I like the dialog-only idea - it really works for this story. And man, would I ever love to take off cross-country on my bike... Having to work all summer really is sad. Good luck this week.
Thanks! As far as the travelogue goes, I've worked it all out (it's a dream trip of mine; these characters live with me) and, thought they'll have to stop at Kroeger's, and maybe eat sandwich-counter food, it can be done. Though Martin is wrong to say that it can be done with all healthy food and cheaply, and if it rains they're SOL ...
When I put in dialogue tags, etc., it started to lose it's impact; it was like the descriptions of what Matin and Anna were doing muffled their words. You're right, it does start to go downhill after the bit about the song.
Thanks for the edit, it's a particularly useful one. thanks for being so frank!
Hi! I'm Rei, and I'll be your other editor this week. :)
This is a great bit of fiction, all things considered. Dialogue-only stories are very difficult to do--I know, I've written them--and you've made it easy to follow and understandable. However, the other thing about dialogue-only stories is that since you're relying solely on a conversation between characters, that conversation needs to feel like something that could actually happen. There are a few lines that read awkwardly, and take away from the story. This one in particular stood out to me:
“Make what easy? You’re trying to convince me to give up my plans, alter my life, for your whim? Why should I do that? Why should that be easy for you? Why should I just say ‘Gee, Martin, that sounds like a great idea; let’s go!’? Huh? Why?”
There's a difference between rambling monologue, which when used effectively can make a great point, and kind of an uncomfortable series of questions that don't flow together well. I agree with bwh--say your dialogue out loud, and see if it sounds
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I like the dialog-only idea - it really works for this story. And man, would I ever love to take off cross-country on my bike... Having to work all summer really is sad. Good luck this week.
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Good luck to you too!
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I'd love doing a cross country trip like that. Too bad I need so much stuff just to go out of town for a short weekend. LOL!
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When I put in dialogue tags, etc., it started to lose it's impact; it was like the descriptions of what Matin and Anna were doing muffled their words. You're right, it does start to go downhill after the bit about the song.
Thanks for the edit, it's a particularly useful one. thanks for being so frank!
Reply
This is a great bit of fiction, all things considered. Dialogue-only stories are very difficult to do--I know, I've written them--and you've made it easy to follow and understandable. However, the other thing about dialogue-only stories is that since you're relying solely on a conversation between characters, that conversation needs to feel like something that could actually happen. There are a few lines that read awkwardly, and take away from the story. This one in particular stood out to me:
“Make what easy? You’re trying to convince me to give up my plans, alter my life, for your whim? Why should I do that? Why should that be easy for you? Why should I just say ‘Gee, Martin, that sounds like a great idea; let’s go!’? Huh? Why?”
There's a difference between rambling monologue, which when used effectively can make a great point, and kind of an uncomfortable series of questions that don't flow together well. I agree with bwh--say your dialogue out loud, and see if it sounds ( ... )
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Good luck this week; our latest prompt was a toughie!
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