Making a Match
Fill for buckleup_meme!
Title: Making a Match
Pairing: Kirk/McCoy
Word count: 2,044
Rating: PG-13 (I think...)
Warnings: Language (thanks, Jim)
Summary: The crew has had enough of Jim and Bones dancing around each other, and it's time to act.
Disclaimer: Though I may wish and hope and dream, I still don't own it. Damn.
“It can’t go on like this!” exclaimed Hikaru Sulu as his friend nodded vigorously.
“What can’t go on like what?” Christine was incredibly confused. Why were they coming to her with whatever problem was going on with the bridge crew? What did they expect her to do about it?
“You cannot tell us you haven’t seen zem,” the friend--Chekov, wasn’t it?--said in his accented voice. “Ze Keptin and ze doctor!”
“What about it? I need a bit more of an explanation than that.”
“You mean you haven’t seen the stares?” Sulu asked, dumbfounded. “They’re practically having sex with their eyes every time they’re in the same spot! Everyone’s noticed! There’s even a betting pool about it!”
“Oh, that. It doesn’t explain what you expect me to do about it, though.” Of course she had seen them--one of the people involved was her boss and the other was the captain. She still wasn’t sure what they wanted her to do about it, though.
“Set zem up!” Chekov pleaded.
“Exactly. You can do that, right? Please?” Sulu added.
“Well,” Christine said, drawing it out and pretending to consider. She had actually made plans for such occurrences, but had never seen an opportune moment to set them in motion. “What are you willing to do for it?”
“Next shore leave, we’ll take you to Risa and pay for whatever you want,” Sulu offered, clearly desperate.
Well, if they were going to be that generous about it, how could Christine say no? “All right. I’ll do it.”
This was going to be so much fun.
~*~
“Sickbay to bridge.”
Jim was a bit confused. Instead of the grumpy voice of his CMO, the voice he heard was that of the lovely head nurse. “Nurse Chapel? What’s up?” he replied, practically feeling the disdain for his informality rolling off of Spock in waves. They may have built up a solid working relationship, but Jim’s lack of formality was a sticking point for his First Officer and he knew it.
“Can you come down here for a moment? We think you should see this.”
Despite all but ordering her to do so, she wouldn’t reveal any more. Figuring this meant whatever it was was of a sensitive nature, Jim stood up. “All right. I’ll be there soon,” he said, giving Spock the conn and walking into the turbolift.
Soon, he found himself in Sickbay, noting Bones’ absence. What was going on? Why wasn’t Bones here?
“There you are, Captain,” came Nurse Chapel’s voice from behind him somewhere. “Thank goodness.”
“What’s going on?” he asked, turning around.
“Well, I really think you should see this,” she said enigmatically, opening a door.
Puzzled, Jim had just stepped inside when the door slid shut and locked.
What the fuck? What was Chapel thinking, and why was he locked in what appeared to be a closet, of all things?
Then he looked down and saw Bones bound and gagged at his feet.
This time the exclamation didn’t stay inside his head. “What the fuck?!”
Bones just rolled his eyes, not bothering to say a word. Not that he could, of course, with the gag still in place.
Kneeling, Jim easily removed the gag, asking, “Do you have any idea what’s going on here?”
“Not a clue,” Bones replied, gruff as ever. “Chapel got me with a hypospray and I woke up like this.”
Suddenly Jim laughed. He knew exactly what was going on. They’d seen this before.
“What is it, Jim, and why do I have the feeling I’m not going to like it?”
Jim couldn’t quite keep the smile off his face as he untied his friend. “They’re trying to hook us up, Bones. This is, what, the fifth time?”
“Sixth,” Bones smirked. “Same routine as usual, then?”
“Nothing wrong with a proven classic,” Jim responded. “Damn, Bones,” he said louder, deliberately making his voice a little deeper and huskier. “You have any idea how good you look like that, all tied up at my feet?”
To make it sound more realistic, Bones had grabbed the makeshift gag and stuffed it back into his mouth before giving a theatrical moan.
“And you look so amazing with that gag, too,” he continued, amused by the knowledge that Chapel would totally think they were actually doing this. “Pity I’ll have to take it out, though; I have better plans for that mouth of yours.”
Bones obediently dropped the gag. “What the fuck, Jim?” he demanded, injecting his voice with all the shock and surprise he could.
“Precisely, Bones,” were the last words he said before quickly coming up with a plan, smirking all the while. It had been at least a year since they’d had to do this to throw people at the Academy off. It would be so much fun.
Looking around, he noticed that there were plenty of things that could shift and make noise in their immediate surroundings. Good, he thought as he roughly shoved a cart.
As it crashed, Bones seemed to temporarily forget what they were doing. “Do you have any idea how much that cos--mmph!” he continued as Jim shoved the gag back into his mouth.
“Oh, fuck!” he cried breathily, giving listeners the impression that it wasn’t the gag in Bones’ mouth. “Bones!”
Jim made sure to whimper a bit as Bones spat the gag out, making the scene more realistic as Bones said, “What do you want, Jim?”
Acting the part of one who had recently been denied, Jim made sure he said nothing coherent.
“What was that?” Jim really hoped any listeners could hear the smirk in Bones’ voice; the one on his face was quite impressive. “I couldn’t quite hear you.”
Jim threw himself into a shelf, crying out as if he had been shoved into it.
Looking back, he could tell Bones was trying really hard not to laugh. “Want me to fuck you senseless, pushed up against this here shelf?” he asked, playing up his accent for all it was worth.
Acting as if he was ruled by his hormones, Jim let out a loud moan.
After a few minutes of shoving random objects around the closet and shouting incoherent babble with the occasional “Fuck!” and “Don’t stop!”, Jim winked at Bones and let out the loudest cry he could. Bones caught on and followed up with his own drawn-out groan and they fell to the ground trying to contain their laughter.
“Well, Bones?” Jim said in a whisper, knowing people were probably still listening. “That was probably the best imaginary sex you’ve ever given me. Thanks a ton, buddy.”
Bones just smirked again, attempting to straighten up the closet a bit.
Jim was careful to mess up Bones’ hair as well as his own, knowing their clothes were in enough disarray that they would be believed. “Any chance of you giving me a hickey?” he asked with a grin.
“About the same as a person in hell getting ice water,” Bones replied easily.
“Figured as much,” Jim said as the door unlocked and they walked out with matching smirks.
~*~
Jim had assumed that would be it. They had both done this before without anything getting awkward between them, and Nurse Chapel had kindly left the both of them alone after that.
What Jim hadn’t counted on were the dreams.
Every night he dreamed of what it might have been like if they had actually done what they’d pretended to do in that closet, and every morning he woke up more and more frustrated. With each passing day it got harder to look Bones in the eye, or even look at him at all without remembering his dreams, and as a result he avoided Sickbay even more than usual and changed his eating schedule.
It truly was hard work, avoiding one’s CMO for a prolonged period of time, and Jim thought he deserved a fucking medal for the effort it took.
It was especially bad one morning about a week after the dreams had started, when without thinking he had slipped a hand inside the boxers he’d slept in before realizing his mistake. If he’d continued while thinking of Bones it would’ve all been lost, and the cold shower that was becoming habit felt just a little worse that morning.
There was no way he could get out of the fact that he was due in Sickbay for routine vaccinations that day, though. If he skipped out he would only have been dragged in anyway, as the entire medical crew was onto his favorite and not-so-favorite hiding spots. All he could do was go and hope Bones was in his office or not on shift or something, anything so as to not have to see him.
He knew he was screwed, though, when his doctor friend stepped up to the bio-bed he was sitting on and activated the privacy screen.
“Hey, Bones,” he said after a moment of awkward silence. “So since when does the CMO do routine vaccinations?”
“Since the captain’s been observed behaving abnormally. This is doubling up as me finding out what the hell’s going on,” Bones replied, grabbing the hypospray.
“What do you mean?” Jim asked, wincing as Bones jabbed his neck.
“I mean you’ve changed your whole schedule so you see me as little as possible, and I want to know why,” he said, grabbing Jim’s chin and lifting it so he was forced to look into those hazel eyes.
“I...” Jim started to reply, but after that one word left his mouth he realized he had no idea what he was going to say.
“You what?” Bones prompted, only serving to draw Jim’s attention from his eyes to his lips.
Knowing there was no way Bones wouldn’t find out about this one way or another, Jim figured the move most likely to save their friendship was to be perfectly honest. Knowing he wouldn’t be able to find the words to explain himself, he snuck a hand behind Bones’ head and yanked those lips forward to meet his.
Despite all those dreams, he’d had no idea just how good it would be. Actually kissing Bones was so much better than he could’ve imagined, especially as one of those surgeon’s hands crept up under his shirt.
Preoccupied as he was, he didn’t even notice when Nurse Chapel peeked in and smirked before withdrawing her head.
~*~
A week later Christine finally faced the music when the CMO pulled her aside. “You wouldn’t happen to know anything about the traces of Somni desideriorum found in the captain’s bloodwork, would you?” he demanded, eyes saying he already knew the answer.
That didn’t mean she couldn’t try to get out of it, though. “Dreamwish flower? That plant from halfway across the galaxy that makes the recipient dream of their desires? Isn’t it illegal in half the Federation planets?”
“Yes, it is. That’s why I want to know how our captain wound up taking it,” he replied, expression firm and unrelenting except for the glint of humor in his eyes. He was toying with her and had no real punishment in mind.
With that piece of information, it was easier for Christine to reply, “Well, I knew standard methods wouldn’t work. You two were a particularly hard case to crack, and I knew that from the Academy days. So, I might’ve used a few unconventional tricks.” She grinned as the doctor rolled his eyes.
“If anyone else finds out, you know who I’ll have to send them to, right?” he asked.
“I know,” she replied. “It was worth it, and I’ve hidden any traces of my involvement.”
“Just... never again with the illegal substances, all right?”
“Promise,” she smiled as the captain strolled into Sickbay right as shifts changed and dragged the doctor with him.
Soon after the two disappeared, Sulu and Chekov entered. “Thank you so much,” Sulu said, Chekov echoing his words.
Not daring to stay for longer than that, the two soon left for their own shift. Christine’s smile turned into a smirk. They were no less obvious a pair than the previous two she had just set up, and it was time for true repayment from them.
Title: Making a Match
Pairing: Kirk/McCoy
Word count: 2,044
Rating: PG-13 (I think...)
Warnings: Language (thanks, Jim)
Summary: The crew has had enough of Jim and Bones dancing around each other, and it's time to act.
Disclaimer: Though I may wish and hope and dream, I still don't own it. Damn.
“It can’t go on like this!” exclaimed Hikaru Sulu as his friend nodded vigorously.
“What can’t go on like what?” Christine was incredibly confused. Why were they coming to her with whatever problem was going on with the bridge crew? What did they expect her to do about it?
“You cannot tell us you haven’t seen zem,” the friend--Chekov, wasn’t it?--said in his accented voice. “Ze Keptin and ze doctor!”
“What about it? I need a bit more of an explanation than that.”
“You mean you haven’t seen the stares?” Sulu asked, dumbfounded. “They’re practically having sex with their eyes every time they’re in the same spot! Everyone’s noticed! There’s even a betting pool about it!”
“Oh, that. It doesn’t explain what you expect me to do about it, though.” Of course she had seen them--one of the people involved was her boss and the other was the captain. She still wasn’t sure what they wanted her to do about it, though.
“Set zem up!” Chekov pleaded.
“Exactly. You can do that, right? Please?” Sulu added.
“Well,” Christine said, drawing it out and pretending to consider. She had actually made plans for such occurrences, but had never seen an opportune moment to set them in motion. “What are you willing to do for it?”
“Next shore leave, we’ll take you to Risa and pay for whatever you want,” Sulu offered, clearly desperate.
Well, if they were going to be that generous about it, how could Christine say no? “All right. I’ll do it.”
This was going to be so much fun.
~*~
“Sickbay to bridge.”
Jim was a bit confused. Instead of the grumpy voice of his CMO, the voice he heard was that of the lovely head nurse. “Nurse Chapel? What’s up?” he replied, practically feeling the disdain for his informality rolling off of Spock in waves. They may have built up a solid working relationship, but Jim’s lack of formality was a sticking point for his First Officer and he knew it.
“Can you come down here for a moment? We think you should see this.”
Despite all but ordering her to do so, she wouldn’t reveal any more. Figuring this meant whatever it was was of a sensitive nature, Jim stood up. “All right. I’ll be there soon,” he said, giving Spock the conn and walking into the turbolift.
Soon, he found himself in Sickbay, noting Bones’ absence. What was going on? Why wasn’t Bones here?
“There you are, Captain,” came Nurse Chapel’s voice from behind him somewhere. “Thank goodness.”
“What’s going on?” he asked, turning around.
“Well, I really think you should see this,” she said enigmatically, opening a door.
Puzzled, Jim had just stepped inside when the door slid shut and locked.
What the fuck? What was Chapel thinking, and why was he locked in what appeared to be a closet, of all things?
Then he looked down and saw Bones bound and gagged at his feet.
This time the exclamation didn’t stay inside his head. “What the fuck?!”
Bones just rolled his eyes, not bothering to say a word. Not that he could, of course, with the gag still in place.
Kneeling, Jim easily removed the gag, asking, “Do you have any idea what’s going on here?”
“Not a clue,” Bones replied, gruff as ever. “Chapel got me with a hypospray and I woke up like this.”
Suddenly Jim laughed. He knew exactly what was going on. They’d seen this before.
“What is it, Jim, and why do I have the feeling I’m not going to like it?”
Jim couldn’t quite keep the smile off his face as he untied his friend. “They’re trying to hook us up, Bones. This is, what, the fifth time?”
“Sixth,” Bones smirked. “Same routine as usual, then?”
“Nothing wrong with a proven classic,” Jim responded. “Damn, Bones,” he said louder, deliberately making his voice a little deeper and huskier. “You have any idea how good you look like that, all tied up at my feet?”
To make it sound more realistic, Bones had grabbed the makeshift gag and stuffed it back into his mouth before giving a theatrical moan.
“And you look so amazing with that gag, too,” he continued, amused by the knowledge that Chapel would totally think they were actually doing this. “Pity I’ll have to take it out, though; I have better plans for that mouth of yours.”
Bones obediently dropped the gag. “What the fuck, Jim?” he demanded, injecting his voice with all the shock and surprise he could.
“Precisely, Bones,” were the last words he said before quickly coming up with a plan, smirking all the while. It had been at least a year since they’d had to do this to throw people at the Academy off. It would be so much fun.
Looking around, he noticed that there were plenty of things that could shift and make noise in their immediate surroundings. Good, he thought as he roughly shoved a cart.
As it crashed, Bones seemed to temporarily forget what they were doing. “Do you have any idea how much that cos--mmph!” he continued as Jim shoved the gag back into his mouth.
“Oh, fuck!” he cried breathily, giving listeners the impression that it wasn’t the gag in Bones’ mouth. “Bones!”
Jim made sure to whimper a bit as Bones spat the gag out, making the scene more realistic as Bones said, “What do you want, Jim?”
Acting the part of one who had recently been denied, Jim made sure he said nothing coherent.
“What was that?” Jim really hoped any listeners could hear the smirk in Bones’ voice; the one on his face was quite impressive. “I couldn’t quite hear you.”
Jim threw himself into a shelf, crying out as if he had been shoved into it.
Looking back, he could tell Bones was trying really hard not to laugh. “Want me to fuck you senseless, pushed up against this here shelf?” he asked, playing up his accent for all it was worth.
Acting as if he was ruled by his hormones, Jim let out a loud moan.
After a few minutes of shoving random objects around the closet and shouting incoherent babble with the occasional “Fuck!” and “Don’t stop!”, Jim winked at Bones and let out the loudest cry he could. Bones caught on and followed up with his own drawn-out groan and they fell to the ground trying to contain their laughter.
“Well, Bones?” Jim said in a whisper, knowing people were probably still listening. “That was probably the best imaginary sex you’ve ever given me. Thanks a ton, buddy.”
Bones just smirked again, attempting to straighten up the closet a bit.
Jim was careful to mess up Bones’ hair as well as his own, knowing their clothes were in enough disarray that they would be believed. “Any chance of you giving me a hickey?” he asked with a grin.
“About the same as a person in hell getting ice water,” Bones replied easily.
“Figured as much,” Jim said as the door unlocked and they walked out with matching smirks.
~*~
Jim had assumed that would be it. They had both done this before without anything getting awkward between them, and Nurse Chapel had kindly left the both of them alone after that.
What Jim hadn’t counted on were the dreams.
Every night he dreamed of what it might have been like if they had actually done what they’d pretended to do in that closet, and every morning he woke up more and more frustrated. With each passing day it got harder to look Bones in the eye, or even look at him at all without remembering his dreams, and as a result he avoided Sickbay even more than usual and changed his eating schedule.
It truly was hard work, avoiding one’s CMO for a prolonged period of time, and Jim thought he deserved a fucking medal for the effort it took.
It was especially bad one morning about a week after the dreams had started, when without thinking he had slipped a hand inside the boxers he’d slept in before realizing his mistake. If he’d continued while thinking of Bones it would’ve all been lost, and the cold shower that was becoming habit felt just a little worse that morning.
There was no way he could get out of the fact that he was due in Sickbay for routine vaccinations that day, though. If he skipped out he would only have been dragged in anyway, as the entire medical crew was onto his favorite and not-so-favorite hiding spots. All he could do was go and hope Bones was in his office or not on shift or something, anything so as to not have to see him.
He knew he was screwed, though, when his doctor friend stepped up to the bio-bed he was sitting on and activated the privacy screen.
“Hey, Bones,” he said after a moment of awkward silence. “So since when does the CMO do routine vaccinations?”
“Since the captain’s been observed behaving abnormally. This is doubling up as me finding out what the hell’s going on,” Bones replied, grabbing the hypospray.
“What do you mean?” Jim asked, wincing as Bones jabbed his neck.
“I mean you’ve changed your whole schedule so you see me as little as possible, and I want to know why,” he said, grabbing Jim’s chin and lifting it so he was forced to look into those hazel eyes.
“I...” Jim started to reply, but after that one word left his mouth he realized he had no idea what he was going to say.
“You what?” Bones prompted, only serving to draw Jim’s attention from his eyes to his lips.
Knowing there was no way Bones wouldn’t find out about this one way or another, Jim figured the move most likely to save their friendship was to be perfectly honest. Knowing he wouldn’t be able to find the words to explain himself, he snuck a hand behind Bones’ head and yanked those lips forward to meet his.
Despite all those dreams, he’d had no idea just how good it would be. Actually kissing Bones was so much better than he could’ve imagined, especially as one of those surgeon’s hands crept up under his shirt.
Preoccupied as he was, he didn’t even notice when Nurse Chapel peeked in and smirked before withdrawing her head.
~*~
A week later Christine finally faced the music when the CMO pulled her aside. “You wouldn’t happen to know anything about the traces of Somni desideriorum found in the captain’s bloodwork, would you?” he demanded, eyes saying he already knew the answer.
That didn’t mean she couldn’t try to get out of it, though. “Dreamwish flower? That plant from halfway across the galaxy that makes the recipient dream of their desires? Isn’t it illegal in half the Federation planets?”
“Yes, it is. That’s why I want to know how our captain wound up taking it,” he replied, expression firm and unrelenting except for the glint of humor in his eyes. He was toying with her and had no real punishment in mind.
With that piece of information, it was easier for Christine to reply, “Well, I knew standard methods wouldn’t work. You two were a particularly hard case to crack, and I knew that from the Academy days. So, I might’ve used a few unconventional tricks.” She grinned as the doctor rolled his eyes.
“If anyone else finds out, you know who I’ll have to send them to, right?” he asked.
“I know,” she replied. “It was worth it, and I’ve hidden any traces of my involvement.”
“Just... never again with the illegal substances, all right?”
“Promise,” she smiled as the captain strolled into Sickbay right as shifts changed and dragged the doctor with him.
Soon after the two disappeared, Sulu and Chekov entered. “Thank you so much,” Sulu said, Chekov echoing his words.
Not daring to stay for longer than that, the two soon left for their own shift. Christine’s smile turned into a smirk. They were no less obvious a pair than the previous two she had just set up, and it was time for true repayment from them.