Somewhere in the Uncharted Territories...
In space? You spend a lot of time just... traveling.
Which is why Jamie was spending a lot of time on his iPod looking at a bunch of photos and making lists of things to do if... when he gets back home.
1. Brush teeth for two arns hours straight. (With toothpaste and toothbrush.)
2. Inhale ten pounds of dark chocolate. In one sitting.
3. Eat any food that does not come in a cube shape.
4. Get drunk, get naked and find-
Before he could finish the thought he heard a chirping noise.
Coming from his cell phone.
Jamie grabbed his phone and stared at it in disbelief. One minute later and he was racing into the Pilot's Den.
"PILOT! PIIIIIIIIIIILOT!" he yelled. "Can you scan for cellular signals?"
"Certainly, James Madrox," the giant toadstool replied. "However I just recently had Moya sensors calibrated and we found no biological lifeforms on the most recent systems-"
"Not cellular!" Jamie said shaking his head and waving his phone. "Cellular."
Pilot looked at Jamie as if he had a second head.
"I mean... not biological. This phone. It uses a frequency like the comms," Jamie tried to explain. "Can you scan the area for it?"
"I will do so now," Pilot replied while he initiated a signal sweep from the console.
Once one of the scans had caused a high-pitched sound coming from the comm attached not far from his head, D'Argo stalked back to Pilot's den to hold said device up and say, "Comms aren't working. Fix it."
"No!" Jamie yelled out to Pilot. "Keep scanning frequencies!"
Jamie turned to D'Argo shaking his head. "Look... I have a comm signal coming from my planet. If we can trace it? My butt is off the ship."
"Of I could just kill you and not have to deal with the noise," D'Argo growled. The noise might have been whatever he heard from the comm, or Jamie himself. Really, wasn't it all the same anyway
Jamie bit back his initial response and tried logic. "Look... if it's a signal? It's being relayed by a satellite. Since we're no where near earth? That sucker had to travel a long way. If we can access its telemetry and whatever information on the systems it may have picked up from its journey it might give us a better idea where home is for you guys."
To be honest, D'Argo had started tuning him out once Jamie started talking, at least until he heard the word "home."
Looking to Pilot, he asked, "Is this true?"
Pilot nodded its giant head. "Any additional star charts we can add to Moya's database will increase our chances of locating a path to your homeworld."
Jamie bounced gleefully at what was really only a guess. "See?"
"We can try it," D'Argo said after a moment, clearly under the impression that he was in charge. "It had better not be a waste of our time."
"What are we trying?" Rygel asked as he floated into the room on his throne sled.
"We're tracking a satellite from my home planet," Jamie said poking at Pilot's console only to get his hand slapped before he did anything bad.
"Is it near a commerce planet?" Rygel asked with a sniff of disdain. "I need Hynerian cream soap. And maybe some fresh jameray soup to get rid of the taste of these food cubes."
"The soap won't do anything to help your stench," D'Argo told him, folding his arms. "If you're not helping, you can go back to your cell."
Never mind that D'Argo was standing there while Pilot did the work.
"Moya has located the source of the transmission," Pilot announced. "It is only two arns away from our current location. Shall I plot a course?"
"Yes!" Jamie yelled enthusastically. "Go! Now! Do not pass go! Do Not collect two hundred dollars!"
D'Argo stared at him.
"Where is Go, and why are we avoiding it?"
"It's not a place. It's a phrase from a board game," Jamie said with a trace of frustration. "Something you play for fun."
"Fun? Is this that place you were speaking of where little kids go to get hugged by a giant rat?" Rygel asked suspiciously.
"No, that's Disneyworld," Jamie said face palming. "It's an amusement park."
"A... park for amusement," D'Argo said slowly. "I should be more surprised your kind would have such a thing."
Jamie snorted. "If any kind needed an amusement park it would be your kind, big guy."
"I don't think you would want to see what I consider fun."
...Possibly frightening for a couple of different reasons, really.
"Would that have anything to do with that giant tongue of yours?" Jamie snarked.
"If I may interrupt," Pilot called out from its console. "The object is now within range. Shall I put it up on the view screen?"
"Thank you Pilot," Jamie replied and then grinned at what he saw. "Cingular? When I get home I'm finding your corporate headquarters and french-kissing every single employee in gratitude."
D'Argo visibly shuddered at the mental image of Jamie kissing anything. It was probably a good thing he didn't think to ask what French was.
"That piece of dren?" Rygel sniffed. "That's what counts for technology on your world?"
"That piece of dren is going to take you and your royal mivonks home," Jamie said with a grin. "Pilot? Do we have a tractor beam to pull that thing in?"
"Why would we use farm equipment?" Pilot asked as he continued to work the console.
Jamie face-palmed. Stupid microbes. "No I mean do we have anything to pull that in?"
"I have deployed the docking web," Pilot announced. "The satellite is know in the docking area and the DRD's have already managed to access it's communication, telemetry and guidance systems."
Pilot made some adjustments to the console and pulled up a view screen map. It showed several star systems and what appeared to be an orbiting pattern "This is a correllation of the guidance and telemetry logs. Apparently the satellite has been orbiting through various systems for the past several years. Before that there is an... anomaly in its records. One that occurred not too far from where we are."
Jamie looked at the highlighted "entry" point. "Do we have have anything from before that?"
"I believe we have some visual records," Pilot said as he made another adjustment showing images of a very familiar solar system on a split screen.
"That's Earth!" Jamie shouted and then looked at the entry point on the other map. "That must be some kind of gateway or something."
"It doesn't look like anything special," said D'Argo critically. "Totally pointless. You must have the wrong place."
Jamie shook his head. "No. That's it. Rat amusement parks galore. Pilot? Can we starburst near that entry coordinate?
Pilot let out a small sigh. "It's difficult but-"
"No! We are not in total agreement on this!" Rygel interrupted. "We must put a vote to it."
"Do this and I'm off the ship faster," Jamie shot back.
"We're in total agreement on this," D'Argo said immediately.
"Preparing to starburst in 60 microts," Pilot announced.
"No! Wait! As Dominar I forbid this!" Rygel shouted. "You should-"
"Go back to your cell and play with your mivonks. Whatever they are," Jamie said turning to Pilot.
"Initiating starburst," Pilot called out.
And in a blink of an eye Moya was now stationed outside... well.
"Is that it?" Jamie said looking at a very small but very tiny weird looking... thing on the main viewscreen.
"According to Moya's sensors, it is a wormhole," Pilot said going over the data. "However over time it has diminished."
D'Argo sighed in irritation. "Well, that was a waste of our time. Can we make the comms normal again now?"
"A normal ship cannot get through," Pilot volunteered, "However using the satellite's communication systems Moya can send a signal to Jamie Madrox's planet. However we must work quickly because the wormhole is about to close."
Jamie turned and looked at D'Argo with big puppy dog eyes. "Look... just give me a little time. If we can make this work then my friends back home can figure out a way to get me. C'mon big guy! I'll do anything! I'll... I'll stop trying to give puppet shows!"
D'Argo considered this. "Fine. But only if you really stop."
"Totally!" Jamie said holding up his hand in a swear on the bible type gig.
Pilot looked over at D'Argo for confirmation. "I can make sure that this will no longer affect the comms. If that is your wish."
"It is," D'Argo said. "Just get it over with.
Pilot nodded and few microts later a comm channel was opened from the satellite to the island of Fandom.
"I have opened a comm channel to the coordinates you wished to get a hold of using this cellular technology. You should be able to use your comm device to contact your home."
Jamie breathed a sigh of relief and began to dial.
Unfortunately that call wouldn't work.
Or the next one.
Or the one after that.
In fact the signal from Moya reaching Fandom was mucking up all phone calls and cell phones in the area.
Almost as if some force was just trying to screw things up for the sake of it. Stupid Mun. What a shame.
[ooc: FREAKY FRIDAY PHONE DAY IS HERE! THE PHONES ARE SCREWED UP TODAY! CALL AND LEAVE THE PERSONAL MESSAGE TO THE WRONG PERSON! Post is NFB due to Jamie being in space. Also a big thanks for trickster_twin for being D'Argo and being my Farscape sounding board. No interaction possible but comments are always welcome]
Which is why Jamie was spending a lot of time on his iPod looking at a bunch of photos and making lists of things to do if... when he gets back home.
1. Brush teeth for two arns hours straight. (With toothpaste and toothbrush.)
2. Inhale ten pounds of dark chocolate. In one sitting.
3. Eat any food that does not come in a cube shape.
4. Get drunk, get naked and find-
Before he could finish the thought he heard a chirping noise.
Coming from his cell phone.
Jamie grabbed his phone and stared at it in disbelief. One minute later and he was racing into the Pilot's Den.
"PILOT! PIIIIIIIIIIILOT!" he yelled. "Can you scan for cellular signals?"
"Certainly, James Madrox," the giant toadstool replied. "However I just recently had Moya sensors calibrated and we found no biological lifeforms on the most recent systems-"
"Not cellular!" Jamie said shaking his head and waving his phone. "Cellular."
Pilot looked at Jamie as if he had a second head.
"I mean... not biological. This phone. It uses a frequency like the comms," Jamie tried to explain. "Can you scan the area for it?"
"I will do so now," Pilot replied while he initiated a signal sweep from the console.
Once one of the scans had caused a high-pitched sound coming from the comm attached not far from his head, D'Argo stalked back to Pilot's den to hold said device up and say, "Comms aren't working. Fix it."
"No!" Jamie yelled out to Pilot. "Keep scanning frequencies!"
Jamie turned to D'Argo shaking his head. "Look... I have a comm signal coming from my planet. If we can trace it? My butt is off the ship."
"Of I could just kill you and not have to deal with the noise," D'Argo growled. The noise might have been whatever he heard from the comm, or Jamie himself. Really, wasn't it all the same anyway
Jamie bit back his initial response and tried logic. "Look... if it's a signal? It's being relayed by a satellite. Since we're no where near earth? That sucker had to travel a long way. If we can access its telemetry and whatever information on the systems it may have picked up from its journey it might give us a better idea where home is for you guys."
To be honest, D'Argo had started tuning him out once Jamie started talking, at least until he heard the word "home."
Looking to Pilot, he asked, "Is this true?"
Pilot nodded its giant head. "Any additional star charts we can add to Moya's database will increase our chances of locating a path to your homeworld."
Jamie bounced gleefully at what was really only a guess. "See?"
"We can try it," D'Argo said after a moment, clearly under the impression that he was in charge. "It had better not be a waste of our time."
"What are we trying?" Rygel asked as he floated into the room on his throne sled.
"We're tracking a satellite from my home planet," Jamie said poking at Pilot's console only to get his hand slapped before he did anything bad.
"Is it near a commerce planet?" Rygel asked with a sniff of disdain. "I need Hynerian cream soap. And maybe some fresh jameray soup to get rid of the taste of these food cubes."
"The soap won't do anything to help your stench," D'Argo told him, folding his arms. "If you're not helping, you can go back to your cell."
Never mind that D'Argo was standing there while Pilot did the work.
"Moya has located the source of the transmission," Pilot announced. "It is only two arns away from our current location. Shall I plot a course?"
"Yes!" Jamie yelled enthusastically. "Go! Now! Do not pass go! Do Not collect two hundred dollars!"
D'Argo stared at him.
"Where is Go, and why are we avoiding it?"
"It's not a place. It's a phrase from a board game," Jamie said with a trace of frustration. "Something you play for fun."
"Fun? Is this that place you were speaking of where little kids go to get hugged by a giant rat?" Rygel asked suspiciously.
"No, that's Disneyworld," Jamie said face palming. "It's an amusement park."
"A... park for amusement," D'Argo said slowly. "I should be more surprised your kind would have such a thing."
Jamie snorted. "If any kind needed an amusement park it would be your kind, big guy."
"I don't think you would want to see what I consider fun."
...Possibly frightening for a couple of different reasons, really.
"Would that have anything to do with that giant tongue of yours?" Jamie snarked.
"If I may interrupt," Pilot called out from its console. "The object is now within range. Shall I put it up on the view screen?"
"Thank you Pilot," Jamie replied and then grinned at what he saw. "Cingular? When I get home I'm finding your corporate headquarters and french-kissing every single employee in gratitude."
D'Argo visibly shuddered at the mental image of Jamie kissing anything. It was probably a good thing he didn't think to ask what French was.
"That piece of dren?" Rygel sniffed. "That's what counts for technology on your world?"
"That piece of dren is going to take you and your royal mivonks home," Jamie said with a grin. "Pilot? Do we have a tractor beam to pull that thing in?"
"Why would we use farm equipment?" Pilot asked as he continued to work the console.
Jamie face-palmed. Stupid microbes. "No I mean do we have anything to pull that in?"
"I have deployed the docking web," Pilot announced. "The satellite is know in the docking area and the DRD's have already managed to access it's communication, telemetry and guidance systems."
Pilot made some adjustments to the console and pulled up a view screen map. It showed several star systems and what appeared to be an orbiting pattern "This is a correllation of the guidance and telemetry logs. Apparently the satellite has been orbiting through various systems for the past several years. Before that there is an... anomaly in its records. One that occurred not too far from where we are."
Jamie looked at the highlighted "entry" point. "Do we have have anything from before that?"
"I believe we have some visual records," Pilot said as he made another adjustment showing images of a very familiar solar system on a split screen.
"That's Earth!" Jamie shouted and then looked at the entry point on the other map. "That must be some kind of gateway or something."
"It doesn't look like anything special," said D'Argo critically. "Totally pointless. You must have the wrong place."
Jamie shook his head. "No. That's it. Rat amusement parks galore. Pilot? Can we starburst near that entry coordinate?
Pilot let out a small sigh. "It's difficult but-"
"No! We are not in total agreement on this!" Rygel interrupted. "We must put a vote to it."
"Do this and I'm off the ship faster," Jamie shot back.
"We're in total agreement on this," D'Argo said immediately.
"Preparing to starburst in 60 microts," Pilot announced.
"No! Wait! As Dominar I forbid this!" Rygel shouted. "You should-"
"Go back to your cell and play with your mivonks. Whatever they are," Jamie said turning to Pilot.
"Initiating starburst," Pilot called out.
And in a blink of an eye Moya was now stationed outside... well.
"Is that it?" Jamie said looking at a very small but very tiny weird looking... thing on the main viewscreen.
"According to Moya's sensors, it is a wormhole," Pilot said going over the data. "However over time it has diminished."
D'Argo sighed in irritation. "Well, that was a waste of our time. Can we make the comms normal again now?"
"A normal ship cannot get through," Pilot volunteered, "However using the satellite's communication systems Moya can send a signal to Jamie Madrox's planet. However we must work quickly because the wormhole is about to close."
Jamie turned and looked at D'Argo with big puppy dog eyes. "Look... just give me a little time. If we can make this work then my friends back home can figure out a way to get me. C'mon big guy! I'll do anything! I'll... I'll stop trying to give puppet shows!"
D'Argo considered this. "Fine. But only if you really stop."
"Totally!" Jamie said holding up his hand in a swear on the bible type gig.
Pilot looked over at D'Argo for confirmation. "I can make sure that this will no longer affect the comms. If that is your wish."
"It is," D'Argo said. "Just get it over with.
Pilot nodded and few microts later a comm channel was opened from the satellite to the island of Fandom.
"I have opened a comm channel to the coordinates you wished to get a hold of using this cellular technology. You should be able to use your comm device to contact your home."
Jamie breathed a sigh of relief and began to dial.
Unfortunately that call wouldn't work.
Or the next one.
Or the one after that.
In fact the signal from Moya reaching Fandom was mucking up all phone calls and cell phones in the area.
Almost as if some force was just trying to screw things up for the sake of it. Stupid Mun. What a shame.
[ooc: FREAKY FRIDAY PHONE DAY IS HERE! THE PHONES ARE SCREWED UP TODAY! CALL AND LEAVE THE PERSONAL MESSAGE TO THE WRONG PERSON! Post is NFB due to Jamie being in space. Also a big thanks for trickster_twin for being D'Argo and being my Farscape sounding board. No interaction possible but comments are always welcome]