Timing is Key
I read a blog entry from http://untiligetmarried.com/2010/08/25/the-former-king-of-the-small-things/ that I found interesting. He's basically talking about the precarious balance between your career and your romantic relationship with someone. From a purely logical stand point, it's pretty obvious that you can't expect to be able to focus on your career (i.e. work your ass off) AND having a meaningful relationship where you can do the little things and spend quality time with each other. You're only one person, there are only so many hours in a day, a time machine has not yet been invented and even if it exists it would probably be hella expensive, so there's just no way to have it all. Of course, it's not an all or nothing type of thing either; it's just, the more time you spend on your career, the less time you have on your special someone. Duh, right?
The thing is, I'm pretty sure we've all been at a point where you felt you had to choose. To tell you the truth, had I not been in a relationship after I graduated from college, I probably would have moved to the east coast by now. But, I chose to stay and start my career here instead...now that I'm single, I don't have anything or anyone holding me back anymore. Actually, I'm planning to seriously start looking into it in the next year or so and this time, I am not going to let anyone or anything stop me. So what happens if I happen to meet someone between then and now? Would I stay again? Probably not. This time around, it's about me. If I no longer include this hypothetical person as part of my future plans, I don't think it makes me any less of a good person. It's just that the timing right now isn't right. I need to focus on myself, because frankly, I don't even know if you'll be around in the future and I'd rather focus on something I've always wanted to do. If I were to meet Mr. Right right now, I would probably say, sorry, but unless your plans mesh with mine, this isn't going to work. I really believe that timing is crucial and that even if you meet THE ONE for you, if there is such a thing, it isn't going to work unless you are both ready and on the same page.
Having said that, I don't see anything wrong with not being able to be the best girlfriend or boyfriend you can be because you're currently focusing on your career. Sure, when things weren't as hectic in your work life you were able to do the little things for her or him that indeed do matter more than the big things, but sometimes, you're at a point in your life where you focus more on the "me" than the "he," "she," or even "we," and you know what, that's ok.
The thing is, I'm pretty sure we've all been at a point where you felt you had to choose. To tell you the truth, had I not been in a relationship after I graduated from college, I probably would have moved to the east coast by now. But, I chose to stay and start my career here instead...now that I'm single, I don't have anything or anyone holding me back anymore. Actually, I'm planning to seriously start looking into it in the next year or so and this time, I am not going to let anyone or anything stop me. So what happens if I happen to meet someone between then and now? Would I stay again? Probably not. This time around, it's about me. If I no longer include this hypothetical person as part of my future plans, I don't think it makes me any less of a good person. It's just that the timing right now isn't right. I need to focus on myself, because frankly, I don't even know if you'll be around in the future and I'd rather focus on something I've always wanted to do. If I were to meet Mr. Right right now, I would probably say, sorry, but unless your plans mesh with mine, this isn't going to work. I really believe that timing is crucial and that even if you meet THE ONE for you, if there is such a thing, it isn't going to work unless you are both ready and on the same page.
Having said that, I don't see anything wrong with not being able to be the best girlfriend or boyfriend you can be because you're currently focusing on your career. Sure, when things weren't as hectic in your work life you were able to do the little things for her or him that indeed do matter more than the big things, but sometimes, you're at a point in your life where you focus more on the "me" than the "he," "she," or even "we," and you know what, that's ok.