A couple chapters of my book
Behold! The last virgin bride.
I, Holly Vollmar, am the last virgin bride. I got married on November 17th 2003, and when I did so I was a virgin. Not that anyone believes me, because three weeks later I got pregnant. I didn’t need a pregnancy test either, Mark and I just knew. So one week before my missed period we told my in-laws about our suspicions, fairly certain we were right. As it turns out we were, but you know how in movies and on TV it’s like this big “Oh My God! I’m SO HAPPY”? It’s was different than that. You know the look you get when you take a drink of milk and realize it’s got chunks in it? That’s the look they got on their faces. I of course in my sweet innocence didn’t make the connection of them thinking we had gotten married because I was pregnant. Telling my mom was even more fun. She got that sour milk face and said in a disappointed tone “that’s what I thought”.
As Christians, we believe that our savior was born from a virgin’s womb. And for those with out faith that seems ridiculous. But no one except my close friends believe that I kept my pants on till the ring was on my finger. (Is a virgin bride that hard to believe?). But instead of listening to mark and I, and believing what we said our family acted like our baby was a mistake. See, I like to read up and research on anything I'm considering, so I knew that it could take years of trying to have a baby before you actually get one. So mark and I decided against birth control. I didn’t want to be 30 and getting shots in the butt every night to try to conceive. And I was so happy when I first thought I was pregnant, and then by the time Aunt Flow passed me up, I felt like I was a crack whore. Like I wasn’t married. I did every thing the way I was supposed to. Step 1: Get married, Step 2: Have baby. What the hell was everyone’s problem?
And here is the reason I will always love my sis-in-law. She was the only person we told who got excited for us. With out any looks or judgment she jumped up and screamed with excitement. It’s funny to because Annabelle will smile at everyone but she and Katy have this very special bond. But the first few times she saw her grandfather and his wife she cried. What does that tell you?
I love my daughter Annabelle with all my heart. From every giggle down to that dirty diaper she gave me last night at four in the morning. But unless I move out of state and away from my relatives I will not have another child. The pregnancy wasn’t the problem as much as the people. I was a married women and I got treated like the thirteen year old who got knocked up. And I look young, at 19 I could be mistaken for 14 so I can excuse the nurse at the hospital. What I can’t excuse it the blatant rejection from my Father-in-law and his wife. And to this day I still do not see them as family. They ignored me and brushed me aside. I have a horrible fear of driving and I needed rides to the doctors. A couple times I had to cancel my appointment because of fucking church meetings. But due to financial troubles we were staying with them so I got my daily dose of rejection. Between that and my husband and mum fighting because Mark was having trouble finding a job, I will never have another child in Michigan. Maybe I’ll move to England.
The worst thing is I couldn’t wait to get pregnant. I sat around and daydreamed about being all fat and swollen with my loving family there to help me through, making it a fun experience. The only fun memory I have is my baby shower that my mum throw for me and she flew in one of my best friends, Rena, who had moved to Georgia a few years ago. Other than that any fun things are completely overshadowed by the bad shit.
So you’re probably asking your self what the point of this trip down memory lane is. As Christian we are trying to maneuver down a narrow path of righteousness but so often we have an opinion handed to us and we accept it and don’t think about how it affects others. We don’t think it through. What if I was 13 year old and pregnant? How many of you would just think I'm a whore? Would you stop and think to your self ‘maybe she was raped or forced in to prostitution’. Nope, because that would be going out side your comfort box. Christians shouldn’t be avoiding scenarios that could look compromising at the expense of others. What if there was no rape or prostitution and I really was a whore? Would that change the way you treat me? Jesus loves whores just as much as he loves everyone else.
And if I hear one more Pastor preach on avoiding the appearance of evil I’m going to puke. Yes it’s in the scripture but it is so horridly misused and manipulated that it makes me want to beat people who misuse it. The scripture means don’t have sex with your neighbor’s wife, because even if you repent and move on to be a great man of god people will know what you've done in the past and they won’t listen even if you are speaking from god. It doesn’t mean stay as far away as you can from any one who isn’t dressed preppy on Sunday. Maybe it’s just me but I have never seen a beggar dress up on Sunday. Not that that’s much because most Christians avoid beggars at all cost.
Love
There is no set way to fall in love. Most of the time love jumps up when you least expect it and pinches your bum. You feel a rush of emotion and an undying need to be close to that person and if you’re lucky that person feels the same way about you. But what next? Do you date? Court? Elope? It’s the question that is asked by all cultures and answered in more ways than I could count. And who’s to say who’s right? According to the bible kissing is okay, if you’re in love you shouldn’t hide it. You should praise the one you love, spend time holding each other, be alone together while remembering to keep your pants on. And for all you upstanding church goers out there who disagree, you are more than welcome to your own opinions, but here is the scripture to back up mine.
Song of Songs
1:2 kiss me again and again
1:4 how happy we are for him! We praise his love even more than wine
1:9What a lovely filly you are, my beloved one! How lovely are your cheeks, with your earrings setting them afire!
1:13 My lover is like a sachet of myrrh lying between my breasts.
2:6 His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me.
True love of the world:
Emily is a beautiful single woman who is working on her masters in psychology. While she’s on vacation, touring London with her grandmother, she is out getting trashed at some random underground club when some rapist puts LSD in her drink. Thoroughly inebriated and on her way to being raped, Garette saves her and takes her back to his flat where she passes out for the night. Miraculously she doesn’t wake up with puke in her hair or so hung over she wants of die and they spend the day screwing like rabbits in the spring time. She then decides to transfer to Oxford to finish up her masters so she can move to London to live with Garette, the love of her life. The End.
True love of the conventional church:
Cera a caring shy Christian who has just finished high school. One Sunday after church her father approaches her and tells her the boy she has liked for a few months has asked for permission to court her. So next Friday night Eric comes to dinner with the family. They spend the next few months with her family and as fall approaches Cera’s father informs her Eric has asked for her hand in marriage. They marry October 4th and share their first kiss at the alter. The end
Two very different kinds of love, both true but so wrong at the same time. Chances of Emily marrying Garette and having a family are very slim. She will always remember the other guys she’s had sex with and know that Garette has been with other girls. So no matter how often he says he loves her she will still have insecurities about it because she doesn’t have anymore of his soul than all of his ex-girlfriend’s. And Cera’s married a man she knows nothing about. Yes, the relationship was purer than Evian, but where was the romance, the danger? My marriage is a lot like that. I and my husband were encouraged to keep distance between each other before we were married so by the time we were married, we realized we had married some one we knew very little about. Yes, we love each other but we have to work a lot harder when it comes to compromising because we went in to marriage with out a clear picture of who the other person is.
The red rose breaths of passion
The white rose breaths of love
Oh, the red rose is a falcon
And the white rose is a dove.
So I give you a creamy white rose bud
With flush on its petal tips
For the love that is purest and sweetest
Has a kiss of desire on its lips
Because with out darkness there is no light. Unless you experience that terrifying, wonderful, moving force that is love you will crave it forever. In my ever-so humble opinion this is why so many by the book/church Christians end up committing adultery. By show of hand only who wants to live a boring, safe life? With out heartache and passion, or fights and friendships, with out life and death. All these things go together; it’s the proverbial circle of life. And until you are willing to experience and embrace the bad with the good you will never truly understand the good. Sure me and Mark fight but there is nothing better then great make up sex. But once you reach that place where you see life as the adventure it is, once you jump with out your bungee cord, then you will truly live.