Sleepless in Charlotte
Let me just preface this whole thing with the following:
I made it a goal within the most recent months to try to reinvent myself to become a less selfish and negative person. I've always had a sort of 'hiccup" in my personality; I think in essence I am an okay individual but I tend to rub people the wrong way after a while. I start out likable and then slowly deteriorate from there.
When I started working at the restaurant a few months ago I was amazed at how welcoming people were. I expected another Sterling episode where I was dreading everyday going into work with people who hated my guts. Instead I tried to keep a positive attitude and was as open and friendly with everyone, avoiding gossip and petty arguments. I became the smiling optimist, the person everybody could expect a smile or a joke from. My managers complimented me on my attitude and my hard work which made me feel great. Finally I felt I could be liked for me; that I didn't have to be tough or wary of others. If you were ever teased mercilessly as a kid, you'll understand the release of that constant suspicion that people just want to hurt you.
Last week it seems as though my world came crashing down upon me when Chef M took me aside and we had an issue about my uniform. She isn't a very tactful person and heavy-handedly made me feel embarrassed and self-conscious about my chest. I'm not going to rehash what happened but I was upset and when I went out for beers with some of my buddies from the restaurant later that night I tried to hide my hurt and confusion by making a joke of the whole ordeal.
I didn't realize what outrage people were going to express and how long they kept that outrage going; as if they needed fuel for their own personal smoldering. I started to get uncomfortable with the amount of people who made it their own personal crusade well after I was over the situation in general.
This "Crusade for Kayte" crap can to my own personal limits tonight when I had a customer service issue that a manager (let's call him Joe) and I were handling ON OUR OWN. A woman I work with heard us discussing the situation and must not have felt that Joe was handling the issue in a way that she agreed with. First off, I appreciate her concern but she ended up confronting Joe and giving him her 2 cents on the issue at hand. Not only that but by the end of the night the whole restaurant (my coworkers) were buzzing about my problem table. Now Joe is angry with me because he feels I am an attention-monger. I'm hurt by this because I respect his regard and I hate to be labeled as just another pain in the ass. Yes my attitude has changed as of late because I no longer feel I can have the same relationship that I once had with not only my manangers but my coworkers. I'm angry with coworkers for being rumor-mill but I am also disappointed in myself for being so naive in thinking that I could be above all that crap. I'm sad that my relationship with Joe is damaged; I am so torn up about all of this I am having a hard time sleeping.
I guess I just don't know how to make it all right again and if I will ever be able to reach that point were I feel comfortable and above reproach. Joe isn't the only person that I have disappointed lately either, I've got another friend who I feel I may have hurt by just being forgetful.
So far I am 0 for 2 this week.
I made it a goal within the most recent months to try to reinvent myself to become a less selfish and negative person. I've always had a sort of 'hiccup" in my personality; I think in essence I am an okay individual but I tend to rub people the wrong way after a while. I start out likable and then slowly deteriorate from there.
When I started working at the restaurant a few months ago I was amazed at how welcoming people were. I expected another Sterling episode where I was dreading everyday going into work with people who hated my guts. Instead I tried to keep a positive attitude and was as open and friendly with everyone, avoiding gossip and petty arguments. I became the smiling optimist, the person everybody could expect a smile or a joke from. My managers complimented me on my attitude and my hard work which made me feel great. Finally I felt I could be liked for me; that I didn't have to be tough or wary of others. If you were ever teased mercilessly as a kid, you'll understand the release of that constant suspicion that people just want to hurt you.
Last week it seems as though my world came crashing down upon me when Chef M took me aside and we had an issue about my uniform. She isn't a very tactful person and heavy-handedly made me feel embarrassed and self-conscious about my chest. I'm not going to rehash what happened but I was upset and when I went out for beers with some of my buddies from the restaurant later that night I tried to hide my hurt and confusion by making a joke of the whole ordeal.
I didn't realize what outrage people were going to express and how long they kept that outrage going; as if they needed fuel for their own personal smoldering. I started to get uncomfortable with the amount of people who made it their own personal crusade well after I was over the situation in general.
This "Crusade for Kayte" crap can to my own personal limits tonight when I had a customer service issue that a manager (let's call him Joe) and I were handling ON OUR OWN. A woman I work with heard us discussing the situation and must not have felt that Joe was handling the issue in a way that she agreed with. First off, I appreciate her concern but she ended up confronting Joe and giving him her 2 cents on the issue at hand. Not only that but by the end of the night the whole restaurant (my coworkers) were buzzing about my problem table. Now Joe is angry with me because he feels I am an attention-monger. I'm hurt by this because I respect his regard and I hate to be labeled as just another pain in the ass. Yes my attitude has changed as of late because I no longer feel I can have the same relationship that I once had with not only my manangers but my coworkers. I'm angry with coworkers for being rumor-mill but I am also disappointed in myself for being so naive in thinking that I could be above all that crap. I'm sad that my relationship with Joe is damaged; I am so torn up about all of this I am having a hard time sleeping.
I guess I just don't know how to make it all right again and if I will ever be able to reach that point were I feel comfortable and above reproach. Joe isn't the only person that I have disappointed lately either, I've got another friend who I feel I may have hurt by just being forgetful.
So far I am 0 for 2 this week.