Comments | mslilly: Started my period today

mslilly

Started my period today

Oct 13, 2008 12:43

Um, so things are not going well for me, which is weird because most of the point of this e-mail is that in the mundane world, things are going too well. I'm in a very weird and difficult headspace right now, some of it possibly brought on by reading The Mists of Avalon, but a lot of it is just related to me and who I am ( Read more... )

twinkle, navel gazing, family

Comments 20

aikoheiwa October 13 2008, 17:49:04 UTC

http://www.fertilityfriend.com

There's also a book called "Taking control of your fertility."

I don't know if they would help, but it might be worth a shot.

mslilly October 13 2008, 18:09:41 UTC

Thanks. I'm already on Fertility Friend, and I've been working through the NFP workbook as well.

It's less an issue of not-pregnant-again and more one of not-who-i-want-to-be.

tabbyfoo October 13 2008, 18:23:51 UTC

I think it would be helpful for you to see a therapist. Even though I stopped going to mine almost a year ago, the things she taught me are still helping me. Maybe you can go to therapy to help you find the way to make that shift. I would be happy to recommend mine, if you're interested.

mslilly October 13 2008, 18:43:40 UTC

Thanks, but no. After a cumulative dozen years of therapy, it's safe to say that talking about it won't work for me. i know it's very useful for a lot of people, but it actually makes things worse for me.

The only person who's ever given me useful feedback on something like this was don because he wasn't afraid to say whatever brutal thing I needed to hear. I'm waiting to hear what he has to say about it.

tabbyfoo October 13 2008, 19:39:21 UTC

That's the thing though... It wasn't the talking about it that helped me. It was the talking about it with someone who wasn't afraid to tell me that I was wrong. If she hurt my feelings, so fucking what, if it was something that would help me grow? God knows I talk about everything enough with anyone with ears. It was having someone who could be brutal that was necessary. And I wouldn't want anyone I was involved with personally to be that brutal, honestly, but you are not me. So I say, set up regular counseling sessions with Don, then. Talking about it might make it worse in the short term, but it should help whoever you choose to go to for help to find that catalyst for you.

mslilly October 13 2008, 19:48:24 UTC

Exactly. It's that brutality that I need, and I've never ever had a therapist with the balls to give it to me. And I can't abide the idea of giving someone $100+ dollars an hour to blow smoke up my rear.

For example, once when I was complaining about how lonely I was, Don told me something like, "You're a beautiful woman, but you choose to look like shit. This will attract a very strange or a very perceptive man . . . Of course I swear for effect and not accuracy." I had no choice, being me, but to laugh my ass off at this, because he was right. And you know what? Mark is both very strange and very perceptive. No therapist I've ever had has come close to pointing me as straight as Don has. And he's free.

Don's response to this, by the way, was to laugh at me and poke a little fun. He asked me to make my next windmill be to make Don filthy rich like bill gates. It was just right, though not complete. It will get figured out.

Thread 10

tialogic October 13 2008, 19:02:07 UTC

Let's play a game where you give me some control. I have none, and am flailing just as much as you, having too much. We should balance.

mslilly October 13 2008, 19:08:59 UTC

Hah! No, it's mine! If I give it to you, then you would have it!

I play a similar game with Mark, where I give him my body fat and he gives me his gorgeous curly hair, but he never wants to play along, much as he whines about being skinny.

lol.

rainy_kate October 14 2008, 13:27:46 UTC

You know, you're pretty impressive to me. And, there's a lot of great advice on this board, but let me ask you something: Are the things like a clean house and austerity, and discipline really things that you value, or are they things that you know you should value ( ... )

rainy_kate October 14 2008, 13:29:20 UTC

When I asked myself about Austerity, I realized that saving was important, and giving, less so that not living in luxury
I mean MORE so.

mslilly October 14 2008, 14:29:56 UTC

Hmm. You are right, these are important questions. Happily, I know that things like austerity, etc are truly things I value. I function better in those ways with a clearer appreciation of myself and the people I love ( ... )

tabbyfoo October 14 2008, 14:47:46 UTC

Wow. Because I have not lived your experiences, I would not have been able to put that context on it, but it makes sense. More than that, it puts a whole different perspective on Ryan's behavior for me. He experienced similar neglect, but without the siblings. So that shed some light for me, too.

I'm glad what I said helped.

Thread 6