Scene: Daryan and Klavier in "Call of Stan"
Daryan: *It's early Saturday morning, around 9 am, at the field where the Monteray Monsters are wrapping up their practice. One last play is underway as a running back makes it past the linemen with the ball. However, Daryan is waiting for him as he grabs the man and tackles him down on the ground as hard as he could. The coach blows his whistle to end the play and Daryan takes off his helmet, his hair combed down and tied into a large tied into a large knot so he can wear a normal helmet.*
Klavier: *Klavier is sitting in the parking lot a short distance away from where Daryan's team is practicing. He's sitting on his motorcycle, holding a coffee in one hand. He got up early (despite not getting back home until the wee hours of the morning) to drive Daryan to his practice. He's been watching for a while but not really paying attention as he finishes the rest of his coffee and stifles a yawn.*
Daryan: *As Daryan walks away from the field and undoes his hair knot, the rest of the team crowds around the tackled running back, who is holding his side in pain. Of course, it's not Daryan's problem so he leaves uninterrupted. 20 minutes later, Daryan is dressed in his normal clothes and his hair gelled back in it's upright position as he meets with Klavier in the parking lot.*
Klavier: *Klavier gives Daryan a small wave and rubs his eyes before putting his sunglasses back on* So... That is football in this country?
Daryan: Yeah, man. So what did you think? Better than what we call soccer in America?
Klavier: *Klavier lets out a snort in response, wondering for a moment if he should even reply to such a silly question* It is... different.
Daryan: Different is good. I think it beats that boring ol' sport any day of the week, man.
Klavier: *Klavier rolls his eyes a little, glad his sunglasses are on so Daryan can't see. He tosses his empty coffee cup into a nearby garbage can.* ...I need another coffee.
Daryan: *Daryan sighs a bit at how Klavier just gave up on the discussion* Fine, man. Let's get out of here so you can get a coffee and we can look for something for me to drive.
Klavier: *Klavier sits up and scoots up on his bike, making room for Daryan* Hop on. We can go to that dealership that is always advertised in that free paper that comes with the flyers -- Stan's or whatever, ja? Then we can grab something to eat I guess. *he stretches out and cracks his neck a little*
Daryan: All right, man. *Daryan sits on the back of the bike and puts his hands behind him to hold onto a part of the bike that won't heat up when the engine is running*
Klavier: *Klavier starts the bike and backs out of the lot, heading out on the road. He glances over his shoulders and says loudly, hoping Daryan can hear him* Do you remember where it is? Is it on 18th?
Daryan: *Daryan manages to hear Klavier say "Remember where" and "on 18th" and shouts back* The place is on 18th, man! Should be a big sign telling us that too!
Klavier: *Sure enough, as they turn onto 18th, there it is. The dealership lot is relatively small. There’s a tiny building with a tinted window to mask how tiny the interior obviously is. Beside the building is a Coke machine. The lot is decorated with pink and orange triangular flags hanging between the sparse light posts placed along the edges of the lot. The most gaudy part of the lot is definitely the enormous sign threatening to consume the tiny dealership office: Stan’s Previously Owned Vehicles.*
Stan: *A man comes out. A man wearing a blue and red checkered jacket and a sombrero. He approaches Klavier and Daryan casually, and then all of a sudden, his lips begin to move and arms begin to flail. His foot begins to tap -- it has begun*
Stan: I’m Stan of Stan’s Previously Owned Vehicles... And I'd stand on my head to make you a deal! What sort of car are you looking for? Big? Little? Fast? Slow? You want it, I got it. And if I don't got it, I'll get it. I want to make a deal that YOU'RE happy with. Because if YOU'RE not happy. I'M not happy. But I KNOW you're going to leave here happy today. How do I know...?
Stan: *he turns around, his back to the men and he shouts, limbs flailing with great enthusiasm* JUST LOOK AT ALL THESE CARS! I've got something for everyone! Come take a look around!
Klavier: *Klavier stares at this man who is standing in front of his motorcycle -- he hasn't even parked yet and this guy has already started his pitch. Klavier shuts off the engine to his bike, still staring at Stan of Stan's Previously Used Vehicles*
Daryan: *Daryan's jaw just drops as this man looms over both him and Klavier, like a second-rate God among men, as he spews out his intro rapid-fire. Tacky Caribbean music pipes in from the office that seems to complete the surreal experience as Daryan slowly dismounts the bike*
Klavier: *Klavier cautiously gets off his bike as well and leans closer to Daryan, whispering out the corner of his mouth, his eyes too fixated on Stan's hypnotic movements* Daryan... the pattern on his jacket isn’t moving...
Daryan: *Daryan focuses his eyes on the jacket as Stan moves around in his spastic manner and whispers back.* Holy crap, you're right, man. H-How is that possible?
Klavier: It... it is strangely hypnotic... I kind of want to buy the most expensive car he has...
Stan: *the man actually hasn't stopped talking this entire time but it has grown increasingly harder for Daryan and Klavier to pick out if he's actually saying words or merely spouting gibberish.* What are you interested in looking at today? *finally, words they can understand*
Daryan: *Daryan is almost hesitant to answer back out of concern that the salesman would go onto another tangent, but he bites the bullet and does so* We're...looking for a car. Something to hold a lot of stuff, like guitars and amps, man.
Klavier: *Klavier rests his hand on Daryan's shoulder, still fixated on Stan* Let me see the best truck you have got.
Stan: *puts his hands on his hips for but a moment, still tapping his foot as if his leg as some kind of nervous twitch* Hey it's nice to meet a man who appreciates quality. I've got JUST the car for you! Walk this way. *Stan wanders off towards the other end of the lot*
Daryan: *Daryan decides to follow Stan at a safe distance, not wanting to be hypnotized by the jacket that the dealer is wearing or by anything else this guy might pull*
Klavier: *Klavier follows until Stan stops in front of a Ford F-450. The entire front has been rusted out and a strange scent of pine seems to emanate from the hood*
Stan: Now this... *he pats the rusted front of the truck, small pieces flaking off as he does so* This is a truck fit for a king!
Stan: A truck like this could hold Allen wrenches, gerbil feeders, toilet seats, electric heaters, trash compactors, juice extractors, shower rods and water meters, walkie-talkies, copper wires safety goggles, radial tires, BB pellets, rubber mallets, fans and dehumidifiers! Picture hangers, paper cutters, waffle irons, window shutters, paint removers, window louvers, masking tape and plastic gutters! Kitchen faucets, folding tables, weather stripping, jumper cables, hooks and tacks, grout and spackle, power foggers, spoons and ladles, pesticides for fumigation, high-performance lubrication, metal roofing, water proofing, multi-purpose insulation, air compressors, brass connectors, wrecking chisels, smoke detectors, tire gauges, hamster cages, thermostats and bug deflectors, trailer hitch demagnetizers, automatic circumcisers, tennis rackets, angle brackets, Duracells and Energizers, Soffit panels, circuit breakers, vacuum cleaners, coffee makers, calculators, generators, matching salt and pepper shakers-- *Stan takes a deep breath*
Daryan: *Daryan's head is just swimming from the machine-gun like burst of words that Stan is firing at him, but he just looks at the piece of crap Ford and finally gets all of those "Ford: Found on road dead" jokes over the years. He then whispers to Klavier* If this is the best he has, I'm scared to see the worst.
Stan: *suddenly butts in between Klavier and Daryan, looking at Daryan with a wiiiiiiiide grin* Speaking of price, how much you boys looking to spend?!
Daryan: *Daryan is taken aback by the creepy grin that the salesman has and for whatever reason, he thinks that this man would take anything as payment, even a rubber chicken* Well, money's no object, we plan to put it on credit.
Stan: *the man continues to grin, leg twitching and foot tapping. He fidgets a lot as if he wants to explode into a fury of arm-flailing but is using all of his power to restrain himself, lest he smack the boys in their faces. Repeatedly.* Well then, if you've got a job the bank'll give you a hefty line of credit! You've got one of those, right friend?
Klavier: *Klavier shakes his head, as if snapping back into reality now that he’s not staring into the face of the hypnotic checkered jacket. He listens to what Stan is saying and starts shaking his head, hoping Daryan will take the cue that no, they do not want this junk of a Ford*
Daryan: *Out of the corner of his eye, he spots Klavier shaking his head and faces Stan* On second thought, we don't think this is the right car for us.
Stan: *he steps back, forcing Klavier to side-step out of the way. Once Stan can see Klavier out of the corner of his eye the flailing and elaborate hand gestures start back up* Well heck! I can understand that. Nothing wrong with being indecisive! So what else can I show you?! *the flailing stops and that wiiiiiiide grin comes back to his face as he stares at Daryan -- or rather, into Daryan, his gaze piercing the guitarist’s very core*
Daryan: *Stan's stare just fills Daryan with dread and a small feeling that the hunk of junk they saw is probably IS the best car in the lot*
Klavier: *Klavier looks to Daryan; "get me out of here" is practically painted across his features. The prosecutor clears his throat* Ah... Actually, I think we would like to go think about this some more...
Stan: *turns his head quickly to look at Klavier with that grin and stare.* Sure, sure, think it over! I don't want you to feel pressured or anything!
Klavier: *Klavier quickly steps over to Daryan and grabs his shoulder, pushing him to guide him away from Stan and this Godforsaken dealership*
Klavier: Stan: *his flailing and grinning continues; words still falling from him at a mile a minute* Bye now! *those are the only words the two men actually manage to catch*
Daryan: *Daryan shudders a bit* Oh man, that was the scariest thing I have ever seen...And I saw dead bodies, man.
Klavier: *Klavier walks beside Daryan, sighing in relief* Ja, I know what you mean Big D...
Stan: *suddenly, as if by magic or some other kind of witchcraft, Stan pops up in front of them despite being behind them moments ago.*
Klavier: *Klavier jumps and digs his fingers into Daryan's arm -- startled by the sudden appearance of Stan and his obnoxious checkered jacket. If you could see his eyes behind the sunglasses, they would be wide and full of terror; as if this were to be the last thing he sees before he dies.*
Stan: I forgot to give you my card! *Stan places his business card in Klavier's shirt pocket, wiggling his eyebrows a bit* And... Here's a little something to remember me by. *Stan hands Daryan a thick pen that says "STAN'S" on one side, the other has a long, distorted photo of Stan grinning wide*
Daryan: *The sudden teleportation of Stan just shakes Daryan even further, as evident from Daryan's shaky acceptance of the pen, which he puts in his back pocket.* T-Thanks.
Stan: *he slowly starts leaning in towards Daryan, words spewing from his mouth at high speeds* It's got the address and everything on there, so if you're looking for a good deal, you know where to go! I'll be right here when you come back... *his face is moving closer and closer to Daryan's, Stan's eyes locked on his* ... *he jumps back, wagging a finger and tapping his foot, holding one hand out as if shaking it with the air* But I can't guarantee any of these cars will! Ha ha!
Daryan: *Stan's creepy approach just shakes Daryan even further* Uh...right. S-See ya around. *Daryan walks around Stan to the motorcycle, hoping to never see Stan again, even in his nightmares*
Klavier: *Klavier quickly follows after Daryan, refusing to look back at Stan, lest some ungodly horror befall him for doing so.*
Stan: *continues talking, watching Klavier and Daryan attempting to make their hasty retreat* They're moving fast today!
Klavier: *Klavier gets on the motorcycle and starts it up, glancing back to see when Daryan's gotten himself secured*
Daryan: *Daryan jumps onto the hog and has no need for pleasantries now, he just wants to get the hell out of here* Come on! Punch it, man!
Stan: Yessiree...
Klavier: *Klavier doesn't need to be told twice as he takes off out of the lot, making an illegal u-turn across four lanes of traffic and just gunning it down the road*
Stan: *still talking* Can't hardly keep anything in stock! *watches them leave, as if racing for their very lives to get as far from him as possible*
Stan: ... They'll be back!
Daryan: *A full minute passes in silence before Daryan shouts to Klavier* Not only are we never going to go there again, we're going to keep everyone we know away from there, Klav!
Klavier: *Klavier looks over his shoulder and nods his head quickly, still too traumatized to say anything*