Yeah, I'm at it again.
Ahh… welcome back football season. How I have missed you!
This first installment of the Crappy Game Day Report is extra special and loaded with more crap than ever before. Why? Well, mostly because I had to work and missed the entire game, but judging by the score updates I received throughout the evening, things obviously went extremely well for the Gators.
Update 1: 21-0 Florida
Update 2: 42-3 Still Florida
Update 3 (and Final score): 62-3 Yes, you guessed it… Florida!
Conversely, life sucked for Southern Charleston, but it wasn’t like they didn’t see it coming in the first place.
Rule of Football Number 1:
If you are a school with an unranked team and you find yourself playing your opening game against a ranked team (not to mention the No. 1 team in the nation), you should just bend over and take it like a good boy because that is the only reason you are there---fan service for the other team.
Since I didn’t actually see the game, am too tired to search for a recap right now, and probably won’t be up in time to watch Breakfast with the Gators tomorrow, I’m going to presume the following awesome things happened:
1) Tim Tebow threw several awesome-looking touchdown passes, including one sweet Hail Mary in the end of the fourth quarter, even though it was totally unnecessary by that point, ending with a total of 750 yards passing. He also probably rushed for some TDs too. Let’s say he ended with 300 yards rushing. This sounds nice.
ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME, HEISMAN COMMITTEE PEOPLE???
2) Percy Harvin changed his mind about leaving school early to play in the NFL, came back and scored three TDs, earning 400 yards rushing and setting a World Record.
3) Brandon James (personally, my favorite player) returned three 99-yard punts for TDs.
4) Brandon Spikes did not get pissy and cause the Gators to lose yardage due to unsportsmanlike conduct penalties.
5) Jeffrey Demps and Chris Rainey each got TDs.
6) Major Wright intercepted a pass at the Southern Charleston 1-yd line, then ran for a 99-yd. TD.
*NOTE: Reliable sources who watched the game tell me that this one is surprisingly accurate for being fictional.
7) Janoris Jenkins came back and bought the shirt, tie and slacks he was looking at yesterday, but for some reason didn’t buy then.
8) The two back-up quarterbacks got to play and each threw awesome-looking TD passes.
In other parts of the world:
Oklahoma’s QB broke a nail and is both out for the season and the running for the Heisman. OK (no pun intended), he is more gravely injured than that. We wish him all the best.
Ohio State alllllllmost lost to Navy. This is funny for many reasons, mostly because THEY ALMOST LOST TO NAVY.
Georgia lost to whomever they were playing. So sad for them.
Hawaii won their game. So did Texas. Yay!
Surprisingly enough, Tennessee won today. It must have been an away game.
Well, that’s enough for this week. Bleach is on and I must go watch it. TTFN…