justprompts: Door ajar picture
These days, he managed to almost forget about the nightmares, with how they did come less often - Chase had been right about that - and how his days were so very full of everything good to let him not think about them.
There was work, and second season proved to be the same and different from first. Mason was even more unbearable, but he'd gotten enough of a habit of getting into character to be possible to work with him... most of the time. There were the familiar faces, and a few new ones.
There were the people who knew, and - even Mason included - they acted differently around each other. It wasn't something Lee had expected or experienced in his past, ever. But then again, he rather thought what they had done, once and then again, surviving against what wasn't supposed to exist in the first place, wasn't a commonly shared experience. And... he didn't mind, really. It was a little comforting, to have people who knew him underneath the pretenses, a little. Who knew what it was like when his mettle was tested, without acting or pretty words or charming anybody - and they still trusted him and stuck around. And he knew them and could trust them, too. That was also new.
And then there was Tony.
For all that the weird experiences were exclusively connected to him, just the thought of the man made Lee smile. His presence was enough to chase away all thoughts of bad things.
Well, depending on the definition of bad. They both liked some of the bad that they were up to together.
Tony Foster, the TAD. Tony Foster, the aspiring film-maker who knew way more than most guys his age did. About movies, that was. Well, and about other things. Tony Foster, the wizard.
Tony Foster, his boyfriend.
One magazine had commented that it was probably the awareness of the unexpected success of their show and subsequent DVD, but, impossible as it had seemed, Lee Nicholas's bright smiles had gone even brighter, recently. Whatever the reason, nobody was complaining.
So, no, he more or less managed to sweep the thought away from his mind. About nightmares, bad things happening to him, all of that.
Until it was the dead of night, an endless, stifling summer night, and he was pushing the door of the basement, chill under his fingers, and descending into the wet darkness again.
Until his body was no longer his own, again, and he cried out voiceless with pain that he didn't understand the possibility of, and writhed with pleasure that wasn't his own, mind locked inside a prison and trying, uselessly, to lock away the horrors that brought the pleasure on.
Until he woke up, his body pressed against Tony's almost the way it had been when the younger man had released him, drenched in sweat almost as bad as the flooded basement had gotten him dunked, and with his briefs as stained, curse his body's memory.
Lee stifled a sound, half a sob of helplessness and half a growl of fury. Tried to get his breathing at least a little out of control, enough to not flinch away from his lover which would be a crappy way for him to wake up - and he was pretty sure Tony would, if he did it - using the old and familiar exercises.
They helped a tiny little bit.
Not much.
When he thought he had enough control not to jerk his boyfriend awake, he carefully slipped out of bed and into the bathroom, biting his fist as he leaned his head against the cool tiles behind the door. Calm down. It's not real now. Get a grip. Clean yourself up and relax. Relax.
Slowly, ever so slowly, that happened.
The light helped. The cool water against his skin helped.
Tony's voice drifted, heavy with sleep, from the bed. "Lee?"
"I'm all right, be right there." It took... still, every ounce of acting he could round up to make his voice sound calm, normal; it sounded fucking hollow from in here, but he hoped it should be enough. "Go back to sleep, I'll come back."
"You sure?"
Maybe he'd said too much? "I'm sure."
"What's wrong?"
Lee opened the door and leaned the side of his head against the edge of it. He was... pretty certain that when Tony's voice sounded like that, he wouldn't ease off until he'd seen him, so he took the chance. "Just nightmares."
"Oh." Brief flicker of a few expressions, and yes, he was always so easy to read. "Want to talk about it?"
"Maybe in the morning."
"Lee..."
"Just a moment." He finished cleaning up; he had to. Especially since he hadn't been back to thinking enough to pick a clean pair of briefs on his stumble this way. Oh well, it'd have to do.
Getting his shivers back under control.
He thought it was dark enough so that Tony wouldn't see the wild look around his eyes that he could spot, despite his best tries to make it go away, in the brilliantly lit mirror.
It'd have to do. He drank a few more gulps of water, from the tap, then shuffled back to bed, attempting somewhat for... um. a sleepy variation of his usual graceful walk.
It wasn't exactly lying to Tony. Just not making him freak out, okay?
"It's okay. They happen now and again, you know?"
And his eyes were focused enough, even in the darkened room, to make the younger man nod. "Yeah, I know. But..."
"I'll tell you... I will tell you in the morning." Rising up on the pillows to kiss him. Lightly. "Okay?"
"I guess..."
There was work, and second season proved to be the same and different from first. Mason was even more unbearable, but he'd gotten enough of a habit of getting into character to be possible to work with him... most of the time. There were the familiar faces, and a few new ones.
There were the people who knew, and - even Mason included - they acted differently around each other. It wasn't something Lee had expected or experienced in his past, ever. But then again, he rather thought what they had done, once and then again, surviving against what wasn't supposed to exist in the first place, wasn't a commonly shared experience. And... he didn't mind, really. It was a little comforting, to have people who knew him underneath the pretenses, a little. Who knew what it was like when his mettle was tested, without acting or pretty words or charming anybody - and they still trusted him and stuck around. And he knew them and could trust them, too. That was also new.
And then there was Tony.
For all that the weird experiences were exclusively connected to him, just the thought of the man made Lee smile. His presence was enough to chase away all thoughts of bad things.
Well, depending on the definition of bad. They both liked some of the bad that they were up to together.
Tony Foster, the TAD. Tony Foster, the aspiring film-maker who knew way more than most guys his age did. About movies, that was. Well, and about other things. Tony Foster, the wizard.
Tony Foster, his boyfriend.
One magazine had commented that it was probably the awareness of the unexpected success of their show and subsequent DVD, but, impossible as it had seemed, Lee Nicholas's bright smiles had gone even brighter, recently. Whatever the reason, nobody was complaining.
So, no, he more or less managed to sweep the thought away from his mind. About nightmares, bad things happening to him, all of that.
Until it was the dead of night, an endless, stifling summer night, and he was pushing the door of the basement, chill under his fingers, and descending into the wet darkness again.
Until his body was no longer his own, again, and he cried out voiceless with pain that he didn't understand the possibility of, and writhed with pleasure that wasn't his own, mind locked inside a prison and trying, uselessly, to lock away the horrors that brought the pleasure on.
Until he woke up, his body pressed against Tony's almost the way it had been when the younger man had released him, drenched in sweat almost as bad as the flooded basement had gotten him dunked, and with his briefs as stained, curse his body's memory.
Lee stifled a sound, half a sob of helplessness and half a growl of fury. Tried to get his breathing at least a little out of control, enough to not flinch away from his lover which would be a crappy way for him to wake up - and he was pretty sure Tony would, if he did it - using the old and familiar exercises.
They helped a tiny little bit.
Not much.
When he thought he had enough control not to jerk his boyfriend awake, he carefully slipped out of bed and into the bathroom, biting his fist as he leaned his head against the cool tiles behind the door. Calm down. It's not real now. Get a grip. Clean yourself up and relax. Relax.
Slowly, ever so slowly, that happened.
The light helped. The cool water against his skin helped.
Tony's voice drifted, heavy with sleep, from the bed. "Lee?"
"I'm all right, be right there." It took... still, every ounce of acting he could round up to make his voice sound calm, normal; it sounded fucking hollow from in here, but he hoped it should be enough. "Go back to sleep, I'll come back."
"You sure?"
Maybe he'd said too much? "I'm sure."
"What's wrong?"
Lee opened the door and leaned the side of his head against the edge of it. He was... pretty certain that when Tony's voice sounded like that, he wouldn't ease off until he'd seen him, so he took the chance. "Just nightmares."
"Oh." Brief flicker of a few expressions, and yes, he was always so easy to read. "Want to talk about it?"
"Maybe in the morning."
"Lee..."
"Just a moment." He finished cleaning up; he had to. Especially since he hadn't been back to thinking enough to pick a clean pair of briefs on his stumble this way. Oh well, it'd have to do.
Getting his shivers back under control.
He thought it was dark enough so that Tony wouldn't see the wild look around his eyes that he could spot, despite his best tries to make it go away, in the brilliantly lit mirror.
It'd have to do. He drank a few more gulps of water, from the tap, then shuffled back to bed, attempting somewhat for... um. a sleepy variation of his usual graceful walk.
It wasn't exactly lying to Tony. Just not making him freak out, okay?
"It's okay. They happen now and again, you know?"
And his eyes were focused enough, even in the darkened room, to make the younger man nod. "Yeah, I know. But..."
"I'll tell you... I will tell you in the morning." Rising up on the pillows to kiss him. Lightly. "Okay?"
"I guess..."