It's always a great start to the day when your doctor calls to check you're alive before 9am...

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

I came home for the weekend. The drive here I kept having ideas about crashing my car. But there were other cars around and I will not endanger them as well as myself.

Coming here was supposed to relax me. But I feel as tense as I did Tuesday, and really don't know how to manage it.

I just want to go to bed and take my meds and sleep forever.

( Read more... )

I have started making plans. Vague plans, but still plans.

My morals say this is 100% wrong.

I just don't know how to get rid of these thoughts.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

It took me 3 hours to get out of bed this morning.

The CMHT think I show signs of bpd along with suffering from depression, anxiety and food related issues.

My uncle died Tuesday.

They don't want to operate on my knee

I nearly got made redundant.

Fml.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

I had my first assessment session with the CMHT today. The reception has safety glass on the hatch to talk through. The door had a security buzzer. I've never felt more crazy.

Luckily, the people I saw were pretty awesome. Really quite validating and actually listened.

I just dont know how I feel about it.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Sometimes, it feels like it would be a whole lot easier if i just didn't wake up in the morning.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

If, on Thursday, they tell me they cannot fix my knee, and I have to live with this indefinitely, I cannot be held responsible for my actions.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

So for the last week I've had a constant "brink of tears" feeling.

Doctors and counselling tomorrow.

My boy is ill and being treated by a doctor on the cancer ward.

Everyone seems to have people dying in their lives and I can't help but wish I could take all their pain away from them.

Dissertation due in Friday

That's my life.

Posted via LiveJournal ( Read more... )

I want to be able to cheer. I want to be able to train. I miss it so much I could cry. Coaching just isn't the same.

I want to be able to go to the gym. But I can't walk without pain.

I want this to stop.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

So I decided to just see the head of counselling for a while until Laura comes back. It'll be the first time I've had a male counsellor. But he did my assessment a few weeks ago do he knows a bit about me. First meeting is the 7th at 10am.

What have I got to lose?

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.