unloveable
this past few weeks have been ugly.
i've been questioning my worth, thinking that i'm not capable of anything, that i'm unloveable and i don't deserve anything in this world. my sleeping pattern has been ugly, too. i woke up in the middle of the night, bawled, feeling suffocated and unable to breathe properly. my chest hurt. i was thinking of how i'd continue my life if i didn't feel worthy. life will still go on, just fine, without me. i am not important, anyway? no one will remember me. maybe for some time, but just temporary. then i would be thinking: what my life would be if it was different? if i was loved, if i was worthy, if i was capable more than what people had expected. maybe i wouldn't have been so empty. maybe i could start believing that i deserved this life. that i am not unloveable.
someday, maybe. but not today.