tick fucking tock
damn i forgot and i broke another promise. ron imed me through his cellamuphone thinger and i got to talk to him for a bit so that was cool. he's still in san diego doing the navy thing. i promised him i'd email him and i never did and that's a promise i broke no matter how little it may be. that's something that bothers me a lot and there i go being a hypocrite. he's going to send me pictures so i can see his life on a boat with his buddies. i saw his sister yesterday at baskin robins and it's mind boggling how much they differ from each other.
every single time i tell ya. everytime. fuck.
why are there so many talented people amongst the world? and why am i not one of them?!
wow, i'm a loner. i need to get out of turlock. i feel like im suffocating myself. i feel like i have no friends. i can't write down people's phone numbers, since my cell phone is getting taken away, because i can't see the bottom half of the screen where the numbers are. my phone got fucked and i did too. that sucks because that's the only number i give out and no one can call me anymore, let alone i can't call them since i don't have any numbers memorized. shit fuck monkey.
i only know sebastian, kaelee, geoff, and jess' cell phone numbers, so everyone else give me your phone numbers if ya don't mind my calling.
the drums are finally at my house and i make no effort in trying to learn to play them. goddamn i always do this. i'm all talk. i wish i had a pool so i could go swimming whenever the hell i wanted and no one was there to see me. but i don't. too bad. i don't think i will get hired where i want to work because i have no experience for the application, but i will try my best to fill them out. niniv is going to try to get me a job at any of his relatives stores and restaurants, so i hope he succeeds in doing that.
berto's having a fun time at mexico. i am glad someone is enjoying their vacation. i think i am going to try to do something that will be impossible and be so fucking hard for me to get through. i wish i brought it up before he left. fuck me there to. i always sway a different direction, but i have to do this because i am now always a little pussy and i hate it. i hate the way i feel. they say i need anti depressants. fuck that. i can get through it on my own.
i thought geoff was going to go on a whole day without smoking. that didn't work. well i guess he's trying so that part is cool. i don't know why i always try to get him smokes when he's trying to quit. i just don't like him when he's angry. it's very unattractive and i don't want to be around him. much like how i am always pissy. i'm pretty sure he doesn't want to be around me. so i will give him his space and not be around him so much when i am angry, which is a lot of the time, so i guess i won't see him for a while. maybe i should speak to him and not you all about this. it sucks though because everytime i want to say something he does something and i can't bring myself to say it. he's not sleeping at my house anymore. it sucks because he has a bear and i have absolutely nothing. well i did have his lighter. oh how romantic. don't get me wrong, i love him to death, but i hate how i feel when he's not around and that's not healthy.
with everyone breaking up, relationships that i deemed so last forever, i question my own and if that will eventually happen. even though i know not to think that, i do because i don't want to get myself into a situation that i will suffer severely through. i don't think i'd able to last if he wasn't here. see, that's unhealthy too. i'm too dependent. everytime i see his independent tattoo oh his chest, i feel funny because it's always there to look at and reminds me how much of a loser i am.
austin and desiree were engaged for a year and broke up, the cutest couple i thought ever broke up, my sister and chris broke up after a year and a half with plans to be together forever, jess and adam did for a while; things like that make me wonder.
i feel gross and stinky. i hate the summer. i thought summer would be great, but with my lack of ever knowing what to do, it is sucking hardcore so far. i would rather be in school because at least i get to do something for half a day and maybe hear sebastian sing some more. i need a schedule for everyday. everything has changed. last summer was fun. everyone has cars and jobs now. it was fun walking around last year. now that everyone has cars, they are too good to walk. i miss that. i miss last year. why do things have to change. nature sucks. i guess everybody grew up and i am still a little whiney irresponsible baby. walking around myself was pretty cool last year. i guess that's something to do. maybe i will see mondo since i haven't in a long ass time. hopefully. my mom needs to take me to the library so i can borrow books. that will keep me preoccupied and hopefully expand my vocabulary. it's a plan. i plan to read a lot and have fun doing it dogfuckingnabbit.
simpsons is on, so i am going to go. if anyone would please like to do anything with me over the long summer please call me because i am bored sitting around all day because i am a lagger and can't drive and i don't want to go out and be bored by myself sitting around geer road alone. 667-0834. that is the number to call. or just email or IM me. thank you very much.
i need to talk to someone, so i will go talk to my pretty journal that frau gave me. bless her soul, for i am thankful for that thing. it is so pretty.
every single time i tell ya. everytime. fuck.
why are there so many talented people amongst the world? and why am i not one of them?!
wow, i'm a loner. i need to get out of turlock. i feel like im suffocating myself. i feel like i have no friends. i can't write down people's phone numbers, since my cell phone is getting taken away, because i can't see the bottom half of the screen where the numbers are. my phone got fucked and i did too. that sucks because that's the only number i give out and no one can call me anymore, let alone i can't call them since i don't have any numbers memorized. shit fuck monkey.
i only know sebastian, kaelee, geoff, and jess' cell phone numbers, so everyone else give me your phone numbers if ya don't mind my calling.
the drums are finally at my house and i make no effort in trying to learn to play them. goddamn i always do this. i'm all talk. i wish i had a pool so i could go swimming whenever the hell i wanted and no one was there to see me. but i don't. too bad. i don't think i will get hired where i want to work because i have no experience for the application, but i will try my best to fill them out. niniv is going to try to get me a job at any of his relatives stores and restaurants, so i hope he succeeds in doing that.
berto's having a fun time at mexico. i am glad someone is enjoying their vacation. i think i am going to try to do something that will be impossible and be so fucking hard for me to get through. i wish i brought it up before he left. fuck me there to. i always sway a different direction, but i have to do this because i am now always a little pussy and i hate it. i hate the way i feel. they say i need anti depressants. fuck that. i can get through it on my own.
i thought geoff was going to go on a whole day without smoking. that didn't work. well i guess he's trying so that part is cool. i don't know why i always try to get him smokes when he's trying to quit. i just don't like him when he's angry. it's very unattractive and i don't want to be around him. much like how i am always pissy. i'm pretty sure he doesn't want to be around me. so i will give him his space and not be around him so much when i am angry, which is a lot of the time, so i guess i won't see him for a while. maybe i should speak to him and not you all about this. it sucks though because everytime i want to say something he does something and i can't bring myself to say it. he's not sleeping at my house anymore. it sucks because he has a bear and i have absolutely nothing. well i did have his lighter. oh how romantic. don't get me wrong, i love him to death, but i hate how i feel when he's not around and that's not healthy.
with everyone breaking up, relationships that i deemed so last forever, i question my own and if that will eventually happen. even though i know not to think that, i do because i don't want to get myself into a situation that i will suffer severely through. i don't think i'd able to last if he wasn't here. see, that's unhealthy too. i'm too dependent. everytime i see his independent tattoo oh his chest, i feel funny because it's always there to look at and reminds me how much of a loser i am.
austin and desiree were engaged for a year and broke up, the cutest couple i thought ever broke up, my sister and chris broke up after a year and a half with plans to be together forever, jess and adam did for a while; things like that make me wonder.
i feel gross and stinky. i hate the summer. i thought summer would be great, but with my lack of ever knowing what to do, it is sucking hardcore so far. i would rather be in school because at least i get to do something for half a day and maybe hear sebastian sing some more. i need a schedule for everyday. everything has changed. last summer was fun. everyone has cars and jobs now. it was fun walking around last year. now that everyone has cars, they are too good to walk. i miss that. i miss last year. why do things have to change. nature sucks. i guess everybody grew up and i am still a little whiney irresponsible baby. walking around myself was pretty cool last year. i guess that's something to do. maybe i will see mondo since i haven't in a long ass time. hopefully. my mom needs to take me to the library so i can borrow books. that will keep me preoccupied and hopefully expand my vocabulary. it's a plan. i plan to read a lot and have fun doing it dogfuckingnabbit.
simpsons is on, so i am going to go. if anyone would please like to do anything with me over the long summer please call me because i am bored sitting around all day because i am a lagger and can't drive and i don't want to go out and be bored by myself sitting around geer road alone. 667-0834. that is the number to call. or just email or IM me. thank you very much.
i need to talk to someone, so i will go talk to my pretty journal that frau gave me. bless her soul, for i am thankful for that thing. it is so pretty.