For 10_Letters
ooc: Adult timeframe during the time Nicholas and Stella have went their separate ways
Nicholas,
All my life I've been the one who spoke her mind. The one who was never afraid of the consequences of her actions. I fancied calling myself an Unpopular Truth and was extremely proud of that fact. I never cared if my actions hurt others. "Quiet that heart." I can hear my Grandfather saying it in my ears just as clear today as the first time I heard it. It is honestly, probably the best lesson I have ever learned.
With a quiet heart you run less of a risk of being hurt. I look around at what a loud heart has done to so many close to me and it makes me want to scream at every last one of them. They made themselves vulnerable and look at what it cost them. Broken hearts and tears that won't stop flowing. Who the bloody hell wants that? Who in this god forsaken world would want to be so wrecked by their emotions that they can't function? The poets go on and on about it as if it's the most wonderful thing ever created. In reality it's volatile, I've seen what it can do and that is why my heart remains silent.
I dreamt of you last night. I was in a room that was cloaked in darkness but at the same time bright as the sky. I was drenched from head to toe, but there wasn't any water in the room and I was drowning in it. I couldn't breathe and the darkness was beginning to conquer the brightness. You would think I would be doing any and everything in my power to stop it from happening. But god Nicholas, I was allowing myself to drown. I didn't scream, didn't cry, I didn't even move a muscle as the invisible substance filled my lungs. Just when my body was about to succumb to the current, I was lifted up into your arms. You carried me away from the confusing room and whispered, "no more."
I sat here for hours just thinking about the images my mind had thrown my way. I thought about us and why you stopped waiting, and then I thought about me. I don't regret anything I've done in my life, but I do regret shutting you out. I regret every damn mask and wall I had around me while we were together. And most of all I regret not telling you what my heart was screaming the moment you said Goodbye. Instead I followed my favorite lesson well and shut you out completely. I'm sorry Nicholas, I'm sorry I made you feel like it was you. It wasn't, it was me and my incredibly screwed up way of thinking. I'm sorry I couldn't love you like you wanted.
The truth is I'm terrified. So completely terrified of letting you in. Because if I let down my walls and remove my masks I have nothing to fall back on if everything goes completely wrong. I'd keep falling...and Merlin I just...
I miss you. It took me this long to realize it, but I miss you. If I'm out of line and it's too late, I will walk away and quiet my heart when it comes to you forever. But...
Prove me wrong Nicholas. Every last thing I believe about love just prove me wrong please. Before I lose my nerve, before we miss our chance...my heart is louder than it's ever been and I need for you to hear it.
-Stella
010. Dream
Word Count- 585