my time.
a best friend.
junior.
weight.

and for some weird reason the one thing good can't  make me happy today.
my heart is heavy, i am full of fear.
with time we will all lose everything we hold dear.

the exquisite pain of wanting someone that you know you can never have, and knowing that you will still try to be with them.

finally a name to what i felt. i don't feel quite exquisite anymore.

tonight dustin and i are watching RAMBO: first blood.
i'm excited, i hope my mum doesn't make it awkward.
plus dewey's pizza has been making me drool all day.

we leave tomorrow.
second brother lost.

( Read more... )

i tried something new.
then you came back unexpectedly.
why?

i wish you would have stayed away.
i was starting to feel better, worthwhile again.
i don't know if i should tell you to leave or just wait for you to do it on your own.

no matter how far you run, your problems still bother you.
no matter how many hours a day you spend reading i, claudious it is still on your mind.
i'm sorry for my part.
i can't change what happened, thats the hardest reality to accept.
hatred and disapointment are the two emotions i fear right now.
something needs to change, but i'm not sure what.

i  feel incomplete
i feel like i'm always doing something wrong.
i'm sorry.
i wish things were simple.
i wish everyone could get along.

i sometimes wish i didn't care so much.

 A lot of shitty things happened this past weekend.

Angel, I didn't know you that well, but you are very nice and I wish I would have known you better. rest in peace.

Subotai, you were the most vicious kitten, but i loved you none the less. rest in peace.

happy birthday miles.

"mom do you need xxl condoms?"
"yes, for that banana i've been using."

We went to kentucky to get cigarettes and then to clifton for chipotle.
Tomorrow i have to get up at like 5:30 am to get ready.
Aubrey is going to her first day of school.
Then Heather is going to college.
I'm going to cry most likely.

I love my family, its nice to be with them so much ( Read more... )

 i want to go back to kentucky to be with junior.
i basically cried the whole way home.
he is all alone in a home where they don't take care of him.
but he wouldn't be happy here either.

heather is leaving thursday.
i already feel alone.

this week im seeing a college cordinator.
hopefully things get going.