'With all I am, I stand alone.'
Title: Everything’s Broken
Author: muldy
Pairing: Michael/Sara
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Set in season 3 so there are vague season 3 spoilers, nothing major but there are spoilers.
Summary: "There was nothing else he could say, nothing she could say, they were broken people and there was nothing either could do to help the other anymore. They were at the end of their ropes and they had run out of material to weave more rope with."
A/N: Written for the foxriver_fic September Challenge: A Stolen Moment.
There were rules about being in prison, things he had learnt in Fox River but never really understood the need for until he had ended up in Sona. But staring at the woman in front of him he was aware he had forgotten every single one of those rules. He had forgotten not to owe a favour to anyone, forgotten to stay aware of everything around him. In that moment he cared little about the unwritten rules of a prison yard, and even less about Lechero’s own rules.
“Sara…” he whispered.
The door slammed shut behind Lechero as he left the room and Michael felt his feet ungluing themselves from their spot on the floor. As though they had turned to lead he stepped forward slowly, almost afraid that if he walked too quickly she would disappear into a misty haze, fading like his dream of ever seeing her again seemed to more with each day.
“What…” he couldn’t find the words to finish his sentence but she seemed to understand, stepping forwards and placing a hand on his shoulder.
He lost all control he had over his own body and his arms were around her in an instant, his mind straying back to the last time he had hugged her like that. Relief swept over him to feel that she was real, it was her.
“Michael, I…I had to see you,” she whispered in his ear. “I had to say sorry.”
“Don’t.”
As he pulled back he was aware that there were tears in his eyes, yet he didn’t care. She had seen him at his weakest before, but she had no idea what he had been through since he had last seen her. But he was doing this for her, saving her from the hell he was enduring.
“You shouldn’t be here,” her eyes were no less filled with tears than his own.
“Neither should you,” he responded. “Especially not dressed as a nun pretending to be a prostitute.”
She smiled slightly and wiped at her eyes. “There’s no other way in here, Michael, they don’t have a prison doctor. I tried that one.”
He wanted to smile but he couldn’t. A part of him never wanted to let her go, his hands still tightly gripping her shoulders, yet the rest of him shouted at himself to get her out of there - to protect her from seeing this all.
“Did they hurt you?” he asked.
She shook her head. “Not really.”
He glanced at the bruise clearly present on her cheek, at her unwashed, bedraggled hair and he knew she was lying but he didn’t press the issue further.
“Linc’s waiting outside,” she informed him. “I’m supposed to tell you…that everything will be fine you just have to last a few more days.”
“He’s been saying that since the day I got in here,” Michael replied, pulling her into him and hugging her again. “I’m just glad you’re OK.”
“Are you OK?” she asked, weaving her arms around his neck and looking up at him.
“No,” he replied truthfully. “But I will be. If I can survive this, I will be.”
The second part was a lie. He knew every day in the prison killed him a bit more, both physically and emotionally, but knowing that when he got out that she would be there, waiting for him, safe and sound gave him something to live for. And maybe that was all he needed.
He hoped that was all he needed.
“I love you,” she said quietly, touching his face softly.
He felt the tears break free from their barrier, unable to hold them back anymore and he turned away from her.
“You should go, Sara,” he whispered.
“Michael…”
“It’s not safe here, you should go.”
She fell silent and he knew she was waiting for a response, and he wondered if maybe Mahone was right. Maybe he should push her away before he hurt her more. Because there was every much a chance of him dying inside the prison as there was him getting out of it.
He pulled away from her and turned around, walking away from her.
“You honestly want me to leave? Right now? After everything I’ve done to get in here to see you?”
“After everything I’ve done to protect you from this place…” he turned to look at her. “To protect you from me. I ruined your life, Sara.”
“Is that what you believe?” she almost spat it at him. “That you ruined my life? Jesus Christ, Michael. What life? I have nothing to go back to.”
“And that’s my fault,” he felt his breath catching in his throat and he was suddenly unable to talk properly, the pain in his chest too much.
He had done this all to her. If it weren’t for him she wouldn’t even be near a Panamanian prison.
“I had nothing to go back to before I met you, I was trying to build a life out of the scraps I had left when you walked into my infirmary and gave me something to live for,” she was almost shouting as she moved towards him. “You taught me that life is worth living, whether you realise that or not. Everything bad that has happened to me since I met you has only served to teach me how meaningless my life was before.”
He ran a hand over his short hair and let it come to rest on the back of his neck. “All I’ve ever tried to do is protect you…”
He realised he wasn’t speaking to her anymore as he slowly crouched until he slid onto his knees, falling the last few inches to the ground. He had been so alone the entire time he had been in Sona and now she was there trying to convince him that he wasn’t alone and all he could do was push her away.
“Michael…” she was by his side, her hand on his back, trying to fix him like the doctor she was. “Look at me.”
“I can’t, you deserve better than me,” he whispered. “You should never have come here.”
“I love you, Michael, and as long as you’re in here I’m not leaving this country,” her voice sounded strangled and he became aware she hurt too. “You’re all I have.”
He felt her burst into tears next to him as she collapsed with her arms crossed on his shoulder, her head against his.
There was nothing else he could say, nothing she could say, they were broken people and there was nothing either could do to help the other anymore. They were at the end of their ropes and they had run out of material to weave more rope with. He reached out with one hand and took hers in his.
“I love you too, Sara,” he barely spoke, but he knew she heard him because her shaking lessened. “Never forget that.”
Slowly he moved away from their position, turning to face her, kneeling on the concrete of the floor.
“Never forget,” he repeated, leaning forward and placing his lips against hers.
Through her tears she kissed him back, placing her arms around his neck and pulling him as close to her as she could. He knew it wasn’t enough but there was no time for more, this was all they could have. Slowly he parted from her, leaning back slightly.
“I won’t,” she whispered. “But you have to stay alive to tell me again, because I don’t know what to do if I lose you.”
“Keep living.”
He knew there was fear in his eyes, for his own life, for hers. He knew he had to save himself because if something happened to him she would collapse again and the thought of her returning to her old ways would haunt him in death.
“I can’t,” she spoke slowly and deliberately.
“You have to, because I might not make it out of here,” he told her truthfully. “This place is hell, Sara, it’s hell and I’m doing everything I can to stay alive but…it’s difficult.”
She ran a finger lightly over his lower lip and he closed his eyes, wishing just for a day of happiness with the woman he cared for so much. For an hour.
A loud bang at the door signalled that their moment was over. Lechero entered the room moments later, nodding to Michael that it was over, it was her turn to leave.
He said nothing else as she stood up and walked towards the door, straightening the nun costume and glancing back at him before pulling the black fabric back over her hair.
The moment she stepped out he turned back to the guy who had allowed him his moment, turned back to the Devil.
“Now it’s your turn to do me a favour,” the other man spoke.
There was nothing Michael could do but nod as the door slammed shut behind his sign of hope.
Author: muldy
Pairing: Michael/Sara
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Set in season 3 so there are vague season 3 spoilers, nothing major but there are spoilers.
Summary: "There was nothing else he could say, nothing she could say, they were broken people and there was nothing either could do to help the other anymore. They were at the end of their ropes and they had run out of material to weave more rope with."
A/N: Written for the foxriver_fic September Challenge: A Stolen Moment.
There were rules about being in prison, things he had learnt in Fox River but never really understood the need for until he had ended up in Sona. But staring at the woman in front of him he was aware he had forgotten every single one of those rules. He had forgotten not to owe a favour to anyone, forgotten to stay aware of everything around him. In that moment he cared little about the unwritten rules of a prison yard, and even less about Lechero’s own rules.
“Sara…” he whispered.
The door slammed shut behind Lechero as he left the room and Michael felt his feet ungluing themselves from their spot on the floor. As though they had turned to lead he stepped forward slowly, almost afraid that if he walked too quickly she would disappear into a misty haze, fading like his dream of ever seeing her again seemed to more with each day.
“What…” he couldn’t find the words to finish his sentence but she seemed to understand, stepping forwards and placing a hand on his shoulder.
He lost all control he had over his own body and his arms were around her in an instant, his mind straying back to the last time he had hugged her like that. Relief swept over him to feel that she was real, it was her.
“Michael, I…I had to see you,” she whispered in his ear. “I had to say sorry.”
“Don’t.”
As he pulled back he was aware that there were tears in his eyes, yet he didn’t care. She had seen him at his weakest before, but she had no idea what he had been through since he had last seen her. But he was doing this for her, saving her from the hell he was enduring.
“You shouldn’t be here,” her eyes were no less filled with tears than his own.
“Neither should you,” he responded. “Especially not dressed as a nun pretending to be a prostitute.”
She smiled slightly and wiped at her eyes. “There’s no other way in here, Michael, they don’t have a prison doctor. I tried that one.”
He wanted to smile but he couldn’t. A part of him never wanted to let her go, his hands still tightly gripping her shoulders, yet the rest of him shouted at himself to get her out of there - to protect her from seeing this all.
“Did they hurt you?” he asked.
She shook her head. “Not really.”
He glanced at the bruise clearly present on her cheek, at her unwashed, bedraggled hair and he knew she was lying but he didn’t press the issue further.
“Linc’s waiting outside,” she informed him. “I’m supposed to tell you…that everything will be fine you just have to last a few more days.”
“He’s been saying that since the day I got in here,” Michael replied, pulling her into him and hugging her again. “I’m just glad you’re OK.”
“Are you OK?” she asked, weaving her arms around his neck and looking up at him.
“No,” he replied truthfully. “But I will be. If I can survive this, I will be.”
The second part was a lie. He knew every day in the prison killed him a bit more, both physically and emotionally, but knowing that when he got out that she would be there, waiting for him, safe and sound gave him something to live for. And maybe that was all he needed.
He hoped that was all he needed.
“I love you,” she said quietly, touching his face softly.
He felt the tears break free from their barrier, unable to hold them back anymore and he turned away from her.
“You should go, Sara,” he whispered.
“Michael…”
“It’s not safe here, you should go.”
She fell silent and he knew she was waiting for a response, and he wondered if maybe Mahone was right. Maybe he should push her away before he hurt her more. Because there was every much a chance of him dying inside the prison as there was him getting out of it.
He pulled away from her and turned around, walking away from her.
“You honestly want me to leave? Right now? After everything I’ve done to get in here to see you?”
“After everything I’ve done to protect you from this place…” he turned to look at her. “To protect you from me. I ruined your life, Sara.”
“Is that what you believe?” she almost spat it at him. “That you ruined my life? Jesus Christ, Michael. What life? I have nothing to go back to.”
“And that’s my fault,” he felt his breath catching in his throat and he was suddenly unable to talk properly, the pain in his chest too much.
He had done this all to her. If it weren’t for him she wouldn’t even be near a Panamanian prison.
“I had nothing to go back to before I met you, I was trying to build a life out of the scraps I had left when you walked into my infirmary and gave me something to live for,” she was almost shouting as she moved towards him. “You taught me that life is worth living, whether you realise that or not. Everything bad that has happened to me since I met you has only served to teach me how meaningless my life was before.”
He ran a hand over his short hair and let it come to rest on the back of his neck. “All I’ve ever tried to do is protect you…”
He realised he wasn’t speaking to her anymore as he slowly crouched until he slid onto his knees, falling the last few inches to the ground. He had been so alone the entire time he had been in Sona and now she was there trying to convince him that he wasn’t alone and all he could do was push her away.
“Michael…” she was by his side, her hand on his back, trying to fix him like the doctor she was. “Look at me.”
“I can’t, you deserve better than me,” he whispered. “You should never have come here.”
“I love you, Michael, and as long as you’re in here I’m not leaving this country,” her voice sounded strangled and he became aware she hurt too. “You’re all I have.”
He felt her burst into tears next to him as she collapsed with her arms crossed on his shoulder, her head against his.
There was nothing else he could say, nothing she could say, they were broken people and there was nothing either could do to help the other anymore. They were at the end of their ropes and they had run out of material to weave more rope with. He reached out with one hand and took hers in his.
“I love you too, Sara,” he barely spoke, but he knew she heard him because her shaking lessened. “Never forget that.”
Slowly he moved away from their position, turning to face her, kneeling on the concrete of the floor.
“Never forget,” he repeated, leaning forward and placing his lips against hers.
Through her tears she kissed him back, placing her arms around his neck and pulling him as close to her as she could. He knew it wasn’t enough but there was no time for more, this was all they could have. Slowly he parted from her, leaning back slightly.
“I won’t,” she whispered. “But you have to stay alive to tell me again, because I don’t know what to do if I lose you.”
“Keep living.”
He knew there was fear in his eyes, for his own life, for hers. He knew he had to save himself because if something happened to him she would collapse again and the thought of her returning to her old ways would haunt him in death.
“I can’t,” she spoke slowly and deliberately.
“You have to, because I might not make it out of here,” he told her truthfully. “This place is hell, Sara, it’s hell and I’m doing everything I can to stay alive but…it’s difficult.”
She ran a finger lightly over his lower lip and he closed his eyes, wishing just for a day of happiness with the woman he cared for so much. For an hour.
A loud bang at the door signalled that their moment was over. Lechero entered the room moments later, nodding to Michael that it was over, it was her turn to leave.
He said nothing else as she stood up and walked towards the door, straightening the nun costume and glancing back at him before pulling the black fabric back over her hair.
The moment she stepped out he turned back to the guy who had allowed him his moment, turned back to the Devil.
“Now it’s your turn to do me a favour,” the other man spoke.
There was nothing Michael could do but nod as the door slammed shut behind his sign of hope.