Screw it
Title: Screw it
Author: msunfinished
Word count: idek sorry
Prompt: Lost in Thoughts
Pairing: Sehun/Kai
Rating: PG
Author's Notes: For exoplosion 7# challenge. my first finished fanfic ever (first fanfics & alr joining challenge, how dare me orz) .
Vote vote vote !!!
I'm sorry for grammatical error and incoherency, english isn't my first language & I wrote this on my phone. I don't really know how to rate this. But Sekai is my ultimate OTP, so look at all the fuck I give (yeay). I just want to make Sekai a better Sekai with a little bit of Sekai. Even though, I feel this is crap, but I'm proud of myself since I finally finished a story!!!! This is not beta read ( ide yet understant what it is lol)
Please ship them lol, spazz about sekai in sekai tag in tumblr, please comment, please give me feedback, please recommend me good fanfics as references, please teach me how to write, please just tell me when I need to stop trying to write because i'm not good enough.
All the shippers, let's spazz together. Sorry . Thanks :*
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Screw it
Sound of cups and water flow. Smell of espresso and coldness of the night breeze. Yes, spring come late indeed, the boy sitting at the corner table smiled bitterly.
Weird . This tanned boy apparently was alone in a 24/7 cornered cafe near his - and his bandmates-humble abode, sipping a double shot of espresso, not because he like it, he just need to stay up and think. He's not a kind of guy who like to think, but this bundle of thoughts are just too much enigma for him to not think about it. So he asked for a few hours out from that crowded place to end up sitting in coffee shop well-known to only him and few of his best friends.
Ipad in his hands, sliding through some photos and pictures. Then look out far from big & foggy wide window. And think. Sometimes he sighs, sometimes he laughed, sometimes he just closed his eyes and try to forget everything.
It'll be awkward. The barista was busy preparing cup of cappuccino for tourist sitting on the other side of cafe, probably surfing the net like he do. Jazz, Blues, Indies, & Folks filled up the room, brought his mood up and down, mostly down, during his serious thoughts.
Do I love ...? No. He thinks he was carried away by the atmosphere, the sayings, the voices, the screams, the adrenalines, dopamine, all this confusions.
But she was ...and he was... and I . Sometimes he groans. Like this time, accompanied by a sigh and facepalm.
He hates thinking like this, but he actually doesn't have goal to achieve. What all this thinking for again? What's the purpose? To convince ? To make sure? To conclude ? To alter ? I'm not sure. Another sigh comes.
He had tried to open u*stuck app from his glorious ipad and nothing resolve. He navered, he googled, he asked dot com and still he's in a confusion.
The problem is culture maybe, or habitual, or idk, he doesn't know, or doesn't want to know.
Am I gay ? Straight forward to himself, while typed it to u*stuck.
Because ? The app asked.
This little dog . Not an appropriate korean to be used, but what the hell.
Because ? So annoying, too anoying to not answer it.
I'm afraid. (?)
He typed it long, I'm stuck cos, i think I like this motherfucker, but he's a guy, and He's not a manly man, so I may like him because he's feminine and beautiful and nice and funny, and cute and .... He deleted some part and type it again. Sometimes annoying, too childish, too lovely. He deleted the last two words.
I dated some girls, i like girls. They're gentle and not at the same time, ide understand. But he's a guy..
So am i gay ? Or I just like him? Or am I like this because I rarely interact with girls anymore? That must be it!
He does have beautiful facial feature, contour, milky white skin..... No !
Then he slides some girls pictures. If only this country would be that open.
He comes across his own pic with the guy he might like, and smile, softly. The comes across his pic with his recent ex, and bitterly smile at the fact that they have to separate and now he's like this.
I'm a queer by definition, a voice inside him said.
No, maybe I'm a bi. Yes, I am. Another voice said.
No! I'm straight I like girls certainly! Followed by a groan, making the tourist almost drop her cup.
Be open-minded Jongin! He somehow angry at himself to be this shallow and also to lived in a situation like this.
Two hours spent fast. He still doesn't have resolution and the effect of caffein start to wear off, beside he needs to go back to dorm, since 7 missed call from the mighty manager and a message from the love one, joking about their friends acting weird, ah isn't this guy lovely? no I only like him as best friends!
So he pack his things and headed home not bother to finish his overly bitter coffee, his love one hate, so he despise it too, unconsciously, maybe.
The tourist, while skype-ing with her family, smiled at him and continued her conversation. Then he walked home with full hoodie on.
Beep, the sound of the front door. The dorm is messy as usual and smelled like testosterone, not that he knows. It very quiet, since everyone were tired, from practice yesterday -- apparently it's 2.56 am and they have to wake up at 4 . Even their manager already asleep in his room.
Jongin, of all people right now, ofc, expected to see his love one, not really ! sleeping beautifully on the couch outside, waiting for him. But no, the boy already peacefully asleep in his shared bunk bed and that ached Jongin's chest a bit. It's 4 of us now, feeling little grateful to be in the same room as the little brat at the same time cursing at his happy-to-be-with-him side of personality.
We're best friend. He puts his belongings, prepare to bed and climb the bunk bed carefully. He stops as he watch the brat sleeps like a scumbag he always have and enjoy -while cursing at himself-at the sight of beauty that will sleep beside him for hopefully forever. Then he lurks at old baby in beneath him. Little jealousy, little love, and little 'I wanna be you' feeling. But only a little, because Jongin is shy yet confidence, he does have big ego.
Yah, he groans, he curses him, curses Luhan, below and curses himself again. Then crawling beside little beautiful, feminine, brat, Oh.... Sehun. Little kiddo *sigh*
His chest palpitate a lot it almost hurts, but he has adapted to it. So he just sleep like a pig he is while facing the open-mouthed and drooling yet still cute Sehun, with his shirt little bit lifted, showing the white http://msunfinished.livejournal.com/1974.html#cutid1 like always, Jongin would see himself and cursing himself for having many thoughts; of him, of sehun, of both of them -sometimes involve bathroom and other places, he did read some story of himself- and sigh and let out little giggles at how pathetic he is.
And like everyday before he fall asleep,
Screw it, screw everything, I love him.
And the day start all over again.
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