My First Fanfic EVER!!!
Title: Using Dirt From One Hole to Fill in Another - Part 1 of 2
Genres: Slight angst/ Slight Romance
Beta:
nyagosstar
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Roy/Ed
Warnings: Language, m/m sex
Length: 10,811 words
Spoilers: None
Summary: Roy finds a way to fill the empty spot in his life created by Hughes death.
Comments: This is dedicated to everyone whose Roy/Ed fics I have read in the last year. Thanks!! (And thanks,
sky_dark , for the inspiration for the comment Havoc makes about Roy's appendix.)
Disclaimer: FMA is not mine...sigh
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there. - Rumi, 13th Century Persian Poet.
Using Dirt from One Hole to Fill in Another
Roy stared at the broken pieces of thin glass, wondering if he’d feel better if he’d thrown the glass in rage instead of knocking it carelessly into the sink. Memories followed his every move, memories of a man whose death left a family without a father and him without a best friend. He turned and dropped down to sit on the toilet as the total feeling of loneliness constricted his heart. With the palms of his hands pressed against his closed eyes, he wished he could physically push the photographic evidence of death from his memory. Broken…blood in a phone booth, on a blue uniform, on his best friend. Broken; everything had been broken since Maes had died.
Maes. Maes, the investigator, the annoying one, and the one who had paid the highest price for answers to questions not yet even formulated.
He pushed himself back up and moved to look in the mirror. His dark eyes were dry; he was too much in control of his emotions to cry. He reached into the sink to remove the glass, taking care to not cut himself with the sharp edges. A brief smile crossed his mouth as he dropped the pieces of glass in the trash. Maes had always made him smile. He’d been Roy’s best friend, never anything more than that, but no one could have asked for a better friend than Maes Hughes.
The smile faded, now he was alone and all the dates in the world could not make up for the loss. Maes had left more than a shattered family behind; he’d left Roy without a confidant and a drinking buddy. He’d also left Roy with a hole where his heart should have been. Would he have preferred to never have met Maes? He sighed. No, he only wished he’d never lost Maes. Never lost the most loyal friend any man could have asked for. And so what if he’d never had Maes in his bed, a relationship like that could easily have cost them their friendship and then where would he have been? Then again, things might have been different; Maes might not now be lying under six feet of dirt in the MilitaryCemetery. He would never know.
He rinsed the smaller pieces of glass down the sink and crossed to his closet to pull the heavy blue uniform from its hanger. He was reaching for his jacket when the memories hit him again like a punch to stomach. He stumbled back to sit heavily on the edge of the bed, staring blindly at the floor.
From Central came frantic phone calls. Maes. Maes dead, murdered, in a phone booth. And in EastCity, the shouts, Roy’s shouts, orders that he hoped made sense. Clear head, had to keep a clear head. Need Maes to investigate this but Maes was dead. Maes couldn’t investigate his own murder. Maes was dead. MAES COULDN’T BE DEAD. DON’T BE DEAD. I NEED YOU. WHO IS GOING TO HELP ME TO THE TOP NOW YOU LYING BASTARD. Tears, rain, it was only rain, not tears.
Maes was still with him even if only in the form of a ghost that lurked in the twists of his brain, ready to jump out at times when he was the most vulnerable like after a night out in the bars of Central. He would come home alone with alcohol burning through his veins, climb into his empty bed and lay with the darkness breathing across his skin. Maes’ ghost would be there, hovering just out of reach but still within sight. Usually the ghost just watched with soulful brown eyes which hurt as much as the accusations Roy’s guilt gave voice to.
“Why didn’t you save me? Why didn’t you protect me? I trusted you! I would have protected you!”
Roy would lie frozen, letting the words cut him, repeating over and over the only words he could. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”
He knew Maes would never have blamed him for what happened anymore than Roy blamed Maes for the aching loneliness he’d been left with. However that didn't stop him from blaming himself for not paying more attention to Maes’ investigations. Why hadn’t he done more? Why hadn’t he stopped Maes from digging too deep? He knew the answer to those questions too. He couldn’t have stopped Maes from looking for answers.
He shook his head to clear the thoughts and returned to the closet to pull his boots out. He shut the closet door and turned to survey his bedroom which was perfectly neat except for the unmade bed. The sheets were shoved into disarrayed hills and valleys as though he’d recently had sex but Roy hadn’t brought anyone home since he’d been relocated back to Central City. He dated frequently but it was never anything serious. He also didn’t want a bunch of strange women parading through his private space or even knowing where he lived due to the possibility that one of the could turn into a stalker. It had happened before. The relationships started out normally, he’d be the perfect gentleman, and after a few dates he bowed out gracefully with perfect excuses as to why they couldn’t continue. And then there had been the phone calls, the knocks on his door in the wee hours of the morning, the following him as he did his shopping at the market, and always the crying. He hated the crying most of all. He wondered if dating a man would be different. He’d never gone out with men although he’d had sex with a select few. He’d discovered the sex of the individual didn’t matter, as long as the face was pretty. He sighed and left the bedroom to go lock up the house before leaving for work.
He strode down the sidewalk to where Havoc was waiting with the car to take him to work and climbed in; ignoring the half-assed salute Havoc tossed him.
"You okay back there, Colonel?" Roy dragged his eyes from where he'd been staring blankly out the window to meet Havoc's in the rear view mirror. He allowed a slight smirk to cross his face.
"Fine, just a bit tired. Think Hawkeye will let me leave early?"
Havoc laughed, "Not even if your appendix ruptured. She'd find some way to get work out of you!"
Roy smiled and turned his gaze to the passing scenery.
"I'm real sorry, Colonel. I know he meant a lot to you." Startled, Roy met Havoc's eyes in the rear view mirror again. Havoc dropped his gaze. "We all know what today is, sir. Maybe Hawkeye will take it a little easy on you."
"And maybe the Fuhrer will trade places with me."
Havoc laughed, “Stranger things have happened.”
He signed off on the last document in the stack moments before Hawkeye entered with a new stack. He looked up at the clock and frowned.
"You can sign these tomorrow, sir." She said as she sat them down on the edge of his desk and moved to take the already signed ones. "I know your mind isn't really on the job right now, well less than normal considering your mind is rarely ever on the job."
"You know me too well. What would I do without you to keep me in line?"
"You would probably still be a Major with delusions of grandeur of becoming the next Fuhrer instead of on your way up the ranks." She smiled slightly. "I am sorry for your loss, sir, but we are still here to push you up that ladder."
"Thank you, Lieutenant. I will never forget your loyalty or the loyalty of anyone on my team. When I’m Fuhrer, I won't even make you wear a miniskirt!"
She laughed, "Personally, I'd like to see you try signing that order into effect without fingers, sir, because I'm sure I could take them all off before you even finished signing your title."
Roy had considered getting very drunk that night after work and then picking up the first pretty, vacant woman he came across but he knew he wouldn’t because tonight was for remembering Maes. It was, after all, the anniversary of Maes’ death and Roy didn’t think fucking a complete stranger was the correct way to pay homage to his dead friend. Nothing could fill the gaping hole Maes had left in his life or at least nothing Roy had found so far and until he found it, his life would never again be complete. No, tonight he would drink and then he would return home to wrestle with the memories once more.
Ed smiled at the dark haired boy sitting beside him. When the boy smiled back, Ed relaxed even further. He’d been working up the courage all night to flirt with the guy and it seemed to be paying off. Of course it had taken quite a bit of alcohol to get this far. For all the confidence Ed projected out into the world, he was actually a coward when it came right down to the cold hard facts of picking up a date. He was afraid of rejection. Tonight he didn’t want to think about his sins and his mission. He didn’t want to think about Al sitting all alone in their dorm room without a real human body, he didn’t want to think about his failure at getting their mother back. Tonight he wanted to get drunk and get laid and forget everything just for a few minutes. For his one night stand he’d chosen a dark haired, dark-eyed boy because he reminded him somewhat of another dark-haired, dark-eyed person of Ed’s acquaintance, a person who Ed had harbored a secret crush on for several months now.
Ed still wasn’t too sure about picking up on whether someone of the same sex was interested or not but the kid had stared back and had been working his way closer to Ed all night. Because of that Ed was feeling pretty comfortable with the idea that the boy was interested.
“Hi.” Not exactly a great opening line but Ed wasn’t in thinking mode at the moment.
The boy grinned again, “Hi.”
“So, uh, what’s your name? I’m Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist.” Oh shit, really smooth, Ed, You know there was a reason you left your red coat at home!
“I’m Greg Halliday. Sorry, no title to go with that.” The boy grinned and scooted closer.
Ed released a nervous laugh and racked his brain trying to think of something, anything, to say. Why couldn’t he just ask Greg if he wanted to get laid? In his head it sounded so easy to do but his mouth wouldn’t work to get the words out. He realized he was still staring at Greg who was staring back at him expectantly. Ed began wondering why Greg didn’t say anything, he was interested wasn’t he?
“Wanna go out back? I got a flask of whisky we could share.” He hoped the extra alcohol would steady his nerves and he didn’t want to leave Greg alone in here now that he’d gotten this far. Greg smiled and gestured for Ed to lead the way. They walked out and ducked into the closest empty alleyway. Ed took the first swig, spilling a little down his chin which Greg reached to wipe away with his fingers. Ed was feeling very toasty when the flask was finally empty. He leaned forward to try to kiss Greg but the boy pulled away.
“Wait here, I gotta pee. Be right back.”
Ed watched Greg walk away, wondering why he didn’t just pee in the alley. It wasn’t like it was cold out or anything. He sighed and leaned against the wall. Was Greg abandoning him now? While he waited, he let his mind drift towards fantasies of a different dark-eyed man. Footsteps from the end of the alley brought him back. He thought for a second it might have been Greg but there were too many sets of footsteps. He rolled his head to the side and unease swept though him. Four guys were walking towards him and none of them looked friendly. Ed pushed off the wall, cursing his unsteadiness.
“Hey little boy! Where’s your buddy?” The speaker was a short, compact guy. “Oh that’s right he’s at the bar, blabbing about some cocksucker he left standing out in the alley.”
Fuck, fuck, fuck. Betraying little piece of shit. Ed knew what was about to happen. A flash of silver caught his eye and he looked down to see a knife in one of the men’s hands. He knew he should have been more careful. It wasn’t that male/male relationships were illegal but they certainly weren’t generally accepted.
Well, he wasn’t going to make it easy. He clapped his hands intending to put up a wall between him and his attackers, but instead put the wall up behind them. Drinking and alchemy did not good friends make. It took a few seconds for his brain’s screaming “Run you stupid little shit, RUN!’ to make it down to his legs. Of course he’d have to rant at his own brain for calling him little later. He stumbled as he turned and ran awkwardly for the opposite end of the alley. He heard the pounding of feet behind him and he cursed his luck again, why did he have to pick one of the bars not located on the main streets of Central City? He was surrounded by dark doorways and warehouses. He ran blindly, carelessly and didn’t stop until he realized that the brick wall looming ahead was the end of the alley. A dead-end.
Two hours after he’d arrived at the bar, the same bar he’d always frequented with Maes, Roy’s body was warm and relaxed from the alcohol he’d drank. He was now slowly making his way home. He walked with his head up, alert as always, he was always careful to not drink enough to get careless. Careless is what got you killed. Had Maes been careless? No one would take him by surprise although some had tried and they had always ended up in need of a trip to the hospital for burns. From an alley up ahead he could hear the sounds of taunts and above those one clear voice returning the slights. He recognized the clear voice and quickened his pace, curious.
“I’m gonna make you suck my dick, you little shit!”
“I’M NOT LITTLE, YOU FUCKIN’ ASSHOLE. AND I’M NOT SUCKIN ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO OFFER!”
Roy stepped into the mouth of the alley. It wasn’t a particularly deep alley and at the end he could see a short, blond boy backed against the wall. In front of him stood a loose semicircle of four boys, one of whom had a knife. The boys were laughing and taunting the boy they had cornered. The fact that Ed was cornered did not puzzle Roy since Ed always seemed to be in some kind of trouble. But he couldn’t figure out why he didn’t just use his alchemy to get away? Roy had taken several steps into the alley before Ed finally looked up.
“And now the fuckin' army arrives." Ed sneered; Roy thought for a moment he was making a mistake in coming to the rescue. Then it occurred to him that Ed’s scorn was only a thin veneer for the kid’s underlying unease.
The small gang in front of the Ed turned when they realized their victim was speaking to a new presence in the alley.
“Shit, it’s a military dude.”
“So?” the leader of the gang scoffed. “There’s just one of him and four of us, you fuckin pussies.”
“But he could raise an alarm.”
The leader of the rabble raised his voice, “This doesn’t concern you, military man. We’re just havin’ a little fun.”
Roy brought his hand up and straightened his glove.
“Then it’s over.” His cold, precise voice caused fear and uncertainty to surface on the faces of the boys and they began to edge towards the walls, darting looks to the open end of the alley behind Roy.
“Nah, it ain’t. This little shit’s being an asshole and we were just about to give a little of it back.” There was now a nervous tremor in the leader’s words. He knew the guy was only trying to look good in the eyes of his friends but Roy didn’t care. He turned his hand slightly so they could see the array stitched in red on his glove. Whispers of ‘Flame Alchemist’ drifted down to where he stood.
Roy shifted his gaze to Ed and almost laughed when Ed stiffened at his next words, “That little shit is always an asshole and I doubt anything you do could change that. Now leave.”
Two of the boys dashed past Roy out of the alley and Roy could see that the leader wanted to follow them.
“Aww fuck it, man. You can have the little bastard.”
He and the last of his allies sidled past Roy, who had no real interest whatsoever in harming them.
He watched as they passed him and followed them out of the alley with his eyes. He was now alone with Ed and he turned to look the boy over. His eyes traveled up the short, compact body to the braided blond hair. His eyes moved to Ed’s feverishly bright gold ones. They stared at him as though they saw him and saw through him at the same time. He was unnerved, a feeling he wasn’t immediately familiar with. He moved towards Ed who slid away from him.
“I’m not going to hurt you.”
“No, but you are going to smirk at me and make fun of me and if it's all the same to you I’d really rather you just walk the fuck away now. Oh, and thanks and all that shit for saving me, bastard.” The boy’s voice held a tremor of alarm now, as though he’d only just realized he’d been in danger
Roy sighed. “Come on.”
“Come on, where?” Ed asked suspiciously, eyes narrowing.
“I guess back to the dorms.” Roy replied, slightly puzzled; where else would Roy take him? “I assume Al is there waiting for you.”
Ed shrugged and gestured for Roy to lead the way. As they left the alley, Roy glanced back. “What were you doing down here anyway?”
“Minding my own fuckin' business, just like you should be doin' now.”
Roy sighed again. For such an angelic looking kid, Ed had a mouth on him that put sailors to shame.
“What was going on in that alley?”
“Gee, Colonel, I don’t know. It sure looked like a fuckin' fight in the making from where I was standing."
“I see.”
“You think I’m lying?”
“I honestly wouldn’t care if you were. However, as your superior officer it is my business to know what is going on when one of my subordinates is trapped in an alley about to get his ass kicked." Roy had tried to keep his voice neutral but now he let a hint of cold steel creep into his words. He was only trying to help Ed but the kid’s flippant answers were grating on his nerves. Roy momentarily considered just making him call Al to come pick him up. No one would be tempted to bother the shrimp with that 7-foot tall piece of armor around.
They walked until they reached a more populated street where Roy hailed a cab. He opened the door for Ed who stood swaying slightly, staring at the car.
“Not your fuckin' date, asshole." Ed mumbled.
“I don't think I’ve drunk enough to be persuaded that you are." A hurt look flashed across Ed's features so fast, Roy couldn't even be sure that was what it was. "Get in.”
Ed groused a few seconds during which Roy only caught the words 'bastard' and 'asshole' and knew that he was the subject of the grousing. Ed clambered into the car, pointing his butt in Roy's direction to do so. A pang of desire swept through Roy's body so sharply he had to bite his lip to keep from gasping and he gripped the door tighter to keep from slamming it on the leather clad ass. He shut the door as soon as Ed was in the car. As he walked around the back of the cab he berated himself. Of all the people in the world whose ass could turn you on right now, did it have to be Ed's?! Ed?! Shrimpy, little, loudmouthed, insubordinate, gorgeous, exciting, fuckable Ed?!
During the ride to the dorms neither of the cab's occupants spoke. Roy wanted to but he was afraid of what might come out if he did. Where the hell had the sudden thought that Ed was desirable come from? Had it ever occurred to him before? He thought back to every time he’d seen Ed recently and couldn’t think of one time he’d been aroused by the little blond. That wasn’t to say that he hadn’t noticed Ed was growing more attractive as he got older but he’d never really considered Ed as a bed partner. For one thing the kid was too young and for another he was Roy’s direct subordinate. Now he was entertaining the thought about how enjoyable a rousing romp in bed with the blond might be. Surely he hadn’t drunk that much this evening! He glanced over to find Ed's head lolling against the window, eyes closed and mouth open. Roy looked away quickly before the temptation to lean over and touch Ed’s mouth with his became even greater. He shifted in the seat to relive his growing erection and tried to think of unsexy things like paperwork and Breda eating doughnuts. He was both relieved and a little dismayed when the dorms came into view. He now wanted to just spend the rest of his evening with Ed, even if it only involved sitting in the backseat of the cab while the boy slept but it would look a little funny if a grown man asked to just keep riding in the back of a cab with a sleeping teenaged boy.
Ed opened his eyes when the car slowed.
“The dorms, huh? Figures you'd make me go home first, fucker. Did you want to make sure I got in ok, daddy?”
Now that the adrenaline rush had passed and taken some of Ed's earlier buzz with it, he wanted to drink some more. However, he knew Roy would make sure he went into the dorms and once inside, there was no getting back out until morning since it was after curfew. What he really wanted, was to go to Roy's place and drink until Roy was too wasted to know what was permitted between superiors and subordinates. He twisted to face Roy, whose dark eyes glinted in the streetlight. He opened his mouth but Roy turned away.
"Take me home with you." Ed whispered, afraid of the driver hearing and more afraid that Roy wouldn't hear. The dark eyes returned to regard him and a smirk crawled across Roy's face.
"And why should I do that?"
Ed blushed, his mind racing furiously for a reason, any reason for Roy to take him home with him. Cause I want you to fuck me didn't really sound quite right although it was the truth.
"I...I...need to talk to you. In private." Lame, lame, lame. Ed, my boy, you are supposed to be a fuckin' genius, now think!
"We can talk tomorrow in my office." Roy’s smirk became even smarmier if that was even possible and Ed wanted nothing more right then than to shove his tongue into Roy's mouth. God that smirk was annoying and so fuckin’ sexy. Fuckin’ bastard!
"No, I...I...need to talk now. If I have to wait, I’ll forget." Roy, you fucker, please just take me with you. Shut up and just do it.
“How old are you, Ed?”
“Old enough to drink in a bar!"
Roy relaxed against the seat and watched Ed with unreadable dark eyes for a few seconds before turning to the driver. Relief flooded through Ed when Roy began to rattle off his address. Hell, Ed could have done that for him. He'd memorized Roy's address from the numerous times he'd hidden outside the man's house just to see him. Unfortunately he'd never gotten to see Roy undressed because he’d always turned the light off when he'd gotten down to taking off his pants. However, Ed’s mind could fill in those gaps and he was really glad come dried clear or Roy’s neighbor would have bushes that appeared to have snow covering them on the backside.
Again no words were spoken during the drive. Ed was too nervous to say anything so instead he snuck peeks at Roy every so often but the man never broke his gaze from the passing scenery. What the hell was he going to talk to Roy about when they got to his house? He willed his brain to kick in before they reached their destination.
Roy had no idea why Ed wanted to come to his house. Had he and Al had a fight? Was Ed now embarrassed about his earlier attitude and wanted to tell Roy the story of what happened? No, that couldn't be it, Ed could have just told him tomorrow at the office. Whatever it was, it had better be worth the hassle of having to spend part of his evening with Ed.
Roy paid the driver as he exited the cab, slightly annoyed that Ed hadn’t even bothered to offer to pay for half the fare. He didn’t look back but knew Ed was following him from the clomping of the boy’s boots. He tossed his keys onto the table by the door and began to remove his jacket as he proceeded to the living room. He tossed the jacket over the back of a chair and crossed the room to where he kept his whiskey. He poured one for himself before glancing up to see if Ed would like one as well. A tiny nod, like a bird ducking it head, was his answer. He poured a tiny amount and looked at Ed again to now find the boy glaring. He poured more and the rage in Ed’s eyes subsided.
“So what was so important that you had to speak to me about it tonight?” He settled himself into a chair by the fireplace.
“I, uh, I…”the ride in the car hadn’t provided Ed with any conversation gems so he blurted out the first thing he could think of, “can I stay the night?”
Roy glanced up sharply. He opened his mouth to refuse the request but the gold eyes caught him. He certainly wasn’t going to leave now just to drive the kid home but he wasn’t going to make it easy on Ed.
“Why? Is that the important thing you had to talk about? Couldn’t go back to the dorms drunk and face Al? Don’t think I haven’t noticed that you smell like cheap beer poured into an ashtray.”
“Fuck you, Bastard.” Ed fell heavily onto the couch. Roy waited patiently for an answer, knowing Ed’s mind was working furiously to come up with something. Finally, as the moments stretched into what felt like an eternity, Ed spoke.
“I…uh…I need advice and…uh…you seem the best source for what I need to know.”
Roy’s tongue froze and slowly thawed while he worked his jaw to reply. Ed, who never bothered to listen to any order or request from Roy before, was now asking him for advice? This was weirdly funny and strange and just in some way completely wrong. Was this really Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist, sitting on his couch and, oh my, was that a blush creeping up into the boy’s cheeks?
“Advice? From me?”
“Yes, fucker, you. I am asking advice from you and if you laugh at me I will so pound you into a pulp and then use your own damned array to burn your remains!”
Roy suppressed a smirk, instead schooling his features into a mask of polite interest even though Ed wasn’t even looking at him. In fact, Ed hadn’t looked at him once since he’d taken up residence on the couch.
“How do you get dates?” At first Roy wasn’t sure if he’d heard Ed right and then he decided he had but he was going to make Ed repeat himself anyway.
“I’m sorry Ed, are you asking your hands something or was that question directed towards me? If it was me, I suggest you speak in something more comprehensible than a low mumble.”
“Fuck you! I don’t know why I am asking you this. I’m leaving!” Ed made as if to push himself up but really did nothing more than slide forward a few inches.
“I get dates by asking. I get dates because I am irresistible. I get dates,” Roy leaned forward, “because I am tall.”
He sat back to watch the hysterics that were sure to come and Ed didn’t disappoint. Ed’s gold eyes snapped up to Roy’s face and his face became even redder.
“Fuck you, Bastard. I can so to get a date even if I am not as tall as you. I bet I could get more dates than you if I really cared to. I just don’t like…” Ed’s mouth snapped shut with an audible click and he looked away from Roy.
“Don’t like what, Ed?” Roy was intensely curious. Did Ed not like girls his own age? Did he not like the thought of leaving Al out of something?
Ed’s former mumble reappeared, “Never mind.”
The boy was silent for a moment, hands twisting the ends of his jacket sleeves as if he was fighting with himself over something. Again Roy waited. “Can I borrow your shower?”
Twenty minutes later, Ed was still in the shower seemingly intent on using up all the hot water. Roy began letting his mind drift to visions of Ed shirtless and water-slicked, his hair unbraided and his leather pants riding low. He slammed a mental door on the image when the water stopped.
“Hey!”
“What?”
“Can I borrow something to wear? My stuff is filthy.” Ed’s voice sounded almost apologetic. Had the water cleaned not only the outside but also the inside, taking some of the anger down the drain with it? Roy went to his bedroom and pulled a t-shirt and a pair of sleep pants out of his dresser. He passed them through the cracked bathroom door and went back to the living room. He was stretched out on the couch reading when Ed finally made an appearance. Roy glanced once at Ed and then quickly looked away. His clothes were too big for Ed of course but the dampness of Ed’s body caused them to cling in very flattering ways on the boy’s lithe body.
“So, uh, got anything to eat?” He looked around like Roy was hiding the kitchen from him on purpose.
“No.”
“Whaaa? No food? But I’m starvin’?”
Roy answered without looking up from his book.
“You only asked to stay the night. Dinner was not part of the deal.”
Ed moved to sit at the end of the couch.
“Got a chess board? Bet I could kick your ass all over the place in chess!”
“Entertainment was not part of the deal either.”
He could feel Ed’s glare through the book but he didn’t put it down. Ed was the one imposing and Roy wasn’t going to go out of his way to make the kid happy.
“Did you decorate this place?”
“Yes.” He wished Ed would shut up or go away, preferably both.
“I like it. It’s comfortable.”
“I am glad it meets with your approval.”
Again Roy could feel the glare Ed shot in his direction but he still refused to look up from the book. If he did, the hard-on he was fighting so hard to stave off would definitely make an appearance. Ed stood and moved around the room restlessly. He picked things up and opened anything that caught his eye, keeping up a constant litany of the chemical make-up of each item. Roy laid the book down on his chest and closed his eyes. He hated when someone wanted attention but wouldn’t just say so.
“Ed-?”
“Bastard?”
“Roy, my name is Roy.”
“Same thing.”
“Ed, could you be still?”
“I don’t think I can right now. I’m, uhhh, nervous.” Again Ed’s tone sounded almost apologetic.
Nervous? What did Ed have to be nervous about? Roy sighed and swung his legs off the couch as he sat up. This time he almost laughed at the sight of Ed in his clothes. The pants were rolled up and now had thick cuffs but they were still long enough for Ed to tuck his feet inside them. Ed saw where he was looking and the glare of death returned.
“I’m not short, bastard.” He ground out.
Roy looked him over and smirked. He stood and started for the hallway only then realizing he’d never actually told Ed he could stay the night but now it was much too late to take him back to the dorms. He mentally shrugged and decided to just take him back in the morning. “Come on. Time for bed.”
“I can just sleep here on the couch.”
“I have an extra bedroom, Ed, so you might as well sleep there.”
The boy shrugged and followed Roy to the back of the house. He left Ed standing in the doorway of the guest room and went down to his own room. He decided to sleep in a pair of loose cotton pants since he had company. He lay on his back, thinking about the events of the night. What in Amestris had possessed him to allow Ed to stay the night? Those eyes are what possessed you, Roy. Face it, you think he’s attractive and you dragged him home so you could torture yourself. If you knew it wouldn’t make you feel like shit you’d seduce him in a heartbeat. Well, that was a change from the words he usually heard in Maes’ voice. He realized he hadn’t once thought about Maes tonight after he’d left the bar, being too preoccupied with Ed. He turned on his side and forced thoughts of Ed away. For all he knew, Ed would finally get his revenge and murder him tonight as he slept. He closed his eyes and drifted off.
Genres: Slight angst/ Slight Romance
Beta:
nyagosstar
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Roy/Ed
Warnings: Language, m/m sex
Length: 10,811 words
Spoilers: None
Summary: Roy finds a way to fill the empty spot in his life created by Hughes death.
Comments: This is dedicated to everyone whose Roy/Ed fics I have read in the last year. Thanks!! (And thanks,
sky_dark , for the inspiration for the comment Havoc makes about Roy's appendix.)
Disclaimer: FMA is not mine...sigh
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there. - Rumi, 13th Century Persian Poet.
Using Dirt from One Hole to Fill in Another
Roy stared at the broken pieces of thin glass, wondering if he’d feel better if he’d thrown the glass in rage instead of knocking it carelessly into the sink. Memories followed his every move, memories of a man whose death left a family without a father and him without a best friend. He turned and dropped down to sit on the toilet as the total feeling of loneliness constricted his heart. With the palms of his hands pressed against his closed eyes, he wished he could physically push the photographic evidence of death from his memory. Broken…blood in a phone booth, on a blue uniform, on his best friend. Broken; everything had been broken since Maes had died.
Maes. Maes, the investigator, the annoying one, and the one who had paid the highest price for answers to questions not yet even formulated.
He pushed himself back up and moved to look in the mirror. His dark eyes were dry; he was too much in control of his emotions to cry. He reached into the sink to remove the glass, taking care to not cut himself with the sharp edges. A brief smile crossed his mouth as he dropped the pieces of glass in the trash. Maes had always made him smile. He’d been Roy’s best friend, never anything more than that, but no one could have asked for a better friend than Maes Hughes.
The smile faded, now he was alone and all the dates in the world could not make up for the loss. Maes had left more than a shattered family behind; he’d left Roy without a confidant and a drinking buddy. He’d also left Roy with a hole where his heart should have been. Would he have preferred to never have met Maes? He sighed. No, he only wished he’d never lost Maes. Never lost the most loyal friend any man could have asked for. And so what if he’d never had Maes in his bed, a relationship like that could easily have cost them their friendship and then where would he have been? Then again, things might have been different; Maes might not now be lying under six feet of dirt in the MilitaryCemetery. He would never know.
He rinsed the smaller pieces of glass down the sink and crossed to his closet to pull the heavy blue uniform from its hanger. He was reaching for his jacket when the memories hit him again like a punch to stomach. He stumbled back to sit heavily on the edge of the bed, staring blindly at the floor.
From Central came frantic phone calls. Maes. Maes dead, murdered, in a phone booth. And in EastCity, the shouts, Roy’s shouts, orders that he hoped made sense. Clear head, had to keep a clear head. Need Maes to investigate this but Maes was dead. Maes couldn’t investigate his own murder. Maes was dead. MAES COULDN’T BE DEAD. DON’T BE DEAD. I NEED YOU. WHO IS GOING TO HELP ME TO THE TOP NOW YOU LYING BASTARD. Tears, rain, it was only rain, not tears.
Maes was still with him even if only in the form of a ghost that lurked in the twists of his brain, ready to jump out at times when he was the most vulnerable like after a night out in the bars of Central. He would come home alone with alcohol burning through his veins, climb into his empty bed and lay with the darkness breathing across his skin. Maes’ ghost would be there, hovering just out of reach but still within sight. Usually the ghost just watched with soulful brown eyes which hurt as much as the accusations Roy’s guilt gave voice to.
“Why didn’t you save me? Why didn’t you protect me? I trusted you! I would have protected you!”
Roy would lie frozen, letting the words cut him, repeating over and over the only words he could. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”
He knew Maes would never have blamed him for what happened anymore than Roy blamed Maes for the aching loneliness he’d been left with. However that didn't stop him from blaming himself for not paying more attention to Maes’ investigations. Why hadn’t he done more? Why hadn’t he stopped Maes from digging too deep? He knew the answer to those questions too. He couldn’t have stopped Maes from looking for answers.
He shook his head to clear the thoughts and returned to the closet to pull his boots out. He shut the closet door and turned to survey his bedroom which was perfectly neat except for the unmade bed. The sheets were shoved into disarrayed hills and valleys as though he’d recently had sex but Roy hadn’t brought anyone home since he’d been relocated back to Central City. He dated frequently but it was never anything serious. He also didn’t want a bunch of strange women parading through his private space or even knowing where he lived due to the possibility that one of the could turn into a stalker. It had happened before. The relationships started out normally, he’d be the perfect gentleman, and after a few dates he bowed out gracefully with perfect excuses as to why they couldn’t continue. And then there had been the phone calls, the knocks on his door in the wee hours of the morning, the following him as he did his shopping at the market, and always the crying. He hated the crying most of all. He wondered if dating a man would be different. He’d never gone out with men although he’d had sex with a select few. He’d discovered the sex of the individual didn’t matter, as long as the face was pretty. He sighed and left the bedroom to go lock up the house before leaving for work.
He strode down the sidewalk to where Havoc was waiting with the car to take him to work and climbed in; ignoring the half-assed salute Havoc tossed him.
"You okay back there, Colonel?" Roy dragged his eyes from where he'd been staring blankly out the window to meet Havoc's in the rear view mirror. He allowed a slight smirk to cross his face.
"Fine, just a bit tired. Think Hawkeye will let me leave early?"
Havoc laughed, "Not even if your appendix ruptured. She'd find some way to get work out of you!"
Roy smiled and turned his gaze to the passing scenery.
"I'm real sorry, Colonel. I know he meant a lot to you." Startled, Roy met Havoc's eyes in the rear view mirror again. Havoc dropped his gaze. "We all know what today is, sir. Maybe Hawkeye will take it a little easy on you."
"And maybe the Fuhrer will trade places with me."
Havoc laughed, “Stranger things have happened.”
He signed off on the last document in the stack moments before Hawkeye entered with a new stack. He looked up at the clock and frowned.
"You can sign these tomorrow, sir." She said as she sat them down on the edge of his desk and moved to take the already signed ones. "I know your mind isn't really on the job right now, well less than normal considering your mind is rarely ever on the job."
"You know me too well. What would I do without you to keep me in line?"
"You would probably still be a Major with delusions of grandeur of becoming the next Fuhrer instead of on your way up the ranks." She smiled slightly. "I am sorry for your loss, sir, but we are still here to push you up that ladder."
"Thank you, Lieutenant. I will never forget your loyalty or the loyalty of anyone on my team. When I’m Fuhrer, I won't even make you wear a miniskirt!"
She laughed, "Personally, I'd like to see you try signing that order into effect without fingers, sir, because I'm sure I could take them all off before you even finished signing your title."
Roy had considered getting very drunk that night after work and then picking up the first pretty, vacant woman he came across but he knew he wouldn’t because tonight was for remembering Maes. It was, after all, the anniversary of Maes’ death and Roy didn’t think fucking a complete stranger was the correct way to pay homage to his dead friend. Nothing could fill the gaping hole Maes had left in his life or at least nothing Roy had found so far and until he found it, his life would never again be complete. No, tonight he would drink and then he would return home to wrestle with the memories once more.
Ed smiled at the dark haired boy sitting beside him. When the boy smiled back, Ed relaxed even further. He’d been working up the courage all night to flirt with the guy and it seemed to be paying off. Of course it had taken quite a bit of alcohol to get this far. For all the confidence Ed projected out into the world, he was actually a coward when it came right down to the cold hard facts of picking up a date. He was afraid of rejection. Tonight he didn’t want to think about his sins and his mission. He didn’t want to think about Al sitting all alone in their dorm room without a real human body, he didn’t want to think about his failure at getting their mother back. Tonight he wanted to get drunk and get laid and forget everything just for a few minutes. For his one night stand he’d chosen a dark haired, dark-eyed boy because he reminded him somewhat of another dark-haired, dark-eyed person of Ed’s acquaintance, a person who Ed had harbored a secret crush on for several months now.
Ed still wasn’t too sure about picking up on whether someone of the same sex was interested or not but the kid had stared back and had been working his way closer to Ed all night. Because of that Ed was feeling pretty comfortable with the idea that the boy was interested.
“Hi.” Not exactly a great opening line but Ed wasn’t in thinking mode at the moment.
The boy grinned again, “Hi.”
“So, uh, what’s your name? I’m Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist.” Oh shit, really smooth, Ed, You know there was a reason you left your red coat at home!
“I’m Greg Halliday. Sorry, no title to go with that.” The boy grinned and scooted closer.
Ed released a nervous laugh and racked his brain trying to think of something, anything, to say. Why couldn’t he just ask Greg if he wanted to get laid? In his head it sounded so easy to do but his mouth wouldn’t work to get the words out. He realized he was still staring at Greg who was staring back at him expectantly. Ed began wondering why Greg didn’t say anything, he was interested wasn’t he?
“Wanna go out back? I got a flask of whisky we could share.” He hoped the extra alcohol would steady his nerves and he didn’t want to leave Greg alone in here now that he’d gotten this far. Greg smiled and gestured for Ed to lead the way. They walked out and ducked into the closest empty alleyway. Ed took the first swig, spilling a little down his chin which Greg reached to wipe away with his fingers. Ed was feeling very toasty when the flask was finally empty. He leaned forward to try to kiss Greg but the boy pulled away.
“Wait here, I gotta pee. Be right back.”
Ed watched Greg walk away, wondering why he didn’t just pee in the alley. It wasn’t like it was cold out or anything. He sighed and leaned against the wall. Was Greg abandoning him now? While he waited, he let his mind drift towards fantasies of a different dark-eyed man. Footsteps from the end of the alley brought him back. He thought for a second it might have been Greg but there were too many sets of footsteps. He rolled his head to the side and unease swept though him. Four guys were walking towards him and none of them looked friendly. Ed pushed off the wall, cursing his unsteadiness.
“Hey little boy! Where’s your buddy?” The speaker was a short, compact guy. “Oh that’s right he’s at the bar, blabbing about some cocksucker he left standing out in the alley.”
Fuck, fuck, fuck. Betraying little piece of shit. Ed knew what was about to happen. A flash of silver caught his eye and he looked down to see a knife in one of the men’s hands. He knew he should have been more careful. It wasn’t that male/male relationships were illegal but they certainly weren’t generally accepted.
Well, he wasn’t going to make it easy. He clapped his hands intending to put up a wall between him and his attackers, but instead put the wall up behind them. Drinking and alchemy did not good friends make. It took a few seconds for his brain’s screaming “Run you stupid little shit, RUN!’ to make it down to his legs. Of course he’d have to rant at his own brain for calling him little later. He stumbled as he turned and ran awkwardly for the opposite end of the alley. He heard the pounding of feet behind him and he cursed his luck again, why did he have to pick one of the bars not located on the main streets of Central City? He was surrounded by dark doorways and warehouses. He ran blindly, carelessly and didn’t stop until he realized that the brick wall looming ahead was the end of the alley. A dead-end.
Two hours after he’d arrived at the bar, the same bar he’d always frequented with Maes, Roy’s body was warm and relaxed from the alcohol he’d drank. He was now slowly making his way home. He walked with his head up, alert as always, he was always careful to not drink enough to get careless. Careless is what got you killed. Had Maes been careless? No one would take him by surprise although some had tried and they had always ended up in need of a trip to the hospital for burns. From an alley up ahead he could hear the sounds of taunts and above those one clear voice returning the slights. He recognized the clear voice and quickened his pace, curious.
“I’m gonna make you suck my dick, you little shit!”
“I’M NOT LITTLE, YOU FUCKIN’ ASSHOLE. AND I’M NOT SUCKIN ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO OFFER!”
Roy stepped into the mouth of the alley. It wasn’t a particularly deep alley and at the end he could see a short, blond boy backed against the wall. In front of him stood a loose semicircle of four boys, one of whom had a knife. The boys were laughing and taunting the boy they had cornered. The fact that Ed was cornered did not puzzle Roy since Ed always seemed to be in some kind of trouble. But he couldn’t figure out why he didn’t just use his alchemy to get away? Roy had taken several steps into the alley before Ed finally looked up.
“And now the fuckin' army arrives." Ed sneered; Roy thought for a moment he was making a mistake in coming to the rescue. Then it occurred to him that Ed’s scorn was only a thin veneer for the kid’s underlying unease.
The small gang in front of the Ed turned when they realized their victim was speaking to a new presence in the alley.
“Shit, it’s a military dude.”
“So?” the leader of the gang scoffed. “There’s just one of him and four of us, you fuckin pussies.”
“But he could raise an alarm.”
The leader of the rabble raised his voice, “This doesn’t concern you, military man. We’re just havin’ a little fun.”
Roy brought his hand up and straightened his glove.
“Then it’s over.” His cold, precise voice caused fear and uncertainty to surface on the faces of the boys and they began to edge towards the walls, darting looks to the open end of the alley behind Roy.
“Nah, it ain’t. This little shit’s being an asshole and we were just about to give a little of it back.” There was now a nervous tremor in the leader’s words. He knew the guy was only trying to look good in the eyes of his friends but Roy didn’t care. He turned his hand slightly so they could see the array stitched in red on his glove. Whispers of ‘Flame Alchemist’ drifted down to where he stood.
Roy shifted his gaze to Ed and almost laughed when Ed stiffened at his next words, “That little shit is always an asshole and I doubt anything you do could change that. Now leave.”
Two of the boys dashed past Roy out of the alley and Roy could see that the leader wanted to follow them.
“Aww fuck it, man. You can have the little bastard.”
He and the last of his allies sidled past Roy, who had no real interest whatsoever in harming them.
He watched as they passed him and followed them out of the alley with his eyes. He was now alone with Ed and he turned to look the boy over. His eyes traveled up the short, compact body to the braided blond hair. His eyes moved to Ed’s feverishly bright gold ones. They stared at him as though they saw him and saw through him at the same time. He was unnerved, a feeling he wasn’t immediately familiar with. He moved towards Ed who slid away from him.
“I’m not going to hurt you.”
“No, but you are going to smirk at me and make fun of me and if it's all the same to you I’d really rather you just walk the fuck away now. Oh, and thanks and all that shit for saving me, bastard.” The boy’s voice held a tremor of alarm now, as though he’d only just realized he’d been in danger
Roy sighed. “Come on.”
“Come on, where?” Ed asked suspiciously, eyes narrowing.
“I guess back to the dorms.” Roy replied, slightly puzzled; where else would Roy take him? “I assume Al is there waiting for you.”
Ed shrugged and gestured for Roy to lead the way. As they left the alley, Roy glanced back. “What were you doing down here anyway?”
“Minding my own fuckin' business, just like you should be doin' now.”
Roy sighed again. For such an angelic looking kid, Ed had a mouth on him that put sailors to shame.
“What was going on in that alley?”
“Gee, Colonel, I don’t know. It sure looked like a fuckin' fight in the making from where I was standing."
“I see.”
“You think I’m lying?”
“I honestly wouldn’t care if you were. However, as your superior officer it is my business to know what is going on when one of my subordinates is trapped in an alley about to get his ass kicked." Roy had tried to keep his voice neutral but now he let a hint of cold steel creep into his words. He was only trying to help Ed but the kid’s flippant answers were grating on his nerves. Roy momentarily considered just making him call Al to come pick him up. No one would be tempted to bother the shrimp with that 7-foot tall piece of armor around.
They walked until they reached a more populated street where Roy hailed a cab. He opened the door for Ed who stood swaying slightly, staring at the car.
“Not your fuckin' date, asshole." Ed mumbled.
“I don't think I’ve drunk enough to be persuaded that you are." A hurt look flashed across Ed's features so fast, Roy couldn't even be sure that was what it was. "Get in.”
Ed groused a few seconds during which Roy only caught the words 'bastard' and 'asshole' and knew that he was the subject of the grousing. Ed clambered into the car, pointing his butt in Roy's direction to do so. A pang of desire swept through Roy's body so sharply he had to bite his lip to keep from gasping and he gripped the door tighter to keep from slamming it on the leather clad ass. He shut the door as soon as Ed was in the car. As he walked around the back of the cab he berated himself. Of all the people in the world whose ass could turn you on right now, did it have to be Ed's?! Ed?! Shrimpy, little, loudmouthed, insubordinate, gorgeous, exciting, fuckable Ed?!
During the ride to the dorms neither of the cab's occupants spoke. Roy wanted to but he was afraid of what might come out if he did. Where the hell had the sudden thought that Ed was desirable come from? Had it ever occurred to him before? He thought back to every time he’d seen Ed recently and couldn’t think of one time he’d been aroused by the little blond. That wasn’t to say that he hadn’t noticed Ed was growing more attractive as he got older but he’d never really considered Ed as a bed partner. For one thing the kid was too young and for another he was Roy’s direct subordinate. Now he was entertaining the thought about how enjoyable a rousing romp in bed with the blond might be. Surely he hadn’t drunk that much this evening! He glanced over to find Ed's head lolling against the window, eyes closed and mouth open. Roy looked away quickly before the temptation to lean over and touch Ed’s mouth with his became even greater. He shifted in the seat to relive his growing erection and tried to think of unsexy things like paperwork and Breda eating doughnuts. He was both relieved and a little dismayed when the dorms came into view. He now wanted to just spend the rest of his evening with Ed, even if it only involved sitting in the backseat of the cab while the boy slept but it would look a little funny if a grown man asked to just keep riding in the back of a cab with a sleeping teenaged boy.
Ed opened his eyes when the car slowed.
“The dorms, huh? Figures you'd make me go home first, fucker. Did you want to make sure I got in ok, daddy?”
Now that the adrenaline rush had passed and taken some of Ed's earlier buzz with it, he wanted to drink some more. However, he knew Roy would make sure he went into the dorms and once inside, there was no getting back out until morning since it was after curfew. What he really wanted, was to go to Roy's place and drink until Roy was too wasted to know what was permitted between superiors and subordinates. He twisted to face Roy, whose dark eyes glinted in the streetlight. He opened his mouth but Roy turned away.
"Take me home with you." Ed whispered, afraid of the driver hearing and more afraid that Roy wouldn't hear. The dark eyes returned to regard him and a smirk crawled across Roy's face.
"And why should I do that?"
Ed blushed, his mind racing furiously for a reason, any reason for Roy to take him home with him. Cause I want you to fuck me didn't really sound quite right although it was the truth.
"I...I...need to talk to you. In private." Lame, lame, lame. Ed, my boy, you are supposed to be a fuckin' genius, now think!
"We can talk tomorrow in my office." Roy’s smirk became even smarmier if that was even possible and Ed wanted nothing more right then than to shove his tongue into Roy's mouth. God that smirk was annoying and so fuckin’ sexy. Fuckin’ bastard!
"No, I...I...need to talk now. If I have to wait, I’ll forget." Roy, you fucker, please just take me with you. Shut up and just do it.
“How old are you, Ed?”
“Old enough to drink in a bar!"
Roy relaxed against the seat and watched Ed with unreadable dark eyes for a few seconds before turning to the driver. Relief flooded through Ed when Roy began to rattle off his address. Hell, Ed could have done that for him. He'd memorized Roy's address from the numerous times he'd hidden outside the man's house just to see him. Unfortunately he'd never gotten to see Roy undressed because he’d always turned the light off when he'd gotten down to taking off his pants. However, Ed’s mind could fill in those gaps and he was really glad come dried clear or Roy’s neighbor would have bushes that appeared to have snow covering them on the backside.
Again no words were spoken during the drive. Ed was too nervous to say anything so instead he snuck peeks at Roy every so often but the man never broke his gaze from the passing scenery. What the hell was he going to talk to Roy about when they got to his house? He willed his brain to kick in before they reached their destination.
Roy had no idea why Ed wanted to come to his house. Had he and Al had a fight? Was Ed now embarrassed about his earlier attitude and wanted to tell Roy the story of what happened? No, that couldn't be it, Ed could have just told him tomorrow at the office. Whatever it was, it had better be worth the hassle of having to spend part of his evening with Ed.
Roy paid the driver as he exited the cab, slightly annoyed that Ed hadn’t even bothered to offer to pay for half the fare. He didn’t look back but knew Ed was following him from the clomping of the boy’s boots. He tossed his keys onto the table by the door and began to remove his jacket as he proceeded to the living room. He tossed the jacket over the back of a chair and crossed the room to where he kept his whiskey. He poured one for himself before glancing up to see if Ed would like one as well. A tiny nod, like a bird ducking it head, was his answer. He poured a tiny amount and looked at Ed again to now find the boy glaring. He poured more and the rage in Ed’s eyes subsided.
“So what was so important that you had to speak to me about it tonight?” He settled himself into a chair by the fireplace.
“I, uh, I…”the ride in the car hadn’t provided Ed with any conversation gems so he blurted out the first thing he could think of, “can I stay the night?”
Roy glanced up sharply. He opened his mouth to refuse the request but the gold eyes caught him. He certainly wasn’t going to leave now just to drive the kid home but he wasn’t going to make it easy on Ed.
“Why? Is that the important thing you had to talk about? Couldn’t go back to the dorms drunk and face Al? Don’t think I haven’t noticed that you smell like cheap beer poured into an ashtray.”
“Fuck you, Bastard.” Ed fell heavily onto the couch. Roy waited patiently for an answer, knowing Ed’s mind was working furiously to come up with something. Finally, as the moments stretched into what felt like an eternity, Ed spoke.
“I…uh…I need advice and…uh…you seem the best source for what I need to know.”
Roy’s tongue froze and slowly thawed while he worked his jaw to reply. Ed, who never bothered to listen to any order or request from Roy before, was now asking him for advice? This was weirdly funny and strange and just in some way completely wrong. Was this really Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist, sitting on his couch and, oh my, was that a blush creeping up into the boy’s cheeks?
“Advice? From me?”
“Yes, fucker, you. I am asking advice from you and if you laugh at me I will so pound you into a pulp and then use your own damned array to burn your remains!”
Roy suppressed a smirk, instead schooling his features into a mask of polite interest even though Ed wasn’t even looking at him. In fact, Ed hadn’t looked at him once since he’d taken up residence on the couch.
“How do you get dates?” At first Roy wasn’t sure if he’d heard Ed right and then he decided he had but he was going to make Ed repeat himself anyway.
“I’m sorry Ed, are you asking your hands something or was that question directed towards me? If it was me, I suggest you speak in something more comprehensible than a low mumble.”
“Fuck you! I don’t know why I am asking you this. I’m leaving!” Ed made as if to push himself up but really did nothing more than slide forward a few inches.
“I get dates by asking. I get dates because I am irresistible. I get dates,” Roy leaned forward, “because I am tall.”
He sat back to watch the hysterics that were sure to come and Ed didn’t disappoint. Ed’s gold eyes snapped up to Roy’s face and his face became even redder.
“Fuck you, Bastard. I can so to get a date even if I am not as tall as you. I bet I could get more dates than you if I really cared to. I just don’t like…” Ed’s mouth snapped shut with an audible click and he looked away from Roy.
“Don’t like what, Ed?” Roy was intensely curious. Did Ed not like girls his own age? Did he not like the thought of leaving Al out of something?
Ed’s former mumble reappeared, “Never mind.”
The boy was silent for a moment, hands twisting the ends of his jacket sleeves as if he was fighting with himself over something. Again Roy waited. “Can I borrow your shower?”
Twenty minutes later, Ed was still in the shower seemingly intent on using up all the hot water. Roy began letting his mind drift to visions of Ed shirtless and water-slicked, his hair unbraided and his leather pants riding low. He slammed a mental door on the image when the water stopped.
“Hey!”
“What?”
“Can I borrow something to wear? My stuff is filthy.” Ed’s voice sounded almost apologetic. Had the water cleaned not only the outside but also the inside, taking some of the anger down the drain with it? Roy went to his bedroom and pulled a t-shirt and a pair of sleep pants out of his dresser. He passed them through the cracked bathroom door and went back to the living room. He was stretched out on the couch reading when Ed finally made an appearance. Roy glanced once at Ed and then quickly looked away. His clothes were too big for Ed of course but the dampness of Ed’s body caused them to cling in very flattering ways on the boy’s lithe body.
“So, uh, got anything to eat?” He looked around like Roy was hiding the kitchen from him on purpose.
“No.”
“Whaaa? No food? But I’m starvin’?”
Roy answered without looking up from his book.
“You only asked to stay the night. Dinner was not part of the deal.”
Ed moved to sit at the end of the couch.
“Got a chess board? Bet I could kick your ass all over the place in chess!”
“Entertainment was not part of the deal either.”
He could feel Ed’s glare through the book but he didn’t put it down. Ed was the one imposing and Roy wasn’t going to go out of his way to make the kid happy.
“Did you decorate this place?”
“Yes.” He wished Ed would shut up or go away, preferably both.
“I like it. It’s comfortable.”
“I am glad it meets with your approval.”
Again Roy could feel the glare Ed shot in his direction but he still refused to look up from the book. If he did, the hard-on he was fighting so hard to stave off would definitely make an appearance. Ed stood and moved around the room restlessly. He picked things up and opened anything that caught his eye, keeping up a constant litany of the chemical make-up of each item. Roy laid the book down on his chest and closed his eyes. He hated when someone wanted attention but wouldn’t just say so.
“Ed-?”
“Bastard?”
“Roy, my name is Roy.”
“Same thing.”
“Ed, could you be still?”
“I don’t think I can right now. I’m, uhhh, nervous.” Again Ed’s tone sounded almost apologetic.
Nervous? What did Ed have to be nervous about? Roy sighed and swung his legs off the couch as he sat up. This time he almost laughed at the sight of Ed in his clothes. The pants were rolled up and now had thick cuffs but they were still long enough for Ed to tuck his feet inside them. Ed saw where he was looking and the glare of death returned.
“I’m not short, bastard.” He ground out.
Roy looked him over and smirked. He stood and started for the hallway only then realizing he’d never actually told Ed he could stay the night but now it was much too late to take him back to the dorms. He mentally shrugged and decided to just take him back in the morning. “Come on. Time for bed.”
“I can just sleep here on the couch.”
“I have an extra bedroom, Ed, so you might as well sleep there.”
The boy shrugged and followed Roy to the back of the house. He left Ed standing in the doorway of the guest room and went down to his own room. He decided to sleep in a pair of loose cotton pants since he had company. He lay on his back, thinking about the events of the night. What in Amestris had possessed him to allow Ed to stay the night? Those eyes are what possessed you, Roy. Face it, you think he’s attractive and you dragged him home so you could torture yourself. If you knew it wouldn’t make you feel like shit you’d seduce him in a heartbeat. Well, that was a change from the words he usually heard in Maes’ voice. He realized he hadn’t once thought about Maes tonight after he’d left the bar, being too preoccupied with Ed. He turned on his side and forced thoughts of Ed away. For all he knew, Ed would finally get his revenge and murder him tonight as he slept. He closed his eyes and drifted off.