[ and i'm somewhere in between ]
Title: Somewhere In Between
Fandom: Sea Patrol
Pairing: Buffer/X, vague reference to Mike/Kate
Rating: PG
A/N: Because I had to write something to deal with the nasty casting spoilers...
Summary: “Well I guess I don’t like goodbyes.”
She watched as he walked past, a giant duffel bag slung over his shoulder and she knew that it was true. Until that moment she hadn’t believe what she had read. The piece of paper the CO had handed her, stating that Peter Tomaszewski would no longer be serving on board the Hammersley and had been transferred had been nothing more than a dream until now.
He threw the bag on top of his car and headed back towards his front door.
“Buffer…” she stepped out from her hiding place and spoke quietly.
He jumped slightly and turned to face her, for a moment seeming surprised and then his face hardened over and she could no longer read his expression.
“Doing a bit of midnight stalking are we, X?”
“I hear I’m no longer your X,” she shot back, suddenly overcome by anger she hadn’t been aware was there.
He fell silent.
“I thought we were friends, Buff, I thought you’d tell me these things - instead I have to hear it from the CO who only found out from a piece of paper sent to him by Navcom,” she whispered.
Buffer moved towards his front door and grabbed another duffel bag lying in the doorway, slinging it over his shoulder before turning back to face her. “Well I guess I don’t like goodbyes.”
She watched as he yanked the car door open and threw both duffel bags into the back of the car, slamming it afterwards. She jumped slightly with the loud bang the door made but remained standing in her spot.
She wasn’t even entirely sure what had drawn her there that night, it wasn’t as though she made a habit of stalking out her crew’s homes, even her ex-crew. But something was bugging her and she couldn’t leave until she figured it out.
Why was he leaving?
“Darwin,” he said, turning to face her, leaning against his car.
He was looking at her, that way she’d seen him look at her only a couple of times. And she suddenly flashed back to that night on the boat, the way he had told her his feelings for her were ‘purely professional’ and the way she hadn’t believe a word of it. But if that was true then why was he leaving? Why was he going to Darwin?
“Why?” she whispered, unable to look him in the eye.
He moved towards her slowly, his eyes darkening as he did so and her heart began beating faster. Her impulse to run kicked in but it seemed to clash with her instinct to stand still, so she just stood there - caught like a deer in headlights.
“Because…” he whispered back. “The real question, Kate, is why are you standing in my front yard, late at night, watching me pack my car?”
Now she was really caught off guard. There was the question she had been asking herself, and one which she knew she was better off not knowing the answer to. Why was she there? If Swain or Spider or Bomber had resigned under strange circumstances she may have paid them a visit. At a normal hour. And probably in uniform.
Yet here she was standing in a simple dress, her hair down, well after midnight. And she’d had a couple of glasses of wine before heading over.
Ironically enough if she had turned up at some normal hour he would’ve probably gone already. Or maybe that was the point of him packing at midnight.
“That’s what I thought,” he said, turning away from her and heading back into his house.
She wondered for a moment if that was some form of invitation, one which she was more than welcome to take him up on now that he no longer worked under her…
A moment later he returned with a box marked fragile and carried it to his car, unlocking the boot and placing it in there, all without a word.
Not an invitation.
She shook her head, she shouldn’t even be there let alone be thinking about such things.
“I’m here because I expect my friends to tell me when they’re leaving the state…” she realised she sounded defensive but she had to explain somehow why she was there.
“Maybe I didn’t want to explain things to you,” he replied instantly, his eyes flashing with anger.
He didn’t want her there and somehow that hurt.
For a moment she considered leaving.
And then the anger was gone and he was moving towards her and pulling her into a hug.
“I’m sorry, X, I didn’t mean that,” he whispered in her ear. “I wanted to tell you I was leaving, I wanted to, really, but I didn’t know how…”
He paused for a moment and the only sound she could hear was his breathing against her ear and his hand moving slowly up and down the back of her neck, sending a chill down her spine even in the hot Queensland weather.
“…so I decided not to.”
He pulled back and he was so close, his eyes searching her face for some sort of reaction and she searched his for some sort of explanation in return. She could feel his heart beating through her hand, placed lightly against his chest as though that could create some sort of barrier between them.
“I’m not good at goodbye,” his eyes seemed to look right through her, into every part of her she kept hidden away from the world.
And that was when she fell apart.
“Then don’t say goodbye,” she whispered, tearing her gaze away from his, focusing on ground in hope he wouldn’t notice the tears welling in her eyes.
She had felt this feeling before. Not just once. And she hated it. The feeling of having a part of her heart ripped away from her chest. Destroyed.
“X…”
She didn’t want to look at him because then she would really be a mess, and the last thing she needed was to cry openly in front of Buffer. The thing she didn’t understand was when he had begun to mean this much to her, so much so that she was stalking him and crying over him leaving. This was not who she was.
She blamed the familiarity of the whole situation. Her letting herself get too emotionally involved with some Navy guy who was only going to walk out on her anyway.
At least this time they hadn’t slept together.
That would make things easier.
Right?
She closed her eyes for a moment, breathing in deeply and trying to ignore his hands placed on her shoulders. She dropped her hand from his chest and met his gaze.
“Goodbye, Buffer,” she said quietly.
Before he could say another word she turned and began to walk quickly away from him. Maybe he didn’t want to say goodbye, but he was the one who had put them in the position of having to. She had no choice and that was what hurt her the most. It was never her choice.
Suddenly she felt a hand grab hers, pulling her to a halt so quickly she swung around involuntarily and before she knew what was happening his lips were pressed against hers. It was a soft kiss, and a short one.
After a moment he pulled away and she finally saw the emotion in his eyes she knew was reflected in her own.
“That night on the pearling vessel…I lied. My feelings for you are anything but professional, X. Everyday I have to look at you and know it can’t happen…and that hurts. I can feel the ‘XO’ that Spider had tatooed on my back burning into me like you would not believe, even though I know it‘s covered up,” his whispered. “This move is not my decision, I’ve been transferred. I told Mike weeks ago I was leaving, expecting he would let you know, because I couldn’t find the words to tell you myself. But he didn’t and I’m sure you can figure out why.”
She had no idea how to respond so she remained quiet.
“No one on Hammersley is blind, everyone knows how you two feel about each other. And he knows exactly how I feel about you…”
He reached up and touched her face lightly with one hand and she realised she was barely breathing.
“You should go,” his voice dropped so low she had to strain to hear it, even in the complete silence.
“Yeah,” she replied. “I should.”
He paused for a moment and then he smiled slightly. “Goodbye, X.”
Unable to say anything else she remained still as he kissed her lightly on the forehead and headed back into his place. She felt as though she should offer to help him pack his car - but she knew if he had wanted help he would’ve asked for it before confessing everything to her. No this was her hint to leave.
For a moment she stood there, watching him as he walked, clearly avoiding her gaze.
“Buff…” she said.
He looked up at her.
“I lied too,” she continued.
For a moment their eyes were locked on each other, each trying to tell the other more than they possibly could. And then it was over, he turned and walked back to his house and she knew she wouldn’t see him again that night.
“Goodbye, Buffer,” she whispered to herself, turning and walking away from the house, from him.
She barely wanted to return to the Hammersley.
It didn’t feel like home anymore.
Fandom: Sea Patrol
Pairing: Buffer/X, vague reference to Mike/Kate
Rating: PG
A/N: Because I had to write something to deal with the nasty casting spoilers...
Summary: “Well I guess I don’t like goodbyes.”
She watched as he walked past, a giant duffel bag slung over his shoulder and she knew that it was true. Until that moment she hadn’t believe what she had read. The piece of paper the CO had handed her, stating that Peter Tomaszewski would no longer be serving on board the Hammersley and had been transferred had been nothing more than a dream until now.
He threw the bag on top of his car and headed back towards his front door.
“Buffer…” she stepped out from her hiding place and spoke quietly.
He jumped slightly and turned to face her, for a moment seeming surprised and then his face hardened over and she could no longer read his expression.
“Doing a bit of midnight stalking are we, X?”
“I hear I’m no longer your X,” she shot back, suddenly overcome by anger she hadn’t been aware was there.
He fell silent.
“I thought we were friends, Buff, I thought you’d tell me these things - instead I have to hear it from the CO who only found out from a piece of paper sent to him by Navcom,” she whispered.
Buffer moved towards his front door and grabbed another duffel bag lying in the doorway, slinging it over his shoulder before turning back to face her. “Well I guess I don’t like goodbyes.”
She watched as he yanked the car door open and threw both duffel bags into the back of the car, slamming it afterwards. She jumped slightly with the loud bang the door made but remained standing in her spot.
She wasn’t even entirely sure what had drawn her there that night, it wasn’t as though she made a habit of stalking out her crew’s homes, even her ex-crew. But something was bugging her and she couldn’t leave until she figured it out.
Why was he leaving?
“Darwin,” he said, turning to face her, leaning against his car.
He was looking at her, that way she’d seen him look at her only a couple of times. And she suddenly flashed back to that night on the boat, the way he had told her his feelings for her were ‘purely professional’ and the way she hadn’t believe a word of it. But if that was true then why was he leaving? Why was he going to Darwin?
“Why?” she whispered, unable to look him in the eye.
He moved towards her slowly, his eyes darkening as he did so and her heart began beating faster. Her impulse to run kicked in but it seemed to clash with her instinct to stand still, so she just stood there - caught like a deer in headlights.
“Because…” he whispered back. “The real question, Kate, is why are you standing in my front yard, late at night, watching me pack my car?”
Now she was really caught off guard. There was the question she had been asking herself, and one which she knew she was better off not knowing the answer to. Why was she there? If Swain or Spider or Bomber had resigned under strange circumstances she may have paid them a visit. At a normal hour. And probably in uniform.
Yet here she was standing in a simple dress, her hair down, well after midnight. And she’d had a couple of glasses of wine before heading over.
Ironically enough if she had turned up at some normal hour he would’ve probably gone already. Or maybe that was the point of him packing at midnight.
“That’s what I thought,” he said, turning away from her and heading back into his house.
She wondered for a moment if that was some form of invitation, one which she was more than welcome to take him up on now that he no longer worked under her…
A moment later he returned with a box marked fragile and carried it to his car, unlocking the boot and placing it in there, all without a word.
Not an invitation.
She shook her head, she shouldn’t even be there let alone be thinking about such things.
“I’m here because I expect my friends to tell me when they’re leaving the state…” she realised she sounded defensive but she had to explain somehow why she was there.
“Maybe I didn’t want to explain things to you,” he replied instantly, his eyes flashing with anger.
He didn’t want her there and somehow that hurt.
For a moment she considered leaving.
And then the anger was gone and he was moving towards her and pulling her into a hug.
“I’m sorry, X, I didn’t mean that,” he whispered in her ear. “I wanted to tell you I was leaving, I wanted to, really, but I didn’t know how…”
He paused for a moment and the only sound she could hear was his breathing against her ear and his hand moving slowly up and down the back of her neck, sending a chill down her spine even in the hot Queensland weather.
“…so I decided not to.”
He pulled back and he was so close, his eyes searching her face for some sort of reaction and she searched his for some sort of explanation in return. She could feel his heart beating through her hand, placed lightly against his chest as though that could create some sort of barrier between them.
“I’m not good at goodbye,” his eyes seemed to look right through her, into every part of her she kept hidden away from the world.
And that was when she fell apart.
“Then don’t say goodbye,” she whispered, tearing her gaze away from his, focusing on ground in hope he wouldn’t notice the tears welling in her eyes.
She had felt this feeling before. Not just once. And she hated it. The feeling of having a part of her heart ripped away from her chest. Destroyed.
“X…”
She didn’t want to look at him because then she would really be a mess, and the last thing she needed was to cry openly in front of Buffer. The thing she didn’t understand was when he had begun to mean this much to her, so much so that she was stalking him and crying over him leaving. This was not who she was.
She blamed the familiarity of the whole situation. Her letting herself get too emotionally involved with some Navy guy who was only going to walk out on her anyway.
At least this time they hadn’t slept together.
That would make things easier.
Right?
She closed her eyes for a moment, breathing in deeply and trying to ignore his hands placed on her shoulders. She dropped her hand from his chest and met his gaze.
“Goodbye, Buffer,” she said quietly.
Before he could say another word she turned and began to walk quickly away from him. Maybe he didn’t want to say goodbye, but he was the one who had put them in the position of having to. She had no choice and that was what hurt her the most. It was never her choice.
Suddenly she felt a hand grab hers, pulling her to a halt so quickly she swung around involuntarily and before she knew what was happening his lips were pressed against hers. It was a soft kiss, and a short one.
After a moment he pulled away and she finally saw the emotion in his eyes she knew was reflected in her own.
“That night on the pearling vessel…I lied. My feelings for you are anything but professional, X. Everyday I have to look at you and know it can’t happen…and that hurts. I can feel the ‘XO’ that Spider had tatooed on my back burning into me like you would not believe, even though I know it‘s covered up,” his whispered. “This move is not my decision, I’ve been transferred. I told Mike weeks ago I was leaving, expecting he would let you know, because I couldn’t find the words to tell you myself. But he didn’t and I’m sure you can figure out why.”
She had no idea how to respond so she remained quiet.
“No one on Hammersley is blind, everyone knows how you two feel about each other. And he knows exactly how I feel about you…”
He reached up and touched her face lightly with one hand and she realised she was barely breathing.
“You should go,” his voice dropped so low she had to strain to hear it, even in the complete silence.
“Yeah,” she replied. “I should.”
He paused for a moment and then he smiled slightly. “Goodbye, X.”
Unable to say anything else she remained still as he kissed her lightly on the forehead and headed back into his place. She felt as though she should offer to help him pack his car - but she knew if he had wanted help he would’ve asked for it before confessing everything to her. No this was her hint to leave.
For a moment she stood there, watching him as he walked, clearly avoiding her gaze.
“Buff…” she said.
He looked up at her.
“I lied too,” she continued.
For a moment their eyes were locked on each other, each trying to tell the other more than they possibly could. And then it was over, he turned and walked back to his house and she knew she wouldn’t see him again that night.
“Goodbye, Buffer,” she whispered to herself, turning and walking away from the house, from him.
She barely wanted to return to the Hammersley.
It didn’t feel like home anymore.