Choices

[muchtooarrogant]

LJI FAR 3: Ferhoodle

Comments

[halfshellvenus]

I wasn't expecting the deeper turn to this story, but it evolved organically out of the beginning. So many feelings here, primarily ache at the end for Clare and poor Maria. I liked the cousin a lot, and the line that you were thinking about trimming,

Grandma’s orderly house stealthily creeping atticward under its own volition.

was my favorite, too. Not just because I loved the wording, but because it told me something about Grandma as much as it did about Clare. :)

f

[muchtooarrogant]

"but it evolved organically out of the beginning."

Thank you, I'm glad to hear that. It's often difficult to pack a lot into such a short written space without either exhausting the reader or making the whole scene feel unnatural, but here, I thought the additional length helped flesh the characters out.

Yup, I knew I'd regret it if that line got taken out, even if the rest of the piece was ick. *grin*

Thanks again!

Dan

[eternal_ot]

Aww...my heart went out for Clare..loved the last line..coz that's so true.."we have no choice"..beautifully captured the emotion and the ambience as well as the relationship the cousins share.:) Good work!

[rayaso]

I wasn't expecting the deeper turn either -- very well done. I also agree with "cheerful, schmeerful." Dark can be good. Keep it up!

[muchtooarrogant]

As a reader, I like those scenes that pull you in and then take you somewhere completely unexpected, so I imagine that was what I was shooting for here, once I had a handle on everything that needed to happen. Very glad you enjoyed the story!

Dan

[muchtooarrogant]

Thank you! Very glad you enjoyed it.

Dan

[alycewilson]

Heartbreaking. You capture well the ambiguity of such moments, and the guilt.

[muchtooarrogant]

Thank you! Yes, Clare's definitely struggling with a lot of guilt, common enough whenever anyone who's close to us takes their own life, but especially so given their fraught emotions before hand. I sort've picture her playing with the idea of Uncle Doug's journal, returning to read it, toying with the idea of trying to go back, and eventually ... Well, maybe there'll be room there for another story some day.

Dan

[alycewilson]

That would be fascinating.

[whipchick]

This was so sweet and savage - I love how with the structure of the story, we had to wade through Clare's mental attic to get the bits of the story and put them together. So well done.

[muchtooarrogant]

Thank you! Yes, I know it was a bit of a journey to get from point A to the end, but if you like attics, both physical and mental, I figured it would be an interesting, if emotional, trip.

Your word "savage" made me smile. The latest fad from my teenage daughters is apparently to use that word to describe extreme behavior. "Dad, that was savage." LOL

Thanks for reading and commenting.

Dan

[dmousey]

Oh, how sad. Kept me reading and interested for the whole!

Peace~~~D

[muchtooarrogant]

Thank you! This piece was a bit longer than my usual posts for LJI, and to be honest, I was a bit concerned about it keeping the reader engaged until the end. Glad you didn't have that problem, and as always, thanks for reading and commenting.

Dan