3 years
I've been doing ok so far.
We had a sub at school today, so I just skipped it all today.
Matthew picked me up with a card about loss and sorrow. He also had a thing of flowers to put on his grave. It was nice. They were blue flowers (different kinds). Almost like, I don't know, it seems like the kind of flowers you'd give parents right after their baby boy was born. I liked it a lot. I cried. He had also written a card to Joshua from him, and had it inside the flowers. It was really sweet, but I didn't want to read it. I think it's personal between him and Josh. He also gave me a blank card, and gave me as long as I needed to write mine out to Josh as well.
I feel a lot better. He and I went to the grave. I cried, I layed on the ground right above his casket and cried. I talk to him to. I told him how much I loved him, and hoped that he was in a better place.
It was really nice though. Really pretty. It had rained though, right before. I got so muddy, but, it felt so good.
And, when I walked back to the car, I saw a faint rainbow. Wow, now, I think whenever I see a rainbow I'll know my brother is with me.
Thank you EVERYONE for the support you have given me, it makes me feel good and that I am loved. I also want to say thanks for telling me it's not my fault. I know it, but, man, it sure feels like it sometimes. But, I know it's not. I would reply individually, but my family is going to go out together, for the rest of the day. Thank you everyone.