f: fallback
→ fallback | R | yunho/jaejoong | 852wc
→ a fairytale romance turned sour. (inspired by this song.)
Sleeping in the same cold bed had been a growing habit. Ironic how it wasn't warm when there's another naked body occupying it.
Watching the wide expanse of his back moving as he breathed in his sleep, you sat up carefully, determined not to disturb the other man's sleep.
You couldn't sleep a wink. Never had. His presence turned you into a statue and it's so fucking depressing.
The bed feels warmer when you slept alone and it dawned on you how it will never be the same between the two of you.
The memory of your first meeting caused your eyes to cloud over. You were all so innocent back then with dreams as big as the world, possibly the entire universe. And when you did achieve the dream you both aspired, everything fell apart.
He chose them over you.
You will always be the supporting role.
Nothing more, nothing less.
It almost feels like a joke to play out a part
when you're not the starring role in someone else's heart.
I'd rather walk alone than play a supporting role...
if I can't get the starring role.
When the division started, the disaster escalated from there. As the years passed, the secret dating meetings grew lesser. If ever there was a time available, you and him would end up in bed, rutting like a couple of animals in heat.
Sex.
Sadly this was the only reason tying you to him.
You waited for him to open up, to give himself to you. But the only time that he does that was when you're getting undressed.
Was there really any hope?
You almost lost it when you heard he's getting married. His father arranged everything... and now the man you love for almost a decade is set to marry a woman.
The pain in your chest felt like a blunt knife stabbed through it.
+-+
“Leave him.” Yoochun blew a thick smoke on the cold evening air.
“I can't. I love him too much... I can't leave him alone.” You retaliated weakly. Because deep inside, you were also trying to convince yourself to believe your own words.
“Aren't you fed up with the fantasies? You're using it to cover everything that is wrong.” And no matter how many times Yoochun or his friends tried to talk him out of this destructive relationship, he would always say;
“No.”
“He is breaking your heart.”
Looking lost for a moment; you turn your head away and inwardly spoke the words left unsaid. ‘There was never a heart to mend because before it started, I always saw the end.’
+-+
You would always tell them that you would try. But the next thing you know, you're getting drunk with him in some unknown bar and forget that the two of you don't get on.
You'd always wake-up in a strange motel room that smelled like heady sex, cigarettes and alcohol. It's obvious your non-existent romantic relationship had hit rock bottom.
But why do you still continuously sought for his warmth... his touch... his lips? The same pair you used to love so much that rarely kisses you on the lips anymore.
You tried to ignore him just to feel like you're in control. And it was liberating how he stormed into your pent house, demanding for explanations. You punched him a couple of times on the chest while he returned the favor by punching you in the gut. He knew how you couldn't afford a bruise on your face and did you a favor for leaving marks on a hidden area of your skin. The bruises purpled and throbbed, but none of you wanted to back down.
+-+
“You're mine.” He growled against your ear, effectively making your knees wobble.
“Fuck you,” you tried to push him off of you but for some reason, your body refuses to resist him. The opposite happens and you end up melting into him, accepting the embrace, the familiar kisses, the coldness of his heart.
“No matter what happens... I will always be your fallback.” his words were sharper than any other blade you've sliced on your wrist.
Isn't it the other way around?
You are his fallback.
He's married and he's here in front of you. He's forgotten the woman he left at home and preferred you more than a cheap whore on the street.
“I hate you, Yunho.” you whispered, hands scorching a painful trail on your sides. “You don't love me.”
“Exactly,” he pushed you on the bed, arms behind the back of your knees to push them up. “Big fucking deal, Jaejoong.”
+-+
You will never tell him how you feel.
How much you love him to a point that you're willing to reach the epitome of destruction.
But you'd rather walk alone than to play a supporting role. In the dead of the night, you wrote him a note, brief and concise.
An unvoiced threat of some sort. Because despite of everything else, Yunho would always come back to you. In the darkness of the night, he shuts all memories of his loyalty, his career and his family.
end
→ a fairytale romance turned sour. (inspired by this song.)
Sleeping in the same cold bed had been a growing habit. Ironic how it wasn't warm when there's another naked body occupying it.
Watching the wide expanse of his back moving as he breathed in his sleep, you sat up carefully, determined not to disturb the other man's sleep.
You couldn't sleep a wink. Never had. His presence turned you into a statue and it's so fucking depressing.
The bed feels warmer when you slept alone and it dawned on you how it will never be the same between the two of you.
The memory of your first meeting caused your eyes to cloud over. You were all so innocent back then with dreams as big as the world, possibly the entire universe. And when you did achieve the dream you both aspired, everything fell apart.
He chose them over you.
You will always be the supporting role.
Nothing more, nothing less.
It almost feels like a joke to play out a part
when you're not the starring role in someone else's heart.
I'd rather walk alone than play a supporting role...
if I can't get the starring role.
When the division started, the disaster escalated from there. As the years passed, the secret dating meetings grew lesser. If ever there was a time available, you and him would end up in bed, rutting like a couple of animals in heat.
Sex.
Sadly this was the only reason tying you to him.
You waited for him to open up, to give himself to you. But the only time that he does that was when you're getting undressed.
Was there really any hope?
You almost lost it when you heard he's getting married. His father arranged everything... and now the man you love for almost a decade is set to marry a woman.
The pain in your chest felt like a blunt knife stabbed through it.
+-+
“Leave him.” Yoochun blew a thick smoke on the cold evening air.
“I can't. I love him too much... I can't leave him alone.” You retaliated weakly. Because deep inside, you were also trying to convince yourself to believe your own words.
“Aren't you fed up with the fantasies? You're using it to cover everything that is wrong.” And no matter how many times Yoochun or his friends tried to talk him out of this destructive relationship, he would always say;
“No.”
“He is breaking your heart.”
Looking lost for a moment; you turn your head away and inwardly spoke the words left unsaid. ‘There was never a heart to mend because before it started, I always saw the end.’
+-+
You would always tell them that you would try. But the next thing you know, you're getting drunk with him in some unknown bar and forget that the two of you don't get on.
You'd always wake-up in a strange motel room that smelled like heady sex, cigarettes and alcohol. It's obvious your non-existent romantic relationship had hit rock bottom.
But why do you still continuously sought for his warmth... his touch... his lips? The same pair you used to love so much that rarely kisses you on the lips anymore.
You tried to ignore him just to feel like you're in control. And it was liberating how he stormed into your pent house, demanding for explanations. You punched him a couple of times on the chest while he returned the favor by punching you in the gut. He knew how you couldn't afford a bruise on your face and did you a favor for leaving marks on a hidden area of your skin. The bruises purpled and throbbed, but none of you wanted to back down.
+-+
“You're mine.” He growled against your ear, effectively making your knees wobble.
“Fuck you,” you tried to push him off of you but for some reason, your body refuses to resist him. The opposite happens and you end up melting into him, accepting the embrace, the familiar kisses, the coldness of his heart.
“No matter what happens... I will always be your fallback.” his words were sharper than any other blade you've sliced on your wrist.
Isn't it the other way around?
You are his fallback.
He's married and he's here in front of you. He's forgotten the woman he left at home and preferred you more than a cheap whore on the street.
“I hate you, Yunho.” you whispered, hands scorching a painful trail on your sides. “You don't love me.”
“Exactly,” he pushed you on the bed, arms behind the back of your knees to push them up. “Big fucking deal, Jaejoong.”
+-+
You will never tell him how you feel.
How much you love him to a point that you're willing to reach the epitome of destruction.
But you'd rather walk alone than to play a supporting role. In the dead of the night, you wrote him a note, brief and concise.
An unvoiced threat of some sort. Because despite of everything else, Yunho would always come back to you. In the darkness of the night, he shuts all memories of his loyalty, his career and his family.
end