I Never Thought I Would - 9
Yunho | Jaejoong
Chaptered
Summary:
Kim JaeJoong and Jung YunHo was forced to marry each other for the sake of their families business..
It was not hard for Jaejoong to agree because he secretly love YunHo since High school but for Yunho - it was the opposite.. He hated Jaejoong for he was gay. The fact that Yunho was straight and has a girlfriend..
Yunho did things that Jaejoong tolerated at first, but when Yunho crossed the line; he immediately demanded for a divorce. Yunho agreed in one condition - no one will know it except the two of them..
They separated ways and lived the life they want but after two years, they have to meet again..
What will happen to them?
[ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ] [ 4 ] [ 5 ] [ 6 ] [ 7 ] [ 8 ]
Nine
It was midnight, sounds made by insects and the calm breathing of a certain man can be heard by the only person who was still awake in the Kim’s Mansion.
He can’t sleep. How can he when his conscience was eating him up inside.. he was looking outside through the glass door of the veranda, it was pitch black, even the moon light can help to fight the darkness that eating whole place... he turned his gaze at the man curled up in a ball, sleeping in the bed.. his heart started to beat frantically that it hurts. How he wanted to touch him, to comfort him but he can’t when all the beautiful but now fragile looking man could say whenever he was near him, pierced him deeply in his heart;
He grabbed the blanket when he noticed that Jaejoong was shivering in the corner. As soon as the blank touched the other’s porcelain, bruised skin; it’s blank gazed shifted at him - eyes that shows only fear widened as his body tremble. The smaller man started to struggle violently, hitting the taller man everywhere he could reach as it wrapped the blanket around his small framed, abused body but the taller man didn’t budge, he continued what he was doing and after minutes of forcing the other, he succeeded then he carried the smaller man in a bridal manner though it kept on hitting him nonstop..
Yunho placed his wife in the bath tub, hugging him from behind to kept him in place. He reached for the shower bulb and turned it on, soaking the both of them in the process. When he loosened his grip on the other’s small waist, the beautiful man struggled again, more forcefully this time. He could have succeeded to be away from the other but the pain in his lower region refrained him to be so in the end, due to the shattering pain he can feel he lose his balance and he slipped in the tub together with his husband in a loud thud..
Almond shape eyes were shut tightly at the pain he was feeling, accompanied by the weight of the other man above him.
“ugh”.. he groaned as he opened his eyes and pushed the smaller man a little away from him as he tried to sat up. When they were fully sitting in the tub, he tried to remove the blanket wrapped around his wife but the latter was clutching it tightly. Because of the headache and the pain in the back that he was experiencing, Yunho has no room with patience at that time, so he done something that he regret after..
“fuck Jae! Stop fighting me! i will just clean you! You’re acting like i’m planning to rape you here!”.. he shouted so loud that it echoed in every corner of the bath room. Then it hit him, when the smaller man froze as its hands dropped on his sides, lifeless and he felt his heart beat faster like it wanted to get out of his chest when he heard the words that slapped him hard in the face;
“p-please d-don’t hurt me. p-please”.. his wife whispered almost inaudibly, his voice was still hoarse from the strangulation he experienced earlier. How he wanted to kept a distance from the older man now, and he cursed himself for being weak, he can’t even fight, all his body could do is froze, he felt worthless..
His body started to tremble when he felt his husband removing the soaked blanket covering him. The older man threw it on the floor and started to rubbed the younger man as gentle as possible, he can’t stop his hand to shake when it passes through the deep bite marks he made.. and the weird feeling was there again - his chest started to tightened as his eyes started to feel like it was burning. He wrapped his arms on the beautiful man’s small waist tightly..
“please don’t hurt me anymore, please”.. Jaejoong begged in a broken voice. All he can feel is fear every time the older man touch him.. Yunho rest his forehead on the other’s nape as the smaller man continued to chant the words all over again, that pierced the other’s man heart, making him feel that he was truly a monster..
“Jae, please stop. I’m not going to hurt you anymore. Believe me please”.. he pleaded, hoping his wife would believe him..
They stayed on that position for a long time as the warm water kept soaking their naked bodies. How they hoped it could also wash away the smaller man’s pain both physically and emotionally and the taller man’s remorse and conscience that was eating him up and will hunt him forever until the beautiful man could forgive him.
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Big doe eyes started to flutter as the beautiful man woke up from his slumber. Opening his eyes completely, he sat up with difficulty but managed to do so, he roamed his gorgeous eyes around the still dimmed room as he clutched on the blanket towards him tightly. His eyes then caught the silhouette of the tall, sleeping man on the couch near the veranda door. Staring at him for a full minute, he started to stood up, using his both hands as support.
“it hurts so much! Damn it!”.. he screamed inside his head when he finally succeeded to stand. Limping towards his bag to get some clothes, he limped again towards the bathroom and closed the door as gently as possible so that he will not wake the older man..
He hold the sink with his both hand as support as he stood in front of the mirror.. his brows furrowed when he notice the black, muscle cut shirt that he was wearing, it wasn’t his so for sure it was owned by the sleeping man outside. He hastily removed it and threw on the floor then he look at his image in the mirror, eyeing his bruises on his face, neck, arms and bite marks starting on his shoulders then on his chest and abdomen. He bit his lip at the pain when he touch the worst bite mark which located on his left shoulder..
“how am I going to cover this up!?”.. he asked himself then he decided to clean up himself despite the pain he was feeling not only on his lower region but on his whole body..
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After a couple of minutes he stepped out of the tub as he dried himself. Wearing his thin red long sleeves sweater paired in a white, ragged, fitted pants with difficulty, he started to cover his face and neck with makeup.. Putting different shades of foundation and concealer, he finished it with no difficulty and his bruises are not noticeable anymore. He sat on the toilet seat cover as he rummages his bag looking for any analgesic that had the highest dosage and fast effect. He can’t bare the pain anymore, it’s killing him and the worst, he can vividly imagine what had happened to him as long as the pain is there..
The beautiful man limped out of the bathroom and their room quietly after he found an analgesic on his bag. Walking lamely down the stairs to the kitchen, he was thankful to found that no one was still awake. He took a glass of water and popped five gel tabs in his mouth and drank it all in one go.. he remained standing in the counter, leaning his back in it as he wait for the medicine to took effect.. he closed his eyes and lifted her right hand to reach for the ring that he is using as his pendant.. he hold it tightly, it was their wedding ring, their worthless wedding ring. He sometimes ask himself if everything will be the same as it is now if Yunho knew the real reason why he agreed to marry him. Will Yunho treat him well or everything will be the same as it is..
“what are you doing here?”.. a voice startled and woke him from his reverie..
“i-I j-just”.. he stuttered for he didn’t know what to say, so he just lifted the glass that he used to show it to the new comer.
The other man lifted his right brow as he eyed the glass that is placed back above the counter.. “you woke up early because you got thirsty?”.. he asked suspiciously as he look at the other man from head to foot.. Jaejoong nodded his head hastily, not moving an inch from his spot..
“what's with the outfit?”.. the other asked again.. the feminine looking man sighed..
“I’m planning to take a walk outside. Does that answer your question YooChun hyung?”.. he answered, annoyed. He doesn’t want to talk to anyone right at the moment he wants to be alone to think..
“you could have told me earlier. I’m planning to take a walk too. Come on, let’s walk together soulmate”.. the older man said as he dragged the younger man hastily, out of the mansion.. Jaejoong was forced to walk fast despite the pain he was feeling, he was limping a little now compared to earlier, meaning that the medicine was starting to work..
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Their walk was silent, no one dared to speak up as they walk side by side.. when they reached the cliff, the sun was just starting to rise.. the younger man sat on a big rock near the cliff edge, while YooChun sat on the ground just beside the rock.. rolling of the waves are the noise that can only be heard as they stared at the beautiful sight in front of them until the younger man started to talk..
“if you feel violated and disgusted at yourself, what would you do?”.. he suddenly asked not looking at the other that was staring at him, confused..
“it depends on the reason why you are feeling that way”.. he answered safely, still eyeing his dongsaeng intently.. the other let out an exaggerated sigh and smiled bitterly..
“I feel like shit! I want to disappear now hyung! I want to die”.. he said randomly as he whispered the last words but still heard by the other.. YooChun knew Jaejoong so much for they were almost the same; he can feel that something was wrong with the other but he can’t force him to tell him everything. The younger man was the type that would never let his family be sad and hurt because of him, he rather handle all his problems alone than sharing it with them. That’s how he love, he never wanted to hurt them, all he want is to make them happy though he will be the one to suffer or make any sacrifices..
“you think disappearing will solve everything?”.. he asked and this time the younger man turned to look at him..
“I don’t know. I’m confuse, broken, worthless”.. he sighed.. “empty”.. he continued, still starting at his hyung.. YooChun shook his head..
“Damn it Jae! You have us! Why would you keep everything just to yourself! I know you can’t tell it, to be exact you don’t want to tell it to your family but Jae, I’m your friend, you can tell me everything. Don’t you trust me?”.. he said hysterically. He was a calm person but seeing the sadness and pain in the other’s eyes, he can’t help but to worry so much..
Jaejoong shook his head as he removed his gaze and just look at nothingness.. “you know I trust you hyung, it’s just that I have to fix this problem on my own. If I told you everything, you would tend to hurt him, if you hurt him, I will hurt even more, if you hate him, I will feel like you hate me too. He is a part of me, a part of me that I could never remove. He was my life to be exact, losing him means my death”.. with every word he spoke, the other felt sadness and he can’t even imagine what his friend was feeling right now..
“I want to know what happened!?”.. he demanded but the other just kept silent..
YooChun stood up and kneeled in front of his friend; he cupped his cheeks and forced the other to look at him. When their gaze locked at each other he then started to speak..
“I’m here okay? I’m always here for you. I really can’t understand you sometimes but I’m willing to listen. Seeing you like this hurts me more. Please tell me everything. Please”.. he pleaded but not a single word escaped the other man’s lips. It remained pursed as his eyes shows changing emotions that the older man can’t even recognize. YooChun hugged Jaejoong, it was the only thing he can do for his friend right now..
‘if you are already hurting right now what more will you feel when you found out what had happened to me last night. I’m disgusting, so disgusting. No one will want me if they found out. I’ve lost everything’.. the younger man said in his mind as he closed his eyes, feeling the warmth his friend was giving him and after that horrible night, he felt safe..
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He awaken by the ray of the sun hitting his face.. he hurriedly stood up when he noticed that his ex-wife was not in the bed anymore..
“Jaejoong!”.. he called but no one answered. He ran hastily in the bathroom and his eyes widened at the sight - Jae’s bag was placed above the toilet seat cover, his shirt and boxer was scattered on the floor. Yunho’s heart beats faster than normal as he got dressed hastily..
“don’t leave me damn it, don’t ever leave me again”.. he mumbled as he ran out of the room.. when he reached the living room, he asked the maids that was cleaning..
“have you seen Jaejoong?”.. the maids shook their heads, and without thanking them, he ran out of the front door and search for his wife frantically all around the mansion..
“don’t leave me please. Don’t leave me”.. he continued to mumble again and again. Yunho will not know what to do if Jaejoong’s going to leave him for the second time..
“I promise I will be a good husband from now one. I will never hurt you. I promise”.. he can’t bear to think that he will be alone again. He cursed himself for doing that unacceptable thing to the kindest and only person that love him despite of what he did to him.. he dropped on his knees on the ground as he panted, heart beating crazily inside his chest. He pound his fist on the ground, hitting it repeatedly, not minding the pain, he knew it was nothing compared to what he did to his angel - his angel that he tainted and broke last night..
“Yunho! Stand up! What are you doing!?”.. Junsu shouted as he saw his friend, kneeling on the ground, hitting it repeatedly.. he helped him to sat up properly..
“JaeJoongie. My JaeJoong is missing, he left me again Su because I’m a fucking monster”.. Yunho said that confused his friend..
“stand up first Yunho and your JaeJoongie is not missing. Chun texted me and said that they took a walk. Let’s wait for them okay”.. he said calmly, trying to convince his friend. The other did stood up but Junsu was still the one that patted his pants to removed the dirt. They walked towards the front door but when they reached the door steps, the taller pulled his hand away from the other’s grasp then he sat on one of the steps..
“Yun -“..
“I’ll wait for him here. You can go inside now”.. Yunho cut him off. Sighing, he entered the mansion and sat on the living as the other’s eyed him worriedly..
“I think they fought”.. he finally said to the others.. Ajoo, Changmin and Kibum looked at each other, shrugging their shoulders to say that they didn’t know what had happened but in one corner of the room, a woman was biting his lip anxiously for she knows that Yunho did something bad to Jaejoong, all because of the stupid drug she gave him..
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The two walked back to the mansion, hands intertwined to each other. Their earlier conversation never continued, they kept silent, looking at each other from time to time, they were soul mates after all, simple gestures have meaning to them that only the two of them can understand. Reaching the front of the mansion, Jaejoong suddenly stopped when he saw his husband staring straight at him, how he felt so scared at the moment and YooChun did sense it.. he squezzed his hand and dragged him towards Yunho..
“talk to him, it will solve everything”.. he said the last time before he released his hand and ran inside not forgetting to smile at the older man that was standing in front of the door..
“Jaejoong”.. the older man whispered but the younger man didn’t mind him, he just walked passed him and hastily ran upstairs. Yunho closed his eyes and breathed deeply before he strode upstairs following the other. They need to talk, they really need to..
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The smaller man started to pace inside the room, he knew Yunho would follow him but he still hope in the back of his mind that he will not. Jaejoong was a calm person but at times like this he do things that are unexpected..
As soon as the door room open, the younger man immediately grabbed something and threw it on his husband's direction, good thing Jae was not good at aiming..
“GET OUT! I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU!”.. he shouted so loud that everyone in the house could hear him but the older man didn’t budge, he continued to walk in and locked the door behind him..
He stared at the furious, beautiful man in front of him.. “I know you don’t want to see me but we need to talk”.. he said calmly..
The other closed his eyes as he shook his head.. “not now! I can’t talk to you in this condition. I will tell you when I’m ready”.. he replied..
“no! it’s the same. You will just hate me in the end so what’s the difference! Tell me!”.. he yelled. He doesn’t want to act like that but the pressure he was feeling was there and its making the situation even harder for him.. the younger man didn’t answer, he bit the inside of his cheek as he looked outside through the glass door.. silence enveloped them that made Yunho more anxious than ever..
“damn it! Answer me! Tell me you hate me! You hate a monster like me right? You hate me cau -“..
“I don’t hate you”.. the older man was cut off by Jaejoong.. Yunho’s eyes turned to slits with the other’s answer..
“you don’t hate me? What a fucking lie Jaejoong! Do you want me to remind you what I did last night? I fucking rape yo -“..
“I don’t hate you! I hate myself! I hate my fucking self!”.. Jaejoong shouted that startled the older man. Then he laughed sarcastically that made the younger man to look at him..
“why would you hate yourself when I was the monster here? Come on Jae stopped being a martyr here, tell me you hate me! Be honest to yourself! Hate me as long as you want! Remember how I dirtied you, how I force myself into you. Fucking hate me please!”.. he yelled again, he still said those words though he knew that it will hurt the other more like he was hurting right now. Jaejoong have to hate him, he doesn’t deserved the love of the other.
Jaejoong's body started to tremble as the tears he kept holding since last night started to fall endlessly..
“I hate myself cause even though I knew that you raped me, beating me countless times, calling me names that I never deserved to be called, making me look like an idiot waiting for you in the restaurant to where we suppose to have our first date but only to find out in the end that you will never came for you are very busy fucking in our kitchen”.. he looked at Yunho with sadness that no one could ever imagine as his body continued to tremble from the pain he was feeling inside.. “though you broke me twice not only physically but also emotionally”.. he sobbed louder, clutching his right hand on his chest.. “I can’t… I can’t even bear to hate you even a little. I still fucking love you! I even love you more than my life!”.. he said then he collapsed on the floor on his knees as he cried even more, wanting to release all the pain he was feeling..
Yunho was dumbfounded with what he just heard. He felt guilty for doing those things to the one that love him so much. If only he realize what he truly feels for the other earlier, maybe this will never happen..
“Jae I don’t know wha -
“you don’t have to say anything! Leave me alone!”.. he yelled through broken voice, he have no more courage to face the older man now after that confession..
“I will not leave you Jae. I.. i.. I love you”.. Yunho said, for the first time he said what he truly feels but the other’s reply was not what he expected. Jaejoong laughed sarcasctically as he stood up, wiping his tears clumsily then he stared at the man who just confessed his love for him..
“you are so funny Jung! You? Love me?”.. he asked and the other nooded..
“why!? Because you feel guilty for forcing yourself on me! For hurting me! Why now!? It fucking hurts even more! I’m not an idiot. You don’t need to say that. You don’t need to lie!”.. he yelled as he hit his chest repeatedly, tears falling from his eyes. Yunho stepped towards him but Jae moved backwards.
“believe me Jaejoong, I really do love you. i love you so much”. he said but the other shook his head.
“stop it. Never say that again”.
"but I do lov -“. he was cut off by a hand that landed on his left cheek harshly. He cupped his stinging cheek as he looked at Jaejoong with his widened almond shaped eyes.
“I’m not an idiot Yunho. I know that you will never love me! So stop lying, you are just hurting me even more. Please stop hurting me! Just kill me now cause I can’t take it anymore!”. he shouted the last time before he ran towards the bathroom and locked the door after he dropped his body onto the cold floor.
“love me?”. he mumbled then he scoffed but his tears said the opposite. “who would love a disgusting thing like me”. he asked to no one in particular..
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Yunho was too shocked to interpret in his brain what just had happened. He confessed what he was feeling to the person he love but why did the other react that way. Why did he slap him? He walked towards the bathroom door then he sat down leaning his back on the door. the feeling was there again - his chest was tightening accompanied by the burning sensation on his eyes but this time, Jung Yunho knew what that feeling was because for the first time, he cried his heart out for he finally learned to love someone
but the person whom he love doesn’t believe him at all.