PART IIII: Over My Shoulder (Running Away)
Over My Shoulder (Running Away)
23,583 words, PG-15
Adam/Kris
Part III
“Grande caramel frappuccino for Sophia!” Adam yells, bringing the girl’s drink to the end of the counter.
The girl grins at him as he passes it to her, and Adam nods towards her Ramones t-shirt. “I like your top.”
“Thank you! Yeah, I really love them. Well, thanks for the drink then.” She waves at Adam, and walks out, a little hop to her step.
Adam feels two warm hands slide over his hips, resting carefully and not too obviously, and he looks around to see Kris standing behind him. “So you’ve finally mastered the frappuccino, I see.”
Adam grins. “Yeah, thanks for helping me with that. I’ll make you one later, if you like.”
“What flavour?”
“Java chip… I know you better than you think.”
“Yeah… come on - come here.” Kris tows him by the arm, towards the door leading out the back, and Adam checks that no one’s watching, and when nobody is, he allows himself to be completely pulled out of the café.
Kris pushes him up against the wall once they’re inside the room, and Adam feels a little firework of happiness go off inside his body, heat spreading along tiny branches all through him like flames.
Kris dots little kisses all over Adam’s nose and along his cheeks, down over his chin, everywhere but his lips; soft presses of his lips like a cloud over Adam’s skin - one second it’s there, the next it’s not.
“Hey… I just - I need to say something.”
“Mmmm?”
Kris carries on kissing the tip of his nose over and over, and Adam chuckles. “Kris, seriously.”
“Okay, yeah?”
Adam leans his forehead against Kris’s. “The other day when we were down here and I… you know… well, I’m so sorry that I pushed you. I would never, ever want to hurt you, and I… I shouldn’t have done it, and I hate that I did it to you.”
“Adam - it’s okay. I don’t mind; don’t be worried about it.”
“But I -”
“Don’t be. It’s happened, you know? I mean, I kind of understood it when you were telling me what happened, and I’d read -”
“You what?”
“What?”
“You said you read something. What about?” Adam moves away from the wall, away from Kris, and looks at him from halfway across the room - he feels something charging through his body and he can’t be near Kris.
Kris sighs and runs his hand through his hair. “I, well, before we were -”
“Kris, what was did you read?”
“Before I got to know you, I read an article about you on the internet… it was from all those years ago. I didn’t realize what I was going to find, and if I knew that I’d end up in this - thing with you, or that I’d find out what I did, I never would have done it.”
“So - what? You knew? You knew it all before I told you? You looked me up on the fucking internet? How could you… how could you do that?”
“Adam, I didn’t know, and I’m sorry. What would I have said, though? That I already knew every -”
“That’s not the point. I - I cried in front of you; Kris, I don’t just cry - it makes me weak - and you knew? I just - you knew the whole time?”
“Adam -”
“I don’t care that you’re sorry,” he says quietly, “it’s just that I was telling you everything because I trusted you and I felt like I needed… viscerally that connection to you - and I didn’t need to because you knew already. And you know, it really sucks that you read it but you didn’t tell me that you already knew. You didn’t even try.”
“I -”
“I was fucking raped, Kris. You should have told me you already knew.”
Adam stands still, and closes his eyes - he doesn’t really know what to think. He’s not mad or angry at Kris, not really - he’s just upset and he feels really hurt. It’s more than just Kris not telling him, it’s that every other person in his life has let him down, and he thought Kris was different, that he wouldn’t do that to him, that he could really trust him.
He hears Kris move around the room, moving closer to him, his feet scuffing on the ground. “Adam…”
“Kris, I can’t even look at you -”
Kris pushes the words away with his lips, kissing Adam slowly. It startles Adam at first, and he feels like getting away from Kris again, but it’s Kris - he can’t when he’s kissing him. He feels his hurt softening, and it’s like he’s melting inside - the kiss just melts him all over, and he wants to keep kissing Kris, to stay inside their little haven - but it just feels like it’s making him sick, and he needs to stop right now, to just breathe away from Kris; he feels open and exposed like this.
“Don’t - don’t do that… you know how I get and it’s not… don’t, Kris…”
Kris brings his hands up to Adam’s face and gently touches his skin, around his eyes, over his nose, all around his cheeks, by his lips, comfortingly moving his hands, and presses his lips over Adam’s mouth again, mumbling softly, “I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, Adam - I’m sorry… I fucked up, but you can trust me… you can trust me, Adam; Adam, it’s alright. Trust me, I’m so sorry… forgive me, please, I won’t let you down again, I’m sorry…”
And he keeps on muttering softly into Adam’s mouth, small half-sentences and words that little by little, bit by bit bring back some of Adam’s trust and his love for who Kris is, and he feels reassured by Kris’s mumbling and the heat from his body and his hands on his face, his smooth fingers tracing.
“Adam -”
“You know, you make me feel warm.”
Kris smiles, small crinkles forming by his eyes. “You make me feel happy.”
“And that too.”
“I should have told you, Adam, and I’m really sorry that I didn’t. I just - there was never a time where I knew when to say it, or how… so I didn’t.”
“I just - next time, if there’s something that you need to tell me, just tell me. Don’t wait.” Kris nods and wraps his arms around Adam tightly, clutching his waist, his cast digging into Adam’s skin. “I really like you, Kris - it’s just that my trust levels are so low that if they get jerked around anymore, they’ll break.” He pauses for a few moments, deciding whether to continue or not. “I really want to - I really want to be able to be with you, Kris. But I just… with Dylan, I don’t know how.”
Kris nestles his head further into Adam’s neck, so that Adam’s chin is resting atop of his soft hair.
“You know, your hair smells really good.”
Kris chuckles but doesn’t answer, instead pressing a firm kiss into his shoulder, and they stay like for a while, for as long as they need.
---
It’s a few days later, and as Kris makes an order of ten hot chocolates, he can’t help but turn Adam’s words over and over in his mind - “I really want to… I really want to be able to be with you, Kris.” It just makes his heart turn thinking about it; he wants it so badly. And it’s not so much that he wants it for him - well, a little bit for him - but Kris just wants Adam to be away from Dylan, to be out of that situation, for Adam’s own safety and happiness.
“Hey, you.” Adam slides a glass of water along to Kris, and leans his head on Kris’s shoulder. “I have to leave early today… Dylan wants me to go with him to buy some new acrylic paints or something for his art.”
“He paints?”
“It’s really weird, but he does and he’s actually really good at it, too. But yeah, I have to leave early… in about two hours or something. I never really know with him.”
“Is he picking you up?” Kris isn’t sure he could handle seeing Dylan here… it would just be too crazy… and probably scary.
Adam shrugs. “I don’t think so, I told him I’d get a taxi but he’s very vague. He might, might not.”
“Okay… you’ll be here tomorrow, though, right?”
“Yeah,” he breathes against Kris’s neck, his breath hot over Kris’s skin. “And I - I’m picking up some new photos in the morning, from the developers… if you’d like to see them.” Adam’s voice is almost shy, and his arms still against Kris, waiting for his reaction.
“Of course I’d like to see them/” Kris turns around to look properly at Adam, smiling up at him, “I’d love to.”
Adam grins at him, his smile wide and carefree, and he ducks his head down to kiss Kris’s forehead - the first time he’s ever done anything like that before in public.
“Hey, aren’t you worried that someone -”
Adam continues peppering more tiny, close-mouthed kisses along Kris’s skin, fast and soft, a quick brush of his lips. “No, not right now,” he says in-between kisses, and Kris laughs into his warm neck.
After at least twenty more little kisses, Adam abruptly steps away from Kris, and a look of dread entirely envelops his expression. He begins to mutter all sorts of confused profanities under his breath, and Kris quickly turns around to glimpse at what Adam’s seen… and Kris would recognize that face anywhere - he doesn’t know who it is, exactly, but it’s the guy from all of Adam’s photos…
“Shit, shit, shit. That’s Dylan, Kris; that’s fucking Dylan and he just saw all of that. He is going to - fuck, I don’t even know what he’s going to do. What should I do? Fuck, I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know…” and he continues, muttering the quietly scared refrain over and over under his breath as Dylan gets closer and closer.
Kris watches Dylan make eye-contact with Adam, before walking right up to the counter, as if to take an order. He rests his hands against the counter, one on top of another.
“So,” Dylan says to Kris, with jovial voice, “could I please get a venti soy cappuccino to go?”
Kris doesn’t really know what to do… is this a game? Does he take the order? Dylan has only been in here for a minute, and he’s already freaked Kris out.
“Sure. Name?”
Kris grabs a cup from the stack nearby and a pen, poising it over the cup as Dylan raises his eyebrows. “Oh really? My name? You don’t already know it?”
Kris can hear Adam’s breathing behind him, and he sighs. Clearly Dylan is trying to bring him into something, and so he simply tries to write Dylan’s name on the cup with his left hand.
“Ah. So it is you then.”
Should he answer? Would Adam want him to answer? Is he going to make things worse? “Who am I?” he asks.
Dylan’s response is an arched eyebrow and a curved side of his mouth. “You know very well what I’m talking about.”
Kris purses his lips, and passes the cup down to Mia, quietly telling her the order. (He decides not to ask Dylan to pay. One cappuccino won’t bring down the entire Starbucks.) “I’m afraid I don’t.”
“Oh really,” Dylan sneers. “So… you his new fuck toy, or something?” Dylan asks, and leans in. “I thought I noticed he was acting different last night… and yeah, I definitely didn’t give him that new hickey. Fuck, you guys are funny.” He shakes his head at both of them, looking behind Kris to Adam, and then back to Kris. “So, then - since we have common ground and all,” he points at Adam, “do you notice the way he always holds onto your hip when he kisses? Or the way he always sighs into your mouth? Do you?”
Dylan’s tone is cruel, and his expression is unlike anything Kris has ever seen on a person before; it’s a combination of vindictiveness and something close to enjoyment. Kris looks over to Adam, and he’s turning a deep pink, embarrassment coloring his face all over as he ducks his head down.
“Do you notice the way he’ll always bite you right here,” he indicates with his finger to his collarbone, tapping his nail right on the bone, “when you’re in bed with him? Or how he’ll run his hands through your hair when you go… oh, you haven’t done any of that? Well, he’s certainly been holding out on you then.” He shakes his head in disgust. “You really are pathetic, the both of you.”
Mia yells out the coffee order, and Kris grabs it off her before she walks down to the end of the counter with it. “Here,” he says to Dylan, and passes him the coffee. Kris can’t tell if any other people are looking at them yet, but he can definitely see Mia peering out of the corner of her eye, and both Jack and Nick are staring.
“Don’t - don’t say that to him, Dylan.” Adam’s voice is very quiet, and it’s so different from what Kris usually hears from him that it throws him for a moment.
“Oh, so you’re saying something now, are you? Well, Adam, that’s nice of you, but I think I’ll say what I like to him.” He turns back to Kris and appraises his body, looking up and down over what he can see of Kris - and Kris can’t help but feel ashamed of himself, as though he’s too ugly and worthless for Adam to like him at all. “Really? He puts out for you?” Dylan shrugs. “Thanks for the coffee, then.”
“Dylan… please don’t say that.”
“Come on - we’re leaving.”
“You said to me that we weren’t going to leave for about another two hours or so; I can’t get off just yet.”
“Find a way, Adam, because we need to go now.”
“I can’t, Dylan; not yet.”
Kris can tell that this isn’t meant to be happening - Adam should be saying yes and they should be leaving by now - and it’s angering Dylan.
“Adam, just get another fucking person to cover for you… you’re hardly busy, judging by what you were doing when I came in.”
“I don’t want to leave yet, Dylan. Let me finish in a few hours, and then I can come.”
“Adam…” His voice a warning, “Look, I’ll wait in the car, and I’m not waiting hours for you.”
Dylan picks up his coffee, and slowly turns on his heel. He’s only taken a few steps before Adam says, “No, I’ll - I’ll come now. Just - give me a few seconds.”
Dylan turns around and nods, taking a sip from his coffee. And Kris can’t help but feel slightly… well, almost let down. He just - it’s kind of scary what a different person Adam is around Dylan, and he almost wishes that Adam would just say no to him, to do something on his own terms.
Adam takes his satchel and gently brushes Kris’s hand beneath the counter before walking around it to Dylan.
“Actually, while we’re here, I might just get a brownie - two, actually. And a blueberry scone, please. Both to go.” He watches Kris expectantly as Kris takes out the food, and places them inside a brown paper bag. Adam slides a twenty dollar bill across to Kris, and he quickly rings it all up on the register, passes him the change.
“So, I’ll uh, see you later then.”
Kris nods at Adam, and watches Dylan watch them as he takes another sip from his cup.
“Come on, Adam.”
“Yeah…” Adam locks eyes with Kris one last time… and maybe it’s the expression on Kris’s face that does it, or maybe it’s just that he has finally had enough, and a sudden burst of courage fires out of nowhere… Kris doesn’t know, and maybe he never will, but all of a sudden Adam says, “Actually Dylan, no.”
Dylan turns, with a nasty expression on his face. “Sorry?”
“No. I’m not coming with you. I’m staying here.”
Dylan raises his eyebrows. “Okay, fuck, Adam - if it’s going to be so much of a fucking problem, then I’ll wait until you’re done. We’ll leave later.” There’s something about his voice, though, that suggests that something much later is going to happen that won’t be nice at all.
“No. I’m not leaving with you later. I’m not going with you.” Adam shakes his head fervently. “I’m not going anywhere with you ever again. Dylan - I am so through with this - I’m never going anywhere with you again.”
“Adam, you’re making -” He tries to take a hold of Adam’s elbow, but Adam jerks away from him.
“No, Dylan. Leave me alone. Don’t touch me.” Adam takes a few steps back, his hands at his sides. “I am so through, so through with everything about this fucked-up relationship, and I - I hate you Dylan. I’ve finally been able to realize that - I hate you so much, so, so, so much, and I can’t have you near me anymore; I just can’t Dylan. There’s something wrong with you, Dylan - there’s something seriously, seriously wrong in your head; I don’t know what it is - I never have - but you’re sick and you need help, and I can’t be a part of this with you. From that - that moment when I was thirteen and you found me at my house, and I let you into my life - I have hated myself, and I have hated you. I have wanted to get out of this from that moment all of my life; I have wanted to leave you so many times, but I’ve never known how or where or what to say or what it would do. And I don’t really know any of those things now - but I’ve learnt that I’m better than all of the ways that you’ve treated me for the past five years. I don’t deserve it.”
Adam takes a deep, slightly shuddering breath, his breath rising fast, and continues on, “Get out of my life, Dylan… go to hell.”
The moment Adam’s voice stops, it’s as though the room begins to echo. There is no noise - not one person is talking - but it’s like Adam’s words are reverberating around the café.
Dylan doesn’t say anything for a few seconds; he stands there and looks at Adam - just looks right at him, his eyes burning into Adam’s face, before his hand suddenly grabs at Adam’s sweater and pulls him close into his body. He ducks his head down to Adam’s ear and mutters quietly, “This isn’t over; you haven’t fucking won. Just wait.” And then he turns his back on Adam and stomps out of the café, the door slamming behind him.
For a moment, it’s as though everything is frozen. Nobody moves - not that Kris can see anyway. Adam is just standing there, close to the center of the room, and Kris walks around the counter to get to him - he can’t believe that Adam just did that. But before Kris can get to him, Adam shakes his head, as if to clear his mind, and runs out of Starbucks, his boots clattering against the ground.
Kris isn’t sure if he should follow him or not, but in the end he decides to. He walks outside of the café, and sees Adam turn around a corner, into a small park further down the street.
-
“Adam,” Kris calls out, walking along the grass by the trees, “Adam!” He nearly stumbles over a tree root and curses under his breath. “Adam!”
“Kris, you don’t need to yell.”
He spins around, and sees Adam sitting on the ground at the base of a tree, leaning against it with his legs crossed. And he’s never been so relieved to see anyone in his life; this wave of calm just settles over his entire body - it’s like he’s home - and he moves to sit next to Adam.
“Adam, back there -”
“Just - can we not talk about it right now, please?” he interrupts, and sighs. “Can you just - distract me? Distract me, Kris… make me forget about it.”
And so Kris pulls Adam around so he’s underneath Kris; he unfolds Adam’s legs and pushes him slowly down so lying flat along the ground. Kris straddles Adam’s hips, leaning forward so that he can reach his mouth, and Adam brings his head down further, resting one of his hands along Kris’s neck. He slips his hand beneath Kris’s shirt, rubbing his warm skin over and over, his hand soft on Kris’s hip, digging his fingers into the bone, and Kris feels as though his whole body is igniting; Adam’s touch just sets him on fire.
Kris catches his breath, and sucks on Adam’s bottom lip, bringing it into his mouth and nips hard, biting down. Adam groans into his mouth, mashing their lips together more forcefully than before, their mouths colliding, and Adam’s tastes of cinnamon and his berry-flavored gloss. Kris runs his hand underneath the thin cotton of Adam’s shirt and flares his hands over Adam’s waist, his skin hot and freckled under Kris’s palms, softly pale and smooth. Adam curses into his Kris’s mouth softly and briefly moves his lips away from Kris’s to kiss the corners of Kris’s mouth, dabbing more tiny kisses along the edge of his jaw before reclaiming Kris’s mouth and moving his hands further up Kris’s torso, past his waist and alongside his ribcage, where he tightens -
“Ow.”
Kris’s reaction is instinctual, and he curves away from Adam, bringing his own hand up to press carefully into his ribs.
Adam’s hands are still resting on Kris’s hips, and at this his thumbs still. “What is it, Kris?”
When Kris doesn’t respond, without breaking eye-contact with him, Adam slowly pushes Kris’s shirt up, pulling the baby blue material away from Kris’s skin little by little. He eventually gets to Kris’s ribcage and Kris squeezes his eyes shut, not wanting to see Adam’s reaction.
“Holy fuck,” Adam breathes, and his hand drops away from the shirt. “Kris - what is this?”
Kris looks down at his skin, and sees his side through Adam’s eyes. To Kris, it’s normal: his skin has been like this for a long while - but he looks at it differently, and suddenly his skin turns ugly, tainted. Alongside his whole left ribcage, the skin is entirely covered in mottled bruises, all of varying colors - some are a dark, dark purple, others a disgusting yellow color, some light, some murky. There are layers upon layers of bruises, discoloured skin on skin, and some of them have never gone away - more of the bruises have been created over the top of them.
“Kris, what is this? Who did this to you?” Adam reaches up and gently traces his finger over Kris’s skin, and Kris grits his teeth. “Kris, please - they are fucking covering your skin.”
Kris shifts a little and moves off Adam, sitting close to Adam’s head with his legs crossed. Adam sits up, placing both of his hands on Kris’s knees and leaning forward. “Kris… please tell me. What happened?”
Kris runs his hands over his face and sighs. He just feels so tired… with everything that’s happened today, it’s as though he has no energy left. “Adam, I -”
“Kris - this isn’t safe to have this… you’ve probably got like… I don’t know, internal bleeding or something.”
“Adam - that’s what a bruise is, just a minor form of it.”
“Oh. Well - Kris, who did this? We can… go to the police, maybe? What do you do with abuse victims?”
“Adam,” Kris shakes his head, “We don’t need to go to the police, and I don’t know about that last one.”
“Well, then, who’s doing this to you? You never said anything to me; why didn’t you?”
“I just - there was never a right time…”
Adam sighs. “Kris, that’s just what I said to you a few days ago - always tell me. Please. It’s not fair to you for you to not be able to say things to me.”
Kris nods. “Yeah, okay.”
“Were you ever going to tell me about this?”
“Yeah… I imagine so.”
“Kris… who did it to you?”
He groans, and leans against Adam’s forehead, “I - well, it’s my dad.”
“He does this to you? Why?”
“Adam - I have so much that I want to tell you, but can it be another time, please? I just - I can’t do it now. Please?”
“But… you can’t go home to that. It’s going to -”
“Another time, Adam. I’ll be here tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day and the next day after that -”
“Oh my god.” Adam covers Kris’s mouth with his fingers and laughs. “Shut up!”
Kris bites his finger, and Adam rolls his eyes, a grin stretching across his face. “What will I do with you?”
“A few things, I’m sure.”
Adam chuckles again, but then his expression turns sombre. “You will tell me though, right? We need to deal with it.”
“As long as you tell me about why you decided to do that back there with Dylan -”
“Sshh, don’t talk about him. Some other time.”
“Exactly. Another time,” he repeats and Adam nods at him.
“I want to know everything about you - every little thing that there is. Tell me every part there is to know about you.” He takes Kris’s right hand into his own and continues, “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, okay? I don’t want you being hurt, or taken away from me. I want you here for all those next days.”
Adam grins, his freckled lips a little swollen from when Kris had bitten, and Kris smiles back. “You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, alright?”
“We can be each other’s best things, then. I want you to be mine for a very long time.” Adam moves his mouth over to Kris’s ear and whispers ever so quietly, “Please don’t leave me.”
“I won’t,” Kris whispers back. “I’ll be here as long as you need - however long that is. Don’t leave me, either.”
“Well, don’t worry. I’ll stick by you for a very, very, very long while.”
And with that, he licks Kris’s lips before capturing them in his own again, kissing Kris softly as a ray of sunshine falls over them. “I’ll be with you for as long as we need.”
I'm standing across from you
I've dreamt alone, now the dreams won't do
But I see you
But I see you
--- The End ---
23,583 words, PG-15
Adam/Kris
Part III
“Grande caramel frappuccino for Sophia!” Adam yells, bringing the girl’s drink to the end of the counter.
The girl grins at him as he passes it to her, and Adam nods towards her Ramones t-shirt. “I like your top.”
“Thank you! Yeah, I really love them. Well, thanks for the drink then.” She waves at Adam, and walks out, a little hop to her step.
Adam feels two warm hands slide over his hips, resting carefully and not too obviously, and he looks around to see Kris standing behind him. “So you’ve finally mastered the frappuccino, I see.”
Adam grins. “Yeah, thanks for helping me with that. I’ll make you one later, if you like.”
“What flavour?”
“Java chip… I know you better than you think.”
“Yeah… come on - come here.” Kris tows him by the arm, towards the door leading out the back, and Adam checks that no one’s watching, and when nobody is, he allows himself to be completely pulled out of the café.
Kris pushes him up against the wall once they’re inside the room, and Adam feels a little firework of happiness go off inside his body, heat spreading along tiny branches all through him like flames.
Kris dots little kisses all over Adam’s nose and along his cheeks, down over his chin, everywhere but his lips; soft presses of his lips like a cloud over Adam’s skin - one second it’s there, the next it’s not.
“Hey… I just - I need to say something.”
“Mmmm?”
Kris carries on kissing the tip of his nose over and over, and Adam chuckles. “Kris, seriously.”
“Okay, yeah?”
Adam leans his forehead against Kris’s. “The other day when we were down here and I… you know… well, I’m so sorry that I pushed you. I would never, ever want to hurt you, and I… I shouldn’t have done it, and I hate that I did it to you.”
“Adam - it’s okay. I don’t mind; don’t be worried about it.”
“But I -”
“Don’t be. It’s happened, you know? I mean, I kind of understood it when you were telling me what happened, and I’d read -”
“You what?”
“What?”
“You said you read something. What about?” Adam moves away from the wall, away from Kris, and looks at him from halfway across the room - he feels something charging through his body and he can’t be near Kris.
Kris sighs and runs his hand through his hair. “I, well, before we were -”
“Kris, what was did you read?”
“Before I got to know you, I read an article about you on the internet… it was from all those years ago. I didn’t realize what I was going to find, and if I knew that I’d end up in this - thing with you, or that I’d find out what I did, I never would have done it.”
“So - what? You knew? You knew it all before I told you? You looked me up on the fucking internet? How could you… how could you do that?”
“Adam, I didn’t know, and I’m sorry. What would I have said, though? That I already knew every -”
“That’s not the point. I - I cried in front of you; Kris, I don’t just cry - it makes me weak - and you knew? I just - you knew the whole time?”
“Adam -”
“I don’t care that you’re sorry,” he says quietly, “it’s just that I was telling you everything because I trusted you and I felt like I needed… viscerally that connection to you - and I didn’t need to because you knew already. And you know, it really sucks that you read it but you didn’t tell me that you already knew. You didn’t even try.”
“I -”
“I was fucking raped, Kris. You should have told me you already knew.”
Adam stands still, and closes his eyes - he doesn’t really know what to think. He’s not mad or angry at Kris, not really - he’s just upset and he feels really hurt. It’s more than just Kris not telling him, it’s that every other person in his life has let him down, and he thought Kris was different, that he wouldn’t do that to him, that he could really trust him.
He hears Kris move around the room, moving closer to him, his feet scuffing on the ground. “Adam…”
“Kris, I can’t even look at you -”
Kris pushes the words away with his lips, kissing Adam slowly. It startles Adam at first, and he feels like getting away from Kris again, but it’s Kris - he can’t when he’s kissing him. He feels his hurt softening, and it’s like he’s melting inside - the kiss just melts him all over, and he wants to keep kissing Kris, to stay inside their little haven - but it just feels like it’s making him sick, and he needs to stop right now, to just breathe away from Kris; he feels open and exposed like this.
“Don’t - don’t do that… you know how I get and it’s not… don’t, Kris…”
Kris brings his hands up to Adam’s face and gently touches his skin, around his eyes, over his nose, all around his cheeks, by his lips, comfortingly moving his hands, and presses his lips over Adam’s mouth again, mumbling softly, “I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, Adam - I’m sorry… I fucked up, but you can trust me… you can trust me, Adam; Adam, it’s alright. Trust me, I’m so sorry… forgive me, please, I won’t let you down again, I’m sorry…”
And he keeps on muttering softly into Adam’s mouth, small half-sentences and words that little by little, bit by bit bring back some of Adam’s trust and his love for who Kris is, and he feels reassured by Kris’s mumbling and the heat from his body and his hands on his face, his smooth fingers tracing.
“Adam -”
“You know, you make me feel warm.”
Kris smiles, small crinkles forming by his eyes. “You make me feel happy.”
“And that too.”
“I should have told you, Adam, and I’m really sorry that I didn’t. I just - there was never a time where I knew when to say it, or how… so I didn’t.”
“I just - next time, if there’s something that you need to tell me, just tell me. Don’t wait.” Kris nods and wraps his arms around Adam tightly, clutching his waist, his cast digging into Adam’s skin. “I really like you, Kris - it’s just that my trust levels are so low that if they get jerked around anymore, they’ll break.” He pauses for a few moments, deciding whether to continue or not. “I really want to - I really want to be able to be with you, Kris. But I just… with Dylan, I don’t know how.”
Kris nestles his head further into Adam’s neck, so that Adam’s chin is resting atop of his soft hair.
“You know, your hair smells really good.”
Kris chuckles but doesn’t answer, instead pressing a firm kiss into his shoulder, and they stay like for a while, for as long as they need.
---
It’s a few days later, and as Kris makes an order of ten hot chocolates, he can’t help but turn Adam’s words over and over in his mind - “I really want to… I really want to be able to be with you, Kris.” It just makes his heart turn thinking about it; he wants it so badly. And it’s not so much that he wants it for him - well, a little bit for him - but Kris just wants Adam to be away from Dylan, to be out of that situation, for Adam’s own safety and happiness.
“Hey, you.” Adam slides a glass of water along to Kris, and leans his head on Kris’s shoulder. “I have to leave early today… Dylan wants me to go with him to buy some new acrylic paints or something for his art.”
“He paints?”
“It’s really weird, but he does and he’s actually really good at it, too. But yeah, I have to leave early… in about two hours or something. I never really know with him.”
“Is he picking you up?” Kris isn’t sure he could handle seeing Dylan here… it would just be too crazy… and probably scary.
Adam shrugs. “I don’t think so, I told him I’d get a taxi but he’s very vague. He might, might not.”
“Okay… you’ll be here tomorrow, though, right?”
“Yeah,” he breathes against Kris’s neck, his breath hot over Kris’s skin. “And I - I’m picking up some new photos in the morning, from the developers… if you’d like to see them.” Adam’s voice is almost shy, and his arms still against Kris, waiting for his reaction.
“Of course I’d like to see them/” Kris turns around to look properly at Adam, smiling up at him, “I’d love to.”
Adam grins at him, his smile wide and carefree, and he ducks his head down to kiss Kris’s forehead - the first time he’s ever done anything like that before in public.
“Hey, aren’t you worried that someone -”
Adam continues peppering more tiny, close-mouthed kisses along Kris’s skin, fast and soft, a quick brush of his lips. “No, not right now,” he says in-between kisses, and Kris laughs into his warm neck.
After at least twenty more little kisses, Adam abruptly steps away from Kris, and a look of dread entirely envelops his expression. He begins to mutter all sorts of confused profanities under his breath, and Kris quickly turns around to glimpse at what Adam’s seen… and Kris would recognize that face anywhere - he doesn’t know who it is, exactly, but it’s the guy from all of Adam’s photos…
“Shit, shit, shit. That’s Dylan, Kris; that’s fucking Dylan and he just saw all of that. He is going to - fuck, I don’t even know what he’s going to do. What should I do? Fuck, I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know…” and he continues, muttering the quietly scared refrain over and over under his breath as Dylan gets closer and closer.
Kris watches Dylan make eye-contact with Adam, before walking right up to the counter, as if to take an order. He rests his hands against the counter, one on top of another.
“So,” Dylan says to Kris, with jovial voice, “could I please get a venti soy cappuccino to go?”
Kris doesn’t really know what to do… is this a game? Does he take the order? Dylan has only been in here for a minute, and he’s already freaked Kris out.
“Sure. Name?”
Kris grabs a cup from the stack nearby and a pen, poising it over the cup as Dylan raises his eyebrows. “Oh really? My name? You don’t already know it?”
Kris can hear Adam’s breathing behind him, and he sighs. Clearly Dylan is trying to bring him into something, and so he simply tries to write Dylan’s name on the cup with his left hand.
“Ah. So it is you then.”
Should he answer? Would Adam want him to answer? Is he going to make things worse? “Who am I?” he asks.
Dylan’s response is an arched eyebrow and a curved side of his mouth. “You know very well what I’m talking about.”
Kris purses his lips, and passes the cup down to Mia, quietly telling her the order. (He decides not to ask Dylan to pay. One cappuccino won’t bring down the entire Starbucks.) “I’m afraid I don’t.”
“Oh really,” Dylan sneers. “So… you his new fuck toy, or something?” Dylan asks, and leans in. “I thought I noticed he was acting different last night… and yeah, I definitely didn’t give him that new hickey. Fuck, you guys are funny.” He shakes his head at both of them, looking behind Kris to Adam, and then back to Kris. “So, then - since we have common ground and all,” he points at Adam, “do you notice the way he always holds onto your hip when he kisses? Or the way he always sighs into your mouth? Do you?”
Dylan’s tone is cruel, and his expression is unlike anything Kris has ever seen on a person before; it’s a combination of vindictiveness and something close to enjoyment. Kris looks over to Adam, and he’s turning a deep pink, embarrassment coloring his face all over as he ducks his head down.
“Do you notice the way he’ll always bite you right here,” he indicates with his finger to his collarbone, tapping his nail right on the bone, “when you’re in bed with him? Or how he’ll run his hands through your hair when you go… oh, you haven’t done any of that? Well, he’s certainly been holding out on you then.” He shakes his head in disgust. “You really are pathetic, the both of you.”
Mia yells out the coffee order, and Kris grabs it off her before she walks down to the end of the counter with it. “Here,” he says to Dylan, and passes him the coffee. Kris can’t tell if any other people are looking at them yet, but he can definitely see Mia peering out of the corner of her eye, and both Jack and Nick are staring.
“Don’t - don’t say that to him, Dylan.” Adam’s voice is very quiet, and it’s so different from what Kris usually hears from him that it throws him for a moment.
“Oh, so you’re saying something now, are you? Well, Adam, that’s nice of you, but I think I’ll say what I like to him.” He turns back to Kris and appraises his body, looking up and down over what he can see of Kris - and Kris can’t help but feel ashamed of himself, as though he’s too ugly and worthless for Adam to like him at all. “Really? He puts out for you?” Dylan shrugs. “Thanks for the coffee, then.”
“Dylan… please don’t say that.”
“Come on - we’re leaving.”
“You said to me that we weren’t going to leave for about another two hours or so; I can’t get off just yet.”
“Find a way, Adam, because we need to go now.”
“I can’t, Dylan; not yet.”
Kris can tell that this isn’t meant to be happening - Adam should be saying yes and they should be leaving by now - and it’s angering Dylan.
“Adam, just get another fucking person to cover for you… you’re hardly busy, judging by what you were doing when I came in.”
“I don’t want to leave yet, Dylan. Let me finish in a few hours, and then I can come.”
“Adam…” His voice a warning, “Look, I’ll wait in the car, and I’m not waiting hours for you.”
Dylan picks up his coffee, and slowly turns on his heel. He’s only taken a few steps before Adam says, “No, I’ll - I’ll come now. Just - give me a few seconds.”
Dylan turns around and nods, taking a sip from his coffee. And Kris can’t help but feel slightly… well, almost let down. He just - it’s kind of scary what a different person Adam is around Dylan, and he almost wishes that Adam would just say no to him, to do something on his own terms.
Adam takes his satchel and gently brushes Kris’s hand beneath the counter before walking around it to Dylan.
“Actually, while we’re here, I might just get a brownie - two, actually. And a blueberry scone, please. Both to go.” He watches Kris expectantly as Kris takes out the food, and places them inside a brown paper bag. Adam slides a twenty dollar bill across to Kris, and he quickly rings it all up on the register, passes him the change.
“So, I’ll uh, see you later then.”
Kris nods at Adam, and watches Dylan watch them as he takes another sip from his cup.
“Come on, Adam.”
“Yeah…” Adam locks eyes with Kris one last time… and maybe it’s the expression on Kris’s face that does it, or maybe it’s just that he has finally had enough, and a sudden burst of courage fires out of nowhere… Kris doesn’t know, and maybe he never will, but all of a sudden Adam says, “Actually Dylan, no.”
Dylan turns, with a nasty expression on his face. “Sorry?”
“No. I’m not coming with you. I’m staying here.”
Dylan raises his eyebrows. “Okay, fuck, Adam - if it’s going to be so much of a fucking problem, then I’ll wait until you’re done. We’ll leave later.” There’s something about his voice, though, that suggests that something much later is going to happen that won’t be nice at all.
“No. I’m not leaving with you later. I’m not going with you.” Adam shakes his head fervently. “I’m not going anywhere with you ever again. Dylan - I am so through with this - I’m never going anywhere with you again.”
“Adam, you’re making -” He tries to take a hold of Adam’s elbow, but Adam jerks away from him.
“No, Dylan. Leave me alone. Don’t touch me.” Adam takes a few steps back, his hands at his sides. “I am so through, so through with everything about this fucked-up relationship, and I - I hate you Dylan. I’ve finally been able to realize that - I hate you so much, so, so, so much, and I can’t have you near me anymore; I just can’t Dylan. There’s something wrong with you, Dylan - there’s something seriously, seriously wrong in your head; I don’t know what it is - I never have - but you’re sick and you need help, and I can’t be a part of this with you. From that - that moment when I was thirteen and you found me at my house, and I let you into my life - I have hated myself, and I have hated you. I have wanted to get out of this from that moment all of my life; I have wanted to leave you so many times, but I’ve never known how or where or what to say or what it would do. And I don’t really know any of those things now - but I’ve learnt that I’m better than all of the ways that you’ve treated me for the past five years. I don’t deserve it.”
Adam takes a deep, slightly shuddering breath, his breath rising fast, and continues on, “Get out of my life, Dylan… go to hell.”
The moment Adam’s voice stops, it’s as though the room begins to echo. There is no noise - not one person is talking - but it’s like Adam’s words are reverberating around the café.
Dylan doesn’t say anything for a few seconds; he stands there and looks at Adam - just looks right at him, his eyes burning into Adam’s face, before his hand suddenly grabs at Adam’s sweater and pulls him close into his body. He ducks his head down to Adam’s ear and mutters quietly, “This isn’t over; you haven’t fucking won. Just wait.” And then he turns his back on Adam and stomps out of the café, the door slamming behind him.
For a moment, it’s as though everything is frozen. Nobody moves - not that Kris can see anyway. Adam is just standing there, close to the center of the room, and Kris walks around the counter to get to him - he can’t believe that Adam just did that. But before Kris can get to him, Adam shakes his head, as if to clear his mind, and runs out of Starbucks, his boots clattering against the ground.
Kris isn’t sure if he should follow him or not, but in the end he decides to. He walks outside of the café, and sees Adam turn around a corner, into a small park further down the street.
-
“Adam,” Kris calls out, walking along the grass by the trees, “Adam!” He nearly stumbles over a tree root and curses under his breath. “Adam!”
“Kris, you don’t need to yell.”
He spins around, and sees Adam sitting on the ground at the base of a tree, leaning against it with his legs crossed. And he’s never been so relieved to see anyone in his life; this wave of calm just settles over his entire body - it’s like he’s home - and he moves to sit next to Adam.
“Adam, back there -”
“Just - can we not talk about it right now, please?” he interrupts, and sighs. “Can you just - distract me? Distract me, Kris… make me forget about it.”
And so Kris pulls Adam around so he’s underneath Kris; he unfolds Adam’s legs and pushes him slowly down so lying flat along the ground. Kris straddles Adam’s hips, leaning forward so that he can reach his mouth, and Adam brings his head down further, resting one of his hands along Kris’s neck. He slips his hand beneath Kris’s shirt, rubbing his warm skin over and over, his hand soft on Kris’s hip, digging his fingers into the bone, and Kris feels as though his whole body is igniting; Adam’s touch just sets him on fire.
Kris catches his breath, and sucks on Adam’s bottom lip, bringing it into his mouth and nips hard, biting down. Adam groans into his mouth, mashing their lips together more forcefully than before, their mouths colliding, and Adam’s tastes of cinnamon and his berry-flavored gloss. Kris runs his hand underneath the thin cotton of Adam’s shirt and flares his hands over Adam’s waist, his skin hot and freckled under Kris’s palms, softly pale and smooth. Adam curses into his Kris’s mouth softly and briefly moves his lips away from Kris’s to kiss the corners of Kris’s mouth, dabbing more tiny kisses along the edge of his jaw before reclaiming Kris’s mouth and moving his hands further up Kris’s torso, past his waist and alongside his ribcage, where he tightens -
“Ow.”
Kris’s reaction is instinctual, and he curves away from Adam, bringing his own hand up to press carefully into his ribs.
Adam’s hands are still resting on Kris’s hips, and at this his thumbs still. “What is it, Kris?”
When Kris doesn’t respond, without breaking eye-contact with him, Adam slowly pushes Kris’s shirt up, pulling the baby blue material away from Kris’s skin little by little. He eventually gets to Kris’s ribcage and Kris squeezes his eyes shut, not wanting to see Adam’s reaction.
“Holy fuck,” Adam breathes, and his hand drops away from the shirt. “Kris - what is this?”
Kris looks down at his skin, and sees his side through Adam’s eyes. To Kris, it’s normal: his skin has been like this for a long while - but he looks at it differently, and suddenly his skin turns ugly, tainted. Alongside his whole left ribcage, the skin is entirely covered in mottled bruises, all of varying colors - some are a dark, dark purple, others a disgusting yellow color, some light, some murky. There are layers upon layers of bruises, discoloured skin on skin, and some of them have never gone away - more of the bruises have been created over the top of them.
“Kris, what is this? Who did this to you?” Adam reaches up and gently traces his finger over Kris’s skin, and Kris grits his teeth. “Kris, please - they are fucking covering your skin.”
Kris shifts a little and moves off Adam, sitting close to Adam’s head with his legs crossed. Adam sits up, placing both of his hands on Kris’s knees and leaning forward. “Kris… please tell me. What happened?”
Kris runs his hands over his face and sighs. He just feels so tired… with everything that’s happened today, it’s as though he has no energy left. “Adam, I -”
“Kris - this isn’t safe to have this… you’ve probably got like… I don’t know, internal bleeding or something.”
“Adam - that’s what a bruise is, just a minor form of it.”
“Oh. Well - Kris, who did this? We can… go to the police, maybe? What do you do with abuse victims?”
“Adam,” Kris shakes his head, “We don’t need to go to the police, and I don’t know about that last one.”
“Well, then, who’s doing this to you? You never said anything to me; why didn’t you?”
“I just - there was never a right time…”
Adam sighs. “Kris, that’s just what I said to you a few days ago - always tell me. Please. It’s not fair to you for you to not be able to say things to me.”
Kris nods. “Yeah, okay.”
“Were you ever going to tell me about this?”
“Yeah… I imagine so.”
“Kris… who did it to you?”
He groans, and leans against Adam’s forehead, “I - well, it’s my dad.”
“He does this to you? Why?”
“Adam - I have so much that I want to tell you, but can it be another time, please? I just - I can’t do it now. Please?”
“But… you can’t go home to that. It’s going to -”
“Another time, Adam. I’ll be here tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day and the next day after that -”
“Oh my god.” Adam covers Kris’s mouth with his fingers and laughs. “Shut up!”
Kris bites his finger, and Adam rolls his eyes, a grin stretching across his face. “What will I do with you?”
“A few things, I’m sure.”
Adam chuckles again, but then his expression turns sombre. “You will tell me though, right? We need to deal with it.”
“As long as you tell me about why you decided to do that back there with Dylan -”
“Sshh, don’t talk about him. Some other time.”
“Exactly. Another time,” he repeats and Adam nods at him.
“I want to know everything about you - every little thing that there is. Tell me every part there is to know about you.” He takes Kris’s right hand into his own and continues, “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, okay? I don’t want you being hurt, or taken away from me. I want you here for all those next days.”
Adam grins, his freckled lips a little swollen from when Kris had bitten, and Kris smiles back. “You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, alright?”
“We can be each other’s best things, then. I want you to be mine for a very long time.” Adam moves his mouth over to Kris’s ear and whispers ever so quietly, “Please don’t leave me.”
“I won’t,” Kris whispers back. “I’ll be here as long as you need - however long that is. Don’t leave me, either.”
“Well, don’t worry. I’ll stick by you for a very, very, very long while.”
And with that, he licks Kris’s lips before capturing them in his own again, kissing Kris softly as a ray of sunshine falls over them. “I’ll be with you for as long as we need.”
I'm standing across from you
I've dreamt alone, now the dreams won't do
But I see you
But I see you
--- The End ---