*sighs*
Candlebox: Far Behind
now maybe
i did not mean to treat you bad
but i did it anyway
and now maybe
some will say your life was sad
but you lived it anyway
and so maybe
your friends will stand around and watch you crumble
as you falter to the ground
and then someday
your friends, they stand beside
as you were flying
oh you were flying oh so high
but then someday
people look at you for what they call their own
they watch you suffer
yeah, they hear you calling home
but then someday we could take our time
to brush the leaves aside so you can reach us
yeah, but you left me far behind
now maybe
i did not mean to treat you oh so bad
but i did it anyway
but maybe
some will say you're left with what you had
but you couldn't share the pain
no, no, no
couldn't share the pain
they watch you suffer
now maybe
i could have made my own mistakes
but i live with what i've known
yes maybe we might share in something great
but won't you look at where we've grown
won't you look at where we've gone
but then someday comes
tomorrow holds a sense of what i fear for you in my mind
as you trip the final line
and that cold day
when you lost control
shame you left my life so soon
you should've told me
but you left me far behind
maybe i didn't mean to treat you oh so bad
but i did it anyway
maybe some will tell you
you're left with what you had
but you couldn't share the pain
no, no, no
maybe
but i'm sayin'
maybe i didn't mean to treat you oh so bad
but i did it anyway
maybe some will say you're left with what you had
but you couldn't share the pain
times are changin' friends they come
and watch you crumble to the ground
they watch you suffer
yeah, they hold you down
hold you down
maybe didn't mean to treat you bad
but you left me far behind
left me far behind
left me far behind
^^^ That song brings back to many memories for me, memories I thought long since buried. It's been 8 years, and I still miss him. I want so badly to share the good things in my life with him. My marriage, the birth of my son, he's missed out on all those things. It's funny, I speak of him as if he's dead. He's not, at least not that I'm aware of, but I await that call, because if he doesn't stop, it's going to happen and I know it.
You had so much fucking potential!! How could you do this to yourself? You threw your life away for a fucking needle. I can't believe how much anger I still hold. You single handedly managed to keep ME from falling into a pit of self-pity, YOU kept the fire I always had still burning, you were the ONLY one I didn't push away when I was with asshole and YOU single handedly got me to see I was better than that. Why couldn't I do the same for you? Why didn't you come to me? WHY?!
I want to hate you for destroying our friendship, for destroying US, but I share as much blame. I couldn't handle watching you kill yourself. I still can't. I had to walk away for my own sanity. I suppose I should thank you, in a weird fucked up way, you've made me who I've become. I won't give up on those I care about, because I gave up on YOU.
I walked away, and part of me will always wonder if there wasn't more I could have done. Guilt still overcomes me, because I miss what we had, I miss the person who I talked to every morning when I woke up,and every night before I went to sleep. I miss the person who stood up to asshole, and gave me strength to do the same.
You'd really like my hubby, he's a good man. He's the man you could have been. He's great at art, just like you were, or maybe still are? I don't know if that talent got tossed away along with everything else...I know you'll never see this, but it helps to get it out.
I remember how we used to sit on my front porch and talk for hours, about the future, and how we'd always be in each others lives, and now...those words mean nothing. It's funny, as much as this hurts, I can still smile, because I remember what we were, what we meant to each other.
Maybe, just maybe someday you'll beat your demons, I know you're strong enough, but until then...I await the phone call that the person who meant so much to me is gone, and at the same time pray for the phone call that says you've beaten your addiction, and have gotten yourself straight.
now maybe
i did not mean to treat you bad
but i did it anyway
and now maybe
some will say your life was sad
but you lived it anyway
and so maybe
your friends will stand around and watch you crumble
as you falter to the ground
and then someday
your friends, they stand beside
as you were flying
oh you were flying oh so high
but then someday
people look at you for what they call their own
they watch you suffer
yeah, they hear you calling home
but then someday we could take our time
to brush the leaves aside so you can reach us
yeah, but you left me far behind
now maybe
i did not mean to treat you oh so bad
but i did it anyway
but maybe
some will say you're left with what you had
but you couldn't share the pain
no, no, no
couldn't share the pain
they watch you suffer
now maybe
i could have made my own mistakes
but i live with what i've known
yes maybe we might share in something great
but won't you look at where we've grown
won't you look at where we've gone
but then someday comes
tomorrow holds a sense of what i fear for you in my mind
as you trip the final line
and that cold day
when you lost control
shame you left my life so soon
you should've told me
but you left me far behind
maybe i didn't mean to treat you oh so bad
but i did it anyway
maybe some will tell you
you're left with what you had
but you couldn't share the pain
no, no, no
maybe
but i'm sayin'
maybe i didn't mean to treat you oh so bad
but i did it anyway
maybe some will say you're left with what you had
but you couldn't share the pain
times are changin' friends they come
and watch you crumble to the ground
they watch you suffer
yeah, they hold you down
hold you down
maybe didn't mean to treat you bad
but you left me far behind
left me far behind
left me far behind
^^^ That song brings back to many memories for me, memories I thought long since buried. It's been 8 years, and I still miss him. I want so badly to share the good things in my life with him. My marriage, the birth of my son, he's missed out on all those things. It's funny, I speak of him as if he's dead. He's not, at least not that I'm aware of, but I await that call, because if he doesn't stop, it's going to happen and I know it.
You had so much fucking potential!! How could you do this to yourself? You threw your life away for a fucking needle. I can't believe how much anger I still hold. You single handedly managed to keep ME from falling into a pit of self-pity, YOU kept the fire I always had still burning, you were the ONLY one I didn't push away when I was with asshole and YOU single handedly got me to see I was better than that. Why couldn't I do the same for you? Why didn't you come to me? WHY?!
I want to hate you for destroying our friendship, for destroying US, but I share as much blame. I couldn't handle watching you kill yourself. I still can't. I had to walk away for my own sanity. I suppose I should thank you, in a weird fucked up way, you've made me who I've become. I won't give up on those I care about, because I gave up on YOU.
I walked away, and part of me will always wonder if there wasn't more I could have done. Guilt still overcomes me, because I miss what we had, I miss the person who I talked to every morning when I woke up,and every night before I went to sleep. I miss the person who stood up to asshole, and gave me strength to do the same.
You'd really like my hubby, he's a good man. He's the man you could have been. He's great at art, just like you were, or maybe still are? I don't know if that talent got tossed away along with everything else...I know you'll never see this, but it helps to get it out.
I remember how we used to sit on my front porch and talk for hours, about the future, and how we'd always be in each others lives, and now...those words mean nothing. It's funny, as much as this hurts, I can still smile, because I remember what we were, what we meant to each other.
Maybe, just maybe someday you'll beat your demons, I know you're strong enough, but until then...I await the phone call that the person who meant so much to me is gone, and at the same time pray for the phone call that says you've beaten your addiction, and have gotten yourself straight.