Thank you, but here's the thing: I was running to catch the fucker, and between some double vision and general limb fatigue, I hit the curb at a pretty good clip with both feet, and really flew. It must have looked really awful, because everyone at the bus stop looked like nothing happened, in a very studied way.
So I swear loudly (as seen above) and wrangle myself up to a standing position and see that there are two wheelchair passengers waiting for the ramp to lower so that they can board the bus, and a half dozen people in line behind them. That's right: I maimed myself so that I can stand another four minutes at the back of the line for the bus I was so sure I was going to miss. When I finally got on, the driver said, "You really went flying!" and an old toothless black lady in the Official Bus Chatterer's seat hollered, "HE SURE DID!" Then the stooge sitting next to her said, "You tore your pants." I gave everybody involved the stinkeye and sat down in back and composed the lovely verse inflicted above
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Okay, FOCUS BACK ON ME.mwittierFebruary 9 2006, 08:12:40 UTC
There's the pain, and then there's the goddamn fucking humiliation. I swear, in the (seeming) fifteen minutes I was airborne, I wasn't at all focused on safety, or trying to stop my freefall as much as how to make it seem like I was doing it on purpose. Like I was just stretching or something. Extreme Stretching. All the kids are doing it.
You oughta have sued them grocery bastards. It's the Amurkin way.
Credit where it's due.mwittierFebruary 9 2006, 08:30:26 UTC
That particular oath originated with my long-time inexplicable crushee, Maura Tierney. She screams it in the movie Scotland PA* and in the director's commentary, her husband (the director) explains how Maura says it around the house and he felt compelled to include it in the movie because he liked it so much that he thought it should be immortalized.
*Seen it? Macbeth set in the US, in the seventies, at a drive-in burger restaurant?
WHO ARE YOU TO DECIDE HOW MUCH FUCKING ADORATION I SHOULD RECEIVE?
When did you fall on your face on the way to work? Recently? I prefer not to think of you as disfigured. Because I'm really shallow and have high standards and I don't want face gimps typing in here.
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So I swear loudly (as seen above) and wrangle myself up to a standing position and see that there are two wheelchair passengers waiting for the ramp to lower so that they can board the bus, and a half dozen people in line behind them. That's right: I maimed myself so that I can stand another four minutes at the back of the line for the bus I was so sure I was going to miss. When I finally got on, the driver said, "You really went flying!" and an old toothless black lady in the Official Bus Chatterer's seat hollered, "HE SURE DID!" Then the stooge sitting next to her said, "You tore your pants." I gave everybody involved the stinkeye and sat down in back and composed the lovely verse inflicted above ( ... )
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You oughta have sued them grocery bastards. It's the Amurkin way.
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i'm glad you were okayish.
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*Seen it? Macbeth set in the US, in the seventies, at a drive-in burger restaurant?
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I fell on my face on the way to work once. It loosened my teeth and cut my face. It was hot.
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When did you fall on your face on the way to work? Recently? I prefer not to think of you as disfigured. Because I'm really shallow and have high standards and I don't want face gimps typing in here.
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Okay. You need more. Now.
It was nearly two years ago and didn't leave any marks. Get ready to receive.
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