Fairtytale boys DO exist. My little sister's story. Stolen from her blog. It made me cry, literally.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
when ’we’ no longer means ’us.’
public is not how i wanted to go about this. it's the only way i'll get it all out of my system.
here goes...
nicholas andrew hammon,
we were the fairytale couple, our own fairytale. it wasn't reality. we were perfect and meant to be, but only for that time. time can only tell what our future holds for us.
back in august, i felt the need for a break. we knew distance was a factor, you going to college in a different state was our only obstacle. but time and time again you would remind me we were only an inch apart on a map. know the decision wasn't made because my love for you decreased over time. that's impossible, silly. my love for you can only grow with or without you by my side. you knew that already. we laughed about it, because we knew it was only temporary. i thought it would be best.
i felt the need to put you infront of me. you with school. honors. intense study sessions to keep your scholarship. working 35 hours on campus. your temporary corporate job. asu rugby. u19 club rugby. working out four days for four hours straight a week for sports. being chairman of the american cancer society's webpage. still helping with national honor's society since you were president. leadership. and last but not least, your music. it's not healthy to be 6 hours shy of being up for 72 hours straight. how can possibly add myself to this list? i dare not do that to you. you say it is your choice, but i can't and i won't. i don't need you to add stressing over if you're being a good boyfriend or not. you were the best by far. know that.
it felt like technology was the basis of our relationship as soon as you started school. i didn't mind one bit. i miss you being my first and last voice i would hear everyday. your cute messages. i miss my phone ringing nonstop. pretty much why my phone plan increased by $60 to top off the $90 plan just so i could have unlimited everything. haha. my mom hated you for that. haha. always text messaging, pic messaging, and video messaging. you always did whatever you could to make me feel like i was there and apart of your day even when i was 400 miles away. and everyone hated it. you were the one to make my friends want to be in a long distance relationship. haha. the perfect boy. i miss you texting me at 11:11am/pm every single day either telling me to make a wish or stating "my wish came true. it was always you." i knew you were different when i got emotional over a simple text asking if i smiled yet today with a picture of you smiling. people get giddy over simple "i love you" exchanges, but not us. we knew those were only words. we defined the meaning with our actions and words. and that's why your messages had a profound impact on me. if not texting, we would chat on our webcam. i never liked you seeing me tear up. haha. always good tears though. i couldn't stand you were apart. and you saw that. so you being your silly self took a picture with your phone hugging your laptop while i was on cam talking to you. i didn't understand at the moment until i received the pic message on my phone. "look i'm right beside you. always." so sweet. so corny. but i loved every bit of it. how could i not? we always had a thing to say two 'good-byes.' one would never be enough. whoever had to leave would start to walk away to leave, then come turn around and come back just to say 'i love you.' i knew after you would leave i would have to wait two mintues just to receive a text thanking me for spending time with you. everything of ours was routine. routine. routine. and that's what is breaking me. we had to many things that was "ours."
i miss it all. the little things. big things every boy does for a gal, but not many pay attention to the smallest detail. i miss when you would always be one step behind me walking up the stairs, cupping my elbow so you would be there to catch me if i were to fall. or the fact i would wake up with you at the foot of my bed. you playing the guitar for me. pretty much immortalizing every one of our songs, because you sang them, you played them. to me and for me. it's not everyday a boy will write a gal many songs. i miss your voice. the voice i fell in love with. i miss the little things. i miss being tangled up in your arms. your arms locked around me perfectly. i miss it all. all our jokes. all our adventures. from picnics to bonfires.
i miss calling arizona my second home. this thanksgiving i was thankful more than ever. your family embracing me was beautiful. the usc asu game was the most amazing experience. we all know i love usc, but i'm the worst fan ever and decided to wear an asu shirt. "i am sparky." landon hated that, he being a usc fan and all. you knew he ruined my shirt and had no intention of giving it back to me. three days later, i received a package in the mail. it was from the asu bookstore. it wasn't hard to figure out who mailed it to me. i wonder what wonderful boy works at the asu bookstore? i love your little surprises.
i didn't think i'd miss that. all of that.
and it breaks me even more reading your list of what you miss.
i lost a best friend. one i could talk to about anything and everything.
you'll always have a place in my heart, nick. i've never met a boy with big enough hands to hold my heart and soul.
you're the most intelligent boy i know. you're silver speech makes any girl weak in the knees.
the funny thing is we both don't have one negative thing to say about the other. you're amazing. i read your page over and over, but no, i found nothing. part of me wanted to see that, so maybe it wouldn't hurt as bad. it's hard to when we have never had a disagreement or have ever fought. that compatible. never mad or angry. we were always happy.
i know we shouldn't prolong this any further. it's just killing both of us. it's hard coming from a break and returning liking each other more than ever. that strong of a bound could only lead to disaster in the future. time is not out friend. distance is not our friend.
the face i no longer get to kiss.
the voice that will no longer sing for me.
the boy who will no longer play his guitar for me.
the one who will no longer send me packages.
the hazel eyes i will never lock into with.
i lost my miracle.
and now i no longer take the leap hoping to soar.
i take the leap knowing i will fly.
last week was the best week. it was. it was.
i didn't know this week would be so brutal.
i'm sorry my christmas won't be spent with you.
i'm sorry i won't be present on your birthday.
we are just five days shy of your birthday.
you deserve everything.
i love you with all my heart,
krissie alyssa sj juban <3
(ill update and finish this later)
(ps your letter made me cry haha)
___________________________________________________________________________________
10:04 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment
ayo Lando.
it took some time to hack into one of your photobucket accounts haha
i uploaded this for you
it's hard for me to trust anyone. and you know how protective i get.
but i knew he was different.
remember when i commented you accusing the boy who commented below me for being the reason you were frowning. well he never wanted me to tell you that we spoke. he's a nice guy. he looks out for you. and i respect him. i too have nothing bad to say about him. he went out of his way.
smile
i love you