muse_manifesto - Prompt 11 - RP Alexa response
Are we really in control of our lives?
That would be a no...
"Thank you for calling Speedy Connections, your one stop cable, telephone and high speed Internet specialists. This is Miss Murphy, how may I be of service?"
"Oh, hello. I'd like to schedule a service call for my DSL and my cable, please."
"I'll be happy to help you with your account. May I have your name?"
"Alexa Bond."
"Thank you, Miss Bond. May I have your account number?"
"I don't know the account number."
"It would be on your bill, Miss Bond, under the section marked 'Account Number'."
Alexa's left eyebrow shot up.
"I have a new account, so I haven't gotten a bill yet..."
"Oh, new accounts! I'll transfer you."
"No! Wait...I need a service call..."
"New accounts. What services would you like to apply for today?" Oh, someone's way too perky, this early in the morning.
"I'm not applying for a new account. I have a new account. I need someone to come out and check my set up, because my computer and cable aren't working right..."
"Ma'am, if you needed service, you should have pressed six on the options when you got our recorded greeting." The tone was pleasant, even when lightly scolding.
"I DID press six. I got the service department and they transferred me to you!" Indignation made Alexa's voice raise ever so slightly.
"Well, I'm afraid you'll have to call back. Please remember to press six."
"Oh...nonononono. I sat on hold with that horrible muzak for twenty minutes. Just transfer me back."
"I can't do that. However, you can make a service request online at our customer satisfaction page, if you would prefer."
"I'd love to, hon, but my DSL IS DOWN AND THAT'S WHY I'M CALLING IN THE FIRST PLACE!"
"Ma'am, there is no need to raise your voice to me." More scolding. How sweet.
"Obviously, there is, because no one is listening to me. I need a service call because my cable and DSL are not working. How could I possibly make a request online if I can't get online? That doesn't even make sense!"
"You could come down to our customer service center on 68th Street. We have computers here that customers can use to make requests." Oh, so helpful and bright. Someone had her double shot latte this morning.
"You have a customer service center, but you make people use a computer there to make a request for service instead of having them see a real live human?"
Extreme patience and slow speaking followed Alexa's question. "Ma'am, we provide the computers as a customer service to our valued subscribers who do not have working DSL in their own home."
"Which is the service that they are paying you for, right? So if I come down there, and get in line, I can't get assistance from a real, live human so that I can get my computer DSL service fixed? But I can use your computers, because YOUR DSL WORKS JUST FINE AND YOU HAVE SERVICE PEOPLE RIGHT THERE? And you don't see the absolute stupidity of that?"
"Ma'am, if you are going to be irrational and abusive, I will have to put you through to our supervisor." Click. Ring. A male voice comes on. "This is Mr. Indarka. How may I service you?" His accent was such that Alexa could hardly understand him.
"Look...I just need a service call, because I signed up for your cable and DSL, but it's not working."
"Account number, please?"
"I don't have it."
"Service requests are at..."
"Look, pal, I know. I have just spent forty five minutes of my precious life dealing with your phone tree, your service department, your new accounts. Now, here's the thing. This is your moment...do you hear me? This is your chance to deviate from the corporate script. Seize the day! Take charge! Be bold! YOU are the only man who can give me satisfaction, Mr. Indarka. You can make this one customer happy, truly happy. All you need to do is schedule a service call for me. Come on, big boy. You can do this. I have faith in your exceptional leadership skills."
Coughing. Silence. More coughing.
"Well, I suppose. Here, let me put in a special request in the system. I have openings for a week from Friday."
"That long? Oh, no! I need satisfaction now!" Yup, she was laying it on thick. But...oh, well.
"Tuesday. It's the best I can do." He was firm. Very firm.
"Okay. What time?"
"Between eight and five."
"You're kidding. You can't narrow that down a bit?"
"No ma'am, but if you would like to speak to someone in the service department, you could call back and press six..."
"NO! No, no...I'll take the appointment." Alexa knew that the battle was turning for the worse.
"Excellent. Your appointment is confirmed for Tuesday, between eight and five. And you'll be receiving a survey regarding your experience with our call center, so please note my name if you are satisfied with the customer service I have provided you with today. Is there anything else I can help you with?"
Tuesday, at 4:52PM, Alexa's buzzer sounded, and the DSL guy was there. And then, he realized he needed a new thingamajiggy to replace the defective one they installed the first time. He'd be back the next day, he promised.
Between eight and five.
Alexa Bond
Highlander
928 words
That would be a no...
"Thank you for calling Speedy Connections, your one stop cable, telephone and high speed Internet specialists. This is Miss Murphy, how may I be of service?"
"Oh, hello. I'd like to schedule a service call for my DSL and my cable, please."
"I'll be happy to help you with your account. May I have your name?"
"Alexa Bond."
"Thank you, Miss Bond. May I have your account number?"
"I don't know the account number."
"It would be on your bill, Miss Bond, under the section marked 'Account Number'."
Alexa's left eyebrow shot up.
"I have a new account, so I haven't gotten a bill yet..."
"Oh, new accounts! I'll transfer you."
"No! Wait...I need a service call..."
"New accounts. What services would you like to apply for today?" Oh, someone's way too perky, this early in the morning.
"I'm not applying for a new account. I have a new account. I need someone to come out and check my set up, because my computer and cable aren't working right..."
"Ma'am, if you needed service, you should have pressed six on the options when you got our recorded greeting." The tone was pleasant, even when lightly scolding.
"I DID press six. I got the service department and they transferred me to you!" Indignation made Alexa's voice raise ever so slightly.
"Well, I'm afraid you'll have to call back. Please remember to press six."
"Oh...nonononono. I sat on hold with that horrible muzak for twenty minutes. Just transfer me back."
"I can't do that. However, you can make a service request online at our customer satisfaction page, if you would prefer."
"I'd love to, hon, but my DSL IS DOWN AND THAT'S WHY I'M CALLING IN THE FIRST PLACE!"
"Ma'am, there is no need to raise your voice to me." More scolding. How sweet.
"Obviously, there is, because no one is listening to me. I need a service call because my cable and DSL are not working. How could I possibly make a request online if I can't get online? That doesn't even make sense!"
"You could come down to our customer service center on 68th Street. We have computers here that customers can use to make requests." Oh, so helpful and bright. Someone had her double shot latte this morning.
"You have a customer service center, but you make people use a computer there to make a request for service instead of having them see a real live human?"
Extreme patience and slow speaking followed Alexa's question. "Ma'am, we provide the computers as a customer service to our valued subscribers who do not have working DSL in their own home."
"Which is the service that they are paying you for, right? So if I come down there, and get in line, I can't get assistance from a real, live human so that I can get my computer DSL service fixed? But I can use your computers, because YOUR DSL WORKS JUST FINE AND YOU HAVE SERVICE PEOPLE RIGHT THERE? And you don't see the absolute stupidity of that?"
"Ma'am, if you are going to be irrational and abusive, I will have to put you through to our supervisor." Click. Ring. A male voice comes on. "This is Mr. Indarka. How may I service you?" His accent was such that Alexa could hardly understand him.
"Look...I just need a service call, because I signed up for your cable and DSL, but it's not working."
"Account number, please?"
"I don't have it."
"Service requests are at..."
"Look, pal, I know. I have just spent forty five minutes of my precious life dealing with your phone tree, your service department, your new accounts. Now, here's the thing. This is your moment...do you hear me? This is your chance to deviate from the corporate script. Seize the day! Take charge! Be bold! YOU are the only man who can give me satisfaction, Mr. Indarka. You can make this one customer happy, truly happy. All you need to do is schedule a service call for me. Come on, big boy. You can do this. I have faith in your exceptional leadership skills."
Coughing. Silence. More coughing.
"Well, I suppose. Here, let me put in a special request in the system. I have openings for a week from Friday."
"That long? Oh, no! I need satisfaction now!" Yup, she was laying it on thick. But...oh, well.
"Tuesday. It's the best I can do." He was firm. Very firm.
"Okay. What time?"
"Between eight and five."
"You're kidding. You can't narrow that down a bit?"
"No ma'am, but if you would like to speak to someone in the service department, you could call back and press six..."
"NO! No, no...I'll take the appointment." Alexa knew that the battle was turning for the worse.
"Excellent. Your appointment is confirmed for Tuesday, between eight and five. And you'll be receiving a survey regarding your experience with our call center, so please note my name if you are satisfied with the customer service I have provided you with today. Is there anything else I can help you with?"
Tuesday, at 4:52PM, Alexa's buzzer sounded, and the DSL guy was there. And then, he realized he needed a new thingamajiggy to replace the defective one they installed the first time. He'd be back the next day, he promised.
Between eight and five.
Alexa Bond
Highlander
928 words