(no subject)
so i know i haven't updated this thing in like forever...
its kind of weird doing this again...
anyway i kind of starting writting as some sort of therapy and it's going ok i guess and i wanted to share to see what people thought
my story....
its kind of my first posted on line so if anybody reads it be nice...please...
Sometimes music is the only thing that gets your mind off everything else. Walking around with my headphones blaring, without a care in the world I realized just how big of a part music is in my life. It introduced me to some of the most important people in my life and its kept me sane in the darkest hours, sane when no one else could.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
Walking listening to the words written by a complete stranger, and yet feeling so familiar. Like everybody else, there will always be that one song that describes your life completely, or at least it feels that way. You listen to it everyday to get away from everything and everyone else. The words that allow a world made to your own perfection, a world where no one can reach you or harm you, disturb you, or bring you down. Or in all to just make the reality of your life a little bit more bearable.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
My iPod is my one of the things that I can not have with me through out my day…ever. I have music that others might not understand, or maybe…just maybe they do. Bands that they’ve never heard of …like blessthefall, Escape the Fate, Underoath, and Bullet for my Valentine. All of them with different styles. But all so familiar like they all give you a place in the world. A place that is yours, and if it’s not only yours you’re capable to share it with those that feel the same way. I listen to them to try and find a stillness in my life that feels like it’s slipping away by the second, and maybe it is…listening to the lyrics that seem all so familiar “…I got a call that nearly killed me repeat yourself, my hands are shaking when I was told, my friend was gone I felt so guilty a thousand questions left unanswered…”
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
Walking and listening to iPod I hadn’t realized where I had ended up. Looking up I saw the all so familiar house that had come to feel like a second home to me and I think at some point it had. Walking up the steps and knocking on the door, I waited for someone to open the door…I hadn’t realized that I was hoping for the one person that would never step out that door ever again….
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
[Flashback]
Right on cue the door swung open, and there he was Damien my best friend since I could remember.
“Hey loser, what are you doing here?”
Looking into his eyes I realized that he was my best friend forever. He knew it and I knew it and we showed it for the whole world to see. I finally opened my mouth to greet him.
“Nothing, I just ended up here”
“Well are you going to stand there all day or what”
“Well are you going to invite me in or what...?”
Damien smirked and extended his hand, looking me in the eyes “Nien my best friend in the whole wide world, would you please do me the favor of coming into my humble home”
Looking at him I couldn’t help but smile, taking his hand I felt like I was in the safest place in the world. I knew that we could both be trapped in a burning house and I wouldn’t care as long as he was there with me.
I knew that I had fallen in love with my best friend at some point and I was afraid that he wouldn’t feel the same way. But I would have rather have loved and lost, than not had loved at all. Or so I say. I think that he knows how I feel, and I always hope that he feels the same but I’m not sure we’re ready to admit it yet, at least I know I wasn’t. Damien and I had become best friends since the day that we had met in the library for the first time.
Walking up to his room it was so familiar. I knew that if I were to go blind I’d still be able to find my way with no problem. Damien was a step ahead of me pulling me by the hand behind him up to his sanctuary. His place, were he could control whatever was there. When we reached his room, it still amazed me to see all of the things that described who he was. Movie posters, band posters, drawings, and pictures. It surprised me every time to see that my drawings that I had made in class out of bored them were up there with his.
Walking around looking at all the pictures that he had I saw that most of the pictures were of family and friends. Most of the pictures with his family were from their gatherings and birthday parties. He had a big family all which got along well. His cousins, aunts, and uncles were his whole world. Some of the pictures had me included.
Ever since we had met he invited me to all his family gatherings and birthday parties. I had not missed one since he first invited me. It felt good to know that he cared to invite me, it showed me that he really did care about me and that was a great feeling. He had some pictures with other friends from when we went out with a group of friends to the movies or to just hang in each others houses.
Looking over all of his pictures I realized that most of them were of just Damien and I. Some were taking by other people when we weren’t looking. I liked those the most.
Still looking around I turned and Damien was lying on his bed looking at me. Worry written all over his face . Walking to him I climbed on his bed and laid next to him.
“You okay?” turning to face Damien I asked
“Hey, do you remember the first day we met?” he turned to me and smirked.
“Yeah it was in the library on a Sunday, you were about to reach for the last copy of John Steinbeck’s ‘The Winter of out Discontent’ an I beat you to it, so we argued about it for what seemed like hours until we finally agreed that I would read it first and then I would give it to you next.” I got of his bed and walked over to his window. Looking out the window I knew the only way I would really find that stillness that I so badly wanted was right here…with him and only him.
Damien stood from his bed, stood beside it not saying anything allowing me the space that I needed at that moment.
I couldn’t believe that we had gotten off on the wrong foot. But by seeing how things had turned out I wouldn’t have changed it for the world. When Damien finally gave me the book a few days later we talked about what seemed at the time everything. We talked about our favorite music, t.v. show, food, books, anything really. We soon realized that we had more in common that we thought. He introduced me to my favorite now all time lead singer ‘Craig Mabbitt” and I introduced him to his favorite t.v show ‘Supernatural’. I turned to Damien who was looking at me with worry still written in his face, and even though he tried hard to hide it, I could still see it in his eyes. He was my best friend after all.
“I’m going to ask you again and I don’t want you to get mad, are you okay you seem a little bit out of it?” he walked to me with opened arms. Walking to into them I knew that there was more truth to my answer than before.
“I’m fine”
“You sure?” looking into his green eyes the ones that I could get lost in I knew that everything would be okay as long as he was there. Standing in the center of his world in his arms I knew that I would be as longs as he was there with me. Then nothing else would matter.
I knew that no one could do anything that would get in between my best friend and I and our world together.
[End of Flashback]
Realizing that the person that I wanted to walk out that door wouldn’t come through that door I walked down the steps of the place that was my second home…had been my second home. Turning to look once more the wind breezed through my hair, I closed my eyes and all I saw was Damien in that darkness, smiling. Looking at him, feeling the wind in my face, as if Damien was there holding my face in his soft hands I felt safe. Safe because I knew that he would always be where ever I went, there will always be something to remind me he wasn’t completely gone, that he was still here…
I love you…
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
.so there it is...my pride and glory...