I did it
I sent off my query to an agent in New York, whom I have a good feeling about.
This is one of the most scariest things I have ever done.
I went over my introduction letter and sample pages.
Over and over an over.
And the fear mounted in my stomach and in my heart.
It's not fear of failure.
It's fear of success.
I have long grown accustomed to failure.
I know I hardly ever get anything that I really want.
My life is conditioned to failure.
I've grown comfortable in knowing what to expect and how to handle it.
I've relied on the ability to quit anything because I'm not well.
Or because someone in my family needs me.
Here, I will be subject to another's bidding.
And I don't know what's going to happen next.
It's like standing on the edge of a cliff.
And the valley below is foggy and clouded.
I don't know if there are sharp, craggy rocks below.
Or a clear, still body of warm water.
I don't know where I'll land.
I don't know where I'll end up.
But I have to take that jump.
I take that jump.