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msparker

(Untitled)

Jul 22, 2005 00:45

What is it about this time of year? I wish I could explain how I feel like I'm being followed (figuratively of course) and it makes me sad. It makes me sad because I don't wanna have doubts about things. But my star, I do not doubt how it is that I feel...I know too well how I feel. I'm afraid I might be alone in that. It's paranoia. Maybe it ( Read more... )

Comments 7

orangeale July 22 2005, 15:39:02 UTC

funny i am looking through a photo album for something and right before i saw your journal entry i was examining a picture of you holding a balloon in a shiny silver dress at that gay ball at cwru we went to so so long ago with pepper and meenoo. youve got long white boots and are pretty foxy although you look a little sad or bored.

i pretty much feel the same way as your last paragraph(regarding myself of course) its probably hard to tell as my journal just seems to be a collection of pathetic whining and stories about people on the bus! but anyway, sometimes it feels good or right to just get things and feelings out of your head and then people all start to cyber *hugz* you and it starts feeling gross, like youre looking for some kind of approval when youre not. although now that i think of it, nobody very often cyber hugz me. WHY THE HELL NOT? MOTHER EFFERS.

**ps when i looked back over for spelling i saw that i originally had gall bay for gay ball and thought that was kind of too funny not to admit.

msparker July 26 2005, 02:41:19 UTC

gall bay! I love you Amy! I don't see you nearly enough. I remember that gay ball. Vividly. Ha! Apparently I always look a little sad or bored. I think it's just me looking socially awkward...cause I am sooo much social nerves. I make no sense. Bassackwards Leo. Ridiculous. I hope your life is happy. Tell Sue hello and I miss her. She is one of the only people I know who makes a person feel instantly at ease and well, happy. Must be wonderful to live with someone like that! Beee Wellll.

roses_rejoice July 23 2005, 14:00:45 UTC

And how I'm just a lonely person when there's no reason at all for me to feel lonely.

that's interesting, i just wrote this somewhere:
I've been alone in my insides so much, regardless of who's Around on the Outside, that it seems like my natural state of being, like the female hamster who fights if she has to share a cage.

So, yanno, maybe it's more universal than you/we think.

msparker July 26 2005, 02:46:17 UTC

I suppose it's twisted to say that this made me feel better? Ah well, I know you'll know what I mean. The thing I hate about dealing with the insides is that I forget how to talk to real people. I've never been good at that to begin with but now it's almost laughable the way I deal socially day to day. Age has made me shy.

roses_rejoice July 26 2005, 04:23:39 UTC

there are many nice things in life that are twisted, such as pretzels and double helixes.

lemondaisy July 26 2005, 03:25:42 UTC

I think many of us feel alone...it's just that some people aren't strong enough to admit it, or don't know it, or whatever ( ... )

msparker July 26 2005, 04:18:54 UTC

your words speak volumes. thank you.

This is horrible but I haven't seen pep in close to a year. I still feel connected but at this point I know nothing of her life. So much.

PLEASE send me a personal email at smparkerjr at yahoo. I wanna send you my number so you can call while you're in town. I'd love to see you.

I miss you a lot....I know I've said it before but I really wish I would have gotten to know you better while you were here. If you're ever on AIM look for me.... vincat01.

Love ya, Sali!!