(no subject)
We wait all our lives for certain things to happen, and when they finally do, we wish they'd never begun. Sometimes the only way to know love is to get your heart shattered into millions and millions of pieces. So can you really blame me for being satisfied just knowing?
Asking me to pursue that love again is a little too much, I think. But the saddest part is that there will always be some girl assuming that they're great enough for me to try again, just to be with her. And she's gonna' feel bad when I say I can't. And she's going to ask me why, and I'm going to tell her the same old things.
But at the root of it all, I'll know that the one thing I'm really trying to say is that I don't love them. And it's because my heart is closed to that kind of thing, not because I can't love them, or they're not worth it. And maybe that will help them see that my love wasn't worth it in the first place, and they'll move on to someone who makes them happy.
But it seems that, as this cycle repeats with many of my friends, they don't really forget about me. As if me rejecting them is just some way of playing hard to get, or makes me more admirable. OwO STOP FOOLING YOURSELF!!
I don't need another love in my life. At least, not for many years. And I'll probably be too old, by then. So yeah, forget about it. I'm just Jack. Calm down and move on to some unscathed person, willing to give their heart away like a fool for love. Because I will never again be that man, no matter how evident it is I should be with that person. I'm not a fool, even if staying alone forever is the most foolish thing I can do.
Maybe it's destiny? Of course it's destiny. It's what always happens. Then again, is it just the path of least resistance, and I'm waiting for a chance in the distant future where the cycle will be broken, and a girl will love me for me, not the way I make her feel?
People love because they love themselves too often. They want a relationship to serve themselves with the love of another. And they don't seem to realize that it NEVER WORKS OUT that way. You give, and you give, and you give, until you've got nothing left. But the saddest part is, I've never heard of someone dying from loving too much. Sure, they may have killed themselves over the false hopes of an unrequited love, but it wasn't that sacrifice that killed them. It was them that killed them.
So, it seems that the cycle could repeat forever in our lives. The conviction that someone loves us unconditionally as well. A fallacy.
However, most people I know found the one they wanted to be with. Sure, a lot of people start early- naively, foolishly- but the fact of the matter is that it's not fear of social views or financial retribution that keeps those people together in a marriage- it's LOVE. Pure, full, endless love. And that's why there are so many songs about it, why there are so many books about it, and why everyone tends to seek after that one thing by the end of their lives.
I realize sorrow is requisite to some learning experiences. But I also understand life is meant to be enjoyed. That we are meant to be happy. Albeit in some discomfort, we can always have that contentment, in one form or another.
So I guess I'm just waiting for someone who makes me happy and who wants to be with me, too- for more than just two seconds. I know that kind of love is formed over time, but more importantly, over experiences.
I might already know her. I may meet her some later day. I might never meet her. But the real question is, with my current point of view at large, would I really let her in if I was given the chance? Is it enough to know true love, only, and the sacrifices thereof, even if it's eventual fate is to fade away? Or is the true point of love to find one that lasts forever?
Regardless, I'm sure I'll find the right person sometime later. And I'm not lonely. I'm not sad. I'm just incredibly curious to find out where all my experience and struggling to become the most independent I can be will take me. I've never really needed anyone. There was this one time when I convinced myself I would never leave a certain person. She thought that was what she wanted. But the truth of the matter is, no matter how closely the hearts of people are, waiting for someone for two years isn't the most carefree thing to do. And sometimes, although you can be your best self, people get bored of you, and try to look for something else to satisfy their time.
I've never really showed that kind of complacency and displaced motivation in a romantic relationship, or even a friendship, but I guess that's just because I'm stupid enough to believe in something more than human nature, and live thereby.
But, no matter what anyone says, I will look inside my own heart, and look to God for the answers. I will take suggestions and helpful hints, but I won't base my beliefs on this matter on what someone else thinks is right for me, no matter how valid and logical they find their views to be. Because, in the end, human logic doesn't allow for a serious, lasting relationship. Humans aren't capable of such a thing.
But we are.
To close this awkward rant on the subject of love, I really don't care, anymore. These are just some of my thoughts. More helpful to me, just to know what I think, than to anyone reading them. I feel bad for the woman who I won't notice until she's pushed herself into my life. That's really gonna' suck for her to have to do.
Hopefully she doesn't go to the trouble. XD
Or maybe by then, I won't be so harsh, and assume a view of, 'the past is the past, the future is a clean slate, and I'm strong enough to try again. To really love someone again, without a billion awkward issues holding me back.'
XD Yeah right.
Asking me to pursue that love again is a little too much, I think. But the saddest part is that there will always be some girl assuming that they're great enough for me to try again, just to be with her. And she's gonna' feel bad when I say I can't. And she's going to ask me why, and I'm going to tell her the same old things.
But at the root of it all, I'll know that the one thing I'm really trying to say is that I don't love them. And it's because my heart is closed to that kind of thing, not because I can't love them, or they're not worth it. And maybe that will help them see that my love wasn't worth it in the first place, and they'll move on to someone who makes them happy.
But it seems that, as this cycle repeats with many of my friends, they don't really forget about me. As if me rejecting them is just some way of playing hard to get, or makes me more admirable. OwO STOP FOOLING YOURSELF!!
I don't need another love in my life. At least, not for many years. And I'll probably be too old, by then. So yeah, forget about it. I'm just Jack. Calm down and move on to some unscathed person, willing to give their heart away like a fool for love. Because I will never again be that man, no matter how evident it is I should be with that person. I'm not a fool, even if staying alone forever is the most foolish thing I can do.
Maybe it's destiny? Of course it's destiny. It's what always happens. Then again, is it just the path of least resistance, and I'm waiting for a chance in the distant future where the cycle will be broken, and a girl will love me for me, not the way I make her feel?
People love because they love themselves too often. They want a relationship to serve themselves with the love of another. And they don't seem to realize that it NEVER WORKS OUT that way. You give, and you give, and you give, until you've got nothing left. But the saddest part is, I've never heard of someone dying from loving too much. Sure, they may have killed themselves over the false hopes of an unrequited love, but it wasn't that sacrifice that killed them. It was them that killed them.
So, it seems that the cycle could repeat forever in our lives. The conviction that someone loves us unconditionally as well. A fallacy.
However, most people I know found the one they wanted to be with. Sure, a lot of people start early- naively, foolishly- but the fact of the matter is that it's not fear of social views or financial retribution that keeps those people together in a marriage- it's LOVE. Pure, full, endless love. And that's why there are so many songs about it, why there are so many books about it, and why everyone tends to seek after that one thing by the end of their lives.
I realize sorrow is requisite to some learning experiences. But I also understand life is meant to be enjoyed. That we are meant to be happy. Albeit in some discomfort, we can always have that contentment, in one form or another.
So I guess I'm just waiting for someone who makes me happy and who wants to be with me, too- for more than just two seconds. I know that kind of love is formed over time, but more importantly, over experiences.
I might already know her. I may meet her some later day. I might never meet her. But the real question is, with my current point of view at large, would I really let her in if I was given the chance? Is it enough to know true love, only, and the sacrifices thereof, even if it's eventual fate is to fade away? Or is the true point of love to find one that lasts forever?
Regardless, I'm sure I'll find the right person sometime later. And I'm not lonely. I'm not sad. I'm just incredibly curious to find out where all my experience and struggling to become the most independent I can be will take me. I've never really needed anyone. There was this one time when I convinced myself I would never leave a certain person. She thought that was what she wanted. But the truth of the matter is, no matter how closely the hearts of people are, waiting for someone for two years isn't the most carefree thing to do. And sometimes, although you can be your best self, people get bored of you, and try to look for something else to satisfy their time.
I've never really showed that kind of complacency and displaced motivation in a romantic relationship, or even a friendship, but I guess that's just because I'm stupid enough to believe in something more than human nature, and live thereby.
But, no matter what anyone says, I will look inside my own heart, and look to God for the answers. I will take suggestions and helpful hints, but I won't base my beliefs on this matter on what someone else thinks is right for me, no matter how valid and logical they find their views to be. Because, in the end, human logic doesn't allow for a serious, lasting relationship. Humans aren't capable of such a thing.
But we are.
To close this awkward rant on the subject of love, I really don't care, anymore. These are just some of my thoughts. More helpful to me, just to know what I think, than to anyone reading them. I feel bad for the woman who I won't notice until she's pushed herself into my life. That's really gonna' suck for her to have to do.
Hopefully she doesn't go to the trouble. XD
Or maybe by then, I won't be so harsh, and assume a view of, 'the past is the past, the future is a clean slate, and I'm strong enough to try again. To really love someone again, without a billion awkward issues holding me back.'
XD Yeah right.