(no subject)
Title: The Amsterdam Experience
Authors: timeboundpythia (Angel Leviathan) & muldy (Angel of Fire SG1)
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: Atlantis characters aren't ours.
Notes: Yeah, erm, okay, this is the really random Amsterdam Atlantis AU. You can take it seriously or take it as a joke, 'cause we sure dont know which one we're writing it as! The Amsterdam sexmuseum does actually exist...
The Amsterdam Experience
“No, no! Over there!” a female voice echoed across the near empty reception area of the Atlantis Sexmuseum of Amsterdam, “Nein! Non! Nee!” Elizabeth Weir called, jumping up from her seat behind the main desk and running across the room. She frowned and ducked under the statue being hauled in by two deliverymen, “No!” she repeated, “Over there,” she pointed to the double doors leading through to the rest of the museum, “In there,” she nodded. Elizabeth sighed and shook her head as her hands fell to rest on her hips. She frowned as she followed the statue’s progress.
“Can’t take orders?” Ronon Dex questioned, casually observing the scene, propped up against the wall behind her.
“No…” she narrowed her eyes and winced as they nearly dropped the statue.
“I could go scare the hell outta them…”
Elizabeth smiled slightly, “That’s why we agreed you don’t work in reception. Scaring customers away and all,” her smile broadened, “And I think they’d drop our very expensive statue if you decided to stalk them.”
He inclined his head and leant back against the wall, “Hear we’ve got that new boy coming along today.”
“The one who speaks no Dutch and no foreign languages?” she didn’t sound impressed, “Yes. He’s technically going to have the same level of authority as us, so we should be careful where we tread.”
“We training him up or something?” Ronon asked.
“Technically. I think they want to open a chain across Europe. I hear he has the training but not the experience,” she replied.
He frowned, “And working in a place like this? Experience is all you have,” Ronon pushed off from the wall and headed after the statue anyway.
“Yes,” Elizabeth agreed, “Experience is all you have.” She paused before she heard the ring of a nearby phone and rushed to answer it.
~*~
John Sheppard stood at the end of an old street with a canal running through the centre staring at the small piece of paper held in his hand. He’d decided a good ten minutes ago that the thing was utterly and completely useless, and the map he had stuffed in his jacket pocket was even more useless.
An old woman stopped and smiled at him before rambling something off that for all he knew could’ve been a language from Mars. He stared at her blankly.
“Sorry I don’t speak…”
“Are you lost?” she asked in perfect English.
“No I…yes…” he held the piece of paper out to her and she took it.
“End of this street and then turn left,” she said smiling slightly.
“Left…got it…”
As he took the paper back from her she continued smiling. “Is that the sex museum?”
“Possibly,” John smiled at the old lady as she shook her head. “Hey, no matter what it is, it’s a job right?”
“Of course,” she replied. “Good luck with that.”
Then John found himself alone again, wandering the streets of the Amsterdam red light district with no idea where he was going. It wasn’t till a few minutes later that he was drawn out of his confused daze by shouting in English across the street.
“You got the wrong sort, again!” a man was shouting.
“Last time I looked I was in charge and you worked under me, anyway who cares? People buy stuff from the gift shop no matter what brand we get,” the woman replied calmly.
“But look at the quality…” the man picked up something that looked suspiciously like plastic breasts and snapped them in half. “That is not worth three Euros…”
“Well it’s not now, and Rodney really, I’d appreciate it if you quit breaking the merchandise before the tourists even get near it,” the woman grabbed the rest of the box and walked back inside the building.
John glanced at the name above the doorway and wondered how he’d even missed it before. The words ‘Atlantis Sexmuseum Amsterdam’ were written clearly in neon letters above the door.
He wandered slowly towards it, half afraid to enter. He had no idea what he was getting himself into, and suddenly he wished he’d paid attention to the company rules before breaking them and being sent on this unwanted assignment.
He took in a deep breath and walked towards the building.
This was going to be interesting…
~*~
Elizabeth had found herself becoming increasingly exasperated by the individual on the end of the line before she hung up on them. Something about their new employee and he should have been there by now and why wasn’t he? Well, she didn’t know, did she? She briefly considered slamming her head against the desk, before she shook her head and strode back across the reception area. She smiled as she saw Ronon through the glass double doors, still lurking beside the hapless deliverymen, tracking their every movement. She was waiting for the moment when he would suddenly savage one or both of them, when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Elizabeth whirled round, not a fan of impromptu physical contact, just about ready to snap at whoever she found standing behind her.
“Hey.”
On not recognising the face, she tilted her head, “Good afternoon. Are you here to see the museum?” she tried her usual greeting.
“I’m here to work in the museum…” the stranger frowned, “Apparently.”
Realisation dawned, “Oh, you’re John-“
“Sheppard, yeah,” he nodded.
Elizabeth held out her hand, “Elizabeth Weir, I manage the museum.”
He frowned briefly as he shook her hand, “I wasn’t expecting a woman to be running this kinda place to be honest…”
She smiled slightly, “Well, I don’t run it alone. There are the museum staff and my co-manager, Ronon Dex.”
“Sounds like I’ll be a bit of a third wheel around here,” John commented, trying a smile.
Anything just to get out of the job. Though he had to admit the woman before him was attractive. Might be worth staying just to get to know her a little better. But what kind of people ran this kind of place?
“Maybe you will be,” a deep voice echoed across the reception area.
“Talk of the devil,” Elizabeth stepped back, trying not to let her amusement show, “John Sheppard, meet Ronon Dex.”
John held out a hand, “Pleased to meet you.”
Ronon didn’t offer his hand in return, “Why’d the company send you to us? We seem to be doing well enough.”
He paused, a little stunned, “…Guess I just obey orders. Got to get experience somewhere and from what I’ve seen of this area so far, I guess they like to throw people in the deep end.”
Elizabeth was about to reply, when she heard a crash and a loud curse. Her eyes fell shut and she ran a hand through her hair, “There goes the statue…”
“I told you I should have watched them…” Ronon mumbled, heading off into the museum. He shot John a look that wasn’t quite a glare as he left. An almost possessive look.
She tried a wearily smile as he left, “Not the best time for you to have arrived.”
“I guess not…” John replied.
“Anyway, John Sheppard. Welcome to the Atlantis Sexmuseum of Amsterdam.”
Authors: timeboundpythia (Angel Leviathan) & muldy (Angel of Fire SG1)
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: Atlantis characters aren't ours.
Notes: Yeah, erm, okay, this is the really random Amsterdam Atlantis AU. You can take it seriously or take it as a joke, 'cause we sure dont know which one we're writing it as! The Amsterdam sexmuseum does actually exist...
The Amsterdam Experience
“No, no! Over there!” a female voice echoed across the near empty reception area of the Atlantis Sexmuseum of Amsterdam, “Nein! Non! Nee!” Elizabeth Weir called, jumping up from her seat behind the main desk and running across the room. She frowned and ducked under the statue being hauled in by two deliverymen, “No!” she repeated, “Over there,” she pointed to the double doors leading through to the rest of the museum, “In there,” she nodded. Elizabeth sighed and shook her head as her hands fell to rest on her hips. She frowned as she followed the statue’s progress.
“Can’t take orders?” Ronon Dex questioned, casually observing the scene, propped up against the wall behind her.
“No…” she narrowed her eyes and winced as they nearly dropped the statue.
“I could go scare the hell outta them…”
Elizabeth smiled slightly, “That’s why we agreed you don’t work in reception. Scaring customers away and all,” her smile broadened, “And I think they’d drop our very expensive statue if you decided to stalk them.”
He inclined his head and leant back against the wall, “Hear we’ve got that new boy coming along today.”
“The one who speaks no Dutch and no foreign languages?” she didn’t sound impressed, “Yes. He’s technically going to have the same level of authority as us, so we should be careful where we tread.”
“We training him up or something?” Ronon asked.
“Technically. I think they want to open a chain across Europe. I hear he has the training but not the experience,” she replied.
He frowned, “And working in a place like this? Experience is all you have,” Ronon pushed off from the wall and headed after the statue anyway.
“Yes,” Elizabeth agreed, “Experience is all you have.” She paused before she heard the ring of a nearby phone and rushed to answer it.
~*~
John Sheppard stood at the end of an old street with a canal running through the centre staring at the small piece of paper held in his hand. He’d decided a good ten minutes ago that the thing was utterly and completely useless, and the map he had stuffed in his jacket pocket was even more useless.
An old woman stopped and smiled at him before rambling something off that for all he knew could’ve been a language from Mars. He stared at her blankly.
“Sorry I don’t speak…”
“Are you lost?” she asked in perfect English.
“No I…yes…” he held the piece of paper out to her and she took it.
“End of this street and then turn left,” she said smiling slightly.
“Left…got it…”
As he took the paper back from her she continued smiling. “Is that the sex museum?”
“Possibly,” John smiled at the old lady as she shook her head. “Hey, no matter what it is, it’s a job right?”
“Of course,” she replied. “Good luck with that.”
Then John found himself alone again, wandering the streets of the Amsterdam red light district with no idea where he was going. It wasn’t till a few minutes later that he was drawn out of his confused daze by shouting in English across the street.
“You got the wrong sort, again!” a man was shouting.
“Last time I looked I was in charge and you worked under me, anyway who cares? People buy stuff from the gift shop no matter what brand we get,” the woman replied calmly.
“But look at the quality…” the man picked up something that looked suspiciously like plastic breasts and snapped them in half. “That is not worth three Euros…”
“Well it’s not now, and Rodney really, I’d appreciate it if you quit breaking the merchandise before the tourists even get near it,” the woman grabbed the rest of the box and walked back inside the building.
John glanced at the name above the doorway and wondered how he’d even missed it before. The words ‘Atlantis Sexmuseum Amsterdam’ were written clearly in neon letters above the door.
He wandered slowly towards it, half afraid to enter. He had no idea what he was getting himself into, and suddenly he wished he’d paid attention to the company rules before breaking them and being sent on this unwanted assignment.
He took in a deep breath and walked towards the building.
This was going to be interesting…
~*~
Elizabeth had found herself becoming increasingly exasperated by the individual on the end of the line before she hung up on them. Something about their new employee and he should have been there by now and why wasn’t he? Well, she didn’t know, did she? She briefly considered slamming her head against the desk, before she shook her head and strode back across the reception area. She smiled as she saw Ronon through the glass double doors, still lurking beside the hapless deliverymen, tracking their every movement. She was waiting for the moment when he would suddenly savage one or both of them, when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Elizabeth whirled round, not a fan of impromptu physical contact, just about ready to snap at whoever she found standing behind her.
“Hey.”
On not recognising the face, she tilted her head, “Good afternoon. Are you here to see the museum?” she tried her usual greeting.
“I’m here to work in the museum…” the stranger frowned, “Apparently.”
Realisation dawned, “Oh, you’re John-“
“Sheppard, yeah,” he nodded.
Elizabeth held out her hand, “Elizabeth Weir, I manage the museum.”
He frowned briefly as he shook her hand, “I wasn’t expecting a woman to be running this kinda place to be honest…”
She smiled slightly, “Well, I don’t run it alone. There are the museum staff and my co-manager, Ronon Dex.”
“Sounds like I’ll be a bit of a third wheel around here,” John commented, trying a smile.
Anything just to get out of the job. Though he had to admit the woman before him was attractive. Might be worth staying just to get to know her a little better. But what kind of people ran this kind of place?
“Maybe you will be,” a deep voice echoed across the reception area.
“Talk of the devil,” Elizabeth stepped back, trying not to let her amusement show, “John Sheppard, meet Ronon Dex.”
John held out a hand, “Pleased to meet you.”
Ronon didn’t offer his hand in return, “Why’d the company send you to us? We seem to be doing well enough.”
He paused, a little stunned, “…Guess I just obey orders. Got to get experience somewhere and from what I’ve seen of this area so far, I guess they like to throw people in the deep end.”
Elizabeth was about to reply, when she heard a crash and a loud curse. Her eyes fell shut and she ran a hand through her hair, “There goes the statue…”
“I told you I should have watched them…” Ronon mumbled, heading off into the museum. He shot John a look that wasn’t quite a glare as he left. An almost possessive look.
She tried a wearily smile as he left, “Not the best time for you to have arrived.”
“I guess not…” John replied.
“Anyway, John Sheppard. Welcome to the Atlantis Sexmuseum of Amsterdam.”