(no subject)
School is terror.
New Zealand is practically 100%. My housing is confirmed and deposit paid. Waiting to apply for student/work visa.
I was Richard Simmons for halloween.
Gave up on trying to find a job, my unemployment got extended (thank you Obama).
Started crocheting again and it has been extremely therapeutic.
and of course, the love life...
so maybe I've been broken one too many times. But somehow, the super glue seeps into the cracks and I am rebound. More fragile than before, but more likely to crack in the same places. Because of this, I can fix them even better than before.
I have never felt my body wrench with such pain as to fall to the ground. I never thought I'd understand sorrow of that magnitude, but I took it like a building after an earthquake. Repair, learn what went wrong, move on. I picked up my pieces and knew there was only one direction to go -- forward.
Most would look at my situation and say 'don't make that mistake again. leave it behind you and move on. It's not worth it.' but it's worth it to me. And, in the end, isn't it just my happiness that matters? Not what others think? Though i like to keep my friends, I have to do what's right for me. Even if it ends up in repeated tears in my seams. I never make decisions I'll regret. I have never regretted going back to him. It hurts me more and more each time, but maybe I need this pain to remember what it is to be alive. Falling into the same rut of numbness is not worth it. As an artist, I need these emotions (as grossly cliche as that sounds). Though I find myself constantly questioning 'WHY' I still find myself sticking around.. probably hoping to find an answer.
Life is subjective only to ourselves. What is 'right' or 'wrong' is based on our own life experiences and values. For me, this is right. This addiction to his warmth and smile. The happiness gained outweighs the bad times.
And though images of what he's done will sometimes flash through my already weakened soul, I am letting it go quicker than I could have hoped for and I know this will lead to a successful recovery.
And if it's wrong, then maybe one day I will decide it's wrong, and leave. but right now, it's right. I've left others before. The fact that I can't leave him probably means something (maybe that I'm crazy?).
But, I love him. I love him. I love him.
New Zealand is practically 100%. My housing is confirmed and deposit paid. Waiting to apply for student/work visa.
I was Richard Simmons for halloween.
Gave up on trying to find a job, my unemployment got extended (thank you Obama).
Started crocheting again and it has been extremely therapeutic.
and of course, the love life...
so maybe I've been broken one too many times. But somehow, the super glue seeps into the cracks and I am rebound. More fragile than before, but more likely to crack in the same places. Because of this, I can fix them even better than before.
I have never felt my body wrench with such pain as to fall to the ground. I never thought I'd understand sorrow of that magnitude, but I took it like a building after an earthquake. Repair, learn what went wrong, move on. I picked up my pieces and knew there was only one direction to go -- forward.
Most would look at my situation and say 'don't make that mistake again. leave it behind you and move on. It's not worth it.' but it's worth it to me. And, in the end, isn't it just my happiness that matters? Not what others think? Though i like to keep my friends, I have to do what's right for me. Even if it ends up in repeated tears in my seams. I never make decisions I'll regret. I have never regretted going back to him. It hurts me more and more each time, but maybe I need this pain to remember what it is to be alive. Falling into the same rut of numbness is not worth it. As an artist, I need these emotions (as grossly cliche as that sounds). Though I find myself constantly questioning 'WHY' I still find myself sticking around.. probably hoping to find an answer.
Life is subjective only to ourselves. What is 'right' or 'wrong' is based on our own life experiences and values. For me, this is right. This addiction to his warmth and smile. The happiness gained outweighs the bad times.
And though images of what he's done will sometimes flash through my already weakened soul, I am letting it go quicker than I could have hoped for and I know this will lead to a successful recovery.
And if it's wrong, then maybe one day I will decide it's wrong, and leave. but right now, it's right. I've left others before. The fact that I can't leave him probably means something (maybe that I'm crazy?).
But, I love him. I love him. I love him.