Why
I am part of a large, although disparate, family. My father married three times and had three families of children. Because of this, I have lots of half brothers and sisters. What makes it even more interesting is that I am the second youngest of the lot, so many of my half-nephews and half-nieces are actually closer to my age than their parents who are my siblings.
When I was going to high school I made friends with this fair-haired, fair-skinned girl called Christine. We used to swap lunches and seemed to get on pretty good, both being not part of the trendy crowd. Christine left school in year 9 to work to help support her family and we lost touch for years. It was only after I'd left school and left home that I was arriving at my parent's place one day to visit them and saw Christine getting out of a taxi and about to enter their yard that the real connection between us was discovered. Her mother was my eldest half-sister. Christine was actually a year older than I.
She also had a little sister called Elisa, more commonly known in the family as Lisa. When I first met her she was only a young teenager and about to move to England with another half-sister of mine, Geraldine. It turned out that their mother Eveline had Multiple Sclerosis and could no longer care for her.
Years later Lisa came back from England to be closer to her mother and sister while Geraldine remained in Britain. Because her mother still couldn't care for her she was in foster care for a while. She was always a wild child compared to her elder sister whom I remained close friends with. Although a year or two younger than I, Lisa had her first child six months after I had mine. He was born on my birthday.
While Christine and I remained close, Lisa was more friendly with my brother Wade, and they got up to quite a few escapades over the years. I think he tried to be there to protect her when he could as she lived her wild life.
Unfortunately Lisa's life stayed wild and her difficult start to it grew into it being a difficult life. She - and several others of my half-sisters in that family - also developed MS, the disease which eventually killed her mother. She got into drugs and alcohol and bad men and never, ever seemed happy.
Last week, despite all his efforts to protect her, Lisa managed to commit suicide with a massive overdose of various drugs. It was apparent she had become severely depressed and unstable in recent times. Wade rang me to tell me about it last week and to ask me to help arrange for Lisa's daughter to fly from Adelaide to Brisbane for her mother's funeral.
While I was never close to her and always struggled to understand her choices in life, still her death has affected me.
I cannot help but think on the tragic path some people travel. I wonder if there were ever times she was truly happy. What was the purpose of her life? Why did she have to struggle so much and endure so much bad luck or make so many bad choices?
Lisa is survived by a daughter and a son. Both have had serious drug addictions in the past. Her son has at least one son of his own that I know of. I wonder if the tragic pattern has to repeat itself through the generations of if his child might be able to break out of the cycle.
I think too, on how fortunate I was to have escaped the tragedies that haunted her.
So, I'm sad. Not because we were close, but because someone I know has had their life come to this point - to taking her own life rather than live. I'm sad, and perhaps even feeling a little guilty that my life is happy at the moment and hers was not.
I know this will hit Wade and Christine hard. Of course too, it will hit her children hard.
It has touched me too, on a deep level. All I can do is keep on asking myself why. Why did she have to do that? Why did her life take the course it did? Why was she so unhappy?
And I sit here and think - there but by the grace of god, go I. We share common genes and some common events in our lives. Why did I fall on the resilient, positive side of the fence, and she fell into the tragic hell that she did?
Why did her journey through this life take her down that path to self-destruction?
I suppose these are common questions asked by family of anyone who takes their life. But this isn't just anyone. This is Lisa, that wild child who was my niece. She was family. Why was it her lot to go through this and not mine? It feels like someone has just fallen from a crumbling path that I myself just walked. Why did she fall and not I?
And I am left wondering what might have helped avoid this happening? Could it have been avoided or was there some fatal flaw in her that led her to this? Why did she feel she had no other option but to take her own life? Why?
Red
When I was going to high school I made friends with this fair-haired, fair-skinned girl called Christine. We used to swap lunches and seemed to get on pretty good, both being not part of the trendy crowd. Christine left school in year 9 to work to help support her family and we lost touch for years. It was only after I'd left school and left home that I was arriving at my parent's place one day to visit them and saw Christine getting out of a taxi and about to enter their yard that the real connection between us was discovered. Her mother was my eldest half-sister. Christine was actually a year older than I.
She also had a little sister called Elisa, more commonly known in the family as Lisa. When I first met her she was only a young teenager and about to move to England with another half-sister of mine, Geraldine. It turned out that their mother Eveline had Multiple Sclerosis and could no longer care for her.
Years later Lisa came back from England to be closer to her mother and sister while Geraldine remained in Britain. Because her mother still couldn't care for her she was in foster care for a while. She was always a wild child compared to her elder sister whom I remained close friends with. Although a year or two younger than I, Lisa had her first child six months after I had mine. He was born on my birthday.
While Christine and I remained close, Lisa was more friendly with my brother Wade, and they got up to quite a few escapades over the years. I think he tried to be there to protect her when he could as she lived her wild life.
Unfortunately Lisa's life stayed wild and her difficult start to it grew into it being a difficult life. She - and several others of my half-sisters in that family - also developed MS, the disease which eventually killed her mother. She got into drugs and alcohol and bad men and never, ever seemed happy.
Last week, despite all his efforts to protect her, Lisa managed to commit suicide with a massive overdose of various drugs. It was apparent she had become severely depressed and unstable in recent times. Wade rang me to tell me about it last week and to ask me to help arrange for Lisa's daughter to fly from Adelaide to Brisbane for her mother's funeral.
While I was never close to her and always struggled to understand her choices in life, still her death has affected me.
I cannot help but think on the tragic path some people travel. I wonder if there were ever times she was truly happy. What was the purpose of her life? Why did she have to struggle so much and endure so much bad luck or make so many bad choices?
Lisa is survived by a daughter and a son. Both have had serious drug addictions in the past. Her son has at least one son of his own that I know of. I wonder if the tragic pattern has to repeat itself through the generations of if his child might be able to break out of the cycle.
I think too, on how fortunate I was to have escaped the tragedies that haunted her.
So, I'm sad. Not because we were close, but because someone I know has had their life come to this point - to taking her own life rather than live. I'm sad, and perhaps even feeling a little guilty that my life is happy at the moment and hers was not.
I know this will hit Wade and Christine hard. Of course too, it will hit her children hard.
It has touched me too, on a deep level. All I can do is keep on asking myself why. Why did she have to do that? Why did her life take the course it did? Why was she so unhappy?
And I sit here and think - there but by the grace of god, go I. We share common genes and some common events in our lives. Why did I fall on the resilient, positive side of the fence, and she fell into the tragic hell that she did?
Why did her journey through this life take her down that path to self-destruction?
I suppose these are common questions asked by family of anyone who takes their life. But this isn't just anyone. This is Lisa, that wild child who was my niece. She was family. Why was it her lot to go through this and not mine? It feels like someone has just fallen from a crumbling path that I myself just walked. Why did she fall and not I?
And I am left wondering what might have helped avoid this happening? Could it have been avoided or was there some fatal flaw in her that led her to this? Why did she feel she had no other option but to take her own life? Why?
Red