FIC Battleships, Tensions and Hello Kitty Panties (Paris/Rory, 1/1?, R) Drabble #1 for

[mrschimpf]

Title: Battleships, Tensions and Hello Kitty Panties
Author: Nate
Pairing: Paris/Rory, third person POV. And more, which I will not ruin here...
Spoilers: An alternate post-417 universe where the spring break kiss was played for more than laughs, Dean's ego was severely wounded instead of boosted in the drunken phone call, Asher is gone, Marty's

Comments

[ubiquitousmixie]

SHUT UP! I wrote Scrabble EIGHT years ago!? Day-um. I feel like such a fan fic veteran now. *collects self

[mrschimpf]

Hmm, I'm reading that and I think you're right about Paris feeling a bit pushed off to the side that Rory had done it before, despite the glow of her teasing fogging up her mind in that instant that it wasn't an original idea that her girl brought up and that I should've probably played down Paris's 'that's kinda sexy' reaction for something more grounded. Maybe I should do a mini-chapter where Paris out of the blue asks why she was part of the Battleship repeat and they could've done something different? Something that won't add tension (as Par obviously has a soft side for Lane here), but confronting her on why she wasn't special enough for another game and Rory explaining why she did Battleship; Paris gets an explanation, does her panicked flailing and Rory calms her down to tell her she is truly special and she should have probably picked another board game. Which leads to a game of Simon (or a video game of some kind) and more (original) fun, perhaps

[ubiquitousmixie]

Oh I'm not saying in any way that you lacked tact with this: it's verrrry easy for something like jealous to be pushed aside when you're having a naked conversation! It may not even be out of character for Paris -- perhaps I'm projecting too much of myself into my imagined version of her.

I really like what you plan to do with Lane: I agree that she's butchered in fics, and it'd be great to see her handled in your capable hands. I am really curious to see how you will construct something with the three of them, and am very much looking forward to reading it!

[mrschimpf]

There's never anything wrong with projecting yourself into Paris (Dirty! ;)). But yeah, maybe a "You did this with Lane?" line of conversation would have been better. Maybe I'll put that into a second version of this chapter if I can find the right way to write it out into the existing body of the story. But really I'm thinking the Giselle comment kind of took her out of her usual 'WTF am I chopped liver' mode and made her think 'So she did it before, maybe I was better than Lane' in her usual mode of superiority despite her thoughts that the two women are hot. Because Paris, when all is said and done, is awesome ;). I'm going more with the mini-chapter idea more so I can get Paris into her own inappropriate cartoon panties to get just desserts on Rory...would she be a Care Bears or a She-Ra kinda girl :-O?

It's gonna be a challenge with Lane, there's no way around it. But if I can do it right I'll be stronger for it.

[burningeden]

ZOMG!

This was AMAZING! I had to read it twice! How did I not see that you had posted my drabbles!?! This has been up and I only saw it NOW!

*kicks self*

Nate, I cannot even tell you how good this was. Everything ... from the playful banter, to the description of the game itself, and ESPECIALLY the smut ... that was some of the finest reading I've done online.

I definitely think you should continue this! It was so well written, well plotted, and definitely well executed! I haven't read GG fanfic in forever, but I'm convinced that I will never, ever willingly miss yours. You are an incredible author and you paint a glorious picture with your words.

I need a cold shower.

Thank you so much for this!

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

[mrschimpf]

I was so nervous about how you'd like this story because I tried to stay in with the prompt, but I also wanted to add in the twist at the same time but make it seem natural. I'm so heartened you enjoyed this, Chelle, and I'm glad I was able to play with research at the same time (I had the freakin' Battleship instruction manual in PDF at the same time I wrote this. I'm obsessed with the small things just like you.) I was especially nervous because Paris/Rory is the ship I write the most, but I felt I had to put more extra effort in for you because you write from the heart and with lots of emotion. Sometimes I get lost in the smut and I had to keep it in control.

Thanks so much for the review. And yes, you will see this continued ;).