four years, once I got myself figured out.”
“But you were with other people, had other relationships….”
He gave me a rueful smile. “Yes, I did. But none of them was you.”
I realized then that I might have to take the serious talks in small doses, if only to preserve my sanity. I focused on my plate, not sure where to go next, and really not sure how to handle this new, talking-and-sharing Ennis.
“So, what’s on the agenda for today? Or, if you have plans, I can find something to do, I’m sure,” Ennis said, steering us away from too much depth. I was glad for it; I spent close to twenty years being the mouth between the two of us, and I was happy to hand over the reins for a while.
“If it’s not too boring, I thought we could head over to the college where I teach. It’s not a huge campus, but there’s some stuff to see.”
Ennis nodded. “Sounds good.”
“Then, I thought we might head over to Barnstormers. I haven’t been there in a long time.”
“That sounds… athletic.”
I laughed. “The opposite. It’s a great local winery. One of my favorites. I thought we could go for a tasting.”
“More alcohol?” Ennis asked, his nose wrinkled with fake concern.
“It’s a public place. I think I can keep my pants on.”
He smiled. “I will if you will.”
The afternoon went off without a hitch. I showed Ennis around the college, including my hole-in-the-wall office, and as far as I could tell, he was genuinely interested. On the drive to Barnstormers, he talked about his job, where he could see himself going next, and I was surprised to learn that he wasn’t sure.
“So you make it all the way to VP, and then you just ditch it and go in another direction?” I asked over a flight of chardonnays in the tasting room.
He took a sip from a glass and nodded. “I like that one. I want a bottle to bring back with me. And, yes, maybe. I’m not sure. I just feel I may have gone as far as I want to in that direction. There are other things I can do with my degrees. Maybe it’s time for a change.”
“That’s exactly why I sent my CV over to the college. That and a history professor who does some work with the Landmark Society who put in a good word for me. These days you need a Ph.D. to get an adjunct position in most places.”
We kept talking and tasting until we both started feeling a little light headed. Ennis bought the bottles he wanted and we drove a little way to a grille for dinner. We started back about seven o’clock and, after the forty-minute drive, I had no idea what should happen.
Aware of the risk but at a loss for another idea, I took a deep breath and asked, “Do you want to see the house? My house.”
“Sure. My calendar’s wide open,” he said.
“It’s nothing amazing. It’s the first place I bought, though.”
“Sounds good. I bought, but just a condo. A house seemed too….”
“Permanent?”
“Yes, maybe. It just didn’t feel right. It’s something I always imagined doing with… someone else. Partner, I guess.”
We pulled into the driveway of my neat little Cape Cod and I launched into the history of the house. We went in and I gave him the grand tour, which was pretty short, and we found ourselves back in the living room, standing with an unnatural amount of space between us.
“So, do you want to go back to the hotel?” I asked, half wanting to hear a yes, the other half hoping for a no.
He sat down on the arm of the sofa. “I don’t know. It’s still early - what about a movie?” he suggested, gesturing at my flat-screen. “Unless you’re done for the night. That’s okay, too.”
“I could go for a movie,” I said. “We can get something on Amazon.”
“Sounds good. How about I crack open one of the bottles I bought this afternoon?” I shot him an uncertain look. “Responsible drinking only. Scout’s honor.”
“You were never a Scout!” I said with a laugh.
“Details. No drunkenness, I promise.”
“Deal.”
We debated between an action movie and a comedy, and ended up watching both. We drank the wine during the first movie, and switched to popcorn and soda for the second one. It was almost one a.m. when the second movie ended, and we were both on the verge of sleep.
“I can drive myself back and bring your car back in the morning,” Ennis offered.
“You’re just as tired as I am,” I said. The day had gone so well: easy and comfortable, kind of like old times but with different versions of ourselves. I took a step closer to the cliff I was hoping not to flying off of. “You could crash here.”
He studied me for a moment. “Sure. I can take the couch. That works.”
I turned to face him. “You don’t have to take the couch. But we need to agree - just sleeping.”
He scrunched his forehead as he thought. “You drive a hard bargain. No pun intended.”
I laughed. “It’s not that I don’t want…. I mean, I’m just afraid that if we -”
He grabbed my hand. “I was kidding. It’s fine. I can behave.”
“Okay, then.”
We stood up at the same time and found ourselves staring at each other with only a couple inches of space between us. I fought the urge to tackle him to the couch and tried to slip by him toward the stairs. He grabbed my fingers as I passed and I turned back around.
“Can I make one request?” I nodded. “May I kiss you goodnight? Here. Before we’re lying down,” he said with a wink.
I smiled and nodded. He pulled me back to him and slid an arm around my waist. He leaned in and brought our lips together, lightly at first, then softly running his tongue over mine. One more chaste kiss and he pulled away.
“Thank you,” he whispered. “I had a great time today.”
“Me, too,” I said, and I meant it. I didn’t feel like running away from him, and my head wasn’t spinning from alcohol or confusion or worries. I tugged his hand and led him up to my room. We stripped down to boxers and t-shirts and got under the covers.
“‘Night,” he said and rolled away from me.
“‘Night.” I lay on my back for a few minutes until I gave in and followed my instinct. I rolled toward him and spooned behind him, my arm draped over his waist. “Is this all right?” I whispered.
He grabbed my hand in his and pressed a kiss to my knuckles. “Yeah,” he whispered back, and rested our clasped hands against his chest. I fell asleep fast, my mind peacefully quiet.
today
yesterday