[Fic] Mass Effect: Kaidan has a bad day (working title)

[musa_nocturna]

Title: Kaidan has a bad day (working title)
Fandom: Mass Effect
Rating: unrated (T or M)
Disclaimer: This is a non-profit work of fanfiction. Mass Effect is the copyright property of EA/Bioware. No infringement is intended.
Characters: Kaidan, Joker, FemShep, and some dead gueststars.
Warnings/Triggers/Notes: Major drug use (arg, bad pun)
Summary: Party

Comments

[a_talking_dino]

Very intense and well done. Couple of typos and maybe a slight change in phrasing needed but there's nothing really wrong with it as far as I could see.

Typos:
Rahna was hanging on her her arm

(")I will."

Also, this isn't really a typo but a technical grammar thing. The gravity sang to him as he drew his knees up to his chin to make something, anything, stop the spinning. The sentence might have more impact if you changed the commas around anything to dashes. The gravity sang to him as he drew his knees up to his chin to make something- anything- stop the spinning.

The sky was spinning. Or maybe he was. This felt slightly- I'm not sure clunky is the right word but it's the only thing I can think of. You might consider changing it to The sky was spinning. Or maybe it was him. Just a suggestion :).

Really enjoyed reading this and I would love to see more if you've got some plans to expand on it. Great job :D.

[musa_nocturna]

*squeeeee* Those are awesome comments! Will fix. :D Thank you so much for taking the time. <3

[a_talking_dino]

You're welcome :). I'm happy to be helpful.

[lissibith]

Is this the one you were talking about? I love the narration style either way. And pitch-perfect ending. :)

[musa_nocturna]

Yep, it is. <3 Much thanks.