expectation of disappointment
everything seems to point to success. in every issue that could potentially cause problems, one of us is different from the norm such that we fit like a jigsaw puzzle. it seems like it makes sense for things to work. i want them to work out.
i can't imagine myself being lucky enough. anytime that i want something this much, it's taken away from me. but how am i supposed to stop wanting something for the purpose of not losing it, when you have to stop caring about losing it to truly stop wanting it so badly? i can't make myself not want to be with her for the rest of my life. i can honestly say that i am content for it to not work, because i have faith that God will direct me where he wants me, and that will be best, but...ARG...i can't verbalize it. it feels like a civil war.