(no subject)
somtimes i feel as if i KNOW how life should be for me, but i'm about three feet away from it and there is nothing i can do to bridge that three feet. I don't know if that feelings comes with being a girl or with being human or if it is completely abnormal.
Christmas changes every year for me. We used to have set things to do on Christmas Eve and on Christmas Day, but ever since Granny died we can't seem to keep it together. That frustrates me. I feel like we're letting go of what we have; like we don't care as much any more because no one makes a fuss over it. Tomorrow poses a problem because we usually have Christmas breakfast at Momo's...but there is church tomorrow. I probably won't go. Christmas breakfast is a little too much for me to not have this year.
I hope we still get together when i have a family. Kyle, Tristan, and I are the only three who have made it this far in life without a child. Everyone else in the room today had kids. not just a child, but children. I can't imagine what i'd be right now if i had another life to be responsible for.
And then on the opposite side of that thought...sometimes I wonder if I wasn't raised to have TOO good of a head on my shoulders. If thinking through things so much won't interfere with me finding someone and raising a family. I used to think that i wanted to be completely financially stable before i got married; now I understand that that's never going to happen. I'll never be and i'll never meet someone who is financially stable. My parents weren't, my grandparents certainilty weren't. So there goes another thing i used to think i knew. I also used to think i wanted other things in whomever I marry, and to be honest, alot of those things have changed. I do know i want kids. a whole bunch of them. at least 3 or 4. ahh, i hope all that happens relavtively soon. otherwise i might not have time to have a whole bunch of kids. I'd like to finish school before i'm married, but i'd also like to have someone in mind before i finish school.
oh lord, this time of year messes with my mind.
my family is huge. there were at least 10 young children running around today. and they were precious. Kaylee is probably my favorite. she's so adorable.
mom was sick today so she couldn't go with us. Dad stayed at home with her, so it was me and britt on our own.
oh well.
have a merry christmas. and in the words of clay aiken, "don't get so busy that you miss giving just a little kiss to the ones you love. don't even wait a little while to give them just a little smile, a little is enough...don't save it all for christmas day. find a way to give a little love everyday."
good night.