in the words of the one we call $m0k3y
I've been listening to this song non-stop for the best part of 3hrs now, sat here, sat upstairs, sat in the attic, walking round aimlessly catching myself in random mirrors on the walls....
I've spent a night at home on my own for the first time in about eight weeks and its well 'weird'.
This is the first weekend in the best part of 2 months that hasn't involved drink or drugs....I think I've been punched in the face real fucking hard with clarity although I can't be too sure.
I've found myself crying, laughing at random jokes said in work about my leg to just sitting in my room with this song staring at a wall with a pensive smile.
I've thought of everything from my friends, family, work to NASA fuck ups. (lol don't ask)
Tonight has given me the view of a level horizon of comfort and torment.
hmmm a limping, yammering, headphone advertising oxymoron.
For some reason earlier I got bored and started to read up on C.P (who knows why). It turns out my mood swings and temper bouts and even my organisational skills are a behavioral 'side effect' This stung a little bit because controlling has become very difficult of late but that's the way it goes... When I get told to grow up when I lose it and I've never understood why, I thought I was immature...of course I am in some ways, aren't we all. It's just something I've never got my head round or understood why I couldn't 'grow up' brought back some dark childhood memories, stuff I've not thought of in a very long time.
I stumbled across a random blog of someone with C.P who'd taken the time out to write about what her life was like as a child and how she deals with it now. This restored the balance of my own little theme park ride tonight, reading it made so much sense it was quite touching in a way.
again more memories were sparked...
Fair do's I'm on a ramble tonight, its tickles me how I this when I feel remotely lost...how cliche do I want to be?
I have more to say tonight but before I lose total point & direction I shall leave with this..
Just be true to yourselfIf it lands you in hell, at least then you know