Grade Two, and finally, the end to bullying

[msagara]

When I first started posting about my ASD child, it was indirectly in response to discussions on the internet about bullying in its many forms. I had intended to speak about how one Principal at our school had landed firmly in its midst to put a stop to bullying and its culture

Comments

[lily_bless_her]

I am always suspicious if a school says they have no bullying in their school. Our new headteacher says there is no bullying in his school. The previous headteacher said that they were trying to eradicate bullying and had put measures in place to do so. I know which one I believe. Sadly it is human nature to bully someone weaker and different to ourselves. What makes the difference is knowing that it is wrong and not doing it.

[msagara]

I have to say this:

My son differentiated between bullying and bad behaviour. A bully was someone who enjoyed making people suffer. It didn’t matter who.

On the other hand, he realized that people could hate each other’s guts out, and therefore want the person they hated to suffer - but he considered that an entirely different thing from bullying, if that makes sense?

He considers it highly unlikely that any environment will exist in which people do not love - and hate - each other. So...if people were mean to people they hated, that made a kind of social sense to him: you hate someone, you don’t want them to be happy. So, it’s human nature to dislike people. It’s human nature to like them. It’s frequently nature you will see combined in anyone. There were people who hated my son, and people whom my son hated (although in general this was later, not in elementary school), but he didn’t consider either side of that equation to be bullying

[artbeco]

I think from my own experiences with my boys' school now that what the principal and Mr.Virk accomplished was really quite extraordinary and very difficult. Pulling all of the elements into place to make it possible in the first place are hard, and the strength and perseverance to keep trying, especially, would be heroic.

And I wish it could happen at my guys' school. I believe they are trying, but certain key elements are missing, like having a strong principal who engenders trust and respect and who is impartial. That is a rare person under any circumstances, but would be so crucial to this process.

[msagara]

And I wish it could happen at my guys' school. I believe they are trying, but certain key elements are missing, like having a strong principal who engenders trust and respect and who is impartial. That is a rare person under any circumstances, but would be so crucial to this process.

Yes. This. It’s exceedingly rare. How many of us have encounters which leave us thinking - for weeks - about what we should have said, but didn’t at the time?

This was a woman who said what had to be said - at the time - and often to very angry people. It’s really, in my opinion, a hard job. It’s not, at heart, about administration, although many people think of it that way.

Teachers did want to come to the school; they wanted to work with her. So, in that, there was some leeway in her choices. But - she had to be that person. I will be eternally grateful that my son’s school life coincided with her tenure at the school.

[mythusmage]

I recall a study somebody did in rhesus macaques and how individuals in a troop treated each other. Researchers noted that when one primate abused a lower ranking primate, the lower ranked animal would then go and abuse the one even lower in rank. The lowest ranking animal in the troop was almost always the most miserable fellow.

That is what your story reminded me of, what with human children basically following the behavior of another primate species.

[lily_bless_her]

'He considers it highly unlikely that any environment will exist in which people do not love - and hate - each other.'
Son and Heir No. 1 sees everything in black and white and I think this is very common in people with Aspbergers. There are no shades of grey. My son had problems with one particular boy - the boy found out that my son does not like having his head touched so went on to do it at every opportunity! After being in conversation with the headteacher and my sons specialist and recommending strategies to my son, I noticed that he had stopped talking about it. I finally asked had the strategies worked. To be told no, but his solution had. He broke the boy's nose. Blood everywhere I gather. I was horrified, but for my son it worked. In my sons mind this was the only way to deal with it. It certainly gave him some kudos amongst his peers. I just avoid the boys mother. The high school is very small and you do tend to know everyone!

[indigosoul63]

Sounds like an excellent school. I wish there was much less pigeon holing. No two students learn the same or react to discipline in the same way.

And by the way; Jane Fletcher? As in the author? Or is the name just a coincidence? :)