Advent of a second child in the ASD household

[msagara]

I have written a lot about my older son, and very little about my younger son. This is in part because I didn’t start writing these posts until the oldest was old enough to give me what I felt was informed consent

Comments

[comrade_cat]

Although I don't know your son and can't verify it, I really love how much you seem to understand your son(s). I wish my parents had this kind of understanding of me.

[msagara]

Although I don't know your son and can't verify it, I really love how much you seem to understand your son(s). I wish my parents had this kind of understanding of me.

I would say that I understood how to parent them, but that’s not quite the same thing, if that makes sense. There are things that my oldest son did not discuss with me, first because he didn’t understand the need for discussion, and then later, because he had some sense of which parts were private.

But he has that teenage-in-the-internet sense of privacy, which is much more fluid than the sense I grew up with.

[estara]

"I cannot emphasize this enough: Discussions that occur outside of the emotional bounds of an argument sink in in a way that they can’t when all emotions are engaged."

Bless you for realising that and for teaching it to your children. My parents never knew this, neither did I and the result in our interpersonal relationship is not pretty.

I can sometimes do it in work circumstances and that is still hard earned.

[mizkit]

You have no idea how many useful, thoughtful, insightful things I've taken away from all of these posts, but I'm tremendously grateful to you for them. <3

[book_wench]

"He can't talk yet?" -- lol. Reminds me of a friend who had a third child after two boys--she & her husband thought they had done an adequate job of preparing the older children for the fact that this baby might NOT be a girl (both boys wanted a sister). However, when the baby was indeed another boy, the younger child's first comment was, "But, mommy, I wanted a girl!"

[jennythe_reader]

Sounds a lot like what I did when brother number 3 was born.

I had been absolutely sure he was going to be a girl. After all, we already had 2 boys, what did we need with a third? I was so disappointed that I wouldn't have anything to do with him for weeks after he was born. I don't remember doing this, but Mom says I wouldn't hold him, wouldn't touch him, wouldn't even look at him.

[ruford42]

Wow...I don't envy the challenges you face, but this post makes me smile and wish we could find a similar peace with our boys, or at least a similar understanding and meltdown aversion.