first for August

[mullvaney]

Comments

[katden]

I ADORE THIS!!!
Helluva new trick!!
♥

[mullvaney]

Thank you! It is the result of days and days of chewing on the prompt.

[mermaidbia]

Excellent! I'm not one for poetry as people know, but I loved the rhythm of this, how you keep returning to certain words and build something out of them.

[mullvaney]

Thank you! The rhythm of the repeated word is part of the form; I think formal poetry is easier to write than free verse.

[innana88]

I think so, too! I'm so excited for you. Your first poem and an adorable one, at that! Congrats!

[kenderlord]

I agree! I have always found metered verse easier than free verse.

Oh okay right I AM YOUR EDITOR. This is my editor face.

I mean, who writes ghazals! That's so cool! What a bold and exciting step, I think; most people start with haiku, or really bad poetry that looks like
this, the broken
syntax falling in between
poorly en-
-jambed lines
like broken glass between
the muscles
of my heart.

You have neatly avoided that.

I'm not sure there's enough for me to really sink my teeth into! It's a lovely poem, and I'm no authority on Persian forms. Do you have any questions about poetry, writ large? I can help there!

-D

[cedarwolfsinger]

I had never heard of a Ghazal. Interesting form. Good work. (Nice to see you back!)

[mullvaney]

THank you! It's great to be back!

[astraevirgo]

As someone who derives the feeling of being loved from words, I love the middle few stanzas where you put out a phrase and interpret its meaning -- especially "I want you to stay with me."

It is funny how our meaning is often hidden that way, even if we do not intend them to be.