As someone who has been diagnosed with depression I've had a lot of trouble with this (mostly inner) conflict: am I depressed/broken/needing pills, or am I a sad person, or am I a PERSON who is in sad situations and has difficulty coping with them? I've been on pills before, and I've been on many different types, for varying amounts of time, and ( Read more... )

Someone brought homemade oatmeal cookies to work yesterday. I ate them, and a bunch of other shit, and purged right in the bathroom at work. Great way to ruin a Monday morning, as if that's even possible ( Read more... )

"...it won't be forever.  It will get easier, I promise.  And you will get stronger.  And slowly the fear will shed away, and you will come alive and it will be unlike anything I could imagine."

-*********

please keep reminding me.

i'm struggling... with physically and emotionally feeling down. with trying to remind myself that feelings, thoughts, boredom, stress, body image, fear, are in my head ( Read more... )

.My original idea was to do an entry called "my life in text messages."  There are too many.

.503#########: you going out tonight?
me: maybe.  who is this?
503#########: dan and i are thinking of going to berbatis if you want to meet us there
me: who?
503#########: dan and i
me: do you have a name?
503#########: we met last night. jk we went to middle ( Read more... )

I would like to petition for approval for a referral to a residential treatment facility in hopes that it might provide relief from symptoms, as well as empower me to overcome, depression and eating disorder-related issues. I've gone through psych ward hospitalization. I've gone through intensive outpatient day treatment. I've gone through private ( Read more... )

c.h. has been around since December.  around but unstable though kind.  he's cleaning himself up - literally and figuratively.  he's been around five months and i've been keeping him at arms length since our first couple encounters.  we slept together sunday night.  Monday I invite my mother to join me for coffee at powell's after work.  that's ( Read more... )

in the last week I have ( Read more... )

thursday night I took four vicodin left over from the last time I was in the ER, for reasons I can't divulge. I had a bottle of assorted pain pills in my other hand that I was too scared to take, mostly for fear that I would only wind up on a respirator; not dead. I was so tempted to write an angry, guilt-provoking letter, or some text messages, ( Read more... )

I'm crazy - no, no I'm normal, just like everyone else, it's just crazy that I call myself crazy so much that I believe it.  Does that make me crazy?  Its all in my head, I choose what I want to believe and how I want to interpret and perceive, how I want to react - do I WANT to be miserable?  I guess I do.  I'm not listening to you any more, I'm ( Read more... )